Ashley Graham got the best advice about motherhood from Amy Schumer + Serena Williams

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Vogue cover star Ashley Graham has received a lot of advice about pregnancy from some pretty famous friends. Since the moment she announced her pregnancy in August, Ashley Graham has been sharing gorgeous pictures of her body's evolution. But as we all know pregnancy is just the teeniest sliver of the iceberg that is motherhood, and there have been a whole lot of mothers eager to tell her so.

In the new issue of Vogue, the supermodel and some of her famous friends share the advice they've been giving the mom-to-be.

"Now all anyone wants to talk to me about is being pregnant," said Graham, who is due to have her baby boy with husband Justin Ervin in January. "There's just this camaraderie. It's a secret society that I didn't know about."


While most of us don't take too kindly to unsolicited parenting advice, we might feel a little differently if Serena Williams was texting it to us.

Here are some of the choice bits of motherhood wisdom Graham has received:

Kim Kardashian: Pregnancy is harder than giving birth (but every mama has her own journey)

"Ashley, the pregnancy may be the hardest part, but the birth is the easiest," Kim Kardashian told Graham at Williams' fashion show this September.

Kim has had famously hard, complicated pregnancies, so that was her experience, but not every mother feels this way. For some pregnancy would rank as easier, while some would say that birth wasn't even as hard as the postpartum recovery.

Every mama's journey is different.

Jordan Foster: Friends make pregnancy and motherhood easier

Graham said she had a hard time during the first four months when she was keeping her pregnancy a secret and her body was going through all its crazy hormonal changes. "I felt like I didn't have anyone to talk to. I was gaining weight rapidly. And I felt alone. And the one piece of advice that my stylist, Jordan Foster, gave me was: Make pregnant friends. None of my friends were in relationships, let alone pregnant. And now I have nine pregnant friends."

We're so happy that Ashley found nine fellow mamas to connect with. Jordan gives good advice!

Serena Williams: It's okay to be scared

Serena Williams told Graham that it's okay to be afraid, there's a lot happening when your body transforms during pregnancy. It's okay to have moments when you admit that there is a lot going on.

"I was one of those people who wanted to know every ugly detail of what happens . . . down there . . . what happens everywhere," Serena Williams told Vogue of her conversations with Graham. "Like, why are my nipples so big a week into being pregnant? This makes no sense; the baby doesn't need to eat yet. I wanted to know every single thing, and I still love talking about it. Because I feel like it's important to kind of change the narrative and be like, it's normal to feel scared, and not be one of those women who are like, 'Oh, it's so great!' Just be scared out of your mind. That's normal."

Serena Williams: Don't compare yourself to other postpartum mamas 

Not that Graham, of all people, is prone to thinking her body should look like everyone else's, but Williams wanted to reiterate this. "I had a little problem with the lies of girls on Instagram—like, coming out of the hospital holding the baby and . . . you know . . . looking thinner than before," Williams said. "That's not happening to me! That's one thing I've learned, and the thing I tell Ashley: Everybody—literally every body—is different. You might jump back in an hour. I didn't."

Amy Schumer: You'll get why parents are so excited to give advice.

Amy Schumer understands a thing or two about the unsolicited advice people offer to pregnant mamas and new parents, but now that she's got a few months of parenthood under her belt she also understands why parents offer it. It often comes from a good place, even if the timing isn't great.

"People are so in your face when you're pregnant because they're so f---ing excited for you. And you don't get it. You can't possibly get it. And then after you've had a baby you're like, 'Oh, I get it!'," Amy Schumer said she told Graham.

But Schumer also told Graham she's gonna hold herself back from offering unsolicited advice, but reminded Graham that she's only a phone call away if the new mama does ever want to hear Schumer's suggestions.

Graham is taking all this advice in, while "not putting too much pressure on myself" she said.

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Babywearing allows newborns to be held close to your body and mama to snuggle with their new bundle of joy—but that's just where the benefits begin. When you're toting your baby with the help of a specially-designed carrier, you're also given back the two hands normally reserved for rocking, cuddling and soothing your little one. That opens up a whole new world when it comes to getting things done—particularly for #mombosses who are masters of multitasking.

