Dear (First-time) Pregnant Lady

Sorry for the stuff you had no idea was coming.

Dear (First-time) Pregnant Lady

The first 18 months of my baby’s life were filled with moments I felt the need to apologize for. Like when I used her naptime to binge watch Game of Thrones instead of reading that Baby Whisperer book. Or when that wine cork popped and woke her up 30 seconds after I left her room. Or using my last two dollars at a garage sale to buy Fifty Shades of Grey instead of the teddy bear she was eyeing.

These than stellar parenting moments are now memorialized in my book: Dear Baby: I’m Sorry…Apologies for Life’s Little Parenting Fails. (Daughter, when you hate me in about twelve-ish years, please refer back to this document). But having recently gone through a second pregnancy, I realized pregnant women (especially first-timers) are also due some apologies. So here goes.

Dear (First-time) Pregnant Lady:

  1. Sorry your boobs feel like punching bags. Blame increased blood flow for making your tatas feel like they’re pulling overtime at Gleason’s Gym. (It may also cause a gorgeous green highway of veins to surface there. Who’s the lucky girl?) Your boobs should not be fondled, grazed or looked at during this time. Even the looks. They hurt. Find bras with no seams, no lace, no wires, no shape. Just buy a formless cotton blob of fabric that will make them look like hell but feel like they just got outta jail. P.S. Sorry but you also need to put stretch mark cream on those melons.

  1. Sorry you pee more than a Great Dane. You are a veritable geyser of urination, running to the toilet more than a senior citizen about to board the Depends train. Not ideal when you have a meeting, or want to see a movie without missing half of it because you have to take yet another leak. Sorry you have to do Kegels and cross your legs if you feel a cough or sneeze coming on, because you never know what might fall out.

  1. Sorry even though everyone keeps telling you “sleep now” you can’t. Not only is back-snoozing out due to a slight issue of crushing a vein that delivers blood to your heart, you may also have indigestion, anxiety, a snoring problem and an acrobatic party animal fetus. Sorry you will be rolling side to side so much you wake up with sore hips and your underpants around your knees - without having any fun getting them there.

  1. Sorry you can’t remember jack and keep bumping into walls. Halfway through, you may develop a wicked case of circus klutz disease and “why the hell did I come in this room, again?” syndrome. There are reasons for your bovine movements and momnesia. The front porch you’re hauling around throws off balance. Loose ligaments are turning your body into porridge. Brain activity on the emotional side is way up and the thinking side is flat-lining. Sorry, but it’s best to carry a list of your favorite vocabulary words for reference when you’re trying to form sentences.

  1. Sorry you live in fear of bending at the waist. Maybe not yet. But soon, one of your daily goals will be to NOT DROP ANYTHING. If something slips from your grasp, you will stare, dejected, trying to rationalize leaving it there. And when you can’t, with the grace of a hippopotamus and the speed of an elderly woman at CVS paying in exact change, you will lower yourself, shins first, until one of your kneecaps crashes on the floor, allowing you to gingerly retrieve the fallen object. Sorry, but if you can do this without tipping over and needing someone twice your size to help you up, you’re winning.

  1. Sorry you’re hairier than a chinchilla. I know you can’t SEE under your belly button anymore, but trust me, the hairs down there are at least an inch long. And…is that a moustache on your nipple? Due to sex hormones called androgens, face and body hair is growing fast and out of control, giving you that wolverine chic look. Sorry, but avoid harsh light and allow extra time for emergency chin tweezing sessions.

  1. Sorry everyone feels entitled to make inappropro comments about your body. Oh boy, get ready. Those last few weeks (or months if you’re like me and you make 9+ pounders), while buying milk you may hear, “You look as though that could happen any minute.” And you’ll smile sweetly, wanting to say, “and you look like you’re due for your next electrolysis appointment!” You may also hear, “Have you got any room to breathe?” “Is it twins?” And “I just don’t see how you’ll make it to term!” Aw, you guys, so sweet! Thanks for noticing I’m the size of a log cabin and you can’t fathom how I could get any bigger.

(P.S. if you are in your first trimester, sorry you gag every time you open your refrigerator and feel like you’ve been shot with a horse tranquilizer. Hang in there. Only half a year to go!)

Photography by Red Anchor Photo for Well Rounded NY.

In This Article

    These are only the vitamins I give my children and here's why

    It's hard to say who loves these more—my kids or me.

    When I became a mama five years ago, I didn't put too much thought into whether my son was getting the right vitamins and minerals. From breastfeeding to steaming and pureeing his first bites of solid food, I was confident I was giving him everything to support his growth and development.

    But then the toddler years—and the suddenly picky palate that accompanied them—came along. Between that challenge and two additional children in the mix… well, I knew my oldest son's eating plan was falling short in some vitamin and mineral categories.

    I also knew how quickly he was growing, so I wanted to make sure he was getting the nutrients he needed (even on those days when he said "no, thank you" to any veggie I offered).

    So when I discovered the new line of children's supplements from Nature's Way®, it felt like a serious weight off my chest. Thanks to supplements that support my children's musculoskeletal growth, their brain function, their immune systems, their eyes and more, I'm taken back to that simpler time when I was so confident my kids' vitamin needs were met.*

    It wasn't just the variety of supplements offered by Nature's Way that won me over: As a vegetarian mama, I'm the picky one in the family when it comes to scanning labels and making sure they meet our standards. The trick is that most gummy vitamins are made with gelatin, which is not vegetarian friendly.

