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I like to prepare. It helps me when I'm feeling overwhelmed or anxious about something to be able to at least know, loosely, how I'm going to get through it. That's exactly how I felt going back to work after my first maternity leave. With so much unknown, I wanted to put together the steps that would help me get to the office, make it through the day, and transition back home without missing or forgetting anything.

The only problem was, I didn't know what I didn't know.

So I did things to prepare like pack my work bag, lay out all my pumping essentials and I even did a practice run with our sitter to make sure my son got a chance to "test the waters" and I got a chance to make sure I was sending all the right supplies with him for a day away from home.

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While those things were all important, but there were a few other things that I learned from my first go-round that made my second return much easier.

Heading back to work can be stressful, emotional and overwhelming but having a plan in place as you countdown those final days at home with your little one can help give you a sense of control.

Here are eight ways to help in your transition back to work from maternity leave:

1. Set expectations with your boss.

Be in communication with your boss in the weeks leading up to your return if you can and if it's comfortable. Check in to see how things are at the office and talk through your transition plan back into your normal groove. Will your job and responsibilities look the same? Should you anticipate any changes? Is there an opportunity to phase back into your normal workload, especially in that first week as you adjust to a new schedule with childcare drop-offs, pumping (if that's what you choose), etc.?

Having breakfast with my boss two weeks before returning to work put many of my fears to rest. We worked out a transition plan to ease me back into my normal workload and I openly shared with her the logistics behind my new schedule with childcare so that she would have realistic expectations. It made me feel a part of the team again and helped to know that we were on the same page from the minute I came back—no explanations necessary.

2. Prepare the night (or week) before.

Don't make the first morning back to work frantic by running around trying to find your keys, your work badge or your baby's favorite travel blanket. Make sure that your work bag is packed, that it includes everything you'll need for the entire day (including spares), that the coffee is set, your lunch/snacks are packed, the bottles are prepped and your outfit is laid out. You are going to be distracted enough with everything else that leaving your baby will entail. Don't add to the stress by not having the basics ready to go the night (or the week) before.

3. Do a dry run with the sitter or daycare.

Speaking of preparing in advance, I know many mamas who do a couple of practice days with their childcare provider in the week leading up to returning to work. It gives you a chance to see what the baby needs and provides a level of comfort with how things will work on that first morning. Iit even gives you a couple of hours to run errands, pick up some new clothes, or do the preparation stuff that you want to have ready when the real day arrives.

4. Have pictures ready to go.

I always try to bring a baby picture to my desk and updated pictures of my kids in general when I head back to work. It gives me something to do when I first settle in at the office that makes me feel connected to my babies while still present at work. Whether that's a framed photo, a new digital wallpaper on your work computer, or a special coffee mug that you make with their photo on it, take a small reminder with you to the office. Just be cautious that you don't get too sucked into scrolling through pictures on your phone all day or checking in constantly with the sitter. This is a big day for both of you and you need to honor that and give yourselves both a little space to figure out how you're going to make it work.

5. Focus on work—but don't hide the fact that you just had a baby.

Finding that balance between acknowledging that you're in a major transition stage while not dwelling on it is tough. I remember swinging back and forth between wanting to push thoughts of my baby at a sitter's house from my mind completely, to only wanting to chat with coworkers about my maternity leave.

You have to find the right balance for you. For me, acknowledging the fact that I was just back from maternity leave was always appropriate. Saying a few words about that time or about my new baby, also appropriate. I find people do care and are genuinely interested. But at the end of the day you are back at work with a job to do and focusing on that is going to take some practice. Just be sure that you are showing up, doing the work and demonstrating your commitment to what you do as a professional, in addition to being a great mama.

6. Have responses prepared for colleagues who ask how you're doing.

When dealing with coworkers, you may find it easier to have some responses prepared. Think about what you want to share and how honest you want to be. I remember fighting back tears, hard, when asked that question. I had such a tough physical recovery, a colicky baby and I was not sleeping much at all. That simple question was like a landmine when asked. The next time I returned from leave, I made sure to think about the type of response I wanted to share and yes, I practiced it. I felt so much more in control when talking with colleagues that second time around, and that gave me confidence.

7. Have a great outfit.

Nothing can mess with your self-confidence like trying on an old work outfit only to find that your hips haven't closed, your belly is still mushy and your bust size just isn't the same. Be sure you have something that fits, is functional (especially if you're pumping), and makes you feel good. For me, it was slacks or jeans (in a new, larger size) and button-up shirts that looked smart and polished but still gave flexibility for my changing mid-section and were easy for daily pumping at the office.

8. Fuel your body.

Unless you're one of the lucky ones who has a baby already sleeping through the night, chances are you're going to have to make it through your workday on much less sleep than you're used to. Now is the time to make sure you're eating fruits and veggies, drinking water, taking a walk or doing some stretches to give your body the extra energy it needs.

Your knee-jerk reaction will be to expect to return to everything as it was before your leave. But know that how you feel about your work may change. And that is okay. It's a period of transformation, new routines and new normals. You'll make it through, and my guess is you'll like who you are on the other side even better.