We asked four of our favorites about the biggest benefits of their productivity hack of choice (babywearing) and how they got it all done using their carrier of choice, BABYBJÖRN Baby Carrier Free.

It helps soothe babies more easily

Daphne Oz wearing BABYBJ\u00d6RN Baby Carrier Free

BABYBJÖRN

Babies benefit from being in a carrier not only because worn babies cry less but also because a soothed baby means they're more likely to catch a much-needed nap. Rachel Zeilic, VP of Influencer Marketing at Who What Wear and Creative Director for fashion line Marjoelle, wore her son, August, in his early days for that reason. "It was a GREAT method to help him get to sleep," she says.

Sleep aside, decreased crying makes a huge difference in your busy days, even if your baby is super easygoing and loves carrier time, like that of Emmy-winning TV host, author and mama of four, Daphne Oz, whose youngest, Giovanna Ines (Gigi), is 4-months-old. "Gigi has always loved to be held. She's a very big baby, so babywearing is essential to give my arms a break. She loves to be snuggled as much as possible, and you can tell [being in her carrier] immediately soothes her. Sometimes she'll drift off or just rest her head on my chest and gaze around."

Mobilizing is a snap

Rachel Zeilic wearing BABYBJ\u00d6RN Baby Carrier Free

BABYBJÖRN

Like so many mamas, Zeilic needed to get out of the house frequently in those first few weeks for doctor appointments, but she found the sheer magnitude of getting out and getting the hang of a stroller pretty intimidating. Instead, she relied on her Baby Carrier Free and was out and about quickly after delivery. "We left the house from day one and we made a point every day of walking around the neighborhood," she says. "It was much more feasible [for me] than putting him in the stroller and going for a long walk."

Ariel Kaye, the CEO and founder of Parachute, was a big fan of babywearing with her now 11-month-old daughter Lou for the same reason. "Especially as I started to get more comfortable getting out of the house, what started as really short walks and gradually got longer," she says.

Carriers are especially friendly for city-dwelling mamas

Ranji Jacques wearing BABYBJ\u00d6RN Baby Carrier Free

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Having a baby while living in a big city can be a challenge, but babywearing makes going about your day so much more simple. That's how Ranji Jacques, Fashion Director at Condé Nast, gets around New York City. "Everyone can agree that a baby carrier is a must-have, especially if you're in an urban area," says the mom of two to 3-year-old Diego and 1-year-old Lucienne. Why? Because steep curbs and storefront steps no longer pose a deterrent, and (bonus!) you can keep germ-covered surfaces out of baby's reach.

Take meetings with baby in tow

Rachel Zeilic wearing BABYBJ\u00d6RN Baby Carrier Free

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If you need to phone into the office or are a permanent part of the growing work-from-home mama population, strapping on baby allows you to talk shop and spend time with your little one. "I've honestly gotten so many conference calls and deals done with August in the carrier," says Zeilic.

So did Kaye, who would tote her daughter Lou in her BABYBJÖRN Baby Carrier Free on walks to Parachute's nearby brick-and-mortar store as not only a way of getting outside, but also checking in with work, too.

Tackle housework + make  errands easier (and feasible)

Daphne Oz wearing BABYBJ\u00d6RN Baby Carrier Free

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When you've got a new baby at home, getting the dishes done or folding a basket of (clean!) laundry is a huge accomplishment. But using the carrier can help you tick off your to-do list while spending time with your newborn. "Babywearing really helped me—like it made all of my everyday [tasks] so much easier," says Kaye, because it gave her back her much-needed set of hands.

Oz agrees that wearing her daughter has been a boon to her productivity. "I try to bring Gigi along whenever I can, since my time at home can be limited and [I'm] often stretched thin trying to get everything in order. She comes along to the market and for coffee and on other errands—and I love to use a carrier in the house so I can keep her with me while I'm heading from room to room putting things in order."

