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"How did you get her to talk like that?" an inquiring woman wanted to know as my daughter and I shared conversation over a puzzle at the library.

"I'm not sure I necessarily got her to do anything," I kindly replied, "but I've always talked to her like she is a person."

Both my husband and I bypassed baby talk and spoke to our young children in words they could understand, in a voice that is our own. I recall a moment when questioned why I was responding to 9-month-old babble, why I would engage in a conversation with no translation. At that time I did not fully know what my captivated child understood, but I believed that offering him my attention and being present in the dialog was more beneficial than it was harmful.

My parenting beliefs continuously evolve from my experiences as a mother, through studies in the fields of psychology and education, in reading research, engaging in discussion and attending to intuition. I choose not to follow one path of parenting but value many aspects of various styles. There exist recognized parenting styles such as authoritative, neglectful, permissive, and authoritarian, amidst many other perspectives of parenting.

I was recently introduced to a philosophy of parenting called RIE, Resources for Infant Educarers. Some of the ideas resonated with me, many of the practices I had already been doing without realizing that there was a name, label, or respected viewpoint.

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Here's what I've learned about this practice.

What is RIE?

Magda Gerber, an early childhood educator with a passion to care for young children, created the RIE philosophy alongside pediatrician Emmi Pickler, who shared the vision that young children will reach their full potential when viewed in ways that allow them to be active participants in their own lives.

It is my interpretation that the basis of this philosophy is respect, to treat a child as a human being and not an object. By the way we look, listen, and learn from others, we demonstrate our reverence for their uniqueness. The goal is to develop an authentic child who feels secure and able.

How to implement RIE

The RIE method is guided by trust in a child's capacity to learn and is executed through observation. When we pause with awareness we can notice subtle expressions and behaviors that serve as cues for communicating needs and desires. We can then choose to actively teach a lesson or intentionally allow one to transpire. Gerber considered that children thrive when encouraged to independently explore in safe and supportive environments.

Here are a few practices related to the RIE method.

1. Allow space for safe struggle and feelings of frustration.

Intentionally stepping back to watch an infant try to reach a toy that is slightly further than arm's reach can be difficult to witness, but the joy that transpires when the goal is finally accomplished is significant in developing confidence and independence. Offer support through acknowledging the effort, maybe say, "I saw you work so hard!"

2. Establish clearly understood and consistent boundaries that communicate expectations with care.

This can be communicated through sharing details rather than demands. Instead of shouting, "Stop that, because I said so" try calmly and clearly saying, "Please choose something else, that is not a safe choice."

3. During an activity, encourage a child to be an active participant rather than a passive recipient.

This is possible by being fully present, offering interaction, and generating mutual enjoyment. An example of this might include telling a baby what you are doing before you do it. "I am picking you up to change your diaper."

4. Honor a child’s unique path.

We may want to tie a young child's shoes because it is faster and we do it the "right way" but in the spirit of learning, if the shoe gets tied does it really matter how? There will be a time to refine skills, while there is also a time to realize abilities.

5. Watch from a distance, and let them be.

There are moments to engage and moments to allow self-directed play, both equally essential for development. This can be difficult as guilt creeps in and we wonder if we are doing too much or not enough. We can check our intention here and ask ourselves, are we seeking to ignore behavior or encourage being?

6. Recognize that as much as we do not like being interrupted while working or doing chores, they do not either, and play is their “work.”

Instead of demanding "come here now" simply say "choose one more thing to do, then please come here" communicates honor and models respect.

What REI is not

One criticism of this philosophy is that it is too hands-off. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't, but as guides of our children, we must discover what works best for them, the relationship we share and the moment we are in. I believe that allowing a frustrating experience to happen with the intention to learn is beneficial as long as we know that comforting a crying child is essential.

Although there is a strong emphasis on independence, this philosophy is one of parenting with awareness. Above all, RIE revolves around respect. A young child is placed in a safe space with soft boundaries intended for discovery and growth. When we offer children the freedom to discover in a supportive atmosphere, they seek, see, and strive.

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There are certain moments of parenthood that stay with us forever. The ones that feel a little extra special than the rest. The ones that we always remember, even as time moves forward.

The first day of school will always be one of the most powerful of these experiences.

I love thinking back to my own excitement going through it as a child—the smell of the changing seasons, how excited I was about the new trendy outfit I picked out. And now, I get the joy of watching my children go through the same right of passage.

