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Before conceiving, I thought I’d be one of those earth-mother types who would instantly start radiating from the inside out. From what the media (and even more-so social media) depicts about pregnant women, I was under the impression (perhaps delusional?) that this would be me from the get-go too. I had of course heard about the early cliche pregnancy symptoms like morning sickness, etc., however the greater emphasis is usually put on the glorified parts. Maybe for some that radiating actually happens out of the gate. But for most women, the reality of the first trimester looks nothing like this at all. I mean not even a slight resemblance.

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Have you ever imagined what it would be like to have the flu for 2 months straight? Probably not, because that would be the WORST THING EVER! Well this was my warm welcome into pregnancy. There were consecutive days when I could barely leave the couch, and pajamas became my standing uniform. I give boatloads of credit to women who work demanding 9-5,6,7? jobs and somehow get their asses to work every day, dressed in appropriate attire, makeup in check. And the real superheros in this universe are women who work these rigid schedules, and already have a kid(s) to take care of at home.

In those early days when I felt like the only person in the world who was struggling. But that's not true. So here's 10 of the less glorified parts of pregnancy that may be part of your first-trimester reality.

1. Fatigue. Think about the most tired you’ve ever been in your life. Now multiply it by 1,000 and it’s still not even close to how tired you will be in your first trimester. While doctors and friends assure you that this will pass come your second trimester, it doesn’t matter because you’re tired today and there is nothing you can do about it. My recommendations include laying low, keeping plans very loose, accepting that you may need to cancel commitments, and resting as much as you can. You will never regain the time back to nurture your body the way it needs during a pregnancy so take advantage of the moments you have to relax. And don’t feel bad about it either. You are creating human life, and the first trimester is the most critical time for development. Take the time you need.

2. Nausea. Fortunately, I never threw up. But I constantly felt like I could. Low-grade nausea plagued me daily. There were even times when I had to bypass taking my prenatal vitamins because I would gag when I tried. There really isn’t any way around being nauseous in the early days when your hormones are on the rise, but there is one thing that can help: eat. Keeping your stomach full (not overly so) can take the edge off and ensure your blood sugar stays intact. My favorite on-the-go snacks included:

● Apples

● Oranges

● Cucumber (w/ a little salt)

● Gluten Free Pretzels

Puffins Gluten Free Cereal

● Kind Healthy Grain Bars

● Lara Bars

3. Dizziness. When pregnant, your cardiovascular system is undergoing traumatic changes. The amount of blood in your body increases by 40-45 percent, and your heart rate goes up, pumping more blood which the majority of goes to the baby. This can slow the return of blood to you. As a result, your blood pressure goes down and there is less flowing to your brain, which causes the dizziness. Sit down if you’re feeling faint and put your head between legs. And if you you are at home, lie down on your left side. This helps move the blood back to your heart. Keep moving to maintain healthy circulation. Low blood sugar could also be another reason for the dizziness, so make sure to eat regularly and bring snacks when on the go. Stay hydrated by carrying around a water bottle (I use this one). Exercise is always important for maintaining healthy circulation.

4. Shortness of Breath. I’m not in good shape, however I don’t usually get out of breath when let’s say, I’m making the bed! Even little activities actually knocked the wind out of me during my first trimester. According to BabyCenter, “ An increase in hormones, particularly progesterone, directly affects your lungs and stimulates the respiratory center in your brain. And while the number of breaths you take per minute actually changes very little during pregnancy, the amount of air you inhale and exhale with each breath increases significantly.” I can’t express how much you need to take it easy (especially if you’re working out) and in the moments where you’re feeling a lack of air - pause and take deep inhales and exhales (inhale - count to 5 - exhale - count to 5). Fill your body up with as much oxygen as possible and take a moment to let it circulate. The shortness of breath only increases into your second trimester while your bump puts more pressure on your diaphragm, so make sure to breathe deep.