It can provide for everyday teaching moments

Ariel Kaye wearing BABYBJ\u00d6RN Baby Carrier Free

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When you're going about your daily tasks, babywearing provides a front row seat to turn it into an educational experience for the two of you. "It's a special way to be able to communicate with her—I can show her things, touch things," says Kaye. From folding laundry to self-care, opportunities to engage baby can happen anywhere. Just ask Lou, who loves watching mama Ariel do her makeup while happily hanging out in her BABYBJÖRN, a task enjoyed by Gigi and Daphne as well.

Plus, allotting some of your attention to quickie tasks feels more guilt-free when babywearing. "Even though I'm doing other stuff, I can talk to him and narrate what I'm doing," explains Zeilic. "I just feel like it's playing and bonding, versus feeling like I'm sacrificing time with him."

Hello, old favorite activities

Ariel Kaye wearing BABYBJ\u00d6RN Baby Carrier Free

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Zeilic and her husband love to use their Baby Carrier Free for hikes—anything under an hour and she'll strap on the carrier, over an hour and Dad's on the job (good thing it's easily adjustable for parents of all sizes). Even if hiking isn't your hobby of choice, resuming your pre-baby favorite activities and feeling more like yourself post-baby is a welcome change to which most mamas can relate, Oz included.

She fondly remembers the sense of confidence and familiarity that accompanied a babywearing outing when her eldest children were a bit younger. "My first, Philomena, was only 20 months old when John was born and still such a baby herself. I remember going out to the beach on a calm day with Philomena to collect shells, and John was strapped next to my chest, snuggly and content. It was one of the first times I really felt confident as a new mother of 2."

You can travel light

Ranji Jacques wearing BABYBJ\u00d6RN Baby Carrier Free

BABYBJÖRN

Working in fashion, Jacques has a tendency to be flanked with a host of accessories or at least a go-to purse, but babywearing has helped her limit the amount she has in tow when out and about. "I strap on baby, grab a bottle of water and my wallet and I'm ready to go," she says. Minimalist multitasking has never been so chic.

This article was sponsored by BABYBJÖRN. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

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[Editor's note: Motherly is committed to covering all relevant presidential candidate plans as we approach the 2020 election. We are making efforts to get information from all candidates. Motherly does not endorse any political party or candidate. We stand with and for mothers and advocate for solutions that will reduce maternal stress and benefit women, families and the country.]

If you did not have time to watch the Democratic debate last night, don't worry mama, we've got you.

The Democratic debates are an opportunity for American voters to have their questions answered by the candidates, and this week's debate saw candidates tackle a question that is so important for many American parents:

How can we make childcare affordable?

The question was submitted by a young mother named Tiffany. She explained, "As a young mom, I had to quit a job I love because childcare costs were taking up two-thirds of my income. Many families don't have the option of quitting a job because that little bit of income is needed. That leads to families using whatever care they can find, and sometimes the results are deadly, as we've seen in Iowa over the last few years. How will you prioritize accessing quality, affordable child care in your first 100 days in office?"

Here's how the candidates responded to this all too common story.

Pete Buttigieg on affordable childcare 

Pete Buttigieg was the first to tackle the question of affordable childcare during the January debate. When co-moderator Brianne Pfannenstiel, the chief politics reporter for the Des Moines Register, lobbed the question to the midwestern mayor he agreed that no parent should be spending two-thirds of their pay on childcare.

Buttigieg stated that he wants to see the cost of childcare get down to 7% or less of a family's income, as recommended by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, but as Motherly has previously reported, most American families pay a lot more than 7%.

Buttigieg said he has met "professionals who sometimes say that they're working in order to be able to afford childcare in order to be able to be working. It makes no sense, and it must change, and we shouldn't be afraid to put federal dollars into making that a reality."

He continued: "Subsidizing childcare and making sure that we are building up a workforce of people who are paid at a decent level to offer early childhood education, as well as childcare writ large. We can do that. And until we do, this will be one of the biggest drivers of the gender pay gap. Because when somebody like the voter asking the question has to step out of the workforce because of that reason, she is at a disadvantage when she comes back in, and that can affect her pay for the rest of her career."

