It's a conundrum many parents wrestle with: We don't want to lie to our kids, but when it comes to Santa, sometimes we're not exactly giving them the full truth either. It's only September but Christmas is actually not that far away and that's maybe why it was on Gabrielle Union's mind when she interviewed Tamron Hall for Oprah magazine.
Union explained that she and her husband, Dwyane Wade, are very honest with their children when it comes to Santa Claus. For them, Christmas is more about family than the fictional character.
Union used to suggest labeling some gifts being from Santa when the older kids were younger, but Wade was passionate about being honest with his children about who was really leaving the presents under the tree.
"He didn't grow up believing in Santa Claus," Union tells Hall, explaining that since Santa is often presented as a white man in popular culture that complicates the issue further for a father raising black sons. So Wade just prefers to skip the Santa myth entirely, and he's not the only celebrity parent to do this.
Kristen Bell + Dax Shepard are honest with their kids about Santa
For Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard, lying to daughters Lincoln, 6, and Delta, 4 just isn't an option, so everyone in the Bell-Shepard household knows the truth about Santa.
"This is going to be very controversial," Shepard told Us Weekly last year. "I have a fundamental rule that I will never lie to them, which is challenging at times. Our 5-year-old started asking questions like, 'Well, this doesn't make sense, and that doesn't make sense.' I'm like, 'You know what? This is just a fun thing we pretend while it's Christmas.'"
According to Shepard, this has not diminished the magic of Christmas in their home. "They love watching movies about Santa, they love talking about Santa," Shepard told Us. "They don't think he exists, but they're super happy and everything's fine."
It's okay to be honest when it comes to Santa
Research indicates these celebrity parents are right—kids can be totally happy and into Christmas even without Santa.
Studies suggest that for many kids, the myth fades around age seven, but for some kids, it's sooner, and that's okay.
Writing for The Conversation, Kristen Dunfield, an Assistant Professor of Psychology at Concordia University, suggests that when kids come to parents with the hard questions about Santa, parents may feel a bit sad, but can take some comfort in "recognizing these challenging questions for what they are—cognitive development in action."
Kids aren't usually the ones who are upset when they figure it out, researchers note. Typically, kids are kind of proud of themselves for being such great detectives. It's the parents who feel sadness.
Some parents may not choose to be as blunt as Shepard, and that's okay, too. According to Dunfield, if you don't want to answer questions about Santa with 100% truth, you can answer a question with a question.
"If instead you want to let your child take the lead, you can simply direct the question back to them, allowing your child to come up with explanations for themselves: "I don't know, how do you think the sleigh flies?" Dunfield writes.
While Dax Shepard acknowledges that telling a 3-year-old that Santa is pretend might be controversial, he's hardly the first parent to present Santa this way. There are plenty of healthy, happy adults whose parents told them the truth.
LeAnne Shepard is one of them. Now a mother herself, LeAnne's parents clued her into the Santa myth early, for religious reasons that were common in her community.
"In the small Texas town where I grew up, I wasn't alone in my disbelief. Many parents, including mine, presented Santa Claus as a game that other families played," she previously wrote. "That approach allowed us to get a picture on Santa's lap, watch the Christmas classics, and enjoy all the holiday festivities so long as we remembered the actual reason for the season. It was much like when I visited Disney World and met Minnie Mouse; I was both over the moon excited and somewhat aware that she was not actually real."
No matter why you want to tell your children the truth about Santa, know that it's okay to let the kids know that he's pretend. These celebrity couples' kids prove that knowing the truth about Santa doesn't have to make Christmas any less exciting.
[A version of this post was originally published December 12, 2018.]