5. Headaches. Some women experience what I call a “pregnancy headache,” likely caused by the changing hormones and increase in bloodflow. Although most doctors say Tylenol is fine (contact yours first before taking anything), I steered clear of medication because of the excess I had to take during my IVF process. If you are not taking medication and you get a pregnancy headache, lay down, close your eyes and go to bed! Drink a ton of water, and if the pain is that great, put an ice-pack or bag of frozen peas on your head. A massage/tickle from your partner doesn’t hurt either. It helps the release of endorphins which causes euphoria and pleasure, and can help you relax. Another key thing to stay aware of is what you are eating because food/caffeine can trigger headaches too. Keeping a food diary will help track potential causes. Check out The Mayo Clinic, which has a bunch of recommendations for avoiding headaches all together.

6. Emotional/Depression/Anxiety. This past year was full of ups and downs for me, especially since the process of conceiving included fertility treatments. When I finally found out I was pregnant, I thought for sure I’d be over the moon and all of my sadness, frustration and defeat would disappear. WRONG! Pregnancy takes your hormones on a roller coaster ride and if you’re an already sensitive person (like me), expect it to be supersonic. Especially in your first trimester. It also doesn’t help when you perpetually don’t feel well, and that could depress anyone. Being pregnant is also scary! The plan to have a baby and the reality of being pregnant are two completely different things. It can bring up tons of emotions which lead to anxious and/or depressing thoughts and this is all very normal. Know that you are not alone, and like I mentioned, continue to remind yourself that everything you are feeling is natural. Unfortunately, 33% of women do face clinical depression/anxiety during pregnancy, and if you think this may be you, there are ways to seek help.

7. Hunger. If there was a theme song playing throughout my first trimester, it would be “Hungry Like the Wolf”, because that is exactly how I felt. I pretty much had to eat every 1-2 hours and if I didn’t get something in my stomach before that window of time, I’d start to feel faint, nauseous and dizzy. Before getting pregnant, I imagined my diet to consist of tons of veggies and fruits, lean meats, and fish (per recommended amount), but you can throw that all out the window in your first trimester. I ate what I craved, and that’s it -- tons of carbs, minimal veggies, a little more sugar than I had hoped, ginger ale (regular, not diet), surprisingly red meat, and (luckily) oranges. I recommend keeping food handy. Pack snacks in your bag and always have something to nibble on in case you are not home and reach the witching hour before sh*t hits the fan.

8. Thirst. Parched as if you’ve been stuck in the sahara for a week, yes, that is how thirsty you will be in your first trimester. Staying hydrated is obviously important, so keep a water bottle handy so you can constantly quench your thirst. While water is not very exciting when you’re pregnant and craving anything from macaroni and cheese to pizza (or maybe that’s just me), I add lemon to my water for flavor. And club soda is a solid alternative too.

9. Sense of Smell. A heightened sense of smell could possibly have been one of the worst symptoms I faced, caused by the increase in estrogen. Before I got pregnant, I started to make my own cocoa body butter, and ordered so much cocoa/shea butter and oils that it now takes up an entire bottom row of a cabinet in the kitchen. I hooked my wife Dina onto it too. Cocoa butter has a very distinct smell, especially if you don’t buy it with chemicals or fragrance. And this is the smell that came back to haunt me once I conceived. Not only did I smell it constantly because Dina wore it, but I smell it every time I open the kitchen cabinet. I now have over $150 worth of ingredients to lotion up a small army, yet I cannot deal with even the slightest whiff. Unfortunately, it is difficult to escape smells, and no matter where you go or what you do, you will be faced with breathing in something that will make you want to run for the toilet to vomit. Something I read (which I didn’t do, but is genius) is carrying around a lemon so that in the event that you smell something that turns your stomach, you can whip it out and sniff it as a distraction.

10. It’s Already about Baby. If you think you’re going to spend the next 9.5 months getting your sleep, having dinner with friends and filling up your social calendar before your baby is born, you are sorely mistaken. From the moment the sperm meets the egg, and your magical being is conceived, your baby will be the main priority in your life. That means lots of sleep, downtime, an adjusted diet, no booze, minimum caffeine and a whole lot of energy spent nurturing the little one inside. Things change from the moment the seed is planted.

