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The Rock 'n Play conversation underscores how desperately parents need more support—and sleep

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When my son was born, my sister gave me three pieces of baby gear: A flat bassinet that a doctor approved as safe for sleep, and a bouncy chair and a swing that were not. At first, I was diligent about only putting my baby to sleep in the bassinet, on his back as I'd been told by the nurses at the hospital. But as the weeks wore on, I got desperate and strapped him into the inclined seat of the swing. I did up all the buckles and turned the machine on. As my baby was lulled to sleep I lulled myself to sleep with a comforting but flawed thought: They wouldn't make these if they weren't safe.

That is why I feel for all the parents who are angry about the recent recall of 4.7 million Rock 'n Play sleepers. Because when something works for us, we don't want to give it up, break it down and send it back to Mattel. We just want our babies to sleep.

But of course, we also want them to be safe. And that's something that parents and pediatricians can agree on, even as they disagree about the Rock n' Play and other sleep products for babies.

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When the Rock 'n Play recall was announced last Friday, countless parents commented on news articles, vowing to keep using their Rock 'n Play and suggesting the recall was unnecessary, and that the more than 30 infant deaths could have been prevented if parents had used the restraints (the CPSC noted in its recall notice that some of the babies were, in fact, buckled in).

That's why Dr. Diane Arnaout, a pediatrician at Cook Children's in Fort Worth took to Facebook to speak on behalf of the medical providers who caution parents against using such products. "Listen, we pediatricians are tired parents, too," she wrote. "I'm not here to judge you or your day-by-day struggle to survive. But babies die. We don't want your baby to die."

Why the Rock n' Play still has fans

As Alexis Dubief, a baby sleep consultant and author of Precious Little Sleep: The Complete Baby Sleep Guide for Modern Parents, recently explained on NPR's weekend edition, the Rock 'n Play became so popular because it's cheap and it works—as many parents who use it nightly still attest. Babies sleep well in it, even if they are not sleeping in what pediatricians say is a safe environment or position.

Dubief wants to know if how the "relative risk of the Rock 'n Play compare[s] to the crib or, what often is the fallback position, co-sleeping with an adult" and many parents are echoing her question in internet comment sections.

We know that in less than a decade, 32 babies have died while sleeping in Rock 'n Plays. But in that same time period, we know that the number of babies dying of suffocation, in general, has been on the rise, as noted in a study published in the journal Pediatrics last year. In 2015 alone more than 1,100 babies died this way, and in most of these cases, these babies were sleeping with an adult.

Do rigid sleep rules make babies safer?

At the same time that researchers were noting this increase in infant suffocation deaths, parents were also being inundated with safe sleep information. In the last decade there has been a sustained push to reduce co-sleeping rates, get babies sleeping on their backs in cribs, and educate parents about removing blankets, pillows, toys and sleep positioners from cribs, but researchers note that despite all these efforts infant deaths continue.

"Simply telling people that the crib is the only option for your child in practicality is not a reasonable response," says Dubief, who explains that parents are educated about these recommendations, but when we're exhausted and suffering, we do what we have to do to make it through the night.

"What happens is we fall back into kind of desperation-based, unsafe behaviors. It's not a logical decision. It's a desperation decision. And that's where we end up co-sleeping—in many cases, co-sleeping on a couch or a chair," Dubief explains.

Falling asleep on a couch or in an armchair is even riskier than sharing an adult bed with a baby, because there are all kinds of places for a baby's face to get stuck, and it's easy for a baby to end up in a position where they asphyxiate or rebreathe their own exhaled carbon dioxide.

"Highly risky situations occur when we're desperately sleep deprived and it's 2, 3, 4 in the morning and we've been up every 45, 60, you know, minutes for the entire evening," says Dubief.

Most parents who've lived it know how true this is, and those who haven't should consider themselves privileged.

The Rock n' Play was popular because it worked, and because it was cheap

In order to not have those highly risky nights Dubief describes, parents need one of two things: Support or the money to buy it.