Buttigieg is correct—mothers do the majority of the unpaid care work in this country and are often seen as the default parent in dual-income, heterosexual households. Being forced out of the workforce when childcare costs too much can cost moms for years to come.

According to the Center for American Progress, mothers lose out on way more than just their annual salary when we leave the workforce to care for kids: There's also lost wage growth, and the loss of retirement plan contributions and benefits.

Let's say Tiffany had been making $50,000 a year before she was forced to quit, and is going to stay home until her child is in kindergarten...Tiffany's going to lose $200,000 in lost wages, $179,837 in lost wage growth, and $159,958 in lost retirement assets and benefits.

That mom is facing a lifetime income loss of $539,795 because she can't afford childcare right now.

Buttigieg needs to offer more details about his plan, but he's definitely right when he says "It makes no sense, and it must change."

Elizabeth Warren on affordable childcare 

Next, Pfannenstiel turned to Sen. Elizabeth Warren, asking about a possible income limit for free childcare in Warren's plan. "Why do your plans cover everyone for public college, but not childcare and early learning?" Pfannenstiel asked.

"My plan is universal childcare for everyone. It just has some people adding a small payment," Warren explained.

Warren said she wants people to understand the plan and understand that, "I've been there. You know, I remember when I was a young mom. I had two little kids, and I had my first real university teaching job. It was hard work. I was excited. But it was childcare that nearly brought me down. We went through one childcare after another, and it just didn't work."

A family member, her aunt, stepped up to make sure Warren didn't have to quit her job, and Warren knows that we can't rely on aunts to fix the childcare crisis.

In her reply, Warren recognized that stepping back from the workforce can significantly reduce a mother's lifetime income (as mentioned above, five years out of the workforce for a mom making $50,000 a year can reduce her lifetime income by more than half a million dollars. This isn't just a matter of lost salary, it's also a matter of lost wage growth, and lost retirement funds.)

"I think about how many women of my generation just got knocked off the track and never got back on, how many of my daughter's generation get knocked off the track and don't get back on, how many mamas and daddies today are getting knocked off the track and never get back on," said Warren.

She continued: "I have a two cent wealth tax so that we can cover childcare for all of our children, and provide universal pre-K for every 3-year-old and 4-year-old in America, and stop exploiting the people who do this valuable work, largely black and brown women. We can raise the wages of every childcare worker and preschool teacher in America. That's an investment in our babies. That's an investment in their mamas and their daddies. And it's an investment in our teachers and in our economy."

Bernie Sanders on affordable childcare 

After Warren, Pfannenstiel tossed the topic to Sen. Bernie Sanders, asking if his plan for universal childcare program would be free for everyone regardless of income. Sanders pointed out how little the nation's childcare workers earn despite the very important job they are doing, comparing childcare worker's wages to those at McDonalds.

While Sanders' comparison of childcare worker's wages to fast food workers is flawed (as CNN's fact check team notes, data from the Bureau of Labor Statistics says the mean hourly wage for fast food worker makes $10.70 and the mean hourly wage for a childcare worker is $11.83) he raises an important point: As Motherly has previously reported, the average Amazon delivery driver in America earns more than the average day care worker or nanny.

When asked if his plan for universal childcare would be free to everyone, Sanders confirmed.

"We need to fundamentally change priorities in America. We should not be one of a few countries that does not have universal high-quality affordable childcare. We should not be one of the only major countries not to guarantee health care to all people as a human right. We should not be spending more than the 10 next countries on the military, hundreds of billions of dollars in subsidies for the fossil fuel industry, tax breaks for billionaires, and then tell the moms and dads in this country we cannot have high-quality affordable childcare."

Joe Biden on affordable childcare 

Former Vice President Joe Biden is considered by some to be the winner of this week's debate, and he, too, supports universal childcare. Like Warren, he took Pfannenstiel's question as an opportunity to remind the country that he has personally struggled with childcare in the past as a parent.