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It's finally 2020. It's hard to believe but the old decade is over, the new one is here and it is bringing a lot of new life with it. The babies born this year are members of Generation Alpha and the world is waiting for them.

We're only a few days into the new year and there are already some new celebrity arrivals making headlines while making their new parents proud.

If your little one arrived (or is due to arrive) in 2020, they've got plenty of high profile company.

Here are all the celebrity babies born in 2020 (so far):

Ashley Graham is a mama! 🎉

A new chapter is unfolding for model and podcaster Ashley Graham, who just announced she and her husband Justin Ervin have met their baby.

The baby arrived Saturday, according to a post made on Graham's Instagram Stories.

"At 6:00pm on Saturday our lives changed for the better," reads the Story. "Thank you for all your love and support during this incredible time."

Graham previously announced that she and Ervin were expecting a son. They initially announced the pregnancy on their ninth wedding anniversary.

Congratulations to Ashley and Justin!

Cameron Diaz and Benji Madden just welcomed a baby girl! 🎉

Surprise! Cameron Diaz and Benji Madden are ringing in the New Year as first-time parents!

"Happy New Year from the Maddens!" reads a birth announcement posted to both Diaz and Madden's Instagram accounts. "We are so happy, blessed and grateful to begin this new decade by announcing the birth of our daughter, Raddix Madden. She has instantly captured our hearts and completed our family."

Raddix Madden is the first child for Diaz, 47, and Madden, 40.

The couple say they won't be posting any pictures of their daughter on social media as they "feel a strong instinct to protect our little one's privacy."

Congratulations to the Maddens! 🎉

Dylan Dreyer of 'Today' is a mom of 2! 

Today meteorologist Dylan Dreyer and her husband Brian Fichera, welcomed their second child, Oliver George Fichera, the first week of January 2020. Oliver joins his big brother Calvin to make the family a foursome.

Dreyer is still recovering from birth but her voice was on TV this week when she called into her show with an update on her new family. "I feel good," Dylan told her colleagues. "I just feel so happy and so blessed."

Caterina Scorsone of 'Grey's Anatomy' now has 3 girls!

Caterina Scorsone of Grey's Anatomy has so much to be thankful for in 2020: She's now a mom of three! The actress announced the birth of her daughter via Instagram, noting that her baby's name is Arwen.

Arwen joins big sisters Eliza, 7, and 3-year-old Paloma, who has Down syndrome. Speaking on The Motherly Podcast last year, Scorsone explained how Paloma's diagnosis made her "whole concept of what motherhood was had to shift."

It is likely shifting again, as any mama who has gone from two kids to three knows.

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When it comes to taking care of the baby and the house, modern dads say they want to be equal partners.

But when Saturday arrives, research shows men are often relaxing while women are the ones doing unpaid housework with a “leisure time" discrepancy of more than 50 minutes a day on the weekends.

The study revealed that women were more likely than men to spend their weekends watching kids or performing housework.

So after a long week of watching kids or clocking hours on the job, what does mom do more of than dad? Work.

Claire M. Kamp Dush, Ph.D., an associate professor of human sciences at The Ohio State University, and lead author of the new study, says she is hopeful we can all find more balance. It's just going to take some hard discussions—and an understanding that there's more than one way to load a dishwasher or dress a baby.

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The study published in the journal Sex Roles saw Ohio State researchers tracking how 52 dual-income couples spent their time on a minute-by-minute basis as they welcomed their first child. The participating couples kept time diaries for workdays and non-workdays during the third trimester and for about three months after the baby's birth.

The researchers expected to see a lot of entries where mom and dad were doing childcare or housework together, but they didn't.

“Men actually increased their time doing leisure while she was doing work across the transition of parenthood," Kamp Dush shares. “It actually got worse once the baby was there."

According to Kamp Dush, there are a couple of factors behind this disappointing dynamic.