The Rock 'n Play (most models of which sold for less than $60) cost less than most cribs and was accessible for parents who don't have access to things like postpartum doulas, night nurses, the SNOO or even paid leave.

When you have to be back at work when your child is mere weeks old, you're going to be even more desperate for sleep than someone who is able to stay home and live by the old "sleep when the baby sleeps" rule.

Bottom Line: While we do need government agencies to protect babies from unsafe products and for manufacturers to do a better job of ensuring that products marketed to new parents as baby sleepers are safe, what we really need is an understanding that support for vulnerable postpartum parents should not be seen as a luxury but as a necessity.

When I strapped my baby into that swing I knew the ABCs of safe sleep (A is for Alone, B is for on the Back, and C is for in a Crib) but all I wanted was some Zs. I got some sleep and I got very lucky.

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Did you hear that? That was the sound of Nordstrom and Maisonette making all your kid's summer wardrobe dreams come true.

Nordstrom partnered with Maisonette to create the perfect in-store pop-up shop from May 24th-June 23rd, featuring some of our favorite baby and kids brands, like Pehr, Zestt Organics, Lali and more. (Trust us, these items are going to take your Instagram feed to the next level of cuteness. 😍) Items range from $15 to $200, so there's something for every budget.

Pop-In@Nordstrom x Maisonette

Maisonette has long been a go-to for some of the best children's products from around the world, whether it's tastefully designed outfits, adorable accessories, or handmade toys we actually don't mind seeing sprawled across the living room rug. Now their whimsical, colorful aesthetic will be available at Nordstrom.

The pop-in shops will be featured in nine Nordstrom locations: Costa Mesa, CA; Los Angeles, CA; Chicago, IL; Austin, TX; Dallas, TX; Bellevue, WA; Seattle, WA; Toronto, ON; and Vancouver, BC.

Don't live nearby? Don't stress! Mamas all across the U.S. and Canada will be able to access the pop-in merchandise online at nordstrom.com/pop

But don't delay―these heirloom-quality pieces will only be available at Nordstrom during the pop-in's run, and then they'll be over faster than your spring break vacation. Happy shopping! 🛍

This article is sponsored by Nordstrom. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

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Ayesha Curry has a beautiful family. Her girls, 6-year-old Riley and 3-year-old Ryan, are so smart and adorable and youngest, 10-month-old Canon, is a beautiful, growing baby boy.

He's so cute it practically hurts to look at his sweet little face. So Curry was understandably shocked when an Instagram commenter suggested that Canon (again, he is 10 months old) should go on a diet.

Seriously.

The whole thing started when Curry posted a photo taken after her husband, NBA star Steph Curry, won the Western Conference finals with the Golden State Warriors. The group shot shows Curry holding Canon surrounded by friends and family. The problematic comments began when someone asked the mom of three if she was pregnant again.

That question is not cool. It's not okay to comment on a woman's body like that, even if she is in the public eye. Curry recently told Working Mother that she's had times since becoming a mom when she's been depressed about her body, and struggled with her reflection as she's gone from being an NBA player's wife to a successful woman who is landing magazine covers for her own work.

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"I'm not thin; I'm 170 pounds on a good day. It's been a journey for me, and that's why I want my girls to understand who they are—and to love it."

Despite this, Curry took the pregnancy speculation in stride, replying with "LOL" and stating she is absolutely not pregnant.

"My 30-lb. son is just breaking my back in every photo," she wrote.

That's when the comments about Canon came.

"30 at 10 months?? Sheesh," wrote one user.

"30?!?!? He's bigger than my 19-month-old nephew," another commented.

"Maybe portion control his food a little bit," replied another Instagram user in a comment that got Curry's attention.

While she had responded to the inappropriate speculation about her own body with grace, she was not about to take baby body shaming and unsolicited parenting advice from an internet stranger.

