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The nurses put a ribbon on my door.

At first, when I looked at the hospital door as it quickly open and shut, I thought it was a black ribbon. Later, when the nurses were packing up all the memories of Eve, they put the ribbon on top of the little dress she wore. It was baby pink and light blue, in the shape of a heart with two little footprints in the center.

My daughter Eve was stillborn. I had a healthy pregnancy, but the cord was wrapped too tightly around her neck. She was moving Sunday night, five days before of her due date in November. At our routine doctor’s appointment Monday morning, she didn’t have a heartbeat. I went to the hospital. Eve was born around 10 a.m. Tuesday. My husband and I held her, cried over her, baptized her, took her picture, apologized, kissed her, loved on her and said goodbye.

I still can’t comprehend our grief. We were told losing Eve to a “cord accident” was rare. It was like a car crash; no one could predict when or why or how or the impact. It just...happened. But it still doesn’t make it fair. It doesn’t lessen the shock. It doesn’t bring our daughter back. It doesn’t lessen the guilt. It still doesn’t make any sense. We miss who she could have been. I miss her; the rolling and kicking, her toes and fingers between my ribs.

The hours, days and weeks after after we lost Eve are a blur. I easily confuse memories and dreams and medicated hazes. But after we lost Eve, the village that we didn’t realize we had lifted us up, and I vividly remember the kindness.

“Are you having the baby?” My little sister asked when I called on that Monday. I live in South Carolina. My family is in New York. My husband’s family is in Missouri. My little sister was traveling between Virginia and North Carolina. I called my mom first, her second.

“I’m in the hospital. She doesn’t have a heartbeat.”

“...what happened?”

“I don’t know.”

“Are you OK?”

“...I don’t know.”

“I’ll be there in six hours.”

My little sister drove here and took care of our 2-year old through the night and got her to daycare Tuesday morning. My parents flew in. While I was laboring in the hospital, my sister, parents and closest friend packed away all the baby items we had ready for Eve’s arrival. In the days after, my husband and I tried to do anything to make us feel the smallest bit better. Our families - blood related and our local village - helped us care for our daughter and house while we could barely go through the motions.

I walked into the maternity ward that Monday knowing I was leaving without a baby. After I was processed and undressed and induced and stuck with needles and IVs, and through the time I was there, the nurses flew into my room within seconds of me pushing a buzzer. They made sure I was comfortable and in no pain, and cried with us, hugged us close when we left and called me days later to check in. My doctors cried with us, and even when we didn’t know what was happening, were the only ones I could believe when they said it: This was not your fault. They showed incredible patience as I asked “how” and “why” 5 million different ways, and were available any time I needed them.

Family and friends sent us small items of comfort to help us feel the tiniest bit better while we couldn’t breathe. My older sister sent the most amazing smelling box of bubble bath. Cousins sent tea and cookies, and texted us just to say that they loved us. My husband’s family sent us groceries. Aunts sent us three square meals. Friends and family sent us beautiful gifts to remember Eve. One coordinated care and meals, and just came over and sat with me and let our toddlers play. One visited on her way back from a family trip, forced me into real clothes and to yoga, and ended up painting our garage.

Our village cooked and cooked and cooked. Close friends and parents from daycare - some whose names I wasn’t sure I knew beyond “so-and-so’s mom and dad” - left notes and trays of food on our porch. Our daughter’s daycare director pulled her in and out of class and met us in the parking lot with our happy, sweet girl in her arms so we didn’t have to go inside.

My boss gracefully carried the news through my job and protected us, while my co workers bought Eve a star - A STAR. You can look just south of the Ursa major constellation and see my daughter’s STAR. My husband’s work family sent an army of housecleaners.

Our intuitive little 2-year-old wraps her little arms around my neck, lingers there, whispers her toddler words into my ear and gives a kiss whenever I feel the sudden, sharp pain of grief and pause for a little too long.

We met amazing, strong, beautiful people who I didn’t know I wanted to know, and became part of a support group I never thought membership existed. They made us feel that we weren’t alone. More and more people who lost a child became visible; this community started popping up wherever I looked.