Originally published on Mother Nurture

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    Jessica Simpson's life seems perfect. She has three beautiful kids, a wildly successful career, a seemingly solid marriage...she has it all, at least as far as we can see. But recent revelations prove that no one really knows what anyone else is secretly dealing with—and Jessica, by her own admission, has been struggling with alcohol issues.

    The singer-turned-business-woman recently sat down with TODAY's Hoda Kotb, and it will air on NBC's TODAY Wednesday morning.

    "I had started a spiral and I couldn't catch up with myself…and that was with alcohol," Jessica explained. "I would say it openly to everyone. 'I know. I know, I'll stop soon. I'll cut back'," Jessica continued when asked if she realized things were getting out of control. "For me to cut back, like I'm an all or nothing girl, and so I didn't know it was a problem until it was...I completely didn't recognize myself…I always had a glitter cup. It was always filled to the rim with alcohol."

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    She's hardly alone. The rise of #winemom phenomenon is well documented and many parents struggle with substance abuse problems. But Simpson's story proves there is a way to get your life back.

    Simpson quit drinking in 2017 after she found herself unable to get her kids ready for a Halloween party. She says she'd started drinking before 7:30 in the morning, before accompanying her husband, Eric Johnson, to a school assembly for their oldest daughter. Later that night she was unable to get her kids dressed in their Halloween costumes. The next morning she was so ashamed. Feeling like she had failed her kids she slept until they left the house, then got up and drank some more.

    That episode was her tipping point. She quit drinking (as did her husband, Eric Johnson, who supports her in her sobriety.)



    As parents, we know how overwhelming the demands can be...and how easy it is to sink into habits that don't ultimately serve us well. For Jessica, the way to heal was to sever her relationship with alcohol.

    "I had to give [drinking] up," Jessica said. "I'm not going to miss another day. I'm not going to miss another Halloween. I'm not going to miss another Christmas. I'm going to be present."

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    Babies come with a lot of stuff. And when you're out and about, a roomy, comfy diaper bag is the place for everything you need to be prepared for whatever the day throws your way. But is a cute, trendy diaper bag that doesn't scream, well... DIAPER BAG, too much to ask? It's not, mamas.

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    Petunia Pickle Bottom Pathway

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    Frustrations and emotions were at an all time high for both us. I was worried that my lack of patience would get the best of me, leaving her feeling let down and frustrated with me on her new journey of becoming a “big girl." And selfishly, I was tired of washing wet underwear. For her part, my daughter was tired of being asked for the hundredth time if she needed to use the potty.

    We both were feeling a little defeated in this new adventure.

    I have found too often as a mother that I expect my child to respond new things, like to potty training, as fast and as close to the last blog post, book or opinion I heard or read. What I have learned is that no two children are alike and the moment I release my expectations for where mine should or should not be, we are both brought back to peace and patience.

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    So maybe a break was all we needed to start fresh the next day. We headed to our favorite spot by the lake and had a picnic. My daughter munched on popcorn and chatted away about the weather and pinecones, and listened for the sounds of helicopters—which you hear quite often living on an aviation military base.

    Sometimes in the daily struggles of motherhood I have noticed that I can forget who I am and the strength we possess as mothers. It may not come easily at first, but I grow with each new day. Even potty training—this mundane human activity that is emotional and (quite literally) messy, teaches me much about the meaning and purpose of motherhood.

    Potty training has taught me a huge lesson on patience. Patience to be present, to pay attention to what is right in front of me. To be encouraging, to not rush the process, to not place expectations on timing or play the comparison game we often play as mothers.

    Patience is needed in every area of parenting and potty training is just one way where we can see as parents where our patience is wearing thin.

    I have found that it's when I come from a place of patience and presence that I can then glean wisdom from those messy, mundane, time-consuming tasks of potty training, and find that the waiting, sitting and hours of time spent in the bathroom gives me an opportunity to be present in my child's world.

    Whether it be the grocery line, a traffic jam, or cleaning up wet bedding, I learn the art and joy in the small and big moments in motherhood. Giving our children space to fail and try it again as many times as it takes encourages them that they too can cultivate the gift of patience in there own tiny lives.

    My daughter speaks to me everyday, inviting growth that sometimes feels really hard and frustrating, she provokes patience to be felt and sensed through every minute of the day. And for this I am grateful. Because to truly live and be present in my child's world means “I learn from her, and she learns from me." Even in potty training.

    Our children have so much to offer to who we are as individuals and they have so much to teach us. In fact, I have come to live for these exhausting, beautiful, and downright messy moments in time. When I push myself to embrace them, rather than just find them frustrating, I stretch and grow and evolve. I become the mother I hope to be.

    And to you mama, whether in the midst of sleepless newborn nights or toddler tornados or the midst of potty training, may you find strength as a mother, as a wife, and as a person to let go of any expectations or judgements you place upon yourself.

    May love and gratitude fill our hearts and peace be with all of us on the journey that motherhood is.

    Life
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