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10 real truths about the 4th trimester, mama

2. You are not going to enjoy every minute, and that's okay.

10 real truths about the 4th trimester, mama

The transition to motherhood is the wildest adventure of all time. In the blink of an eye, everything is just so different! While it is impossible to sum it all up, here are 10 important truths to remember about the fourth trimester:

1. You are doing a great job

This needs to be the first one because it's the most important—and the easiest to forget. You really are doing a great job.

I know you don't believe me. You glossed over reading those words, believing they were meant for someone else.

But, Mama, they are meant for you. You, who has been thrust into the thick of parenthood. Who has more questions than answers. Who feels totally overwhelmed. Despite all that, and maybe because of it, you are doing a great job.

Take a moment (or a lot of moments…) to appreciate the magnitude of what you have done—and are doing. It's amazing, just like you.

2. You are not going to enjoy every minute, and that's okay

Somewhere along the way, we absorbed this idea that motherhood should be one blissed-out-so-in-love-with-my-child moment after another. While those moments do exist—and they are wonderful—they are not always the constant.

Caring for a newborn is an all-consuming roller coaster ride, and some of it just isn't fun. It can be boring, hard, stressful and overwhelming. Not enjoying every moment does not make you a bad mom—it makes you a normal one.

If you do feel like the hard moments are coming frequently, speak to your provider about the possibility of postpartum depression.

3. Babies aren't good or bad, they're just babies


We often say things to new mothers such as, "Is the baby a good sleeper?" or "What a good baby you have!" These are well-intentioned comments, of course, but they can put unrealistic expectations on the baby—and on you.

There is a wide range of normal when it comes to babies.

Just because your baby isn't acting like that "perfect" baby next door, doesn't mean they aren't doing just fine. If you are concerned, ask your pediatrician for sure. But try not to stress too much about what type of baby you have.

4. You'll be confused by your body

Our pregnant bodies change a ton of course, but in a lot of ways I think we're prepared for it—and we have regular medical appointments where we can get answers, and assurance.

This is not the case for all the changes that happen after birth. Everything feels different and quite weird, to be honest. Your breasts may seem like foreign bodies for a while. You may have vaginal bleeding in ways you didn't expect. And then, of course, there is the incontinence that no one warned you about…

And you are not spared physical reminders of your newborn if you've adopted or had a baby via surrogate. The tiredness, the twinge in your arm from constant baby-holding—you have that too.

It can feel pretty odd to be living in a body that doesn't seem like yours.

But just because it's confusing, doesn't mean it's not something to be immensely proud of. No matter how a baby comes into your life, your body will change because of it. It's molding and changing to accommodate the new life that it is supporting. It may be healing and doing one hundred things to keep you healthy too.

How powerful is that?

5. There is no such thing as "bounce back"

The term "bounce back" really just needs to go. There is this assumption in our society that the moment we have a baby, everything returns to normal—our waistline, our kitchen counters, our sex life. And when it inevitably doesn't, we feel bad about ourselves, like we have somehow failed.

Mama, nothing about you is failing in any way. It can be hard to come to terms with all the ways your life is different than it used to be—and you are allowed to have feelings about that. But guilt should not be one of those feelings.

YOU ARE A GODDESS! Look at everything you have done, and are doing! You are not going to bounce back because you are way too busy soaring forward. Look at your wings, mama! You don't need to bounce anywhere.

6. "Success" is different now

Before parenthood, success is somewhat easy to measure: Study hard—get a good grade. Train hard—run a 5K. Work hard—finish that big project or get a promotion.

Fourth-trimester success is totally different—and often really hard to see. Every time you take a step forward, it seems like you have another setback. You spend all day keeping this helpless human fed, dry, rested and moderately content, only to receive an evening scream-poop-puke all over you as a note of appreciation.

In the hard moments, it can feel like the most unimportant, thankless work on this planet.

But know this. To the baby who has consumed your world, you are the world.

All the thousands of things you do for your baby matter so much. You won't see results immediately, but all your hard work, love and concern are there— growing this baby into an amazing human being, little by little, day by day.

Now, "success" is a baby that sleeps the soundest when curled up on your chest.

Success is when they outgrow their first set of onesies.

Success is when you trust your intuition.

Success is that first coo, smile and laugh.

Success is so different now, but so, so awesome.

7. You are not alone

The first months of motherhood can feel a little isolating, but mama, you are not alone.

From a village of other new mamas out there to lactation consultants, from your child's pediatrician to a therapist, there are people who are able to—and want to—help you. So please don't hesitate to reach out.

8. Your plans may change

Before having a baby, it is next to impossible to imagine what it will really be like. So if you find that your pre-made plans are suddenly not the right fit anymore, that is completely okay.

Maybe you planned to return to work after maternity leave but now want nothing more than to stay home.

Maybe you planned to stay home, but now find yourself yearning to be back at work.

So much can change now—your relationships, your priorities, your goals. And that is all okay. Be sure to check in with yourself from time-to-time to make sure that you are living the life that feels right and works for you. Because it is okay to pivot.