There’s a lot I don’t remember. That Monday, the time between two doctors entering the ultrasound room to confirm no heartbeat and me sitting on the edge of a hospital bed and begging for a c-section hours later are blank. I remember bits and pieces after that: calling my mom and my sister; my husband calling his mother; texting my friend and my boss; the nurses trying to find a vein; logistics for caring for our 2 year old; thinking I was too young for this; water; Ambien; contractions; pain; pressure; pushing; “there are no signs of life;” tears, tears, tears; saying goodbye; going home without the second car seat; the hug our daughter gave us when we came home that Tuesday afternoon; not being able to talk; the kindness that came out of people.

I remember saying to a friend that I didn’t understand why people we hardly knew were being so nice. She turned to me: “You are living every parent’s nightmare.” I still don’t know how to thank them.

Nearly five months after we lost Eve, our toddler had a stomach virus. Before bed one night, we stretched Hello Kitty band-aids above her belly button to help her “boo-boo.” After three, she held the fourth in her hand.

“Mommy boo-boo?”

“Where’s my boo-boo?”

She put a band-aid on the left-side of my chest; right above my heart.

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Unstructured play is play without predetermined rules of the game. There are no organized teams, uniforms, coaches or trainers. It is spontaneous, often made-up on the spot, and changeable as the day goes on. It is the kind of play you see when puppies chase each other around a yard in endless circles or a group of kids play for hours in a fort they created out of old packing boxes.

Unstructured play is fun—no question about it—but research also tells us that it is critically important for the development of children's bodies and brains.

One of the best ways to encourage unstructured play in young children is by providing open-ended toys, or toys that can be used multiple ways. People Toy Company knows all about that. Since 1977, they've created toys and products designed to naturally encourage developmental milestones—but to kids, it all just feels like play.

Here are five reasons why unstructured play is crucial for your children—

1. It changes brain structure in important ways

In a recent interview on NPR's Morning Edition, Sergio Pellis, Ph.D., an expert on the neuroscience of play noted that play actually changes the structure of the developing brain in important ways, strengthening the connections of the neurons (nerve cells) in the prefrontal cortex, the area of the brain considered to be the executive control center responsible for solving problems, making plans and regulating emotions.

Because unstructured play involves trying out different strategies without particular goals or serious consequences, children and other animals get to practice different activities during play and see what happens. When Dr. Pellis compared rats who played as pups with rats that did not, he found that although the play-deprived rats could perform the same actions, the play-experienced rats were able to react to their circumstances in a more flexible, fluid and swift fashion.

Their brains seemed more "plastic" and better able to rewire as they encountered new experiences.

Hod Lipson, a computer scientist at Cornell sums it up by saying the gift of play is that it teaches us how to deal with the unexpected—a critically important skill in today's uncertain world.

2. Play activates the entire neocortex

We now know that gene expression (whether a gene is active or not) is affected by many different things in our lives, including our environment and the activities we participate in. Jaak Panksepp, Ph.D., a Professor at the University of Washington studied play in rats earning him the nickname of the "rat tickler."

He found that even a half hour of play affected the activity of many different genes and activated the outer part of the rats' brains known as the neocortex, the area of the brain used in higher functions such as thinking, language and spatial reasoning. We don't know for sure that this happens in humans, but some researchers believe that it probably does.

3. It teaches children to have positive interaction with others

It used to be thought that animal play was simply practice so that they could become more effective hunters. However, Dr. Panksepp's study of play in rats led him to the conclusion that play served an entirely different function: teaching young animals how to interact with others in positive ways. He believed that play helps build pro-social brains.

4. Children who play are often better students

The social skills acquired through play may help children become better students. Research has found that the best predictor of academic performance in the eighth grade was a child's social skills in the third grade. Dr. Pellis notes that "countries where they actually have more recess tend to have higher academic performance than countries where recess is less."

5. Unstructured play gets kids moving

We all worry that our kids are getting too little physical activity as they spend large chunks of their time glued to their electronic devices with only their thumbs getting any exercise. Unstructured play, whether running around in the yard, climbing trees or playing on commercial play structures in schools or public parks, means moving the whole body around.

