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Let’s make a baby: My 10-step plan to get pregnant

Motherly

Becoming a mother is one of the most transformational experiences of your life. It can also feel like one of the most overwhelming, but making a baby doesn't have to be so complicated.

We've got your 10-step guide to take you from baby dreams to baby reality. 🍼Here's how to get there.

1. Start the baby talk

The decision to get pregnant often starts as a conversation between two partners who decide they're just wild in love enough to become parents.

How do you know you're ready to become parents? Here are the 10 questions to ask your partner before you make a baby.

You'll also want to...

Have a lot of sex

No, really. New research shows that getting in a lot of sex before conception can prime the immune system for a healthy pregnancy. (Yes, please!) Go ahead, get your practice!

Make sure he's healthy

Dad's fertility matters too, so he'll want to make sure he's as healthy as can be. Read more on how your partner can boost his fertility.

Be in it together

There's also a lot of evidence to show that partners who enter parenthood intentionally have better outcomes for their relationship and for their child.

2. Take a prenatal vitamin and eat a nutritionally-dense diet


Start taking a prenatal 3 months before you start trying to conceive

Take a prenatal vitamin with 400 to 800 micrograms of folic acid "every day for at least three months before getting pregnant to lower your risk of some birth defects of the brain and spine," experts say. Care/Of customizes a vitamin pack plan if you're not sure where to start, but always consult your doctor first.

Pro tip: Some health insurance companies even cover the cost of prenatal vitamins, so ask your doctor if she can write you a prescription.

Eat well even before you conceive

A growing body of research also indicates it's also important for hopeful mamas-to-be to eat a nutritionally dense diet in advance of conception.

Choose organic when possible

As you boost your intake of healthy foods and produce, make an extra effort to eat organic, especially avoiding produce on Environmental Working Group's Dirty Dozen list.

Keep away from the Dirty Dozen

As mentioned above, you should try to avoid the "Dirty Dozen"—fruits and vegetables that have the highest rates of pesticides when grown conventionally. Make sure to choose organic for the following foods:

  • Apples
  • Blueberries
  • Cherry tomatoes
  • Cucumbers
  • Grapes
  • Hot peppers
  • Kale
  • Nectarines
  • Peaches
  • Potatoes
  • Snap peas
  • Spinach
  • Strawberries
  • Bell peppers

P.S. It's a good idea to always wash produce thoroughly before eating.

Limit coffee ☕ + alcohol 🍷

Heavy alcohol and caffeine consumption is shown to decrease female fertility. However, our trusted OB-GYNs promise that your one cup of coffee a day is just fine.

3. Stop popping that pill

Before you start actively trying to conceive, you'll need to stop using birth control. You may want to use a condom in the meantime if you're not ready to try for baby quite yet.

Here's when to stop, depending on what type of contraceptive you use:

The pill, patch or ring

Timeline: 3 months before you try to conceive

Dr. Michelle Collins, director of the Nurse-Midwifery Program at Vanderbilt University, explains that after stopping the birth control pill, patch or ring, "a woman may ovulate as soon as two weeks after stopping the contraception, or it may take longer, but generally most women will have a period return by six weeks after stopping the contraception."

Good to know: Studies have shown that "women who had switched from oral contraceptives to a barrier method within three months before attempting to conceive were more likely to become pregnant within 12 months (54 percent) than were those who attempted to conceive immediately after discontinuing oral contraceptives (32 percent)."

IUD

Timeline: 1-3 months before you try to conceive

Collins notes: "After having an IUD (intrauterine device) removed, fertility returns quickly, and conception can occur shortly after removal. The same is true for the progestin implant contraceptive Nexplanon."

Good to know: Studies have shown that women who have used an IUD for an extended period of time may face slightly decreased fertility in the first few months, but fertility rates generally return to normal within 18 months after removal.

