My husband and I recently had a date night that included being away from our son overnight for the first time since he was born three years ago (but don’t let your heads run away with a fantasy—we literally slept because we were exhausted #thisiswhatwecallfunnow). It was a combination of a late night work event, a feeling that we had to do something just for the two of us, and simple convenience. It would have taken hours to get home from the end of a very long day when we could just check into a hotel overnight and get home early the next day.
But before that night, I fretted about what to do. How would childcare work? No one besides me or my husband has put our son to bed, and we have never not been there when he wakes up in the morning.
I knew if there was any chance of this being successful, the only person that could pull it off is one of my son’s favorite people—his grandmother. Grammy cakes. Gramma. We rely so much on these extended support systems to give us comfort and confidence as parents and put our kids at ease. Technically, we could parent without their support, but I’m so glad we don’t have to.
So as we walked out the door, leaving Grandma with my son for one night, I realized how lucky we are that she gets it…
She gets it because she always comes bearing delicious snacks. And usually a small toy or crayons in her bag for just the right moment when it’s needed.
She gets it because she comes with all of the warmth and love of his parents but none of the baggage. None of the first time parent jitters and all of the understanding that most kids just have simple needs: to eat, play and sleep.
She gets it because she understands what I need too. The reassurance that my baby will be safe. And cared for.
She gets it because she’s been in my shoes before. Decades ago, she was a nervous new mama too and felt the same worries. She’s been exactly where we are.
She gets it because she shoos us away as we nervously say goodbye, calling out cheerfully, “Have fun, I’ve got this.” And I know that she does.
She gets it because she will get down on the floor with him to play Legos—even though sometimes it’s a little difficult to get back up.
She gets it because she will fumble around with our AppleTV—so different from her remote at home—to find him just the right video on Youtube that he’s looking for.
She gets it because she diligently takes notes when we go through the multi-step bedtime routine that we’ve elaborately concocted, passing no judgment, and promising that she’ll follow along as best as she can.
She gets it because she’ll break the routine and lay next to him in bed when my son gets upset, singing softly in his ear until she sees his eyelids droop heavy and finally fall asleep.
She gets it because she’ll text us to let us know when he’s fallen asleep because she knows we’ll be wondering.
She gets it because just like our son trusts us as his mom and dad, Grandma is his safe space. My son feels at ease with her—and that relaxes me, too.
She gets it because when we come home from our “big night out” the house will be clean. Our toddler’s play table that always has some sort of sticky jelly residue on it will be spotless. The dishwasher empty. (Side note: She is my hero.)
She gets it because she shows up whenever we ask. Even when it means having to rearrange her schedule. Even when it means she has to sleep in our home instead of her own.
She gets it because even though she has her own life, she makes sure to be as involved in ours as she can. But that doesn’t mean she gives unsolicited advice. It means that she’s there. She comes to us or lets us come to her. Whenever we need her.
She gets it because she takes care of us, too. She’s there to chat with at the end of a long day. To commiserate on how hard motherhood and working and life can be, but to also gently remind me, “These are the best days.”
After every time Grandma comes over, she always leaves a family that feels so content. Fulfilled by her presence. The caretaking and nourishment (mental and food-wise) and warmth that accompanies her.
We know this is a privilege. We know we’re beyond lucky that she is present and wants to be involved and gets it. We know that sometimes life doesn’t work out like this and sometimes Grandma lives far away or is no longer here, or just doesn’t get it. So we hold on. And appreciate every moment.
As Grandma leaves, I hug her tight and tell her, “I can’t thank you enough. We couldn’t have done this without you.” Because we can’t. And we wouldn’t want to.