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Why I fight to prioritize my self-care

Inspired by my nurse, this is my motherhood mantra: To care for others, I must care for myself.

Why I fight to prioritize my self-care

Before I gave birth to my son, I couldn't fathom how some mothers struggled to take time to care for themselves, whether that was working out regularly or making it to a routine dentist appointment. Admitting this makes me cringe, but it's what I honestly thought.

Now, after 18 months of changing diapers, breastfeeding and sleep deprivation—I know self-care as a mother is anything but easy.

A people-pleaser at heart, my first instinct as a new mom was to care for my son, dog, husband and home before taking care of myself. I quickly learned, however, that putting myself last was the path to burnout.

I never really thought much about self-care before becoming a mom, but now I fight to prioritize it. Here's what I've learned.

1. I learned that in order to care for others, I must care for myself

It took coming down with a fever after several sleepless nights with my son, who was also sick, for me to realize this. The day sickness struck I felt so dizzy I could barely stand and ended up in urgent care.

My nurse scolded me for ignoring my health: "You have to start getting more rest," she said, "so you can be healthy for your son." That really clicked, and stayed with me.

From that moment on, I started taking better care of myself.

Now whenever I'm tempted to stay up late and skimp on sleep, put off making a doctor's appointment or skip my workout, I think about the consequences of ignoring my health.

Knowing my son depends on me to be healthy offers me the accountability I need to put myself first and make smart choices when it comes to self-care.

There are days when prioritizing self-care is easier, and days when it seems as though I cannot possibly do one thing for myself. But I've realized that if I allow my role as 'mother' to eclipse the need to care for myself, eventually I become exhausted and ineffective.

Inspired by my nurse, this is my motherhood mantra: To care for others, I must care for myself.

2. I stopped being afraid to ask for help

My own mother raised me to be independent, which has influenced the way I tackle problems in adulthood. One of my earliest lessons of motherhood, however, was that neither I, nor my husband, could tackle the task of raising our son on our own.

A couple weeks after he was born, dirty dishes and clothes were piling up at home and food was getting scarce. I knew we needed help, but I felt a little embarrassed by the mess we'd made while focusing solely on caring for our newborn. Finally, I called my mom, who came and stayed with us a few days.

At last we had an extra set of hands to snuggle the baby and clean and cook. I even got my first taste of alone time—which I used to sleep!—and I resolved that I wouldn't be afraid to ask for help again so I could carve out space for me.

3. I defined self-care for myself

One of my mom friends, Brooke, loves to treat herself to a weekend pedicure on occasion, just to get out of the house for an hour. She says she always comes home feeling refreshed and energized to spend time with her son, and she never regrets it.

I love this idea, but when I have a free hour, I prefer to use it to take a hot yoga class or head to a local Starbucks and do some journaling.

Becoming a mom forced me to create my unique definition of self-care. I only have so much time to myself, so when I am alone, I want to make it really count. I learned through trial and error that some activities I thought I loved (running, baking) didn't bring me as much joy as they once did. In fact, I found that when I did them, I ended up feeling as though I wasted the precious time I had alone.

Now I make sure I do the things I love (yoga, writing) so that I can return to my parental duties feeling recharged.

4. I re-thought my day

When a new baby enters your world, your schedule is forever changed. Then a few months later it changes again… and again… and again (and so on). As someone who uses her planner like a security blanket, this epiphany was more than a bit discouraging.

The only way I was able to regularly incorporate self-care in my life was to rethink my day. For example, I used to religiously complete morning workouts, but with my son's sleep issues, I soon realized they'd be off the table for a while. (Actually, they still are.)

When I took a look at my daily schedule, I realized that if I could allow myself some flexibility, I could switch my workouts to late in the evening, or even squeeze in the occasional yoga session over the lunch hour.

Now I try and make it a point to find at least one free moment each day, whether it's an hour or 10 minutes, to do something just for me.

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Create a school-ready capsule wardrobe for your kids

Dress for success whether virtual learning or in the classroom!

Tina Meeks

Going "back to school" this year may be less of a literal statement than in years past—but there is just as much reason for your kids to celebrate moving on to new grades. Just like in every new school year, a big part of the fun is refreshing your kids' wardrobe with clothes that allow them to express themselves.

Even if finding back to school clothes this year doesn't include a trip to the mall, you can still make an event of it by shopping H&M's kids collection from your computer. Pull up another chair for your shopping buddy and get the cart started with these fave capsule wardrobe options we've already scouted.

