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10 real truths about the 4th trimester, mama

2. You are not going to enjoy every minute, and that's okay.

10 real truths about the 4th trimester, mama

The transition to motherhood is the wildest adventure of all time. In the blink of an eye, everything is just so different! While it is impossible to sum it all up, here are 10 important truths to remember about the fourth trimester:

1. You are doing a great job

This needs to be the first one because it's the most important—and the easiest to forget. You really are doing a great job.

I know you don't believe me. You glossed over reading those words, believing they were meant for someone else.

But, Mama, they are meant for you. You, who has been thrust into the thick of parenthood. Who has more questions than answers. Who feels totally overwhelmed. Despite all that, and maybe because of it, you are doing a great job.

Take a moment (or a lot of moments…) to appreciate the magnitude of what you have done—and are doing. It's amazing, just like you.

2. You are not going to enjoy every minute, and that's okay

Somewhere along the way, we absorbed this idea that motherhood should be one blissed-out-so-in-love-with-my-child moment after another. While those moments do exist—and they are wonderful—they are not always the constant.

Caring for a newborn is an all-consuming roller coaster ride, and some of it just isn't fun. It can be boring, hard, stressful and overwhelming. Not enjoying every moment does not make you a bad mom—it makes you a normal one.

If you do feel like the hard moments are coming frequently, speak to your provider about the possibility of postpartum depression.

3. Babies aren't good or bad, they're just babies


We often say things to new mothers such as, "Is the baby a good sleeper?" or "What a good baby you have!" These are well-intentioned comments, of course, but they can put unrealistic expectations on the baby—and on you.

There is a wide range of normal when it comes to babies.

Just because your baby isn't acting like that "perfect" baby next door, doesn't mean they aren't doing just fine. If you are concerned, ask your pediatrician for sure. But try not to stress too much about what type of baby you have.

4. You'll be confused by your body

Our pregnant bodies change a ton of course, but in a lot of ways I think we're prepared for it—and we have regular medical appointments where we can get answers, and assurance.

This is not the case for all the changes that happen after birth. Everything feels different and quite weird, to be honest. Your breasts may seem like foreign bodies for a while. You may have vaginal bleeding in ways you didn't expect. And then, of course, there is the incontinence that no one warned you about…

And you are not spared physical reminders of your newborn if you've adopted or had a baby via surrogate. The tiredness, the twinge in your arm from constant baby-holding—you have that too.

It can feel pretty odd to be living in a body that doesn't seem like yours.

But just because it's confusing, doesn't mean it's not something to be immensely proud of. No matter how a baby comes into your life, your body will change because of it. It's molding and changing to accommodate the new life that it is supporting. It may be healing and doing one hundred things to keep you healthy too.

How powerful is that?

5. There is no such thing as "bounce back"

The term "bounce back" really just needs to go. There is this assumption in our society that the moment we have a baby, everything returns to normal—our waistline, our kitchen counters, our sex life. And when it inevitably doesn't, we feel bad about ourselves, like we have somehow failed.

Mama, nothing about you is failing in any way. It can be hard to come to terms with all the ways your life is different than it used to be—and you are allowed to have feelings about that. But guilt should not be one of those feelings.

YOU ARE A GODDESS! Look at everything you have done, and are doing! You are not going to bounce back because you are way too busy soaring forward. Look at your wings, mama! You don't need to bounce anywhere.

6. "Success" is different now

Before parenthood, success is somewhat easy to measure: Study hard—get a good grade. Train hard—run a 5K. Work hard—finish that big project or get a promotion.

Fourth-trimester success is totally different—and often really hard to see. Every time you take a step forward, it seems like you have another setback. You spend all day keeping this helpless human fed, dry, rested and moderately content, only to receive an evening scream-poop-puke all over you as a note of appreciation.

In the hard moments, it can feel like the most unimportant, thankless work on this planet.

But know this. To the baby who has consumed your world, you are the world.

All the thousands of things you do for your baby matter so much. You won't see results immediately, but all your hard work, love and concern are there— growing this baby into an amazing human being, little by little, day by day.

