Menu

Why waiting to find out your baby’s sex can be (surprise!) awesome

Whatever your religion, not finding out your baby's gender is an act of faith, supreme trust that all will be well and that ultimately you will have what you are meant to have.

choosing not to learn baby's sex

I completely understand why all my friends chose to find out their baby's sex via sonogram, before birth. The middle-aged sonographer thought I was joking when I told her that I didn't want to know. “Really? You're the first person in months to not want to know," she said. But it wasn't that I didn't want to know. I wondered every day. Rather, I was choosing not to know.

As she administered what would be (for that pregnancy) my final prenatal sonogram, this quizzical woman repeated what the sonographers before her had said. “I'm glad you're waiting. That's what we all did when I was young, before you could find out. There is no surprise more worth the wait."

To each her own, I say again.


A dear friend was so playfully annoyed that I was waiting to learn the news that she asked if she could come along and have the doctor write it on a slip of paper, so she could start shopping for clothes. I laughed and refused. When this same friend became pregnant a year later, she found out as soon as she could. And halfway through her pregnancy I celebrated the revelation of her child's sex with her. By the time the baby came, she knew the name and had the nursery ready to go.

I delight in planning, in being super-prepared. So why, then, would I choose not to know my baby's sex as quickly as possible?

I can think of plenty of good reasons to find out right away, and friends and strangers alike always ask, “What are you having?" But I think there just might be others out there who would enjoy hearing the story of an expectant mother who waited to find out and would do it again.

From the shop

Our faves for pregnant mamas


Reason #1: The loss of control

You know the very thing I said I revel in? I willingly gave it up. I drove myself crazy... but it was a good crazy. I knew that being a mom would mean a constant loss of control. Why not practice?

After spending nine months totally in the dark about an incredible secret I could have found out, it was like I had endured Control Loss Boot Camp. Not finding out my baby's sex was a way to train myself as a new mom to not freak out on those days when it felt like everything was outside my control.

Reason #2: Loving acceptance

Have you ever noticed that everyone has an opinion on which gender would be better for you to have?

"Ooh, it's probably a girl because you're so girly. I just think you'd take to a girl easier." Uh, I'm sorry. I didn't know the amount of leather or lace I wore affected gender outcome.

"I hope you have a boy. Your husband must want a son more than anything." Did I hear you correctly?

"Hope it's not a girl. They can be so difficult. A girl will give you a hard time, especially when she begins menstruating." Did you really just say that? The child hasn't taken his or her first breath yet.

When you're pregnant, everyone assumes you have a preference. The fact is, I didn't care what I had. I just prayed my baby would be healthy.

But what if you do have a preference, and then find out you are having the opposite? That happened to one of my friends. She spent months worrying that she would not bond with her daughter because she so desperately wanted a son. When she met the baby, she fell in love. Why not avoid the worrying altogether?

First and foremost, your baby is a person, with a unique and beautiful soul. Want to prove that to the world? Wait to find out. Then people will be meeting Baby James with the sparkling eyes and incredible laugh or Baby Alice with the tuft of curls and voracious appetite, and not simply "the boy" or "the girl."

Reason #3: To avoid disappointment + keep unfair pressures off an unborn baby

Some cultures still prize the perceived superiority of sons, and there might be someone in your family, whether or not they admit it to you, who will be disappointed to learn you're having a girl. (There may also be those who are disappointed you're having a boy.) Sure, they may eventually get over it. But why not spare your child being anything but happily anticipated?

Not finding out your baby's sex is a statement, an act of defiance against the temptation (whether yours or someone else's) to "root" for one sex or have preconceived notions about your child's personality. It can also be a way to protect an unborn baby from people's opinions before they are even out of the womb. There will be plenty of time for facing those later.

Reason #4: Green + yellow are cooler than pink or blue

In the words of Gwen Stefani, "Take this pink ribbon off my eye!"Ever get a little sick of bubblegum pink and periwinkle blue? There's a whole color palette to choose from, so why limit yourself? (Even if you learn your baby's gender but break out of the pink/blue thing, prepare for all kinds of pink or blue gifts from others.)

My nursery was seafoam green, decorated with Peter Rabbit and Jemima Puddleduck. The clothes my baby wore home from the hospital? A beautiful soft cream onesie with a bunny stitched on the front. All the sweet yellow, green and white outfits looked adorable, and it was fun to go shopping for the more gender-specific clothes after a few weeks of recovery.