"Excuse you? No. Just no," she wrote.

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No is right. It is never okay to presume a woman is pregnant and it is never okay to comment on a baby's weight. Plus, Canon is adorable just the way he is!

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, every baby grows at their own rate, but usually by their first birthday, the average child triples their birth weight. What's important isn't measuring your child against any chart, but that they continue to grow at the same pace they set in the first eight months of their life, the AAP notes.

Many moms can relate to Curry's situation here. People (sometimes well-meaning) seem to think it's okay to comment on baby's weight, but it absolutely isn't. Every baby is different and growing at their own speed, and no one knows what is best for their baby like their mom and dad do so strangers on the internet or even relatives at a family dinner need to keep those comments to themselves.

No one should be judging Canon's weight or Curry's parenting. Canon is 30 pounds of cuteness and his mother knows exactly how and what to feed him.

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Car seats are obviously meant to be used in the car, but in recent years the designs of modern infant car seats have made them so portable many parents keep babies in them even outside of the vehicle. Many parents arrive at a destination, take the whole car seat out and lug it inside so their babies can keep sleeping.

But now, the American Academy of Pediatrics is recommending against this after a new study published in the journal Pediatrics found that a significant number of infant deaths are occurring in car seats that aren't being used in the car, but rather as a substitute for a crib or bassinet, especially when babies are in the care of a childcare provider.

Researchers investigated 11,779 infant sleep-related deaths over the course of a decade and found that 348 (3%) babies died in sitting devices, most of which (63%) were car seats that were not being used for their intended purpose. The remaining deaths happened in bouncers or swings (35%) and strollers (2%).

When the pediatricians looked into infant deaths that occurred in bouncers and swings, they learned most happened when the baby was at home with a parent. But they noted that when it comes to car seats, more babies were under the care of a childcare provider. "There are higher odds of sleep-related infant death in sitting devices when a child care provider or baby-sitter is the primary supervisor," they wrote.

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There have been several highly publicized cases of this in recent years. Ali Dodd lost her 11-week-old son Shepard in 2015 after he was put down for a nap in his infant car seat while at an in-home day care. It was only his sixth day in day care.

Dodd now advocates tirelessly for safe sleep and paid family leave in the hopes of preventing deaths like Shepard's. She's pleased to see the AAP drawing attention to data proving that sleeping in inclined sleepers and sitting devices is dangerous for babies. "The more this is talked about that more likely parents will accept this as fact. Babies should always be placed on their backs, alone in their crib or Pack N' Play for every sleep time," Dodd tells Motherly.

She continues: "If my son had been placed in a safe sleep environment I would likely still be watching him grow up. That's a privilege I want for more American families."

Parents, childcare providers, grandparents and anyone else who watches a baby should be aware that car seats are not a safe place for naps when used outside the car.

Children are going to fall asleep in their car seats while in a moving vehicle from time to time, and parents shouldn't panic about that—the seats are made to be used in the car. As noted in a study The Journal of Pediatrics, when car seats are used as directed by the manufacturer's guidelines, babies have a very low risk of suffocation or strangulation from the harness straps.

The danger is when the seats are used on the floor, a table or a bed. Instead of letting a baby sleep in a car seat the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends babies nap and sleep "on a firm sleep surface such as a crib or bassinet with a tight-fitting sheet." There should be no soft bedding, pillows, toys or bumpers in the crib.

Bottom line: Car seats save lives when used in the car, but they are absolutely not a replacement for a bassinet or a crib, and everyone who is taking care of babies should know this.

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In recent months there has been a growing awareness about the tragedy of maternal health care in America, specifically how much more dangerous it is for black women to become mothers. Black women are 3 to 4 times more likely than white women to die during or right after pregnancy than white mothers and racism and the implicit bias of health care providers allows this to happen.

This week, Sen. Kamala Harris reintroduced the Maternal Care Access and Reducing Emergencies (CARE) Act to address this issue."The health status and the well-being of Black mothers should concern everyone," she wrote on Twitter. "I re-introduced my Maternal CARE Act to ensure women are listened to in our health care system."

