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Going to therapy saved my motherhood

I was treading water with my head above the surface because typically it's fine as long as it's fine... until one day it's not.

Going to therapy saved my motherhood

There are days I wake up so happy I can feel it in my bones. But on other days I wake up feeling out of sorts, like someone trying to find a light switch in a darkened room.

A year ago, I decided to seek help from a therapist. I never thought about therapy before. I never thought I needed it. I had feelings buried deep inside me at the pit of my core for years that I never talked about, but that's where they lived, and I was okay with that—or so I thought.

Then I became a mother. And my heart cracked open, and a whole flood of emotions and new layers presented themselves.

When my second son was born, I was depressed, anxious—I was falling apart at the seams. Up until that point, I was treading water with my head above the surface because typically it's fine as long as it's fine... until one day it's not.

My therapist was gentle. She guided me. She taught me how to live with my realities and how to work through problems in my life. She helped peel back those layers to reveal why I was feeling what I was feeling and how I could deal with it on a daily basis—and that has saved me.

I had to stop listening to the negative voice inside my head.

We all have that inner voice inside of our heads that makes us question every move we make. That voice creates doubt and insecurity that gets in the way of how we live our lives and it can make you feel like a failure as a mom.

Your house is a complete disaster, fail.

Your baby isn't sleeping through the night yet, fail.

You yelled at your toddler for accidentally spilling milk on the kitchen floor, fail.

All these little moments stack up, and in return you blame yourself. You criticize your mom abilities and from there it snowballs.

But instead of turning those destructive thoughts inward, I practice mothering with a purpose now. I've learned to allow my challenges to serve as lessons—to help me parent with patience, strength and kindness.

I take a breather and walk to the other room, I count to 10 in my head, I journal my thoughts—anything to transfer that energy elsewhere. And when my mind starts to shift, I remind myself that I'm more powerful and that I'm in control of my thoughts.

I had to learn that the other voice reflected my true self.

This is the voice that counters the negative. This voice speaks the truth when I have an opinion and makes the decision when I'm being indecisive. It's my gut feeling and first instinct. It's also the voice I used to question most.

As a mother who struggles with depression and anxiety, I often overthink problems and carry around a guilty conscience— even days after making a mistake. My therapist helped me discover what my triggers are and how my voice can help me through it.

I've learned to be willing to explore things in my past in order to identify how they've affected me today. By strengthening this voice, I've been able to connect with my authentic self and become more mindful of my thoughts, fears, and truths.

Instead of second-guessing this voice, I listen to it now.

I had to learn that my feelings are valid, too.

My therapist doesn't like labels, but she often refers to me as being a protective people-pleaser. I tend to drift through life protecting my loved ones with a shield tied to my arm. I think that's part of the innate nature of a mother though, to take away the worries from her family. To pile the pain. To stack the struggles.

There are days—weeks even—when I feel like I'm taking on water. When I feel like I need to set down the bucket and just float there for a little while. Eventually, the weight becomes unbearable to carry and I've learned that it's okay to empty that bucket.

It's okay to confess that I'm struggling.

It's okay that I'm having a bad day, and it's okay to admit that motherhood is hard. My feelings matter, too.

I remind myself that it is the sum of the days, not just today, that shape my children.

I had to learn the healing power of self-forgiveness.

This was difficult for me.

I was unfairly blaming myself for something I was not responsible for. I was ashamed and I often interrogated myself about things that were all stemming from childhood trauma. Why did this happen to me? Why didn't I say anything? And like other survivors of trauma, I found myself stuck along the way toward healing—in a place where shame and guilt seemed to be blocking the path to happiness and recovery.

Even years later, those feelings crept into motherhood. Talking through these problems with my therapist helped me understand that what I experienced was not my fault. I learned that I needed to show myself compassion and empathy. Self-blame and shame can be toxic, and self-compassion has been the antidote.

I had to learn to be true to myself.

This means putting yourself first sometimes, which has always been tough for me, but it's even harder now that I'm a mother.

This means being completely honest with your thoughts, feelings, and values regardless what others might think of you. This means communicating those feelings wholeheartedly to others, allowing you to be your natural self.

If something is bothering you, speak. It means not allowing others to define you, sway you, or make decisions for you. It means being open-minded and sincere with your intimate thoughts and beliefs. It means standing up for yourself and standing down to no one.

Oftentimes there is a misconception that therapy is for those with bigger problems than our own. While others suffer from much greater issues, ones that require prescription medication or hospitalization, anyone can certainly benefit from talk therapy. Therapy can be painful, uncomfortable, overwhelming and exhausting—but it can also be a lifeline. I know it was for me.

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These are only the vitamins I give my children and here's why

It's hard to say who loves these more—my kids or me.

When I became a mama five years ago, I didn't put too much thought into whether my son was getting the right vitamins and minerals. From breastfeeding to steaming and pureeing his first bites of solid food, I was confident I was giving him everything to support his growth and development.

But then the toddler years—and the suddenly picky palate that accompanied them—came along. Between that challenge and two additional children in the mix… well, I knew my oldest son's eating plan was falling short in some vitamin and mineral categories.

I also knew how quickly he was growing, so I wanted to make sure he was getting the nutrients he needed (even on those days when he said "no, thank you" to any veggie I offered).

So when I discovered the new line of children's supplements from Nature's Way®, it felt like a serious weight off my chest. Thanks to supplements that support my children's musculoskeletal growth, their brain function, their immune systems, their eyes and more, I'm taken back to that simpler time when I was so confident my kids' vitamin needs were met.*

It wasn't just the variety of supplements offered by Nature's Way that won me over: As a vegetarian mama, I'm the picky one in the family when it comes to scanning labels and making sure they meet our standards. The trick is that most gummy vitamins are made with gelatin, which is not vegetarian friendly.

