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It's Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day and grieving parents have a message they want to share

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It's a pain that many parents understand, but one that society too often minimizes or ignores.

Today though, people are talking about how one in four women experience a perinatal loss—including miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant death. Today, October 15, is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, and online and in cities around the world, parents are coming together to speak the names of the children they can't hold in their arms, but will forever hold in their hearts.

This day and these conversations are so important, because despite it being common, pregnancy and infant loss can feel so isolating.

"It is often disenfranchised grief, a loss that isn't recognized by the greater society," explains Courtney Magahis, a social work therapist in the Center for Reproductive Psychiatry at Baylor College of Medicine and the Texas Children's Hospital Pavilion for Women.

Despite the deep pain it can cause, perinatal loss is often minimized in our culture. Sometimes, people lose their babies before they announced their pregnancy, and the bear the burden of the loss alone because no one knew. Sometimes, well-meaning people try to comfort parents by downplaying the loss through comments that seek to highlight a "silver lining", but anyone who has been through it knows this loss is as real as any and it hurts just as much.

If there is one thing for us as a society to take away from the conversations happening today, it's that parents feeling a loss don't need to have their pain minimized. They don't need to be told that "everything happens for a reason." They don't need to be told that they can try again.

According to Magahis, these kinds of comments are not normally helpful. She suggests that when someone in our lives suffers a perinatal loss, we simply let them know that we are there for them. Some people will need to talk about their baby. Some people will need a friend to sit in silence with them and cry. Some will need help repainting the nursery.

The process looks different for everyone, but parents going through this need to be allowed to feel the way they feel, and do what they need to do.

"There really isn't a right or wrong way to grieve. Honor your grief in whichever way it manifests and prioritize taking care of yourself," says Magahis.

Today, on Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, many parents are having conversations about their loss and speaking their child's name. And tomorrow, the conversations about perinatal loss will continue.

There simply is no silver lining to be found in these conversations, but grieving parents don't need one. They just need their people to acknowledge the cloud. There are so many people standing under it.

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We've all been there. You first hear those cries that don't sound like any other cries and immediately know what's happening. It's like our mama hearts know when our little ones need us the most. Having little ones feeling under the weather is hard. They can't tell you exactly how they feel. You can't explain to them that they'll feel better soon, and all there is for everyone to do is to take it easy and stay cuddled inside until you can get them to the doctor.

The issue, by this point, is that my son is old enough to know what's coming when we open the medicine cabinet, so giving him something for his throat ends up being like a wrestling match without the fun and giggles. My son especially likes spitting out anything as a way to protest how he's generally feeling, so we both end up covered in sticky syrup feeling defeated. Because, seriously, who thought that using a syringe or pipette to squirt out gooey liquid down an unwilling toddler's mouth was a good idea? (Probably not a parent.)

That's why when I found out there was an easier and more fun way to make these dreaded sick days better, I was all about it.

Enter: Lolleez.

Lolleez are organic throat soothing pops for kids—and adults!—that are made with organic ingredients that you can pronounce and understand like honey and natural fruit pectin. Plus, they're non-GMO as well as gluten, dairy and nut-free i.e. worry-free for all kinds of kiddos. The pops help soothe sore throats while acting like a treat for when kids are feeling under the weather. I also appreciate that the pops are actually flat and on a stick, as opposed to a lozenge or round ball lollipop. They were also created by a mom, which makes me feel a million times more confident about them since I know she knows exactly how hard sick days with a little one can be.

loleez

When I introduced my son to Lolleez pops, everything changed. Suddenly the battle to get him to take something to feel better wasn't... well, a battle. In the few times he's been sick since, he's been more than happy to pop a Lolleez, and I've been more than grateful that soothing him is now as easy as peeling open a wrapper. And, since they come in watermelon, strawberry and orange mango—strawberry is the favorite in this household—he never gets bored of getting a soothing lolly.

Also, they're easy to find—you can get them at stores like Target, CVS and online so I never worry that I'll be caught without in a pinch. After the sick days have run their course and my son starts feeling better, there's nothing like seeing that glow in his eyes come back and have him greet me with a big smile when I come into his room in the morning, ready for the day.

