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Love It—Lesson 7—What makes great couples great ✨

Today’s Video Lesson—

Today’s big takeaways—

1. Remember 5 to 1

Love expert John Gottman’s research shows that thriving couples maintain a 5 to 1 ratio of positive to negative interactions.

This means we need to have 5 positive exchanges for every 1 negative exchange to keep our relationships healthy.

In the intense days of parenthood, it’s so easy to complain or get down on one another. Try instead to build up positive exchanges with your partner.

2. Sweat the small stuff

It sounds counter-intuitive, but healthy couples actually have low negativity thresholds—meaning they speak up when something small bothers them

The research shows that low-negativity thresholds are where the best couples thrive.

When something bothers them they let their partners know—so it doesn’t build up into a bigger issue that needs to be address years down the line.

You can learn more about the low negativity thresholds and the mathematics of happy couples in this TEDX talk from Mathematician Hannah Fry.

3. Emotional bank account

We are constantly depositing and withdrawing from an emotional bank account with our partners. Can you focus on depositing into your partner’s emotional bank account—and worry less about what he or she is depositing into yours? You might be surprised by how it feels to give that extra love and affection.

Your task—Today, share 5 things you appreciate about your partner with him or her. Then, use this opportunity to make one request from your partner—something where you have a need.


Class comments—Let us know how it feels to have this conversation. What did you experience?


Need to catch-up or read-ahead? Access all of your Love It lessons.

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