“One thing that's going on is women have a lot of societal pressure put on them to be perfect mothers. So if something is less than perfect with the baby or the house, the consequences are coming back on them," she explains, adding this pressure to have everything done to high standards may lead some moms to micromanage their partners.

If a dad is slacking, Kamp Dush suggests moms ascertain what his motivations are. Often, she says the solution may be as simple as empowering him to do things his own way. (Even if it isn't the outfit you would have picked for the baby...)

“It may also be the case that he just doesn't want to do it and he enjoys his leisure time," says Kamp Dush. If that's the case, she suggests calmly explaining the cost that his rest requires you pay. That may prompt him to do a bit more because, as Kamp Dush says, “He might also enjoy having a happier spouse and co-parent."

The earlier you can have these conversations, the better

Unaddressed resentment in relationships tends to build overtime, which is why it's essential to check in on how you (and your partner) are feeling early and often.

Kamp Dush suggests moms with heavy mental loads write down the tasks and duties they're dealing with. Then rip the list in half and hand it to dad. Couples can certainly negotiate the listed responsibilities, but the important thing is that they're not all on mom.

“Then, you're going to have to let it go," she explains. “Men know how to do these things. As women, we need to just let them do it."

Dads need to do 50 minutes more of unpaid work

The gender disparity in unpaid work hurts our careers, our families and our relationships, but it doesn't have to.

According to the Promundo's State of the World's Fathers' report, if men did 50 minutes of unpaid work a day we could close the gender gap.

"We need men to do our share. Fifty minutes more to relieve women of 50 minutes less would get us really close to equal," the president and CEO of Promundo, Gary Barker, tells Motherly.

When dads are more empowered and moms feel like their household responsibilities are more balanced, the whole family is going to be better off.

[A version of this post was first published July 29, 2018. It has been updated.]

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For new mamas back to sitting behind their desks at work some six weeks (or fewer) after their babies are born, the institutionalized parental leave policy in Denmark is the stuff of daydreams: Over in that Scandinavian paradise, parents are granted 52 weeks of paid leave to divide between them.

There's no denying this is much, much better than the state of parental leave in the United States, but it isn't quite as perfect as it seems from the outside. According to Denmark's Directorate of Employment, Labour and Social Affairs, women take an average 93% of leave allotted to couples. And when they do return to work, mothers' wages suffer both in comparison to men and women without children.

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The good news is that it seems the solution to this gender income gap is something we—the mothers of today, even here in America—can do something about.

A new paper from the US National Bureau of Economic Research that examined Danish administration information from 1980 to 2013 found the motherhood penalty “creates a gender gap in earnings of around 20% in the long run," which is comparable to the gap in the United States.

What's more, the income discrepancy only increases for each child a family in Denmark has: If a woman has four children, her income is only $0.60 to every dollar a man makes—10 years down the road.

While this indicates paid parental leave alone may not be the panacea for the gender income gap, the researchers suggest that changing the way we think about roles in the workplaces and homes could help—at least when it comes to the next generation.

“As a possible explanation for the persistence of child penalties, we show that they are transmitted through generations, from parents to daughters (but not sons)," the researchers note, explaining that the more a daughter's mother worked while the girl was growing up, the less the daughter's income was affected when she became a mother.

“Women tend to adopt a balance of paid work and childcare that is correlated with the one they saw their mother strike when they were growing up," Henrik Kleven, a Princeton economist and the paper's lead author, tells Quartz At Work.

What this looks like in practice is splitting household responsibilities from the get-go and encouraging fathers to take more leave. (In Sweden, where fathers are penalized for not taking advantage of paternity leave, women's earning rose an average 7% for each month of leave that men took.)

According to the State of the World's Fathers' report, produced by Promundo (a non-profit organization dedicated to engaging men and boys in gender equality in partnership with Dove Men+Care) 85% of dads surveyed in the United States, the UK, Argentina, Brazil, Canada, Japan and the Netherlands want to take paternity leave, and yet less than 50% of fathers take as much time as their country's policy allows, and social norms, financial pressures and a lack of support from their managers are all factors.