Progestin injection

Timeline: 3 months or more before you try to conceive

"Some women who have ceased using the progestin injection Depo-Provera have noticed that it may take some months for the return of menses, during which time they are not ovulating. For women using that particular method of contraception, they may want to discontinue use a few months prior to when they actually want to target conception," Collins explains.

Good to know: It can take up to 12 weeks for injected progestogen to leave the body, so consider this timing in your fertility plans.

What to remember:

When you stop using hormonal contraception or the IUD, your body's natural fertility returns. The sooner fertility returns, the sooner you can track your cycle, pinpoint ovulation and get pregnant.

4. Book a prenatal checkup

It'll get you in the mood

We've never been so excited to go to the OB-GYN than when we headed in for our pre-conception checkup.And we asked a doctor for the 10 preconception questions you should ask your OB-GYN or midwife!

You can talk about your concerns

Your doctor can help you navigate how to adjust behaviors now to have the healthiest possible pregnancy.Our expert OB-GYN shared the 10 questions you should ask your doctor during your preconception checkup.

Questions include:

  • Diet and lifestyle: Are you a vegetarian? Do you run ultra-marathons? Are you underweight or overweight? Do you ever smoke?
  • Medical + family history: Is there a family history of miscarriage or genetic disease? Did any of your close relatives experience pregnancy complications?
  • Medications you take: Do any of the medications you currently take need to be stopped before you try to conceive? Are you taking a prenatal vitamin?
  • Environmental factors: Do you work or live near any dangerous chemicals that you need to limit your exposure to in advance of conception?
  • Any past pregnancies?: Have you had any previous pregnancies, miscarriages or abortions?

5. Start charting your cycle

We get it: You're a busy lady trying to get busy having a baby. The last thing you need is to waste your time on fertility aids that won't work. These five smart solutions use the most cutting-edge advancements in science and tech to get you pregnant faster.

Here are some we've used and loved:

Clearblue Easy Fertility Monitor

Full disclosure: There are editors on our staff who call this the "secret miracle worker." Clearblue's monitor generates results personalized to your specific cycle, not based on general hormone data from other women. The monitor will also navigate changing hormones and cycles through urine tests completed each cycle, and it's the only noninvasive method that tracks both LH and estrogen hormones. After your cycle has begun, simple turn on the monitor every day at some point during your six-hour testing window to know your fertile status and whether you need to take another test.

Pro tip: Share the love! This fertility monitor can be reset and shared with a friend once you've gotten pregnant.

Kindara App

The Kindara App is designed to be useful when trying to get pregnant as well as when you're not trying. Based on the principles of the Fertility Awareness Method, it tracks basal body temperature and cervical fluid consistency to help determine your most fertile days. Whereas in the past, women tracking their cycles may have had to use homemade charts to log these fertility signs, the app makes it easy to collect your data and track your ovulation. There's even a smart oral thermometer called Wink that automatically syncs with the app, taking the guesswork out of recording your daily temperature.
Pro tip: To get the most out of this app, you do have to have some knowledge about the Fertility Awareness Method and how to properly log the information. Once you are comfortable with the method, the app will help you understand how your body works. The thermometer is a little on the expensive side, but it can also be used by multiple women—simply wipe the data and hand it on to another soon-to-be mama in need.

Ava

One of the newest innovations in wearable fertility tech is the Ava bracelet. The actual tracker is a round silver pod roughly the size of a silver dollar, which you wear on a soft rubber strap. The strap holds the pod snugly to your pulse overnight and tracks resting pulse rate, skin temperature, heart rate variability, quality and amount of sleep, breathing rate, movement, perfusion (of the process of supplying blood to the tissues of your body), bioimpedance (the resistance of body tissue to tiny amounts of electricity) and heat loss. Using these physiological parameters, Ava can track ovulation and indicate (in most cases) an average of five fertile days per month for you to try to conceive. All you have to do is strap on Ava right before bed, then plug it in to charge when you first wake up and sync with the Ava app on your phone using Bluetooth technology.
Pro tip: Start wearing it as soon as you think you might want to get pregnant. The more you wear Ava, the better it learns your cycles and can help identify fertile days. The information can also help your doctor identify common conception struggles early on.

