Before you started trying to get pregnant, you may have thought it would be super easy to make a baby. And for some lucky couples, it is! But for most couples, it takes time. And patience. And dedication (aka lots of sex ?.) And support.

Experts at the American Psychological Association say that having the support of others can actually help us in dealing with issues independently.

“Almost all of us benefit from social and emotional support. And though it may seem counter-intuitive, having strong social support can actually make you more able to cope with problems on your own, by improving your self-esteem and sense of autonomy."

So whether you want to create a big or small support system while you're trying to conceive is up to you—but it would be beneficial to have some people on your side who know what you're going through. They can be the safe space you'll need throughout the ups and downs of trying to conceive.


We put together a list of your key tribe members.

1. Your partner

This may seem like a given, but as the most important member of your tribe, your partner should be the person you turn to most during this journey. So keep the lines of communication wide open.

According to Mick, a prominent DJ, social influencer, husband to Rana and new dad to Myles he was supportive and helpful however his wife needed him while they were trying to get pregnant, but found that honing in on one specific area was beneficial for them.

A photo posted by MICK (@mick) on

“We had a difficult time conceiving so I tried extra hard to be as supportive as possible, whether that was in prayer, nutrition, or even comic relief. One thing I really focused on was our mutual health and fitness. We went to the gym together a lot and got significantly stronger. We figured getting in the best physical condition would help with the body and conception."

Join Motherly

2. Your healthcare provider

Risa Klein, CNM says to put your doctor or midwife high on your tribe list. You should be open and honest with your provider, and they should be thorough and patient with you and your partner. Finding a provider who is in tune to your needs can make all the difference in the world.

“I meet with my clients for their conscious conception prenatal visit where we figure out their nutrition, lifestyle, what changes need to be made, understanding their fertility signs, talking about prenatal vitamins, blood work etc. I think every woman should get involved with their provider before she gets pregnant.

When a woman's confidence is raised and she understands her fertility and her husband gets a physical and understands his fertility—that's when I see success. Working one-on-one with your healthcare provider is key."

3. A girlfriend who can relate

Talking about what you're going through with a girlfriend who is also trying to conceive could be a game changer. It's important to talk to your partner about how you're feeling—of course!—but sometimes it's nice to chat with someone who's not directly invested in it to vent or just to relate to. It's always nice to feel like you're not alone.

Lindsay Fischer, author of The Two Week Wait Challenge: A Sassy Girl's Guide to Surviving the TWW and both a domestic violence and IVF advocate says, “Having a core group of women around you who know what you are dealing with is validating and important, especially for those people who are not ready to talk to their friends or family about their journey."

4. A girlfriend who, well, might not be able to relate

Diana Spalding at Gathered Birth agrees that girlfriends can be a huge sense of support throughout your conception journey. Friends who are going through it, and also friends who really may not be able to relate at all.

“While thinking about having a baby is an exciting time, the process of trying to conceive can become a bit stressful. It's easy to get stuck in our owns heads as we think about all the “what ifs." Finding a friend who can help you shift your focus a bit, can be incredibly therapeutic. So go grab a cup of (decaf) coffee and talk about something totally not baby-related."

It might be nice to give your mind, body and soul a break from conception thoughts every once in a while!

5. An online community

There are thousands of women on Instagram and Facebook who connect with other women who are also on their conception journey. The hashtag #TTCCommunity has about 125,000 posts under it, and tons of supportive comments.

Sometimes you may not be ready to talk to your friends or family members about what you're going through—but you need someone other than your partner to vent to. That's where this beautiful online community could really come in handy for you. It's a positive place where you can share your story and know you're not alone—plus, you can pretty much access it at any time, any place.

Join Motherly

When I was expecting my first child, I wanted to know everything that could possibly be in store for his first year.

I quizzed my own mom and the friends who ventured into motherhood before I did. I absorbed parenting books and articles like a sponge. I signed up for classes on childbirth, breastfeeding and even baby-led weaning. My philosophy? The more I knew, the better.

Yet, despite my best efforts, I didn't know it all. Not by a long shot. Instead, my firstborn, my husband and I had to figure it out together—day by day, challenge by challenge, triumph by triumph.


The funny thing is that although I wanted to know it all, the surprises—those moments that were unique to us—were what made that first year so beautiful.

Of course, my research provided a helpful outline as I graduated from never having changed a diaper to conquering the newborn haze, my return to work, the milestones and the challenges. But while I did need much of that tactical knowledge, I also learned the value of following my baby's lead and trusting my gut.

I realized the importance of advice from fellow mamas, too. I vividly remember a conversation with a friend who had her first child shortly before I welcomed mine. My friend, who had already returned to work after maternity leave, encouraged me to be patient when introducing a bottle and to help my son get comfortable with taking that bottle from someone else.

Yes, from a logistical standpoint, that's great advice for any working mama. But I also took an incredibly important point from this conversation: This was less about the act of bottle-feeding itself, and more about what it represented for my peace of mind when I was away from my son.

This fellow mama encouraged me to honor my emotions and give myself permission to do what was best for my family—and that really set the tone for my whole approach to parenting. Because honestly, that was just the first of many big transitions during that first year, and each of them came with their own set of mixed emotions.

I felt proud and also strangely nostalgic as my baby seamlessly graduated to a sippy bottle.

I felt my baby's teething pain along with him and also felt confident that we could get through it with the right tools.

I felt relieved as my baby learned to self-soothe by finding his own pacifier and also sad to realize how quickly he was becoming his own person.

As I look back on everything now, some four years and two more kids later, I can't remember the exact day my son crawled, the project I tackled on my first day back at work, or even what his first word was. (It's written somewhere in a baby book!)

But I do remember how I felt with each milestone: the joy, the overwhelming love, the anxiety, the exhaustion and the sense of wonder. That truly was the greatest gift of the first year… and nothing could have prepared me for all those feelings.

This article was sponsored by Dr. Brown's. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

Our Partners

My husband and I always talked about starting a family a few years after we were married so we could truly enjoy the “newlywed” phase. But that was over before it started. I was pregnant on our wedding day. Surprise!

Keep reading Show less