Here are our favorite picks:

A t-shirt made for play

H&M t-shirt

Call them essentials, not basics. A graphic t-shirt aces the test when it comes to being perfect for school. And because your little student will probably want to wear something that expresses their personal style as often as possible, it's great to know the shirts can stand up to school time, playtime, downtime and everything in between!

$4.99

Dressed-up casual shorts for total comfort

H&M boy shorts

Whether pulling up a chair for a virtual meeting with the class or heading back to the school for in-person learning, some comfortable, yet stylish, shorts will help your kid focus on the real tasks at hand: learning—and having fun while doing it!

$19.99

Layers for when seasons change

H&M sweatshirt

When it comes to feeling comfortable at school, layers are the MVPs. Whether the AC is blasting or the day started off cool and is warming up quickly, having a unique sweatshirt to shed or add will help your kid look cool while staying warm.

$9.99

A bit of flair with distressed denim

H&M distressed jeans

A school staple for generations, denim is both classic and continually fashionable with updates like distressing and new wash colors. If you're shopping online for jeans this year, take note of H&M's generous return policy—your kids can try on the orders at home and return anything that doesn't fit without a trip to the store.

$24.99

A fashion statement piece

H&M girls skirt

What's better than expressing yourself through a stylish outfit when school is back in session? Still feeling perfectly comfortable and ready to tackle anything the day holds while looking so good. With so many fashion-forward looks available at budget-friendly prices, H&M's children's collection means every kid can find an outfit that speaks to them.

$14.99

Some comfy kicks

H&M boys shoes

A sure way to put a little pep in your child's step this year, cool and cozy shoes are a staple on all back-to-school shopping lists for good reason. (Plus, it's fun to compare them to last year's shoes to see how much your kid has grown!)

$19.99

Anything-but-basic blouses

H&M girls blouse

Whether in the classroom or showing up for a video call with the class, a styling blouse or button-down shirt is a great way for your student to comfortably dress up the day. Better yet? Style doesn't have to come at the expense of comfort with so many made-to-move tops designed just for kids.

$14.99

A shirt ready to go whatever the day holds

H&M boys shirt

With "going to school" meaning anything from showing up in the classroom to doing a virtual session, it's important to have clothes that are perfect for anything the day holds. A classic, cotton shirt with a fashion-forward design is a great way to keep your student feeling ready to start the year with an A+ attitude.

$9.99

This article was sponsored by H&M. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

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5 brilliant products that encourage toddler independence

Help your little one help themselves.

One of our main goals as mothers is to encourage our children to learn, grow and play. They start out as our tiny, adorable babies who need us for everything, and somehow, before you know it, they grow into toddlers with ideas and opinions and desires of their own.

You may be hearing a lot more of "I do it!" or maybe they're pushing your hand away as a signal to let you know, I don't need your help, Mama. That's okay. They're just telling you they're ready for more independence. They want to be in charge of their bodies, and any little bit of control their lives and abilities allow.

So, instead of challenging your toddler's desire for autonomy, we found five of our favorite products to help encourage independence—and eliminate frustration in the process.

EKOBO Bamboo 4-piece kid set

EKOBO bamboo 4-piece kid set

This colorful set includes a plate, cup, bowl and spoon and is just right for your child's meal experience. Keep them in an easy-to-reach cabinet so they'll feel encouraged (and excited!) to get their own place setting each time they eat.

$25

Puj PhillUp hangable kids cups

Puj PhillUp hangable kids cups

Before you know it, your little one will be asking (okay, maybe demanding) to fill their own water cups. This amazing 4-pack of cups attaches directly to the fridge (or any glass, metal, tile or fiberglass surface) making it easier for your child to grab a cup themselves. Just be sure a water pitcher or dispenser is nearby, and—boom!—one task off your plate.

$29

Wise Elk puzzle tower blocks

Wise Elk puzzle tower blocks

These beautiful blocks, made from sustainably-sourced wood and water-based, non-toxic, lead-free paint, will keep your little one focused on their creation while they're also busy working on their fine-motor skills. The puzzle design will encourage patience as your kiddo creates their own building, fitting one block in after the next.

$18

Lorena Canals basket

Lorena Canals Basket

This *gorgeous* braided cotton basket is the perfect, accessible home for their blocks (and whatever else you want to hide away!) so your kiddo can grab them (and clean them up) whenever their heart desires.

$29

BABYBJÖRN step stool

BABYBJ\u00d6RN Step Stool

Your kiddo might be ready to take on the world, but they might need an extra boost to do so—cue, a step stool! An easy-to-move lightweight stool is the must-have confidence-boosting tool you need in your home so your growing tot can reach, well... the world.

$20

We independently select and share the products we love—and may receive a commission if you choose to buy. You've got this.

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