Clue app

If you want a less-invasive way of tracking your periods and symptoms, the Clue app is a great way to keep track of your cycle. Record symptoms like menstruation, mood, sex drive, energy levels, skin clarity and more every day, and then check your analysis monthly to see how patterns develop. The app can even let you know when your most fertile time of the month, or "fertile window," is opening and closing so you know when it's time to get busy. The more information you log, the easier it will be to spot patterns in your monthly cycle.

Pro tip: Personalize the app by selecting which symptoms you want to track, which can be especially helpful for predicting your period if you're not super regular. Skin is blowing up and you're craving chocolate chip cookies? Might be time to hop in bed.

YONO Fertility Monitor

Accurately predicting your fertility with continuous temperature readings? When you use YONO, the world's first in-ear ovulation predictor, you can do it with your eyes closed. Simply wear the YONO earbud while you sleep at night and the tiny device records your temperature every five minutes. Then you sync the data with YONO's app on your phone to plot a monthly fertility map to help you better identify when it's best to try to conceive.

Pro tip: Wear the YONO bud in the opposite ear than the one you typically sleep on, and charge it every morning for best results.
We only include products we've tested and loved in MotherlyLoves. Through affiliate programs, we may receive a revenue percentage if you purchase through our website.

6. Align your weight

The average woman should aim to gain around 30 pounds during pregnancy, so it can seem counterintuitive to try to lose (or gain) weight before trying to conceive.
It's good for baby
Before conception, keeping your body mass index (BMI) in a healthy range (between 18.5 and 24.9) won't only help you get pregnant, but new research indicates that it may also help sustain a healthy pregnancy.
Check your BMI here
We know it's super hard to stepawayfromtheicecream after a stressful day at work, but the thought of your healthy little one staring back at you just might be all the motivation you need. You can check your BMI here.

7. Workworkworkworkwork

Before you even conceive, it's a good idea to think about what your work life will be like when your little one arrives.

Plan ahead
Now is a great time to ask for a raise or take on extra responsibilities that will set you up you for leadership roles in the years to come. Positioning yourself as a highly valued member of the team can make it easier for you to ask for more flexibility or pay after baby is born, or to find remote working alternatives if you'd rather spend more time at home.
Add value
We're big fans of what Lean In suggests for women trying to make their mark at the office: Shifting from a "What do I get?" to a "What can I offer?" mindset can help you get noticed.
Take on new challenges
This is the time to take on new challenges that can set you up for better options going forward.
Ask for a raise
We love this advice from the boss ladies at Lean In: "You won't get what you don't ask for, so make it a rule to negotiate." Get pumped for asking for more by watching Stanford Graduate School of Business professor Margaret Neale's strategies for making your case.Now rock that negotiation.

8. File that paperwork

Write a will

Sites like RocketLawyer make it easy for you to create a legal will (for free!) online.
Get life insurance
Life insurance is important for women too. With more mothers working (and millennial women actually out-earning their male counterparts in their 20s before kids) it's crucial that women protect their families should something happen to them.
Bundle insurance
To make things easy, check out rates from your car insurance provider, or ask about life insurance at work. It's likely that both offer policies and that might make it easier for you to sign up quickly.

9. Take a peek at the budget, but don't freak out

Budget for baby
Learn the basics of how much pregnancy will cost with our guide to budgeting for baby. Motherly's got you covered.
Think about childcare
You can also start to research the general cost of childcare in your area, but you have plenty of time to get your finances in order, so don't freak out. You're going to take this whole motherhood thing in small (baby) steps at a time. But start now so you won't be surprised by the costs.
What dad can do
Turns out, dads should be concerned about their health too. Our OB-GYN, Dr. Sarah Hartwick Bjorkman, suggests:—Work on fitness and nutrition goals together. Obesity in men is linked to impaired sperm production.—He can also up his vitamin intake. Vitamin C and vitamin E have been shown to slightly increase sperm motility.—Stop smoking ASAP. Smoking is associated with reduced sperm quality. So are anabolic steroids and marijuana, so be sure to curb those too.—Ditch the briefs. Some studies have found that wearing brief type underwear increases the temperature around the scrotum, leading to a decrease in sperm quality.

10. Go wild!

Rock that pre-baby bucket list
On behalf of all the pregnant women not noshing on blue cheese and the new mamas not sleeping in, find ways to cherish these last few months of freedom.
Go out with your girlfriends
Motherhood is going to transform you in ways you can't even imagine, and one day not so long from now you might even forget what it's like to go out with your girlfriends and not worry about heading home to your little one.
Sleep in
There are a lot of late nights and early mornings (What is time?) in new motherhood, so sleep all you can.
Live it up
While you're still free as a bird, we hope you live it up!Head off to Europe. Book a spur-of-the-moment getaway with no need to arrange childcare. Wear that bikini with absolute abandon. Go all in at work.
Amazing things are about to happen. And we're so excited for you. 🎉👭👶

Let's make a baby: My 10-step plan to get pregnant

Motherly is your daily #momlife manual; we are here to help you easily find the best, most beautiful products for your life that actually work. We share what we love—and we may receive a commission if you choose to buy. You've got this.

 Motherly

Staff articles written by our team of experts, reporters + mamas. 

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5 essentials to make your next trip outdoors with 2 kids stress-free

With two babies in tow, getting out the door often becomes doubly challenging. From the extra things to carry to the extra space needed in your backseat, it can be easy to feel daunted at the prospect of a day out. But before you resign yourself to life indoors, try incorporating these five genius products from Nuna to get you and the littles out the door. (Because Vitamin D is important, mama!)

1. A brilliant double stroller

You've got more to carry—and this stroller gets it. The DEMI™ grow stroller from Nuna easily converts from a single ride to a double stroller thanks to a few easy-to-install accessories. And with 23 potential configurations, you're ready to hit the road no matter what life throws at you.

DEMI™ grow stroller
$799.95, Nuna

BUY

2. A light car seat

Lugging a heavy car seat is the last thing a mama of two needs to have on her hands. Instead, pick up the PIPA™ lite, a safe, svelte design that weighs in at just 5.3 pounds (not counting the canopy or insert)—that's less than the average newborn! When you need to transition from car to stroller, this little beauty works seamlessly with Nuna's DEMI™ grow.

PIPA™ lite car seat
$349.95, Nuna

BUY

3. A super safe car seat base

The thing new moms of multiples really need to get out the door? A little peace of mind. The PIPA™ base features a steel stability leg for maximum security that helps to minimize forward rotation during impact by up to 90% (compared to non-stability leg systems) and 5-second installation for busy mamas.

PIPA™ base
(included with purchase of PIPA™ series car seat or) Nuna, $159.95

BUY

4. A diaper bag you want to carry

It's hard to find an accessory that's as stylish as it is functional. But the Nuna diaper bag pulls out all the stops with a sleek design that perfectly conceals a deceptively roomy interior (that safely stores everything from extra diapers to your laptop!). And with three ways to wear it, even Dad will want to take this one to the park.

Diaper bag
$179.95, Nuna

BUY

5. A crib that travels

Getting a new baby on a nap schedule—while still getting out of the house—is hard. But with the SENA™ aire mini, you can have a crib ready no matter where your day takes you. It folds down and pops up easily for sleepovers at grandma's or unexpected naps at your friend's house, and the 360-degree ventilation ensures a comfortable sleep.

SENA aire mini
$199.95, Nuna

BUY


With 5 essentials that are as flexible as you need to be, the only thing we're left asking is, where are you going to go, mama?

This article was sponsored by Nuna. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.


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These viral birth photos are helping parents picture life in the womb

Seeing your baby for the first time is an amazing experience for any parent. For most parents, the months preceding this meeting were probably spent imagining what the baby was experiencing inside the womb, trying to paint a realistic picture on top of that two-dimensional black and white ultrasound photo.

But thanks to Brazillian birth photographer Janaina Oliveira and a baby boy named Noah, parents around the world are now better able to imagine what their baby's world looked like between the ultrasound picture and their first breath.

While most babies are born without their amniotic sac intact, Noah entered the world (via C-section), still cocooned inside his. This is known as an en caul birth, and while it wasn't the first Oliveira has captured through her lens, it is likely now the most famous of her photographs.

After she posted Noah's birth photos to Instagram, Oliveira's photos went viral, making headlines around the world.

This slideshow is amazing.

In a Facebook post, Noah's mom Monyck Valasco explains that she had a tough pregnancy with Noah, and is so grateful that he did not arrive too early.

Noah is now something of a celebrity in his hometown of Vila Velha, Brazil, but local media reports he was actually one of three en caul babies born at the Praia da Costa Hospital in just one month. Birth photographer Janaina Oliveira actually captured all three en caul births on camera. Little Matais arrived before Noah, and baby Laura came afterward, both en caul.

These photographs are as breathtaking as the babies featured in them and remind mothers around the world that our bodies were once someone's whole world. And now they are ours.

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Serena Williams' husband says taking parental leave was among the most important decisions he's ever made

Alexis Ohanian has made a lot of important decisions in his life. The decision to co-found Reddit is a pretty big one. So was marrying Serena Williams. But right up there with changing internet culture and making a commitment to his partner, the venture capitalist lists taking time off after his daughter's birth as a significant, life-changing choice.

"My understanding of showing up and being present for my wife was taken to a whole new level when Olympia was born. I was able to take 16 weeks of paid leave from Reddit, and it was one of the most important decisions I've made," Ohanian says in an essay for Glamour.

A nearly four-month parental leave is something too few American mothers, let alone fathers, get to take. Even when fathers work for companies that offer generous parental leave packages, they often don't use the benefit for fear of being sidelined or seen as uncommitted. A recent survey by Talking Talent found fathers typically use only 32% of the time available to them.

In his essay, Ohanian recognizes that he is privileged in a way most parents aren't.

"It helped that I was a founder and didn't have to worry about what people might say about my 'commitment' to the company, but it was incredible to be able to spend quality time with Olympia. And it was perhaps even more meaningful to be there for my wife and to adjust to this new life we created together—especially after all the complications she had during and after the birth," he explains.

(The GOAT's husband is making the same points that we at Motherly make all the time.)

He continues: "There is a lot of research about the benefits of taking leave, not only for the cognitive and emotional development of the child but for the couple. However, many fathers in this country are not afforded the privilege of parental leave. And even when they are, there is often a stigma that prevents them from doing so. I see taking leave as one of the most fundamental ways to 'show up' for your partner and your family, and I cherished all 16 weeks I was able to take."

👏👏👏

By first taking his leave and then speaking out about the ways in which it benefited his family, Ohanian is using his privileged position to de-stigmatize fathers taking leave, and advocate for more robust parental leave policies for all parents, and his influence doesn't end there. He's trying to show the world that parents shouldn't have to cut off the parent part of themselves in order to be successful in their careers.

He says that when his parental leave finished he transitioned from being a full-time dad to a "business dad."


"I'm fortunate to be my own boss, which comes with the freedoms of doing things like bringing my daughter into the office, or working remotely from virtually anywhere Serena competes. My partners at Initialized are used to seeing Olympia jump on camera—along with her doll Qai Qai—or hearing her babbling on a call. I tell them with pride, 'Olympia's at work today!' And I'll post some photos on Instagram or Twitter so my followers can see it too," Ohanian explains.

"The more we normalize this, on social media and in real life, the better, because I know this kind of dynamic makes a lot of men uncomfortable (and selfishly I want Olympia to hear me talking about start-ups!)," he says.

This is the future of family-friendly work culture. Take it from a guy who created an entire internet culture.

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7 ways to manage your anxiety during pregnancy—from moms who have been there

Trigger warning: Some of these responses describe a women's experiences with child loss.

Anxiety is one of those concepts you can never truly grasp until you face it yourself. And, each person's anxiety can announce itself in different ways—for some, it's postpartum anger, while for others, it's an overwhelming feeling of worry about a pregnancy. This can be especially prevalent if you're at high risk, concerned about telling your boss or undergoing medical issues. If you suffer from anxiety, know you're not alone in this mama. In fact, women are twice as likely to develop an anxiety disorder than men.

These mamas shared how they manage and cope with their anxiety on Chairman Mom:

1. Hypnobirthing class

"I took a hynobirthing class at a nearby parents resource center—it was phenomenal. The class changed my emotional forecast for both the pregnancy and delivery. I uncovered a calm existence that lived dormant inside a very anxious body. For quick help at my fingertips, I love the Headspace app. My favorite quote pops up on the screen before I tap to complete a meditation 'Rather than the mind leading the breath, allow the breath to lead the mind. Keep glowing!'" —Jenny

2. Journaling

"It took my husband and I three years to have our IVF miracle baby after a devastating miscarriage last summer. I was wracked with anxiety for the entire duration of my pregnancy and it got worse as I got closer to his due date. The one thing that helped me was to journal. I wrote to the baby constantly about every step of the process and was very raw and real about the emotions I was experiencing each step of the way."—Anonymous

3. Set some ground rules

"[While I was on strict bedrest for 10 weeks] I tried to set ground rules for myself—I 'indulged' in worst case scenario/message board/Googling for exactly 30 minutes each day, and had to fill the rest of the bedrest time with other positive activities. I controlled for the factors I could, and just tried to chill out about everything else. Easier said than done, but I forced myself to breath deeply and try to limit the physical effects of my anxiety."—Milo

4. Therapy

"I feel like this could be my answer for many questions, but I say get to therapy. Anxiety can be a normal part of parenthood and it's a good idea to take the time before baby comes to build your tool kit and to feel like, even though it is full of unknowns, you have prepared your heart for the wild ride that is motherhood. I am an anxious person by nature, a worrier, a big feeler— learning that this is okay and that I can use it to my advantage has been empowering beyond measure. You are not alone and you will get through this. Hugs to you. If you are an "action person" and can't/won't get into therapy right now, this workbook has a lot of good, practical exercises."—Stratton

5. Reading this book

"I found a book called Finding Calm for the Expectant Mom useful. The major anxiety reducer for me during pregnancy was walking, because it was the only time I didn't feel sick early on and then later it was the only time the baby wasn't kicking me (which is supremely comforting and yet not). I found going with a mid-wife rather than a doctor helped alleviate a lot of anxiety. In Ontario (Canada) this is covered by OHIP (provincial health insurance). Midwives have way more time and patience. All appointments are booked for 30 minutes, so you never feel rushed."—Sian

6. Find a super knowledgeable OB

"I'm currently pregnant (second trimester) with two complications one of which can cause stillbirth. I found the best way to reduce anxiety was finding a super knowledgeable OB that I could talk to about treatments and milestones. Ask them about what kind of monitoring they'll do for you in the third trimester (NST/BPPs). Talk about contingency plans. I also found a doula that has been wonderful to talk with about the process of birth and the potential of NICU time and emergency c-sections (both not that uncommon with other women that have the same condition I do.) I whole heartedly recommend finding a therapist that you can talk with about your fears and anxieties. Look for ones who specialize in new moms. If there are any support groups for mamas with your high risk condition I also urge you to seek them out. Setting a limit for how much time you spend there is also extremely wise. And know that there are women who will experience loss in those groups. That doesn't mean you will." —Anonymous

7. Yoga, working out + meditation

"[After a miscarriage] what I've learned is that all that worrying didn't make a difference. It didn't make me feel any more prepared or okay once I lost the baby. And it limited how much I enjoyed those three months that I was pregnant. Next time I'm not going to read anything or Google anything or read any odds. I'm just going to take everyday as a gift. I know that's easier said than done. Yoga, working out, meditation. Being around people who don't know because then you can't talk about it or obsess about it. Warm baths, tea. Just be super super nice to yourself. Don't worry about what you should be eating or shouldn't be eating, etc."—Anonymous

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The newborn months require intense mental and physical stamina—but you'll make it through

Having a new baby is incredibly hard. And beautiful and fulfilling and rewarding, of course—but definitely, definitely hard.

Especially the nights.

Watching the last rays of sunlight disappear would make my heart race. My 3-week-old baby didn't sleep for more than an hour and a half at a time and had zero regard for what time it was.

She was so tiny and helpless—and it was my responsibility to keep her safe and fed and healthy. For me, that was easier during the day. Because at night, it felt unfair knowing my husband and toddler were fast asleep a few rooms over.

The minute our newborn would wake, I would spring to action. Bottle, breast, pacing the floor, bouncing on an exercise ball, loud shushing into her tiny ear—I would do whatever it would take to get her to quiet down so she wouldn't wake the rest of the house.

The evenings also started to feel very isolating. It's hardly appropriate to call your mom or friend or sister at 1 a.m. when your baby starts spitting up a curdled milk mixture so hard it comes out of her nose. And even if I did call anyway, it wouldn't matter because they wouldn't answer because they'd be sleeping.

I was used to anticipating a lack of sleep each night, which was terrifying. I felt such dread knowing I would only get a collective two and a half hours of sleep before my toddler would wake up at 5:30 a.m, ready for his morning dance party.

Fear would strike me at night, too. An incapacitating, all-consuming fear that something might happen to my sweet baby girl while she was lying peacefully in her safe crib, in her baby-proofed nursery. I often wondered how I was even supposed to sleep with such intense worry on my mind.

I would stare for hours into the pitch black night, half of me thankful my baby was healthy, the other half of me terrified something would happen to her.

I'd feel irrational in the late hours of the night (or more likely, the wee, wee hours of the early morning) often reacting with full-on annoyance because as soon as she'd started to fall asleep I'd think, this is it—I can finally get some rest, only for her to wake up a few minutes later. I'd snap, "Seriously? All you do is eat!" at my tiny baby, which would automatically trigger intense guilt over what felt like such an uncontrolled emotional response.

"It gets better" and "sleep when the baby sleeps" are two sentiments I hope never to hear again in my life because—does it get better? Well, yes it does. Children don't usually turn into adults who only sleep for 90 minutes at a time. And sleeping when the baby sleeps sounds good in theory but it's impractical. Plus, neither statement helps at 3 a.m., TBH.

I went to extreme measures to quell my anxiety. I sent my husband to Walmart in the middle of a tropical depression to buy a rock 'n play. Then I sent him back when he returned with the version that didn't vibrate. I put a $300 Owlet monitor on a credit card. I used Amazon one-day shipping to obtain a copy of Dr. Harvey Karp's The Happiest Baby on the Block.

I eventually found there's no magic solution to aid in this season of parenting. It helps to find a community of women going through the same struggles. Prioritizing self-care and spending time connecting with your significant other are also healthy ways of dealing.

But I'm going to level with you—for the first three months of my baby's life, I didn't have time to seek out a support group, wash my hair or converse about one meaningful thing with my spouse.

I was in survival mode and the only thing that helped me was time passing and binge watching Downton Abbey.

And walks around the block. And coffee.

If you loved the newborn stage and came through it with fond memories—I applaud you.

If you gave it all you had and emerged on the other side with a baby who (mainly) sleeps through the night and is somewhat happy, most of the time—you deserve a standing ovation.

You managed to prevail in a time that required intense mental and physical stamina, and you nailed it. Great job, mama.

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