Now, "success" is a baby that sleeps the soundest when curled up on your chest.

Success is when they outgrow their first set of onesies.

Success is when you trust your intuition.

Success is that first coo, smile and laugh.

Success is so different now, but so, so awesome.

7. You are not alone

The first months of motherhood can feel a little isolating, but mama, you are not alone.

From a village of other new mamas out there to lactation consultants, from your child's pediatrician to a therapist, there are people who are able to—and want to—help you. So please don't hesitate to reach out.

8. Your plans may change

Before having a baby, it is next to impossible to imagine what it will really be like. So if you find that your pre-made plans are suddenly not the right fit anymore, that is completely okay.

Maybe you planned to return to work after maternity leave but now want nothing more than to stay home.

Maybe you planned to stay home, but now find yourself yearning to be back at work.

So much can change now—your relationships, your priorities, your goals. And that is all okay. Be sure to check in with yourself from time-to-time to make sure that you are living the life that feels right and works for you. Because it is okay to pivot.

9. You are your baby's expert

New motherhood is incredibly vulnerable. You are going through massive physical and emotional changes and taking care of a newborn—it's natural to second guess yourself and have some doubts. So when (well-intentioned) people start giving you all kinds of advice it can sometimes feel like they know better than you.

But no one knows your baby like you do.

So listen to what they have to say (or don't), but ultimately—you have to trust yourself. You are allowed (and encouraged) to listen to your gut. You may be very new at this, but you possess profound wisdom.

10. Self-care is not selfish

New mom guilt would have us believe that every waking second should be spent taking care of our babies. But having a baby doesn't make you suddenly unimportant, or un-human. Quite the opposite! You need more care than ever before.

So please, please do not feel guilty about taking care of yourself. Regularly. Self-care should be woven into the tapestry of your daily life. You are so important—to your baby and to the world.

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As much as I love fall, it always feels like the season when my family's routine gets kicked into overdrive. With our oldest in (homeschool) kindergarten, my youngest on the brink of entering her twos, work, housework and *all the things* filling my day, it's hard not to feel a little overwhelmed sometimes. Did I mention we're still in a pandemic? (Yeah, it's a lot.) And while I try to take a positive view as much as I can, now more than ever I definitely jump at the chance to take anything off my busy plate.

One thing first in line at the chopping block? Cooking. To be fair, I like cooking. I cooked most of our meals long before I had ever even heard of social distancing. But there's something about the pandemic that suddenly made cooking every single meal feel exponentially more draining.

Enter Daily Harvest. They deliver nourishing, delicious food right to your door. Daily Harvest's mix of smoothies, bowls, flatbreads, snacks and more provide a balanced, whole food options that are as satisfying as they are nutritious. But my favorite part? When we're ready to eat, I simply pull the food from the freezer and it's ready in minutes—without any chopping, measuring or searching for a recipe. Even better, they're incredibly tasty, meaning I'm not struggling to get my girls to dig in. Not cooking has never felt so good.

Here are my 8 favorite products that are helping to lighten my load right now:

Mulberry + Dragonfruit Oat Bowl

Mulberry + Dragonfruit Oat Bowl

One thing that actually helps break up the monotony of quarantine? Trying and introducing new ingredients to my family. I love this overnight oat bowl (add milk the night before and let it set in your fridge overnight—easy-peasy!) because not only does it not compromise on nutrition, but it also helps me bring new whole fruits, vegetables and superfoods to the table with ease.

Mint + Cacao Smoothie

Mint + Cacao Smoothie

I kid you not, these taste exactly like a mint chocolate chip milkshake. (Just ask my 4-year-old, who is constantly stealing sips from my glass.) What she doesn't know? She's actually getting organic banana, spinach and chlorella with every sip. #momwin

Kabocha + Sage Flatbread

Kabocha + Sage Flatbread

Our family's eating habits have been leaning more plant-forward this year, which often means a lot of veggie washing, peeling and chopping every time I cook. That's why these flatbreads are my new best friend come lunchtime. This Kabocha + Sage Flatbread is made with a gluten-free cauliflower crust topped with kabocha squash, fennel and sage for a taste of fall in every bite. (Missing the cheese? You can add it before baking for more of a pizza feel.)