But just like the other offerings from Nature's Way that I've already come to know and love, the children's supplement line is held to a high standard. That means there's no high-fructose corn syrup, gelatin or common allergens to be found in the supplements. The best part? My two oldest kids ensure we never miss their daily vitamins—they are so in love with the gummy flavors, which include tropical fruit punch, lemonade and wild berry.


Nature's Way Kids Mulitvitamin


Meanwhile, my pharmacist husband has different criteria when evaluating supplements, especially when it comes to those for our kids. He appreciates the variety of options from Nature's Way, which gives us the ability to rotate the vitamins based on our kids' daily needs. By keeping various children's supplements from Nature's Way on hand, I can customize a regimen to suit my kids' individual requirements.

Of course, high-quality products often come at a higher price point. But (to my immense gratitude!) that isn't the case with Nature's Way, which retails for a competitive value when compared to the other items on the shelf.

Like all mamas, my chief concern is supporting my children's health in any way I can. While I see evidence of their growth every time I pack away clothes they've outgrown, I know there is much more growth that doesn't meet the eye. That's why, for my oldest son, I like stacking the Brain Builder gummy with the Growing Bones & Muscles gummy and the Happy & Healthy Multi. My 3-year-old also enjoys getting her own mix to include the Healthy Eyes gummy. And both of my older kids are quick to request the Tummy Soothe tablet when something isn't sitting right in their stomachs.* And I'll admit it: I've tried it myself and the berry blast flavor really is tasty!

Although my current phase of motherhood may not be as "simple" as it once was, there is so much to appreciate about it—like watching my kids play and sing and create with their incredible imaginations. Along the way, I've eased up on some of my need for control, but it does help to have this range of supplements in my motherhood tool kit. So while I may not be able to convince my son to try kale, having the Nature's Way supplements on hand means I do know he's right on track.*These statements have not been evaluated by the Food & Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.


This article was sponsored by Nature's Way. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

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Time-saving formula tips our editors swear by

Less time making bottles, more time snuggling.

As a new parent, it can feel like feeding your baby is a full-time job—with a very demanding nightshift. Add in the additional steps it takes to prepare a bottle of formula and, well… we don't blame you if you're eager to save some time when you can. After all, that means more time for snuggling your baby or practicing your own well-deserved self-care.

Here's the upside: Many, many formula-feeding mamas before you have experienced the same thing, and they've developed some excellent tricks that can help you mix up a bottle in record time. Here are the best time-saving formula tips from editors here at Motherly.

1. Use room temperature water

The top suggestion that came up time and time again was to introduce bottles with room temperature water from the beginning. That way, you can make a bottle whenever you need it without worrying about warming up water—which is a total lifesaver when you have to make a bottle on the go or in the middle of the night.

2. Buy online to save shopping time

You'll need a lot of formula throughout the first year and beyond—so finding a brand like Comforts, which offers high-quality infant formula at lower prices, will help you save a substantial amount of money. Not to mention, you can order online or find the formula on shelves during your standard shopping trip—and that'll save you so much time and effort as well.

3. Pre-measure nighttime bottles

The middle of the night is the last time you'll want to spend precious minutes mixing up a bottle. Instead, our editors suggest measuring out the correct amount of powder formula into a bottle and putting the necessary portion of water on your bedside table. That way, all you have to do is roll over and combine the water and formula in the bottle before feeding your baby. Sounds so much better than hiking all the way to the kitchen and back at 3 am, right?

4. Divide serving sizes for outings

Before leaving the house with your baby, divvy up any portions of formula and water that you may need during your outing. Then, when your baby is hungry, just combine the pre-measured water and powder serving in the bottle. Our editors confirm this is much easier than trying to portion out the right amount of water or formula while riding in the car.

5. Memorize the mental math

Soon enough, you'll be able to prepare a bottle in your sleep. But, especially in the beginning or when increasing your baby's serving, the mental math can take a bit of time. If #mombrain makes it tough to commit the measurements to memory, write up a cheat sheet for yourself or anyone else who will prepare your baby's bottle.

6. Warm up chilled formula with water

If you're the savvy kind of mom who prepares and refrigerates bottles for the day in advance, you'll probably want to bring it up to room temperature before serving. Rather than purchase a bottle warmer, our editors say the old-fashioned method works incredibly well: Just plunge the sealed bottle in a bowl of warm water for a few minutes and—voila!—it's ready to serve.



Another great tip? Shop the Comforts line on Comfortsforbaby.com to find premium baby products for a fraction of competitors' prices. Or, follow @comfortsforbaby for more information!

This article was sponsored by The Kroger Co. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

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Errands and showers are not self-care for moms

Thinking they are is what's burning moms out.

A friend and I bump into each other at Target nearly every time we go. We don't pre-plan this; we must just be on the same paper towel use cycle or something. Really, I think there was a stretch where I saw her at Target five times in a row.

We've turned it into a bit of a running joke. "Yeah," I say sarcastically, "We needed paper towels so you know, I had to come to Target… for two hours of alone time."

She'll laugh and reply, "Oh yes, we were out of… um… paper clips. So here I am, shopping without the kids. Heaven!"

Now don't get me wrong. I adore my trips to Target (and based on the fullness of my cart when I leave, I am pretty sure Target adores my trips there, too).

But my little running joke with my friend is actually a big problem. Because why is the absence of paper towels the thing that prompts me to get a break? And why on earth is buying paper towels considered a break for moms?

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