Reason #5: You make some people nuts (and it's fun, right)?

When you might otherwise hear a lecture on what it's like to raise a boy or a girl, complete with "advice," you'll instead hear, "You seriously don't know? It makes me crazy and it's not even my baby." "It's in God's hands," you answer, "not mine." And you reach for more Mexican food. The guacamole tastes even better than usual.

Reason #6: What if the sonographer was wrong?

Think that can't happen? I know someone who thought she was having a girl. But I guess something special was hiding off camera, because lo and behold, she delivered a baby boy last year and brought him home to his pink Disney Princess bedroom.

Sure, it's rare. But can you imagine if they made a mistake? You might feel you were mourning a lost baby you never really had.

Reason #7: Connection to our foremothers + our faith

For almost every generation before ours, women discovered the sex of their babies after delivery. These births had an air of mystery and magic. Loved ones paced outside, awaiting the exciting news, instead of reading about it on Facebook in advance.

Although almost everything about labor and delivery has improved since those previous generations, I like this connection to the sacred mystery of births that came before. Whatever your religion, not finding out your baby's gender is an act of faith, supreme trust that all will be well and that ultimately you will have what you are meant to have.

Reason #8: Giddy anticipation

Remember the feeling of being a kid who couldn't wait to open your Christmas/birthday/holiday present and find out what treasure awaited you? The anticipation is like that, times 100.

My aunt told me, "It helps you push, because you're so excited to find out." And she was right. When my baby was born and I found out, I cried tears of pure joy and amazement. Turns out, it really is the best surprise of your life.

Reason #9: A baby is never the way you would expect, anyway

Knowing your baby's sex might make you think you know what to expect when they're born. Wrong!

Any mom knows that she never could have imagined the perfect and crazy uniqueness that is her baby. Waiting to find out allows you to fall in love with a new baby, rather than the preview report of a gender, which often carries with it stereotypes that your child might transcend.

For example, you might have a rambunctious baby girl who is always getting scrapes, and a cautious baby boy who would rather sit on the sidelines with a board book. We're having people, not pink and blue drones.

Reason #10: It bucks the trend

The big trend these days is finding out. It's so easy—there are sonograms, blood tests and even over-the-counter kits.

If you decide to find out, I totally get it. I almost caved several times, and that would have brought its own excitement, and maybe a gender reveal party. Or there might be a particular reason why finding out makes the most sense for you.

But if you decide to hang in there, I'm right there with you. And we're not alone. If you want to find us, we're the ones with the two names picked out, the frustrated friends waiting with intense curiosity, the ones crying euphoric tears of surprise in the hospital.

Oh, and what did I end up having? Exactly what our family needed... the most beautiful baby my husband and I could have imagined, inside and out.


True

These are only the vitamins I give my children and here's why

It's hard to say who loves these more—my kids or me.

When I became a mama five years ago, I didn't put too much thought into whether my son was getting the right vitamins and minerals. From breastfeeding to steaming and pureeing his first bites of solid food, I was confident I was giving him everything to support his growth and development.

But then the toddler years—and the suddenly picky palate that accompanied them—came along. Between that challenge and two additional children in the mix… well, I knew my oldest son's eating plan was falling short in some vitamin and mineral categories.

I also knew how quickly he was growing, so I wanted to make sure he was getting the nutrients he needed (even on those days when he said "no, thank you" to any veggie I offered).

So when I discovered the new line of children's supplements from Nature's Way®, it felt like a serious weight off my chest. Thanks to supplements that support my children's musculoskeletal growth, their brain function, their immune systems, their eyes and more, I'm taken back to that simpler time when I was so confident my kids' vitamin needs were met.*

It wasn't just the variety of supplements offered by Nature's Way that won me over: As a vegetarian mama, I'm the picky one in the family when it comes to scanning labels and making sure they meet our standards. The trick is that most gummy vitamins are made with gelatin, which is not vegetarian friendly.

But just like the other offerings from Nature's Way that I've already come to know and love, the children's supplement line is held to a high standard. That means there's no high-fructose corn syrup, gelatin or common allergens to be found in the supplements. The best part? My two oldest kids ensure we never miss their daily vitamins—they are so in love with the gummy flavors, which include tropical fruit punch, lemonade and wild berry.