9. You are your baby's expert

New motherhood is incredibly vulnerable. You are going through massive physical and emotional changes and taking care of a newborn—it's natural to second guess yourself and have some doubts. So when (well-intentioned) people start giving you all kinds of advice it can sometimes feel like they know better than you.

But no one knows your baby like you do.

So listen to what they have to say (or don't), but ultimately—you have to trust yourself. You are allowed (and encouraged) to listen to your gut. You may be very new at this, but you possess profound wisdom.

10. Self-care is not selfish

New mom guilt would have us believe that every waking second should be spent taking care of our babies. But having a baby doesn't make you suddenly unimportant, or un-human. Quite the opposite! You need more care than ever before.

So please, please do not feel guilty about taking care of yourself. Regularly. Self-care should be woven into the tapestry of your daily life. You are so important—to your baby and to the world.

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We're so glad to live in a time when modern baby gear exists. Sure, no one is going to argue that having a baby is easy—but it can be easier with support from some gadgets designed to help your baby and put your mind at ease.

As you build your baby registry, look for products that go the extra mile to make your life a whole lot easier. For example, what's better than a bassinet? A bassinet that can rock by itself. And what's better than a traditional baby monitor? One that allows you to actually take a peek at your baby. Believe us when we say these upgrades can make all the difference.

Here are 10 baby gadgets that will make your life so much easier… relatively speaking, of course!


A bassinet to promote safe + sound sleep

HALO Innovations Bassinest Swivel Sleeper Essenta Series Nautical Net

The safest place for your newborn to sleep is in your room, but not in your bed. Thanks to the swivel function of the Halo Bassinest, you can easily tend to your baby during the night—which means more sleep for you, too. Trust us when we say that is the best gift you can give a new parent.

$239.99

A smart swing for your baby

4moms mamaRoo 4 Bluetooth Enabled High-Tech Baby Swing - Classic

Believe it or not, many babies are born with strong opinions about how they want to be rocked, swung or shushed to calm down. With the mamaRoo's various motions and reclining positions, you'll be able to find a setting your baby loves when you need to free up your hands for a bit.

$219.99

A complete travel system for car + sidewalk

Chicco Bravo Travel System - Indigo

No matter where the day takes you—or what mode of transportation you need to get there—getting a complete travel system for your baby will equip you for anything.

$379.99

A swaddle you don’t have to wrestle

Love To Dream Swaddle UP Original

What do babies and Harry Houdini have in common? A knack for breaking out of tight constraints—which can be a headache when swaddling is the best way to help promote good sleep. Thanks to a breakout-proof swaddle that allows your baby to sleep with their hands up, you don't have to work up a sweat just to get your baby comfortably swaddled.

$29.99

A nursery wherever you need it

Baby Trend Lil Snooze Deluxe II Nursery Center

During the early days of parenting (when you are feeding and changing your baby around the clock), having convenient access to everything you need with a go-anywhere nursery station can save you serious time and energy.

$99.99

A little help for stuffy noses

Fridababy NoseFrida Nasal Aspirator

Up until the point years down the road when your child is able to blow their own nose, the sniffles can be a real struggle—but not with a nasal aspirator that makes it easy for you to get that snot out of their nose.

$15.99

A way to keep an eye on your baby

VTech 5" Digital Video Baby Monitor - VM5251

Trust us when we say you'll sleep better when you know your baby is also sleeping soundly. That's why we're so thankful for modern-day video monitors, which allow you to check in on your sleeping baby without running the risk of waking them up when you sneak in for a peek.

$79.99

A bassinet for hands-free rocking

Simmons Kids Silent Auto Gliding Elite Bassinet - Odyssey

Babies are soothed by rocking motions. But what does that mean for you if you can't rock them throughout the night? With an auto-gliding bassinet, they can comfortably drift off to sleep... and continue snoozing.

$99.99

An easy way to contain diaper smells

Diaper Genie Expressions Pail

Sometimes it's the little conveniences that make a big difference in the quality of your day-to-day life. That's why a great diaper pail should not be undervalued: By containing the smell, you will save yourself dozens upon dozens of trips to the garbage can.

$24.99

A white noise machine that pulls double duty

Hatch Rest Sound Machine, Night Light & Time-to-Rise

A phone-controlled sound machine may be something you never considered until now, but it will be a major lifesaver for years to come, especially as it can also function as a time-to-rise clock that promotes good sleep habits for your child.

$59.99

And as for securing all these awesome products? Well, a Target baby registry is the way to do it. By creating your baby registry with Target, you will also enjoy their Year of Benefits registry program, which includes perks like a welcome kit with more than $100 in savings and samples, two 15% off coupons to complete your registry, and a full year of returns. The benefits are better than ever right now: Target just launched the Year of Exclusive Deals perk as one of its registry benefits, and this includes a year's worth of discounts on baby essentials (think diapers and formula) and comes complementary when you sign up for Target Circle.

Because while parenting may not be "easy," deciding to register with Target definitely is an easy decision. Start your Target baby registry now and enjoy shopping with a Year of Benefits featuring a Year of Exclusive Deals available via Target Circle, two 15% off coupons, a year of hassle-free returns, a free welcome kit and more!

This article was sponsored by Target. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

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