Chrissy Teigen shares heartbreaking post about baby Jack: “I am so full of regret”

Teigen and her husband John Legend experienced pregnancy loss last year.

Chrissy Teigen shares heartbreaking post about baby Jack: “I am so full of regret”
Chrissy Teigen/Instagram

As she approaches what would have been the due date of her late son, Chrissy Teigen is reflecting on her pregnancy and loss.

In late September, Teigen and her husband John Legend lost their baby Jack, halfway through the pregnancy.

In a new Instagram post, the Cravings author shared behind-the-scenes photos from the music video for Legend's song "Wild." The couple announced her pregnancy to the world within the video.

"I was 10 weeks along and out of my mind happy. I knew the video would take a bit to get together so thought it would be cute to share our news with the world through the ol classic hand on belly trick at the end. I could have never imagined what would happen over the next 10 weeks," Teigen wrote.

"Not sure I'll ever be able to watch that video again without sobbing but I hope he feels my tears and knows we miss him so."

She also described the deep pain she's experienced watching Jack's due date draw close.

"He would have been here any day now - if he were like Luna and Miles, I'd probably be holding him as we speak," Teigen wrote.

"I am so full of regret that I didn't look at his face when he was born. I was so scared of seeing him in my nightmares that I forgot about seeing him in my dreams. I hurt every day from that remorse. This month is a rough reminder and to be honest, I thought the worst was over but I guess life and emotions aren't on any sort of schedule."

Teigen ended her note by thanking her fans and loved ones for their continued support. She also added two heartbreaking sentences, meant for her son.

"And I love you jack. I miss you so so much."

Since the loss of their son, Teigen and Legend have been unflinchingly honest about their grief.

"We are shocked and in the kind of deep pain you only hear about, the kind of pain we've never felt before," Teigen wrote when the couple revealed how they lost Jack. She also shared a series of black-and-white photos from that traumatic day.

Weeks later, she shared a heartbreaking essay describing the events that led up to their loss. She wrote about delivering Jack and how their family said goodbye.

"I asked the nurses to show me his hands and feet and I kissed them over and over and over again. I have no idea when I stopped. It could have been 10 minutes or an hour," she said.

Teigen also thanked everyone who had reached out to their family, offering support and sharing their own experiences with loss.

"I wrote this because I knew for me I needed to say something before I could move on from this and return back to life, so I truly thank you for allowing me to do so," she wrote.

"Jack will always be loved, explained to our kids as existing in the wind and trees and the butterflies they see. Thank you so much to every single person who has had us in their thoughts or gone as far as to send us your love and stories."

Parents who have experienced a miscarriage or stillbirth understand Teigen's grief intimately.

It's traumatic losing a child. The grief is overwhelming and sometimes, it feels like it will swallow you whole.

Little by little, you learn how to live again. How to function in a world that doesn't include your beloved baby.

You don't forget; how can you? But you learn how to put one foot in front of the other and keep moving, even when it feels impossible.

And then your child's due date draws near, reminding you of what could have been. What should have been. If only.

To live through that due date without being able to hold your baby—it feels like losing him all over again.

It's traumatic. Again

It's unimaginable. Again.

To the moms who know this grief, who will carry this loss for the rest of their lives, know that we see you.

We're here for you.

We are you.

You're not alone.

Jamie Orsini is an Emmy Award-winning journalist, military spouse, and a mom to two busy toddlers. In her spare time, Jamie volunteers with the Solar System Ambassador program with NASA/JPL and reads anything she can get her hands on. She’s currently working on her first novel.

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