Nature's Way Kids Mulitvitamin


Meanwhile, my pharmacist husband has different criteria when evaluating supplements, especially when it comes to those for our kids. He appreciates the variety of options from Nature's Way, which gives us the ability to rotate the vitamins based on our kids' daily needs. By keeping various children's supplements from Nature's Way on hand, I can customize a regimen to suit my kids' individual requirements.

Of course, high-quality products often come at a higher price point. But (to my immense gratitude!) that isn't the case with Nature's Way, which retails for a competitive value when compared to the other items on the shelf.

Like all mamas, my chief concern is supporting my children's health in any way I can. While I see evidence of their growth every time I pack away clothes they've outgrown, I know there is much more growth that doesn't meet the eye. That's why, for my oldest son, I like stacking the Brain Builder gummy with the Growing Bones & Muscles gummy and the Happy & Healthy Multi. My 3-year-old also enjoys getting her own mix to include the Healthy Eyes gummy. And both of my older kids are quick to request the Tummy Soothe tablet when something isn't sitting right in their stomachs.* And I'll admit it: I've tried it myself and the berry blast flavor really is tasty!

Although my current phase of motherhood may not be as "simple" as it once was, there is so much to appreciate about it—like watching my kids play and sing and create with their incredible imaginations. Along the way, I've eased up on some of my need for control, but it does help to have this range of supplements in my motherhood tool kit. So while I may not be able to convince my son to try kale, having the Nature's Way supplements on hand means I do know he's right on track.*These statements have not been evaluated by the Food & Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.


This article was sponsored by Nature's Way. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

Our Partners

There is rightfully a lot of emphasis on preparing for the arrival of a new baby. The clothes! The nursery furniture! The gear! But, the thing about a baby registry is, well, your kids will keep on growing. Before you know it, they'll have new needs—and you'll probably have to foot the bill for the products yourself.

Thankfully, you don't have to break the bank when shopping for toddler products. Here are our favorite high-quality, budget-friendly finds to help with everything from meal time to bath time for the toddler set.

Comforts Fruit Crisps Variety Pack

Comforts fruit snacks

If there is one thing to know about toddlers, it is this: They love snacks. Keeping a variety on hand is easy when the pack already comes that way! Plus, we sure do appreciate that freeze-dried fruit is a healthier alternative to fruit snacks.

Comforts Electrolyte Drink

Comforts electrolyte drink

Between running (or toddling!) around all day and potentially developing a pickier palate, many toddlers can use a bit of extra help with replenishing their electrolytes—especially after they've experienced a tummy bug. We suggest keeping an electrolyte drink on hand.

Comforts Training Pants

Comforts training pants

When the time comes to start potty training, it sure helps to have some training pants on hand. If they didn't make it to the potty in time, these can help them learn their body's cues.

Comforts Nite Pants

comforts nite pants

Even when your toddler gets the hang of using the toilet during the day, nighttime training typically takes several months longer than day-time training. In the meantime, nite pants will still help them feel like the growing, big kid they are.

Comforts Baby Lotion

comforts baby lotion

Running, jumping, playing in sand, splashing in water—the daily life of a toddler can definitely irritate their skin! Help put a protective barrier between their delicate skin and the things they come into contact with every day with nourishing lotion.

Another great tip? Shopping the Comforts line on Comfortsforbaby.com to find premium baby products for a fraction of competitors' prices—and follow along on social media to see product releases and news at @comfortsforbaby.

This article was sponsored by The Kroger Co. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

Our Partners

It's science: Why your baby stops crying when you stand up

A fascinating study explains why.

When your baby is crying, it feels nearly instinctual to stand up to rock, sway and soothe them. That's because standing up to calm babies is instinctual—driven by centuries of positive feedback from calmed babies, researchers have found.

"Infants under 6 months of age carried by a walking mother immediately stopped voluntary movement and crying and exhibited a rapid heart rate decrease, compared with holding by a sitting mother," say authors of a 2013 study published in Current Biology.

Even more striking: This coordinated set of actions—the mother standing and the baby calming—is observed in other mammal species, too. Using pharmacologic and genetic interventions with mice, the authors say, "We identified strikingly similar responses in mouse pups as defined by immobility and diminished ultrasonic vocalizations and heart rate."

Keep reading Show less
News