Keep the memory of this time close with these 10 pictures that you must take on the first day of school so you can remember it forever, mama:

1. Getting on the school bus.

Is there anything more iconic than a school bus when it comes to the first day of school? If your little one is taking the bus, snap a photo of them posed in front of the school bus, walking onto it for the first time, or waving at you through the window as they head off to new adventure.

2. Their feet (and new shoes!)

Getting a new pair of shoes is the quintessential task to prepare for a new school year. These are the shoes that will support them as they learn, play and thrive. Capture the sentimental power of this milestone by taking photos of their shoes. You can get a closeup of your child's feet, or even show them standing next to their previous years of first-day-of-school shoes to show just how much they've grown. If you have multiple children, don't forget to get group shoe photos as well!

3. Posing with their backpack.

Backpacks are a matter of pride for kids so be sure to commemorate the one your child has chosen for the year. Want to get creative? Snap a picture of the backpack leaning against the front door, and then on your child's back as they head out the door.

4. Standing next to a tree or your front door.

Find a place where you can consistently take a photo year after year—a tree, your front door, the school signage—and showcase how much your child is growing by documenting the change each September.

5. Holding a 'first day of school' sign.

Add words to your photo by having your child pose with or next to a sign. Whether it's a creative DIY masterpiece or a simple printout you find online that details their favorites from that year, the beautiful sentiment will be remembered for a lifetime.

6. With their graduating class shirt.

When your child starts school, get a custom-designed shirt with the year your child will graduate high school, or design one yourself with fabric paint (in an 18-year-old size). Have them wear the shirt each year so you can watch them grow into it—and themselves!

Pro tip: Choose a simple color scheme and design that would be easy to recreate if necessary—if your child ends up skipping or repeating a year of school and their graduation date shifts, you can have a new shirt made that can be easily swapped for the original.

7. Post with sidewalk chalk.

Sidewalk chalk never goes out of style and has such a nostalgic quality to it. Let your child draw or write something that represents the start of school, like the date or their teacher, and then have them pose next to (or on top of) their work.

8. In their classroom.

From first letters learned to complicated math concepts mastered, your child's classroom is where the real magic of school happens. Take a few pictures of the space where they'll be spending their time. They will love remembering what everything looked like on the first day, from the decorations on the wall to your child's cubby, locker or desk.

9. With their teacher.

If classrooms are where the magic happens, teachers are the magicians. We wish we remembered every single teach we had, but the truth is that over time, memories fade. Be sure to snap a photo of your child posing with their teacher on the first day of school.

10. With you!

We spend so much time thinking about our children's experience on the first day of school, we forget about the people who have done so much to get them there—us! This is a really big day for you too, mama, so get in that photo! You and your child will treasure it forever.

This article is sponsored by Rack Room Shoes. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

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"This time I'm really prepared," I think to myself as I board yet another plane with my now very active and mobile toddler. By the number of things I'm carrying you'd think I'm moving across the country, but actually, we are only going away for a few days. I have snacks, favorite toys, the lovey, books he likes us to read on repeat.

I will not have a screaming child on this flight. I. Will. Not.

Before I was a parent, I was one of those annoying passengers who would huff and puff when a baby started crying on a plane. I say this with full guilt because I cannot believe I was so mean. In my (tiny) defense, I used to travel A LOT for work and my time on the plane was either to catch up on sleep or decompress so the last thing I wanted to have was a screaming baby next to me.

But I am that mom now. And I wish I could go back in time and apologize to all those parents I gave nasty looks to in an attempt to make them feel bad. Because now I know, oh… I know.

Travel is annoying for everyone. Think about it: the waiting around the airport, the rushed boarding, everyone being grumpy as they try to fit their carry-ons in the overhead compartment, the tiny seats.

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Now, look at it from the perspective of a child. It's a new place, you can't really go anywhere, there are weird noises and smells and you are confined to a tiny tiny place you can't really explore. Plus, you have a bunch of strangers looking at you. And the pressure in their ears. It must be really confusing when you don't know what is happening.

Recently a mom in one of my Facebook groups asked if she should bring little candy bags with a note apologizing for her baby's cries to distribute to her seatmates on a plane. The answers were all the same: Don't. Because this is the thing, we can't go around life apologizing for our kids being kids and for us being the best parents we can be.

What I do distribute when I fly with my son is smiles. He starts screaming because I don't let him play with the tray table and someone gives me a look? I smile at them.

He gets cranky because he's trying to get comfortable to take that nap he wasn't able to because of a change in schedule? Yup, I smile.

