“You must never put me down again, woman. Do you understand?”
Oh, wow. Yay!
Tummy time! This is so exciting!
Mommy never lets me lie on my tummy. The doctor made her promise to put me on my back to sleep. So now it’s tummy time and I’m loving life!
This rug thingy looks expensive. It’s got so many fancy accessories! In fact, this is just the type of place that gets me in the mood for a diaper blowout. 3, 2, 1...
Hey over there! Look at that shiny thing! There’s a super cute baby in the shiny thing! I’m gonna smile at that cute baby... Oh wow, hi!!!!! The baby is smiling back!
Hmm this seems like an interesting toy. I feel an overwhelming desire to put this toy in my mouth. NOMMMMMMMMMMM. Okay that was fun for seven seconds. What’s next?
Okay, wow. Still on my tummy, huh?
It’s okay, I’ll just try to move my head a liiiittle. Nope. Try to move it the other way. Uh-uh. My muscles are petering out over here, lady. Your little muscle man is just about done with the reps. What do I look like to you, Hulk Hogan? Oh really, I actually do?
What if I whimper just a little bit?
Ahh, there that mommy is. Look, lady, I’m doing tummy time just like you asked! Don’t I look cute? Can you roll me over now, please?
Andddd she left me again. Okay woman, what part of “I’m getting sick of this?” don’t you understand?
I know, I’ll try that frantic thing where I flop around like a beached whale and make snorting noises like an angry piglet. That move’s a classic. The angry piglet thing always gets her attention.
Ahhh, yes. Back in mommy’s arms, exactly where I belong. 24/7. You must never put me down again, woman. Do you understand?
Another tummy time complete.
For my next trick, I’ll start crying every time we stop at a red light! ?