"There should be free universal infant care, but here's the deal. You know, I was a single parent, too. When my wife and daughter were killed, my two boys I had to raise. I was a senator, a young senator. I just hadn't been sworn in yet. And I was making $42,000 a year," he explained

Biden went on to recall that the unaffordable nature of childcare was one of the reasons why as a young solo parent he needed to commute 250 miles a day, because like Warren, he had to rely on family members for childcare. Next, he outlined how his plan will help parents who are in situations like that today.

"When I triple the amount of money for Title I schools, every child, 3, 4, and 5 years old, will, in fact, have full schooling. They'll go to school and after-school programs, which will release some of the burden," Biden explained.

He continued: "Secondly, I think we should have an $8,000 tax credit which would put 7 million women back to work that could afford to go to work and still care for their children as an $8,000 tax credit. I also believe that we should, in fact, for people who, in fact, are not able to afford any of the infant care to be able to get that care."

He then added: "But Bernie's right. We have to raise the salaries of the people who are doing the care. And I [will] provide for that, as well."

Tom Steyer and Sen. Amy Klobuchar did not take questions about childcare during the January debate. Klobuchar has previously worked with Republican Dan Sullivan to introduce the Child Care Workforce and Facilities Act, "to bring the cost of child care down and provide more child care centers in areas that need them the most." Steyer's plans and position on childcare costs remain unclear.

On February 3, 2020 Democrats in the Iowa caucuses will begin voting and time will soon tell which of the candidates will run against President Trump.

(For more information on where the other candidates stand on paid leave, childcare costs and health care see our previous coverage).

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There's a chart going viral on Twitter right now and you don't have to be a data expert to understand it, although the mom behind the image is. Caitlin Hudon is a data scientist and a chart she created and tweeted has mothers everywhere nodding in agreement.

A new mom herself (her daughter is almost 6 months old) Hudon decided to measure how she used her time pre-baby and after welcoming her baby. The resulting chart is a pastel representation of something new parents know (and something society too often ignores): Taking care of a baby is incredibly time-consuming.

"The way you spend your time changes significantly when you have a baby (especially if you're a woman who decides to breastfeed)," Hudon captioned her chart. "I think this is best explained visually."

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Nursing/pumping is represented by pink in her chart, and it is easy to see how that activity took over her life in the first couple of months of motherhood. She literally did nothing but nurse, pump, sleep and care for her baby.

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"My goal for making the visualization was to help others to understand the way in which your day-to-day changes after you have a baby (and especially if you're breastfeeding). I knew, obviously, that life would change after having a baby, but I had no idea what it would like, and more specifically, I had no idea just how much time breastfeeding would take or the ways in which it's a constant part of your day," Hudon told Motherly via Twitter messages.

Hudon followed up her first chart with another chart examining just two categories: Nursing/pumping versus doing literally anything else.

"It truly can't be overstated how much time is devoted to nursing in the first six months of baby's life. (I really had no idea until I went through it!" she wrote on Twitter.

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"With the exception of sleep, I haven't gone more than four hours without nursing or pumping in 5.5 months. I think that's wild, and absolutely worth talking about," she tells Motherly.

Hudon is happy to see her data going viral, because it is sparking important conversations about the expectations new parents have, and the expectations society puts on them.

As Motherly has previously reported, new parents are under intense pressure to breastfeed, but a lack of paid parental leave and protections for breasting parents in the workplace make this already time-consuming task even more difficult.

As Hudon tells Motherly, she was privileged to have support from her partner. "I'm super lucky that my husband was able to take time off work to help. (He didn't get formal parental leave, but was able to take some of his saved sick time off to take care of me.) There's so much household stuff that didn't fit into this viz, like cleaning, laundry, dishes, etc., and it all slotted into time where we were caring for baby or free time. It's a lot to balance," she explains.

This is not the first time a new parent has used data visualization to tell the story of how our time use changes when we have a baby. Self-described new dad and data nerd Reddit user jitney86 shared his personal journey in 2017, posting his parental sleep deprivation in the form of a graph after he and his wife meticulously tracked their baby's life in 15-minute increments from three months to 17 months old.

When the data was plotted visually it showed a shift from erratic newborn behavior to more consistent sleep patterns.