I don't apologize, I try to not get frustrated. I just let everyone else know with my smile that "I know, toddlers are a handful huh?"

Most of the time it works, and if it doesn't, too bad for them.

What we need more of, though, is people helping out parents in stressful situations (like air travel, or any travel to be honest). I will never forget the flight attendant who gave me extra packs of cookies after seeing how into them my son was. Or the person who asked people to wait for the bathroom so I could cut the line and change him out of his blowout diaper.

I will be forever grateful to everyone that cooed and smiled and said hello to my son from the gate to baggage claim. I wish I could go back and thank the woman who held my son after she saw me fumble with all the bags and the stroller so I could get everything ready without him running away from me. This is what we need more of.

We parents already deal with tons of stress on a daily basis—are they eating enough, did they have enough playtime, are they having too much screen time, am I keeping them active enough?—that we don't need the judgment of passengers when we choose to (literally) embark on an adventure with our kids to show them the world.

So next time I travel without my son, I will be that helping hand for any parent I see. And mama, if your baby is crying, screaming and kicking on what seems like a never-ending flight, take a deep breath and smile at everyone around you, you will be landing soon.

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Before my son was born, I had no idea how good my sleep life was. On the weekends especially, it wasn't unusual for me to sleep in until noon. Sometimes 1 pm if it was a really late night. (Anyone else ever finds themselves kind of hating envying their pre-mom selves? No? Just me? 🤷🏽♀️)

I remember being pregnant and everyone saying, "Get as much sleep as you can now." I knew that having a newborn meant sleep deprivation, but I felt like everyone was being so extreme in their advice to me. Yeah, you don't sleep, but they start sleeping through the night eventually right? Like at 2 months old, right?

(Oh, pre-mom me. You naive, sweet soul.)

Let's say those first two weeks home were truly eye-opening. Actually, literally eye-opening. Because it was a rare moment when I could actually close my eyes. The first night home was especially brutal.

I had not slept well in the hospital—not being able to get used to the low buzz of the hospital sounds, having random nurses or doctors come in and out of my room, and oh yeah, staring at this squishy little newborn alien that was now mine to take care of and be completely responsible for. (That thought alone is enough to keep any woman lying awake when she should be sleeping, regardless of her child's age.)

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So that first night home, I craved sleep. All my tired mind and sore body begged for was rest. In my own bed. For at least 12-14 hours straight. I went to bed earlier than I ever had before. The baby was sleeping soundly in his bassinet next to me and I thought it was my chance to catch up on what I was owed.

One hour later, the little one was crying and hungry. I popped out of bed to feed him. He settled down, I changed his diaper and got him back to sleep. Back to his bassinet. Back to my bed.


Thirty minutes later, it happened again. How can he possibly be hungry again? I thought. I stared at my husband and that's when we both realized we had a long night ahead of us.

The next morning (or really, what felt like the continuation of one very long day), I got up and wondered how I was going to do this. I hadn't slept. I felt like a shadow and my mind was as foggy as ever. I was walking around in what felt like a completely foreign postpartum body, and now my sleep-addled brain was going, too.

How do people 'mom' like this? I thought.

They just do, I would later realize.

Moms who are sleep-deprived just get through the day and do what they need to to keep their family's world—and their own—spinning on its axis.

Even though they're sleep-deprived, moms get up and make breakfast. They get their kids dressed for school, buckle them into their car seats and make it to pre-school dropoff on time.

Even though they're sleep-deprived, moms remember to bring their pump to work. They get dressed for the big meeting, pat each hair perfectly into place and walk into the building looking and acting like the boss they are.

Even though they're sleep-deprived, moms serve up the no-foam, double-shot mocha latte with Stevia instead of sugar the customer orders. They remember to hold the bread, serve the ranch on the side, and ask the cook if there are any peanuts in the recipe.

Even though they're sleep-deprived, mamas tame the tantrums. They soothe their 2-year-old in the middle of the aisle in Target during an epic meltdown and they still don't forget to grab the milk they went shopping for in the first place.

Even though they're sleep-deprived, mamas sing funny songs to make the baby laugh. They tickle chubby baby bellies, they rock their precious one to sleep for as long as it takes to see those soft baby eyelids flutter closed and content.

Even though they're sleep-deprived, mamas get themselves ready for that first day back at work from maternity leave. They sit at their computer facing a blank screen and know that they can do this today, even though they miss their baby desperately. Because they are ridiculously good at their job.

