Menu

Bust these 5 modern relationship myths for your happily ever after

Myth #1: Relationships Are Hard Work

Bust these 5 modern relationship myths for your happily ever after

We go to school for 12 years, some go on to college, and a few even go on to graduate school. With so much education, you’d think that we would learn a thing or two about relationships! Yet somehow these five myths have been floating around for a while, threatening to strain our romantic relationships.


Not only are we not learning the secrets to great relationships, we are actually listening to incorrect information.

Let’s bust these myths once and for all.

Myth #1: Relationships Are Hard Work

When you believe that relationships are hard work, then your love life becomes about as much fun as cleaning the toilets and mopping floors. When you’re in a relationship with your beloved, being together shouldn’t be a chore.

FEATURED VIDEO

They do, however, require attention. Fortunately, when you’re in love, you want to spend time with your mate. When tending to the relationship is a shared goal, then enjoying life together becomes a pleasure and a privilege! My book 75 Habits for a Happy Marriage offers easy and fun ways to nurture your relationship so it doesn’t feel like hard work.

Myth #2: Love Means Never Having to Say You’re Sorry

Quite the opposite—love means that when you mess up, you apologize. Your partner will see the best of you and the worst of you. They’ll see you when you’re angry, tired, hungry, and sleep deprived. If you are cranky, or worse, nasty, even when it feels like you have a good reason, then say that you’re sorry. You can teach your partner how to apologize by your example.

Having a quarrel is inevitable. How you “repair” your quarrel is your choice. So say “I’m sorry” and then have fun kissing and making up.

Myth #3: Neither of Us Could Ever Have an Affair

You may think that each of you is devoted, moral, and loyal. And yes, you probably both have the best of intentions. However, we all have needs for emotional and physical intimacy. Therefore, if you start to neglect your relationship or develop parallel lives, it’s likely that one or the other of you could start looking for intimacy, even unintentionally, outside the marriage.

When you know that an affair is possible, it keeps you motivated to tend to your relationship and make sure that both of you are feeling satisfied. Don’t take your fidelity for granted.

Myth #4: Once We Get Married, Then Everything Will Be Perfect

If you’re dating or living together, sometimes there is the fantasy that everything will be better if you just get a ring and a legal document of commitment. Then, you think you’ll feel safe, happy, and settled.

Unfortunately, relationships don’t work that way. Marriage brings its own array of stresses (financial, legal, etc.) It isn’t a magic pill to fix or improve a relationship. If you can’t be happy together before marriage, it’s unlikely that a ceremony is going to cure what ails you. First, make your relationship great, and then maybe marriage will be in the cards.

Myth #5: My Partner Knows That I Love Him, So I Don’t Need to Say It

Wrong again. We all need to hear this in multiple ways, over and over again. So tell your partner with words, with love notes, with gifts, with thoughtful gestures, with texts, with phone messages, with hugs, and with healthy relationship habits every day!

We are wired to attach to people and we need to know every day that we matter, that we’re appreciated, and that someone has chosen us to be their special one. Don’t assume that your partner is feeling this, show them again and again. An outpouring of love strengthens your bond and ensures that your partner doesn’t feel taken for granted.

Improve your relationship education and bust these five myths out of your life. Once you do, you’ll be well on your way to living happily ever after.

This article was originally published on The Huffington Post.

Ashley Davis Bush, LICSW is a licensed psychotherapist specializing in couples therapy, grief counseling, and trauma recovery.

Join Motherly

I felt lost as a new mother, but babywearing helped me find myself again

I wish someone had told me before how special wearing your baby can be, even when you have no idea how to do it.

My first baby and I were alone in our Brooklyn apartment during a particularly cold spring with yet another day of no plans. My husband was back at work after a mere three weeks of parental leave (what a joke!) and all my friends were busy with their childless lives—which kept them too busy to stop by or check in (making me, at times, feel jealous).

It was another day in which I would wait for baby to fall asleep for nap number one so I could shower and get ready to attempt to get out of the house together to do something, anything really, so I wouldn't feel the walls of the apartment close in on me by the time the second nap rolled around. I would pack all the diapers and toys and pacifiers and pump and bottles into a ginormous stroller that was already too heavy to push without a baby in it .

Then I would spend so much time figuring out where we could go with said stroller, because I wanted to avoid places with steps or narrow doors (I couldn't lift the stroller by myself and I was too embarrassed to ask strangers for help—also hi, New Yorkers, please help new moms when you see them huffing and puffing up the subway stairs, okay?). Then I would obsess about the weather, was it too cold to bring the baby out? And by the time I thought I had our adventure planned, the baby would wake up, I would still be in my PJs and it was time to pump yet again.

Slowly, but surely, and mostly thanks to sleep deprivation and isolation, I began to detest this whole new mom life. I've always been a social butterfly. I moved to New York because I craved that non-stop energy the city has and in the years before having my baby I amassed new friends I made through my daily adventures. I would never stop. I would walk everywhere just to take in the scenery and was always on the move.

Now I had this ball and chain attached to me, I thought, that didn't even allow me to make it out of the door to walk the dog. This sucks, I would think regularly, followed by maybe I'm not meant to be a mom after all.


Keep reading Show less
Shop

Every week, we stock the Motherly Shop with innovative and fresh products from brands we feel good about. We want to be certain you don't miss anything, so to keep you in the loop, we're providing a cheat sheet.

So, what's new this week?

Meri Meri: Decor and gifts that bring the wonder of childhood to life

We could not be more excited to bring the magic of Meri Meri to the Motherly Shop. For over 30 years, their playful line of party products, decorations, children's toys and stationery have brought magic to celebrations and spaces all over the world. Staring as a kitchen table endeavor with some scissors, pens and glitter in Los Angeles in 1985, Meri Meri (founder Meredithe Stuart-Smith's childhood nickname) has evolved from a little network of mamas working from home to a team of 200 dreaming up beautiful, well-crafted products that make any day feel special.

We've stocked The Motherly Shop with everything from Halloween must-haves to instant-heirloom gifts kiddos will adore. Whether you're throwing a party or just trying to make the everyday feel a little more special, we've got you covered.

Not sure where to start? Here's what we're adding to our cart:

Keep reading Show less
Shop

It's science: Why your baby stops crying when you stand up

A fascinating study explains why.

When your baby is crying, it feels nearly instinctual to stand up to rock, sway and soothe them. That's because standing up to calm babies is instinctual—driven by centuries of positive feedback from calmed babies, researchers have found.

"Infants under 6 months of age carried by a walking mother immediately stopped voluntary movement and crying and exhibited a rapid heart rate decrease, compared with holding by a sitting mother," say authors of a 2013 study published in Current Biology.

Even more striking: This coordinated set of actions—the mother standing and the baby calming—is observed in other mammal species, too. Using pharmacologic and genetic interventions with mice, the authors say, "We identified strikingly similar responses in mouse pups as defined by immobility and diminished ultrasonic vocalizations and heart rate."

Keep reading Show less
News