Those extended sleep periods—for parents and babies—were also demonstrated in a 2010 study published in the journal Pediatrics, which found babies' sleep habits rapidly improved in the first months of life. The researchers also found that by baby's first birthday, 85% of parents could also celebrate consistently uninterrupted nights of sleep.

This is similar to Hudon's chart in a way: Over time her pink bars of breastfeeding/pumping get thinner, and more time for herself returns.

When we're in the thick of it, not sleeping and living our lives in 3-hour increments based on breastfeeding schedules it can feel like things will never get better—but it will happen, mama.

News

She's been hailed as the greatest female athlete of our time for years. She continued to dominate the tennis world through pregnancy and new motherhood. She's consistently inspirational. But Serena Williams just accomplished something new: She just won her first title since welcoming her daughter, Olympia.

Serena competed during the ASB Classic Women's Singles Final on January 12—and she triumphed. Serena has not won a title in three years, but what likely means more to the athlete isn't that timeframe: It's the fact that this is the first athletic title she's received since she was given the title of mother.

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"It feels good. It's been a long time. I think you can see the relief on my face," Serena said after her win. "I feel so fortunate and blessed to be able to just be out here and be healthy and to play. I've been out here for so long, and I've been through so much, so it's good to be able to come and do what I do, and I just feel so happy to do something that I absolutely love." She topped that off with a celebratory cartwheel.


Of course, this is far from Serena's first personal win: The tennis star has 73 career singles under her belt. Additionally, this major win comes on the heels of a huge honor she recently took home: Serena was named Female Athlete of the Decade by the Associated Press.

Serena's husband, Alexis Ohanian, posted a sweet message in support of his wife after her most recent win...and he revealed something incredible about what the athlete did after her big victory.

"What a start to the decade, @serenawilliams 🏆 we're all so proud of you," he writes. "And just when I think I can't possibly be more proud, you donate all your prize money to fight the #australianbushfires."

And the accompanying photo? It features Serena holding her beautiful daughter—the little girl she has dubbed her greatest accomplishment. It's an incredible picture of a mother who dreams big, achieves her goals, shatters records and does incredible things...and celebrates both wins and losses with her baby on her hip. And you know what? It's inspirational.

News

The mamas in the royal family are asked a lot of very personal questions and this week the Duchess of Cambridge handled one perfectly. As Hello reports, during a tour of Bradford, Yorkshire this week a fan asked Kate Middleton whether she and Prince William were planning to have another child.

"I don't think William wants any more," Middleton told the young man, who is autistic and has DiGeorge syndrome.

The fan asked the question because he had sent the Duke and Duchess cards after the births of their three children, 6-year-old Prince George, 4-year-old Princess Charlotte, and 1-year-old Prince Louis.

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It was an understandable and sweet question coming from this young man, but one that would not have been so understandable coming from the press (or from bookies taking bets on the matter).

As many non-royal mothers have pointed out in recent years, family planning is a private matter and questions about the size or future of one's family can be difficult for people.

But this is not the first time Middleton has fielded that question. Last February Kate Middleton was asked a similar question by a fan in Northern Ireland. She was admiring the new father's own baby when he asked her "baby number four?" to which she replied, "I think William would be a little worried."

Indeed, Prince William has previously admitted that being a father of three can be quite tiring (he's not the only parent to think so, either: A survey found moms of three are more stressed-out than moms of four).

The way Kate phrased her public denials of plans for a fourth baby makes it sound like three is William's preferred number, not hers—but the deflection may have just been her way of joking about an uncomfortable question. That's the problem with these kinds of questions. They do put moms (royal or not) on the spot. Maybe Kate would go for another baby, or maybe she and William both think three is the best number for them.

Couples often disagree about how many children to have and the perfect number of children is different for everyone. These decisions often involve compromise and deep consideration for couples. The royal family has a lot of privileges (like nannies and housekeeping staff and funds for tuition at any school) most parents don't have, but they also have a lot of unique stressors in their lives. Three may be enough for Will and Kate, and it's really no one's business but theirs.

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