Even though they're sleep-deprived, moms change that 6th diaper of the day. They wipe up the 50th time the baby spits up. They put away the same toy for the 8th time that day.

Even though they're sleep-deprived, moms ask their friends or partner how their day was. They listen intently to the problem or great thing that happened and commiserate or celebrate accordingly.

Even though they're sleep deprived, moms rally to go out for girl's night. They answer the distraught message their best friend sent them—even if it is a day (or three) later. They cook up an extra meal for the neighbor who just had a baby.

Even though they're sleep-deprived, mamas check their babies' temperatures. They wait for fevers to break. They call the doctor in the middle of the night. They lay beside their children on tiny twin mattresses, offering comfort for stuffy noses and worn-out little bodies.

Even though they're sleep-deprived, mamas want to feel like themselves. So they stay up late. To get a little bit of me time and binge-watch Younger or The Bachelor or finish reading that novel or listen to that podcast that she'd heard such great things about.

Even though they're sleep-deprived, mamas push to check off everything on their to-do list. They squeeze in one more load of laundry or finish cleaning that last pile of dishes so it won't be waiting tomorrow. They go around the house checking windows and doors to make sure everyone is safe. They stay up worrying even though they desperately need to sleep.


As my newborn grew into the toddler he is now, I learned more and more what I could accomplish on two, three, four, hours of sleep. I became amazed—and still am—by what I see my fellow mamas and myself achieve.

Just imagine how much more we could get done on a full night's sleep.

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Maisonette is a go-to destination for high-quality baby and children's fashion and products, and they just launched their very own baby registry to make preparing for your new bundle of joy that much simpler. 🙌

When growing a family, functionality is just as important as style, but that doesn't mean you have to skimp on having a nursery that is beautiful, mama. The Maisonette Baby Registry offers endless registry essentials and exclusive products from layette bundles and teething sets to Moses baskets and knit clothing. Plus, they're featuring plenty of top-rated gear to cover you from newborn stages and beyond.

"With the introduction of the Maisonette Baby Registry, we wanted to create a one-stop destination for first time parents and parents expecting their second or third child—not just for what you need, but for the extra-special items that parents actually want," sais Sylvana Ward Durrett, co-founder and CEO of Maisonette

If you're a fan of the Maisonette aesthetic, you can now create a registry (or shop for another mama!) right on their website. Even better? They're collaborated with several influential mamas, like Daphne Oz, Diane Kruger, and Lily Aldridge so you can check out their very own registries for a little inspiration.

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We can't wait to look through the curated registry picks. 🎉

Shop the Maisonette Baby Registry

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Every parent out there knows that caring for a sick child isn't just heartbreaking, it's absolutely exhausting. Jaiden Cowley knows this all too well: The single mama's daughter, Amira, was born with a heart defect and has been waiting more than a year for a heart transplant.

Last week, when Amira ended up in the emergency room late at night for her ongoing heart issues, Jaiden reached out for a helping hand. She desperately needed a coffee to get her through the night, but she also couldn't leave her sweet baby to get one for herself.

So the single mother who moved to Toronto to be closer to its Hospital for Sick Children reached out to her virtual Mom Squad, a Facebook group that allows moms to connect. But she didn't expect the outpouring of generosity she received.

As first reported by TODAY, Jaiden posted the following message to the group, writing: "Is anyone at sickkids right now? I have a huge favor to ask. I'm in the er and I can't leave my daughter alone, but I really need a coffee."

She hoped another mom would coincidentally be in the hospital—she didn't expect a perfect stranger to go out of her way, but that's exactly what happened. A woman named Elizabeth drove to the hospital and presented Jaiden with a coffee half an hour later.

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"To some it was just a simple cup of coffee, to me her bringing it to me meant I could stay awake and alert for my daughter. I was able to properly advocate for her," Jaiden tells Motherly.

Elizabeth wasn't the only amazing mama who came forward to help: Another reportedly sent Jaiden money so she could treat herself to coffee, and several others offered to help in any way possible.

"It meant so much to me," Jaiden tells TODAY. "Going through this as a single mom has been a lot. It's exhausting. But now I don't feel so alone."

She later told Motherly: "No act of kindness goes unnoticed. No matter how small you think it may be to that person it means the world."

We couldn't love this story more! It's such an important reminder that mamas can do amazing things when they help each other out in times of need. We all need a little support sometimes, and if this story is any indication, there are still incredibly kind people out there who are willing to offer it.

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