    But just like the other offerings from Nature's Way that I've already come to know and love, the children's supplement line is held to a high standard. That means there's no high-fructose corn syrup, gelatin or common allergens to be found in the supplements. The best part? My two oldest kids ensure we never miss their daily vitamins—they are so in love with the gummy flavors, which include tropical fruit punch, lemonade and wild berry.

    Nature's Way Kids Mulitvitamin

    Meanwhile, my pharmacist husband has different criteria when evaluating supplements, especially when it comes to those for our kids. He appreciates the variety of options from Nature's Way, which gives us the ability to rotate the vitamins based on our kids' daily needs. By keeping various children's supplements from Nature's Way on hand, I can customize a regimen to suit my kids' individual requirements.

    Of course, high-quality products often come at a higher price point. But (to my immense gratitude!) that isn't the case with Nature's Way, which retails for a competitive value when compared to the other items on the shelf.

    Like all mamas, my chief concern is supporting my children's health in any way I can. While I see evidence of their growth every time I pack away clothes they've outgrown, I know there is much more growth that doesn't meet the eye. That's why, for my oldest son, I like stacking the Brain Builder gummy with the Growing Bones & Muscles gummy and the Happy & Healthy Multi. My 3-year-old also enjoys getting her own mix to include the Healthy Eyes gummy. And both of my older kids are quick to request the Tummy Soothe tablet when something isn't sitting right in their stomachs.* And I'll admit it: I've tried it myself and the berry blast flavor really is tasty!

    Although my current phase of motherhood may not be as "simple" as it once was, there is so much to appreciate about it—like watching my kids play and sing and create with their incredible imaginations. Along the way, I've eased up on some of my need for control, but it does help to have this range of supplements in my motherhood tool kit. So while I may not be able to convince my son to try kale, having the Nature's Way supplements on hand means I do know he's right on track.*These statements have not been evaluated by the Food & Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.

    This article was sponsored by Nature's Way. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

    Our Partners

    This post is brought to you by Staples. While this was a sponsored opportunity, all content and opinions expressed here are my own.

    One of the biggest changes in my household once my daughter started homeschooling was that, suddenly, everything and everyone in our home had to start pulling double duty. While I was used to wearing a lot of hats (mom, wife and WFH employee, to name a few), suddenly our dining room was also pulling shifts as a classroom. My laptop was also a virtual teacher. Our living room hutch was also a school supply closet.

    If I didn't want my home to be overrun with an abundance of clutter, I had to find products that could multitask. Here are 10 products that are saving this WFH + homeschooling mama right now.

    Stylish storage cabinet

    Whether I need a place to keep the printer or just want to keep crayons and colored pencils organized, this pretty cabinet provides a mixture of exposed and hidden storage without clashing with my living room decor.

    White board calendar + bulletin board

    With so much on our plates these days, I need a visual reminder of our daily schedule or I'll forget everything. This dry erase version makes it easy to keep track of Zoom meetings and virtual classes—and I also love using the corkboard to display my daughter's latest work from art class.

    Natural Recycled 3-Ring Binder

    From tracking our curriculum progress to organizing my family's paperwork, I can never have enough binders. Even better, this neutral version is pretty enough that I can display them on the bookshelf.

    Bamboo storage drawers

    The instant you start homeschooling, it can feel like you're suddenly drowning in papers, craft supplies and more. Fortunately, these simple bamboo drawers can be tucked into the cabinet or even displayed on top (seriously, they're that cute!) to keep what we need organized and close at hand.

    Laminated world map

    I love this dry-erase map for our geography lessons, but the real secret? It also makes a cute piece of wall decor for my work space.

    Rolling 7-drawer cabinet

    When you're doing it all from home, you sometimes have to roll with the punches—I strongly recommend getting an organizational system that rolls with you. On days when both my husband and I are working from home and I need to move my daughter's classes to another room, this 7-drawer cabinet makes it easy to bring the classroom with us.


    From our first day of school photo to displaying favorite quotes to keep myself motivated, this 12"x18" letterboard is my favorite thing to display in our home.

    Expandable tablet stand

    Word to the wise: Get a pretty tablet stand you won't mind seeing out every day. (Because between virtual playdates, my daughter's screen time and my own personal use, this thing never gets put away.)

    Neutral pocket chart

    Between organizing my daughter's chore chart, displaying our weekly sight words and providing a fits-anywhere place to keep supplies on hand, this handy little pocket chart is a must-have for homeschooling families.

    Totable fabric bins

    My ultimate hack for getting my family to clean up after themselves? These fabric bins. I can use them to organize my desk, store my oldest's books and even keep a bin of toys on hand for the baby to play with while we do school. And when playtime is over, it's easy for everyone to simply put everything back in the bin and pop it in the cabinet.

    Looking for study solutions for older children? Hop over to Grown & Flown for their top picks for Back to School.

    Work + Money

    29 last-minute family Halloween costumes you can pull together NOW

    If your little one is going as a lion, coordinating is as easy as breaking out the khaki!

    Here's how Halloween unfolds in most households I know: Mom spends weeks—even months—planning the perfect costumes for little ones. Then Halloween creeps up and they realize they need an outfit to coordinate with the kids' get-ups. What's a mom to do?!

    Thankfully, there's no need for fear or pressure: There are so many ideas for parents that are easy to make and still super clever.

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