Physical activity helps children maintain a healthy weight and combats the development of Type 2 diabetes—a condition all too common in American children—by increasing the body's sensitivity to the hormone insulin.

It is tempting in today's busy world for parents and kids to fill every minute of their day with structured activities—ranging from Spanish classes before school to soccer and basketball practice after and a full range of special classes and camps on the weekends and summer vacation. We don't remember to carve out time for unstructured play, time for kids to get together with absolutely nothing planned and no particular goals in mind except having fun.

The growing body of research on the benefits of unstructured play suggests that perhaps we should rethink our priorities.

Not sure where to get started? Here are four People Toy Company products that encourage hours of unstructured play.

1. People Blocks Zoo Animals

These colorful, magnetic building blocks are perfect for encouraging unstructured play in children one year and beyond. The small pieces fit easily in the hands of smaller children, and older children will love creating their own shapes and designs with the magnetic pieces.

People Blocks Zoo Animals 17 Piece Set, People Toy Company, $34.99


This article was sponsored by People Toy Company. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

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As any parent knows, newborns need to eat a lot to keep fuel in those tiny tummies. For breastfeeding mamas, that can translate to nursing sessions anywhere, any time of day—which can make it feel like a full-time job. So, what's a mama to do when she has other things on her to-do list?

Let's take a look at some celebrity mothers who are showing the world that mamas have legendary multitasking skills. 👊

Jessie James Decker is a backseat breastfeeder

By the time her third child was born, Jessie James Decker had a few tricks up her sleeve when it came to breastfeeding on the go—including how to get situated in the backseat of the car to nurse her son while he was strapped into the car seat.

Decker doesn't recommend mamas go without a seatbelt like she did, but sometimes, a bad day out with the baby calls for extreme measures. When little Forrest couldn't stop crying on the way home from his mama's photo shoot, his mama did what she had to do.

"I hopped in the back seat with Forrest and fed him with boob out leaned awkwardly over the car seat to calm him down," Decker says. "On the way home I cried, I got stressed and anxiety, and I was just a mom trying to do my best just like we all are no matter the situation."

Pink takes a hike

When son Jameson was a baby, Pink proved that breastfeeding didn't have to mean sitting at home in a glider. With some assistance from a baby carrier and a perfect position for Jameson, the multitasking mama was able to go about her hike like it was no big deal.

Gisele Bündchen 'grammed her breastfeeding glam session

In 2013, the super model proved she's also a super mama by multitasking a full-on beauty session while breastfeeding. Recognizing what a team effort it was, Bündchen captioned the post, "What would I do without this beauty squad after the 15 hours of flying and only three hours of sleep."

Tess Holliday was inspired by her fellow supermodel mama 

Tess Holliday followed in Gisele's footsteps after her youngest was born, posting this photo to Instagram. It that proves that breastfeeding mamas can not only multitask, but also don't have to conform to certain body ideals to look amazing postpartum. Any size, any shape, any time, anywhere—breastfeeding mothers like Holliday are normalizing breastfeeding and our bodies.

Padma Lakshmi proves you don't need a team

Without a beauty squad on call, Lakshmi took her multitasking to "level 💯" by using a nursing pillow to free up her two hands. It takes a brave woman to attempt mascara while breastfeeding, but the Top Chef host clearly pulls it off.

Whether a mama is trying to feed her baby on the go or while she's getting glam, it isn't always easy. Motherhood is about trying to do your best even when it feels like 100 things are going on at the same time—and yet we manage, like the super mamas we are.

[Update, September 23: This post was originally published June 12, 2018. It has been updated to include Tess Holliday's Instagram post]

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In the moments after we give birth, we desperately want to hear our baby cry. In the middle of the night a few months later it's no longer exactly music to our ears, but those cries aren't just telling us that baby needs a night feeding: They're also giving us a hint at what our children may sound like as kindergarteners, and adults.

New research published in the journal Biology Letters suggests the pitch of a 4-month-old's cry predicts the pitch they'll use to ask for more cookies at age five and maybe even later on as adults.