Implicit bias is basically the ways in which we stereotype people, even unconsciously, and how these stereotypes impact our actions. When it comes to maternal health care, the implicit bias of providers can mean black mothers' concerns go unheard, even when they're paying for the best medical care money can buy.

This is happening to moms at all income levels and is something that Serena Williams has been very open about, and even Beyonce felt the effects of.

According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, "implicit bias may affect the way obstetrician–gynecologists counsel patients about treatment options such as contraception, vaginal birth after cesarean delivery, and the management of fibroids."

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Harris's Maternal Care Access and Reducing Emergencies (CARE) Act would create grants to ensure black mothers have access to maternal care and that healthcare providers are trained to avoid the kind of bias that results in black moms losing their lives, and babies losing their mothers.

Harris has seen this in her own state, where black women make up 5% of the pregnant population, but 21% of the pregnancy-related deaths. California's Dignity in Pregnancy and Childbirth Act is seeking to change that on the state level, and Harris is hoping to do the same on a national level by passing her federal act (and winning the Democratic primary).

Her future in the Presidential race remains to be seen, but with Maternal Care Access and Reducing Emergencies (CARE) Act she's trying to ensure that black mothers are seen and no longer overlooked in America's healthcare system.

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We've said it here at Motherly many times: The majority of moms just don't feel like society supports them. Our 2019 State of Motherhood survey found a whopping 85% of mothers feel this way, up from 74% last year.

We've wondered if anyone is listening, but the race for the Democratic primary proves many politicians are.

This week Kirsten Gillibrand, a mom of two herself, announced her new economic policy platform known as the Family Bill of Rights.

In a Medium post published Wednesday, Gillibrand explained that she believes Americans have the right to a safe and healthy pregnancy, the right to give birth or adopt a child, the right to personally care for those children in their infancy and access health care for them, the right to a safe and affordable nursery, and the right to affordable child care and early education before kindergarten.

She's proposing a lot here. Like Senator Elizabeth Warren before her, Gillibrand points out that the "U.S. has the highest rate of pregnancy-related deaths in the industrialized world, and black women are 3–4 times more likely to die during or after childbirth than white women."

Like Warren, she plans to make America a safer place to give birth. She also plans to "require insurance companies to cover treatments like IVF" to make sure that reproductive medicine isn't out of reach for families. She wants to make sure all families, regardless of sexual orientation, race or income level can welcome a child.

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That's why one of her promises is to ensure taxpayer-funded adoption agencies can't discriminate against potential parents, and why she plans to "provide a tax credit to ensure that a family's ability to adopt and provide a stable home for a child isn't dependent on their wealth."

That tax credit would help parents who are adopting older children, and Gillibrand's plan for safe and affordable nurseries would help parents who are coming home with newborns. She plans to provide baby boxes that contain a small mattress and can be used as a safe sleep surface but will also be packed with "diapers, swaddle blankets, and onesies."

And of course, like so many politicians in America right now, she's got a plan for paid family leave, but she's also tackling children's health care in the same breath. "It's past time we create a national paid family and medical leave insurance program, so that everyone can take the time they need to be with their loved ones without having to worry about how they'll pay the bills. And I would ensure that every child has the right to health care, by making the Children's Health Insurance Program (CHIP) universal," she explains.

From there, Gillibrand is committing to universal pre-K and an expansion of the Child and Dependent Care tax credit to help families with the cost of childcare.

With more than 20 competitors running against her and a poll numbers suggesting she's nowhere near the lead, many may not take Gillibrand's announcement seriously. There are a lot of promises in her Family Bill of Rights, but that fact alone reminds us just how much American families are missing right now.

Time will tell how far Gillibrand will get on this platform, but we hope other politicians (in both parties) are listening. Because she was listening to us. And she's got our attention.

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