close
Menu

Black stretchy pants are the only pants you’ll ever need

I've decided to go big this year for my New Year's Resolution. It is this:

Black stretchy pants.

Buy more. Wear more.

Because other pants? Over it.

We have just come out of the other side of the "holidays" which is usually when moms find time to kick-it. We can be found reading books, and cuddling next to fires in trendy woven blankets. We definitely did not rush to Target 24 hours before Christmas and rip open a box of Advil on aisle 9 because we just remembered we needed to buy and hang and stuff stockings.

That was not us.

Christmas is my favorite. I love everything about it, but I need a vacay from my vacay if you know what I mean.

So, this year, instead of a New Year's resolution that requires me to work, I'm calling it quits. I am not striving anymore. Instead I'm embracing. I'm saying YES to who I am already.

I am a mom in my thirties now, and I no longer feel compelled to do things I do not like to do.

Like shaving in the winter for example.

This year I have decided I do not like pants.

Lucky for me fashion has given me a gift, a thank-you present for putting up with underwire bras: stretchy pants. Stretchy pants do not cramp my style, they don't question my decision to drink eggnog. Stretchy pants get it. They say hey girl don't worry about it, you're butt feels great, so it looks great.

Stretchy pants know that I’m a mom that doesn’t have time to shower today. Stretchy pants care that this mom belly birthed 4 (!) kids. Stretchy pants know that I might squeeze in a work out (but they also know that I probably won’t). They know that I’m a wonder-woman stay-at-home mom extraordinaire who just needs to feel her jiggly parts all tucked in while she tucks in her little ones in bed at night.

Stretchy pants don’t judge.

One of the most commonly made New Year's resolutions is to manage stress better. Do you know what does not manage stress? Buttons and zippers. Waistbands that dig in. Jeans that are so tight in the thigh region that it’s hard to sit down.

Problem solved: stretchy pants.

Reasons to wear jeans:

You are attending, or taking part in a rodeo.

You are a part of the sisterhood of the traveling pants, and your pants are magic.

You are hoping to restrict your range of motion.

You are John Wayne.

You are painting and you need to wear something to ruin.

You are long boarding on asphalt and forgot your kneepads.

***

Reasons to wear black stretchy pants:

Every other reason.

***

Do you know where it is appropriate to wear black stretchy pants? Everywhere. Attending a wedding? Taking your kids to the Chic-Fil-A play land? Going to bed? They are universal, like the Olympics and Betty White. Same pants, different shoes.

I used to be into designer denim, and I do think I will still pull them out for special occasions like parent-teacher conferences and barrel racing. I have not barrel raced since I was 11, so the odds are in my favor. I think it's good to wear them occasionally though so I remember what leg prison feels like. Afterwards me and my leggings will dance like Judy Haynes and Phil Davis to celebrate what a beautiful thing we have going.

Jeans, I'm sorry I just don't have time for your unspoken judgements and expectations. Your unforgiving waist band is rude.

We should break up. It's not me, it's you.

In all seriousness though, whether you make resolutions or not, give yourself a high five this 2017. You may have things to work on (we all do), but you are also amazing mother and you're doing other things right. Along with whatever else you decide to go after, go after self-kindness. Go after letting yourself off the hook more often. Go after soft slippers and black stretchy pants, because girl, you're worth it.

May you find a moment this new year to cuddle by the fire in a trendy woven blanket.

P.S. We need to rally. Leggings and yoga pants can not go by the wayside like high waisted underwear and scrunchies. They can NEVER go out of style. Now, if we could just make men's hoodies a thing.

Comments ( 0 )

    Motherly provides information of a general nature and is designed for educational purposes only. This site does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Your use of the site indicates your agreement to be bound by our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy .