Motherhood is: Wishing I could pause time and keep you this small just a little bit longer

I don't want you to grow up.

Is that not fair?

I don't want you to stop looking at me like I'm Superwoman. You make me feel like I can do anything, be anything.

I don't want you to stop climbing into my bed so that I feel your small feet rubbing against my back. It may wake me up in the wee hours, but it fills my heart with joy.

I don't want your squeaky little voice to change. It's perfect.

I don't want you to keep growing out of your shoes and clothes faster than I can buy them. One day you'll be as tall as I am, and some days I feel like that'll come faster than I could ever imagine.

I don't want you to stop using a pacifier or wanting a bottle of milk at bedtime. Because then you'll be a big girl and you won't be my baby anymore.

I don't want your "Mommy, will you lay with me?" requests to go away. You ask so nicely, your voice as sweet as can be. I've come to expect them each night (I'm sure I've take them for granted) but truth be told, if you didn't ask me tonight, my heart wouldn't be ready for it.

I don't want you to stop playing with your blocks and baby dolls in favor of "cooler" toys. Your innocence is so pure and so beautiful.

I don't want you to be embarrassed by me and my public displays of affection. I fear it'll break my heart.

I don't want you to push my hugs away. They are the best hugs in the world.

I don't want you to stop saying, "Mommy, guess what? I love you." It gets me every time.

I don't want you to stop needing me. Even though I often feel exhausted from it all, I don't want you to stop asking me for help when you need it. I take pride in being there for you. As your mama, it feels natural now to be giving so much of myself to you guys.

I don't want you to stop wanting to be around me.

I don't want you to stop loving me as much as you do now.

I'm afraid of you growing up. I'm afraid of my getting older. Because things will be different. I know I complain sometimes, because don't get me wrong—mothering three young children is no walk in the park—but I love our life. It's wonderful and messy and happy and complicated and joyful and frustrating. It's everything to me.

But as you're getting older, I am realizing things change and eventually our lives will look different. And change is never easy for me.

Who will I be when you don't need me as much?

What will I be needed for if it's not a hundred diaper changes a day, volunteering in your preschool class, or nursing nursing nursing my newborn?

Will I feel as validated as I do now, in my role of "mother to young children"?

What will I do with myself?

Sometimes I find myself with so many questions, and not much to show for answers.

So I'm going to stop worrying and overthinking.

Just kidding. That's not in my DNA.

What I am going to do is I'm going to try my best to live in this moment. To be here with you while you need me, while your squeaky voice shouts demands at me, while all you want is Mommy to do this, Mommy to watch me, Mommy to get that.

Being present and mindful is continuously hard for me. But so is motherhood—and I'll never give up on mommin', so I'll never give up on trying my best to savor these magical moments we share together every day. Even among the frustrations, hurriedness, and lack of patience.

I can't stop time, so the next best thing is truly being present for you while I still can.

The goal I proudly have as your mother is to raise brave, compassionate, kind, exceptional human beings. So here's a little secret—I do actually want you to grow up. I want you to grow into the amazing people you are and will continue to be.

I believe in my heart that you're each destined for greatness. One day I will marvel at the adults you've become. And I'll still be here for you—whatever you need.

Even though you may grow out of my arms, I know you'll never grow out of my life—or my heart.

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Products that solve your biggest breastfeeding challenges

Including a battle plan for clogged ducts!

When expecting a baby, there is a lot you can test-run in advance: Take that stroller around the block. Go for a spin with the car seat secured in place. Learn how to use the baby carrier with help from a doll. But breastfeeding? It's not exactly possible to practice before baby's arrival.

The absence of a trial makes it all the more important to prepare in other ways for breastfeeding success—and it can be as simple as adding a few of our lactation aiding favorites to your registry.

MilkBliss chocolate chip soft baked lactation cookies

MilkBliss lactation cookies

Studies have shown the top reason women stop breastfeeding within the first year is because they are concerned about their milk supply being enough to nourish baby. Consider MilkBliss Lactation Cookies to be your secret weapon. Not only are they wholesome and delicious, but they were formulated specifically for breastfeeding moms based on the science of galactagogues—also known as milk boosters. They also come in peanut butter and wild blueberry flavors.


Evereden multi-purpose healing balm

Evereden multipurpose healing balm

Also up there on the list of reasons women stop breastfeeding: the toll the early days can take on nipples. Made from just five ingredients, this all natural healing balm is ideal for soothing chafed nipples, making for a much more comfortable experience for mama as her body adjusts to the needs of a breastfeeding baby.


Lansinoh milk storage bags

Lansinoh milk storage bags

For a breastfeeding mama, there are few things more precious and valuable than the milk she worked so hard to pump—and it's the stuff of nightmares to imagine it spilling out in the fridge. With these double-sealed milk storage bags, you can be assured your breastmilk is safe and sound until baby needs it.


Belly Bandit bandita nursing bra

Belly Bandit bandita nursing bra

Nursing a baby is a 24/7 job, which calls for some wardrobe modifications. Because Belly Bandit specializes in making things more comfortable for the postpartum mama, they've truly thought of every detail—from the breathable fabric to the clips that can be easily opened with one hand.


boob-ease soothing therapy pillows

Boob Ease soothing therapy pillows

For nursing moms, duct can quickly become a four-letter word when you suspect it's getting clogged. By keeping these soothing breast pillows in your breastfeeding arsenal, you can immediately go on the defense against plugged milk ducts by heating the pads in the microwave or cooling them in the freezer.


Belly Bandit perfect nursing tee

Belly Bandit perfect nursing tee

A unfortunate reality of nursing is that it can really seem to limit the wardrobe options when you have to think about providing easy, discrete access. But by adding functional basics to your closet, you can feel confident and prepared for breastfeeding on the go.


Bebe au Lait premium cotton nursing cover

Bebe au Lait cotton nursing cover

Nursing in public isn't every mama's cup of tea. But babies can't always wait until you've found a private place to get down to business if that's your preference. That's where a nursing cover comes in handy. This one is made from premium cotton and features a patented neckline that allows for airflow and eye contact even while you're covered.


Lactation Lab basic breastmilk testing kit

Lactation Lab breastmilk testing kit

Curious to learn more about the liquid gold you're making, mama? The testing kit from Lactation Labs analyzes your breast milk for basic nutritional content like calories and protein, as well as vitamins, fatty acids and environmental toxins to help boost your breastfeeding confidence.


We independently select and share the products we love—and may receive a commission if you choose to buy. You've got this


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