The report also found that if fathers are able to do just under an hour of unpaid work per day, mothers can cut their unpaid labor time by the same amount.

"We need men to do our share. Fifty minutes more to relieve women of 50 minutes less would get us really close to equal," the president and CEO of Promundo, Gary Barker, told Motherly.

This may help shift us toward more income equality today—and, as the research shows, our daughters will really be able to reap the benefits.

[A version of this post was first published January 29, 2018. It has been updated.]

News

There's no doubt: It's a new parenting era than 20 or 30 years ago.

Now faced with questions about how to limit screen time, when to give children phones and how to protect them from cyber threats, there are simply some issues that today's parents can't get advice on from our own parents.

Does that mean it's harder to be a parent today than when we were growing up? Yes, say 88% of young moms and dads.

According to a BPI Network survey of 2,000 parents in the United States and Canada, the leading reasons parenting feels harder than ever include: social media distractions, challenges with two working parents, emotional or behavioral dysfunction, peer competition or bullying, and violence and safety concerns in schools.

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Of course, most of us weren't fully aware of the challenges our parents faced when we were young—such as the fact they couldn't readily call on their own moms for advice lest they wanted to rack up major long-distance bills and couldn't have anything in the world delivered to their doorsteps within two days.

Regardless of whether it's true, the perception that parenting is harder than ever has contributed to some two-thirds of the respondents saying they've experienced "parental burnout."

"Parental burnout is a state of physical, mental and emotional exhaustion," says Neil D. Brown, LCSW, author of Ending The Parent-Teen Control Battle. "It leaves parents feeling chronically fatigued… and it can lead to depression, chronic anxiety and illness."

With 40% reporting parental burnout has "significantly" affected their qualities of life and another 49% saying it has "somewhat" affected their wellbeing, it's time employers take a vested interest in addressing the issue, says Dave Murray, Chief Strategy and Research Officer at the BPI Network.

"It is staggering to look at the incidence of [parental burnout] symptoms among working parents in America and understand the implications this has for added employee burden, cost, concern and downtime," Murray says, adding that counseling services to promote healthy parenting should "certainly" be among the benefits employers look to offer.

Many working parents are also hopeful that their employers will recognize the importance of practices that support healthy balance between work and life—with 78% of respondents to Motherly's 2018 State of Motherhood survey saying they believe it's possible to combine careers and motherhood. Of those who worked outside the home, the biggest changes they would like to see include subsidies for childcare or on-site childcare, paid maternity leave and more flexible schedules.

In our second annual State of Motherhood Survey in 2019 just over half (51%) of mothers said "I feel discouraged: it's extremely challenging managing trade-offs" associated with combining a career and motherhood.

The consequences of unaddressed parental burnout have an unfortunate way of spilling over to other members of the family. According to a recent study published in the journal Child Abuse & Neglect, a sample of 1,551 parents suggested "parental burnout has a statistically similar effect to job burnout on addictions and sleep problems, a stronger effect on couples' conflicts and partner estrangement mindset and a specific effect on child-related outcomes (neglect and violence) and escape and suicidal ideation."

While employers have a stake in addressing this issue, there's also a lot that individuals can do—like starting by cutting ourselves a break on self-imposed expectations. As research has shown, the more grace we give ourselves and others in the ways we parent, the less prone we ultimately are to burning out.

And while we've heard this all before, it's also worth remembering just how important it is to take time for ourselves. "We must have regular practices to refuel," LMHC Jasmin Terrany previously told Motherly. "We don't need to feel guilty about taking this time for ourselves—our kids will not only learn that self-care is essential, but when we are good, they will be good."

Then don't feel one ounce of guilt about using that time to call someone long-distance or place another Amazon Prime delivery so you can remember that parenting in this day and age does have its perks.

[A version of this post was originally published July 29, 2018. It has been updated.]

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