The study saw 2 to 5-month olds recorded while crying. Five years later, the researchers hit record again and chatted with the now speaking children. Their findings, combined with previous work on the subject, suggest it's possible to figure out what a baby's voice will sound like later in life, and that the pitch of our adult voices may be traceable back to the time we spend in utero. Further studies are needed, but scientists are very interested in how factors before birth can impact decades later.

"In utero, you have a lot of different things that can alter and impact your life — not only as a baby, but also at an adult stage," one of the authors of the study, Nicolas Mathevon, told the New York Times.

The New York Times also spoke with Carolyn Hodges, an assistant professor of anthropology at Boston University who was not involved in the study. According to Hodges, while voice pitch may not seem like a big deal, it impacts how we perceive people in very real ways.

Voice pitch is a factor in how attractive we think people are, how trustworthy. But why we find certain pitches more or less appealing isn't known. "There aren't many studies that address these questions, so that makes this research especially intriguing," Hodges said, adding that it "suggests that individual differences in voice pitch may have their origins very, very early in development."

So the pitch of that midnight cry may have been determined months ago, and it may determine part of your child's future, too. There are still so many things we don't know, but as parents we do know one thing: Our babies cries (as much as we don't want to hear them all the time) really are something special.

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So many parents wish there was a way we could add more hours to the day. Unfortunately, we're stuck with just 24 of them, but we can try to make the most of the time we've got. One way more and more working mamas are maximizing the time we do have is by cutting out the commute and working from home.

It can add an hour or two back to your day, and (depending on your hours and circumstances) it can even make childcare arrangements easier. And with more big companies offering legit remote opportunities, it's easier than ever for parents to find these opportunities. As Motherly recently reported, Amazon is on a bit of a remote hiring spree ahead of the holiday season, and it's not the only one.

Williams-Sonoma is currently seeking Seasonal Customer Service Associates to work from home. It is looking for remote workers in Cincinnati, Cleveland, Phoenix, Reno, Tulsa, and near Raleigh, Columbus, Braselton, and Oklahoma City.

These work-from-home positions are part of Williams-Sonoma's plan to hire about 3,500 associates for its Customer Care Centers. The company says a "significant portion of positions" for the Customer Care Centers will be work-from-home. They're looking for remote workers who live no more than an hour and a half away from one of the Customer Care Centers as "on occasion our Work From Home associates must come to the Care Center for meetings and training with advanced notice," the company notes in the job postings.

The positions are very similar to what Amazon is looking for: Basically customer service reps who can take inbound calls to help shoppers with orders, returns and issues with finding products or deliveries of products. Williams-Sonoma is looking for people who can work 30 - 50 hours per week, and the pay is listed at $12 per hour.

Another perk is a 40% discount on most merchandise, which great because the Williams-Sonoma umbrella includes brands like Pottery Barn and West Elm as well.

Sounds like this could be a great gig for a mama with customer service skills and a high-speed internet connection.

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Plenty of modern motherhood paraphernalia was made to be seen—think breastfeeding pillows that seamlessly blend into living room decor or diaper bags that look like stylish purses. The breast pump though, usually isn't on that list.

It's traditionally been used in the privacy of our homes and hotel rooms in the best case scenarios, and in storage closets and restrooms in the worst circumstances. For a product that is very often used by mothers because they need to be in public spaces (like work and school), the breast pump lives a very private life.

Thankfully, some high profile moms are changing that by posting their pump pics on Instagram. These influential mamas aren't gonna hide while they pump, and may change the way the world (and product designers) see this necessary accessory.

1. Gail Simmons 

Top Chef's Gail Simmons looked amazing on the red carpet at the 2018 Emmys, but a few days after the award show the cookbook author, television host and new mama gave the world a sneak peek into her backstage experience. It wasn't all glam for Gail, who brought her pump and hands-free bra along on the big night.

We're thankful to these women for showing that breast pumps belong in public and in our Instagram feeds.

[Update, September 21, 2018: This post was originally published on May 31, 2018, but has been updated to include a recent Instagram post by Gail Simmons.]

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  3. Nicole Phelps pumping in an evening gown is the ultimate definition of a multi-tasking mama 👏
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