Jennifer Senior

6 questions about work/life balance for the author of parenting must-read "All Joy and No Fun."

Jennifer Senior

Even as we make the momentous decision to have kids (of course, this decision and all that follows is far easier for some than for others), we can still find ourselves in the momentary (or even longer) panic of “What have I done?” and “I’m the one responsible for this human being?” Jennifer Senior, a writer for New York Magazine and author of the New York Times bestseller, “All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenthood” tackles this very issue: why do we value our children so much while at the same time exhausting ourselves in managing their care and character development?

One of the many things we admire about Senior is that she isn’t afraid to ask for help, and she encourages other moms to do the same. “Don’t ever be ashamed to ask for help,” she says. “Don’t think you can do everything once the baby is born. If the conventional wisdom is not working for you, don’t drive yourself crazy trying to hew to it.” Senior knows this from personal experience, as she explained to Forty Weeks as part of the It’s Working Project. She found herself isolated in the New York suburbs when her son Rusty (now 7) was born in January, a time when it was hard to leave the house and connect with others.

Below, she shares with us a little more insight into her transition back to work, how she found an incredible nanny, why doing it all will not work for every mom, and why we just may need to adjust our expectations.

1. What is one piece of advice you wish you could offer your former expectant self?

Don’t ever be ashamed to ask for help. Don’t think you can do everything once the baby is born. Ask for assistance. If the conventional wisdom is not working for you, don’t drive yourself crazy trying to hew to it. If you can’t breastfeed, don’t be afraid of bottles. If your kid is only napping once a day, don’t beat yourself up for it. Make sure your baby and your body provide the cues and not the books (or the websites, or especially opinionated friends).

2. How did you share the news of your pregnancy with your employer? How far along in your pregnancy were you when you had the conversation?

I just told them at week 11. I walked in.

3. How long did you take for maternity leave before heading back to work? How close was your back-to-work plan with the reality upon your return?

I took six months. I planned to take six months, I took six months, I came back at six months. New York Magazine had a generous policy, paid in full for three months, partially for another month and a half. It was incredibly generous, I’ve been there forever.

4. Who was your biggest source of support in returning to work?

We had an unbelievably fabulous nanny. I worked long hours. So did my husband. We came home at 6:30, so we had to have a nanny. Daycare in New York is impossible to get into. My folks were great too, fabulous for pinch-hitting and weekend relief.

5. Your biggest pregnancy indulgence?

A glass of wine every three weeks.

6. Fill in the blanks: “As a working parent…”

I never expected that summoning the mojo for a second shift would be so hard and getting back into a work groove would be so much easier!

Learn more about the “It’s Working Project” and read more stories of parents in the workforce.

10 must-have registry items that will change your life, mama

The baby gear heavy hitters that should be top of your list

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Our Partners

Every week, we stock the Motherly Shop with innovative and fresh products from brands we feel good about. We want to be certain you don't miss anything, so to keep you in the loop, we're providing a cheat sheet.

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Earth Mama: Effective, natural herbal care for mamas and babies

Founded and grown in her own garage in 2002, Earth Mama started as an operation of one, creating salves, tinctures, teas and soaps with homegrown herbs. With a deep desire to bring the healing powers of nature that have been relied on for thousands of years to as many mamas as possible, Melinda Olson's formulas quickly grew into Earth Mama Organics. Since then, the brand has remained committed to manufacturing clean, safe and effective herbal solutions for the entire journey of motherhood, including pregnancy, breastfeeding and baby care, and even the loss of a baby.

Bravado Designs: Soothing sounds for a good night's sleep

With 28 years of serving pregnant and postpartum mamas under their belt, Bravado Designs is a true authority on the needs of changing bodies. It's true that we have them to thank for rescuing us from the uncomfortable and frumpy designs our own moms had to live with. Launched in Canada by two young mamas, they designed the first prototypes with extra leopard print fabric certain that a better bra was possible. Throughout the years they've maintained their commitment to ethical manufacturing while creating long-lasting products that truly work.

The Sill: Instagram-ready potted plants

We've long admired this female-founded brand and the brilliant mind behind it, Eliza Blank. (She even joined Motherly co-founder Liz Tenety on and episode of The Motherly Podcast!) The mission behind the business was simple: To make the process of bringing plants into your home as easy as possible, and as wonderful as the plant themselves. With their in-house, exclusively designed minimalist planters, the end result makes plant parenthood just a few clicks away.

Not sure where to start? Here's what we're adding to our cart:

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The 6 biggest lies I believed before having kids

Just about all of us had set assumptions about raising kids before we became parents ourselves.

Just about all of us had set assumptions about raising kids before we became parents ourselves. Some of these ideas might have been based on our own ideas of how we would absolutely do things differently than everyone else. Others, we believed what everyone else told us would happen would apply to our littles, too. But, that's not always the case, mama.

Below are six of the biggest lies I believed before having kids—and the reality of what actually happened for me.

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