Kale + Sweet Potato Flatbread

Kale + Sweet Potato Flatbread

There's something about the combination of sweet potato crust topped with red cabbage, organic greens and an herby-cilantro sauce that is so delicious… like surprisingly delicious. I polished off this bad boy in seconds! And unlike other "veggie" crusts I've tried, these are actually clean (AKA no fillers, preservations, partially-hydrogenated oil or artificial anything). Plus, it couldn't be easier to throw in the oven between conference calls and homeschool lessons.

Cacao + Avocado Smoothie

Cacao + Avocado Smoothie

Any time I get to serve a breakfast that tastes like chocolate, it's a good day. (That goes double when it's *my* breakfast.) This rich, chocolatey smoothie is packed with organic zucchini, avocado, pumpkin seeds and pea protein for a nourishing mix of healthy fats and muscle-building protein so I can carry that baby all day long. And did I mention the chocolate?

Vanilla Bean + Apple Chia Bowl

Vanilla Bean + Apple Chia Bowl

Maybe it's just me, but after a long week of cooking, the last thing I want to do on Saturday morning is...wake up and cook. That's why these one-step breakfasts are saving my weekend. I simply add our favorite milk the night before and store the bowl in the fridge overnight. Come morning, I have a nutritious chia bowl that powers me through even the busiest day of errands. It's also Instagram-ready, which makes me feel like I'm out brunching (even if I can't remember the last time I was in a restaurant).

Cacao Nib + Vanilla Bites

Cacao Nib + Vanilla Bites

My kids have turned into snack monsters during quarantine, and I'm often struggling to find a wholesome option (that doesn't require a lot of extra cooking or else I resort to something ultra-refined and shelf-stable). These bites are the hero I never knew I needed. For one, they taste like cookie dough, but they're actually packed with chickpeas, pumpkin, dates and flax seed (among other whole ingredients). But unlike actual cookie dough, I don't have to go anywhere near my mixer to whip them up—all I have to do is pull the container out of the freezer, let them defrost a bit and we can all enjoy a treat.

Cauliflower Rice + Pesto Harvest Bowl

Cauliflower Rice + Pesto Harvest Bowl

Sometimes I have a little more time to cook, but I still want a quick, stress-free solution. (Especially because it always feels like I just cleaned up from the last meal.) I love these Harvest Bowls because they warm up in under five minutes on the stove top (or microwave!) but pack tons of flavor. The Cauliflower Rice + Pesto bowl is one of my favorites, with basil, olive oil and nutritional yeast for a hearty dish reminiscent of a mouth-watering Italian meal. When I'm feeling extra fancy, I add leftover grilled chicken or a fried egg.

Strawberry + Rich, Rippled Berry Compote Scoops

Strawberry + Rich, Rippled Berry Compote Scoops

Who doesn't want to end the day with a little something sweet? This creamy and decadent frozen treat from Daily Harvest is swirled with sweet berries and tropical dragonfruit for an antioxidant burst you'll feel good about—but that your kiddos will just think is ice cream. Go ahead, take credit for being the best mom ever.

Want to try it yourself? You can get $25 off your first box of Daily Harvest with code MOTHERLY.

This article was sponsored by Daily Harvest. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas

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9 products that will help baby sleep better (and longer!)

For many parents, attempting naps and bedtime can seem like a never-ending cycle of rocking, shushing and hoping for some kind of magic sleep solution.

How do I get my baby to sleep? This is one of the most commonly asked questions among new parents, and it makes sense, given that babies are born with their days and nights mixed up. For many parents, attempting naps and bedtime can seem like a never-ending cycle of rocking, shushing and hoping for some kind of magic sleep solution.

And while that might not exist (yet), we have found some of the best products out there that can help baby fall asleep faster and for longer durations. Because when baby is sleeping, so are you!

Dreamland Baby weighted sleep sack and swaddle

Designed by a mama, parents swear by this weighted sleep sack. It mimics your hug to give your baby security and comfort that helps them get to sleep faster and stay asleep longer. The detachable swaddle wing makes it easy to transition as they grow.

It's also super easy to get on and off, and includes a bottom-up zipper for late night changes, so you don't have to wake your baby in the process.

$79

Yogasleep Hushh portable sound machine

Yogasleep hushh sound machine

With three soothing options, this is a perfect solution to help your baby settle when naps are on the go and during travel! I love how compact this noise machine is and that it can run all night with one charge.

$30

Bebe au Lait muslin crib sheets

Burt's Bees Organic Crib Sheets

With a variety of print options to choose from, these breathable sheets are *so* soft and smooth, even through multiple washes. The luxury fabric keeps little ones warm without overheating—a formula that helps ensure more sleep for everyone.

$32

The Simple Folk perfect pajamas

The Simple Folk perfect pajamas

You know what's going to help baby have their best sleep ever? Some quality, super soft pajamas. The timeless (and aptly named!) Perfect Pajama from The Simple Folk are some of our favorites. They last forever and they're made from organic pima cotton that is safe on baby's precious skin. They come in a wide range of sizes so siblings can match and feature fold-over hand covers on sizes up to 12 months.

$37

The Snoo bassinet

Snoo

Designed by expert pediatrician and sleep guru Dr. Harvey Karp, the Snoo bassinet gently rocks your baby to sleep while snuggled up in the built-in swaddle. Not only does it come with sensors that adjust the white noise and movement based on your baby's needs, there is also an app that allows you to adjust the settings directly from your phone.

While this item is a bit on the expensive side, there is now an option to rent for $3.50 a day, which is a total game changer!

$1295

Hatch Baby Rest sound machine + nightlight

best baby sound machine

The Hatch Baby Rest is a dual sound machine and nightlight that will grow with your family. Many parents use this product with their infants as a white-noise machine and then as a "time to rise" solution for toddlers.

The thing I love most about this product is that the light it gives off isn't too bright, and you can even select different color preferences; giving your toddler choices at bedtime.

$59.99

Crane humidifier

Crane Humidifier

The only thing worse than a sick baby is a baby who is sick and not sleeping well. The Crane humidifier helps take care of this by relieving congestion and helping your baby breathe better while sleeping.

Personally, I think the adorable design options alone are enough of a reason to purchase this product, and your child will love watching steam come out of the elephant's trunk!

$46.99

Naturepedic organic crib mattress

Naturpedic Lightweight Organic Mattress

In the first few months of life, babies can spend up to 17 hours a day sleeping, so choosing a mattress that is safe (read: no chemicals!) and comfortable is incredibly important.

Naturepedic uses allergen-friendly and waterproof materials with babies and children in mind, making them easy to clean and giving you peace of mind.

$259.00

Happiest Baby sleepea 5-second swaddle

best baby swaddle

There are baby swaddles and then there is Sleepea. Similar to the brand's swaddle that is built into the Snoo, the Sleepea is magic for multiple reasons. First, it's got mesh panels ensuring baby never overheats. Second, the zipper zips from the top or the bottom, so you can change the baby's diaper in the middle of the night without ever waking them. Third, it's hip safe. Fourth, the patterns are SO cute. And fifth, the interior swaddle wrap that keeps baby's ams down has a "quiet" velcro that won't wake baby if you need to readjust while they're asleep.

$27.95

We independently select and share the products we love—and may receive a commission if you choose to buy. You've got this.

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It's science: Why your baby stops crying when you stand up

A fascinating study explains why.

When your baby is crying, it feels nearly instinctual to stand up to rock, sway and soothe them. That's because standing up to calm babies is instinctual—driven by centuries of positive feedback from calmed babies, researchers have found.

"Infants under 6 months of age carried by a walking mother immediately stopped voluntary movement and crying and exhibited a rapid heart rate decrease, compared with holding by a sitting mother," say authors of a 2013 study published in Current Biology.

Even more striking: This coordinated set of actions—the mother standing and the baby calming—is observed in other mammal species, too. Using pharmacologic and genetic interventions with mice, the authors say, "We identified strikingly similar responses in mouse pups as defined by immobility and diminished ultrasonic vocalizations and heart rate."

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