While our littles not feeling well is inevitable, as a mama, I'll do anything to make my child feel better, and I'm so thankful for products that make it just a little easier for the both of us. So here's to enjoying the snuggles that come with sick days, while also looking forward to the giggles that come after them.

This article was sponsored by Lolleez. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and Mamas.

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Meghan Markle is opening up about some of the challenges of pregnancy and life as a new mom. While most of us can't relate to her status as a royal we can totally relate to some of her feelings about motherhood.

Markle was recently interviewed by ITV News at Ten anchor Tom Bradby—and when Bradby asked her how she was doing she kept it real.

"Thank you for asking, because not many people have asked if I'm OK, but it's a very real thing to be going through behind the scenes," Markle said.

ITV News on Instagram: “'Not many people have asked if I’m ok... it’s a very real thing to be going through behind the scenes.' Meghan reveals to ITV’s @tom.bradby…”

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Many moms can relate to this, and it's something we at Motherly have often commented on. People always ask how the baby is doing, but don't always think to ask mama how she is. Of course, we want the people around us to care how our babies are doing, but mom needs to be cared for, too.

Bradby pressed on, asking Markle if it would be fair to say she is " not really OK?"

"Yes," she replied.

The most famous new mom in the world is saying that she is not okay. We applaud her for that because by telling her truth she is no doubt inspiring other mothers to do the same. We don't have to pretend that motherhood is free from stress and struggle. It is hard, even for someone with the resources Markle has.

The Duchess of Sussex has a lot of financial resources, but she has also been highly scrutinized during her pregnancy and early motherhood, which has added to her stress.

"Any woman, especially when they're pregnant, you're really vulnerable, and so that was made really challenging," Markle says. "And then when you have a newborn, you know. And especially as a woman, it's a lot. So you add this on top of just trying to be a new mom or trying to be a newlywed. It's um… yeah. I guess, also thank you for asking because not many people have asked if I'm okay, but it's a very real thing to be going through behind the scenes."

Media coverage of Markle's pregnancy and personal life were a factor in Prince Harry releasing a statement on the matter earlier this month.

"My wife has become one of the latest victims of a British tabloid press that wages campaigns against individuals with no thought to the consequences—a ruthless campaign that has escalated over the past year, throughout her pregnancy and while raising our newborn son," it reads, in part. "There is a human cost to this relentless propaganda, specifically when it is knowingly false and malicious, and though we have continued to put on a brave face—as so many of you can relate to—I cannot begin to describe how painful it has been."

As Prince Harry suggests, there are certain things about Markle's struggle that many of us can relate to. Pregnancy and life with a newborn are hard, and trying to pretend you're okay when you're not (or as Harry calls it, putting on a brave face) can make it even more stressful.

Here's to it being okay for a new mom to say she's not okay.

The rest of Bradby's interview with Markle (and conversations with Harry) will air during the upcoming ITV documentary Harry & Meghan: An African Journey, this Sunday in the UK. Stateside, the doc will air Wednesday, Oct. 23, at 10 p.m. ET on ABC.

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Johnson & Johnson announced on Friday that it's initiating a voluntary recall in the United States of a single lot of Johnson's Baby Powder due to low levels of asbestos contamination. In a statement posted to its website the company explained this is a "voluntary recall in the United States of a single lot of its Johnson's Baby Powder in response to a U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) test indicating the presence of sub-trace levels of chrysotile asbestos contamination (no greater than 0.00002%) in samples from a single bottle purchased from an online retailer."

The recall is only for one lot of 33,000 bottles of baby powder. If you have a bottle of Johnson's Baby Powder from Lot #22318RB stop using it and contact the Johnson & Johnson Consumer Care Center at www.johnsonsbaby.com or by calling +1 (866) 565-2229.

Johnson & Johnson stresses that this recall is a precaution and that it can't yet confirm if the product tested was genuine or whether cross-contamination occurred. The voluntary recall comes after years of allegations about asbestos contamination in Johnson & Johnson's talcum powder-based baby powder.

As Bloomberg reported in July, the Justice Department and U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission are investigating Johnson & Johnson due to concerns about alleged asbestos contamination in its baby powder. This came after numerous lawsuits, including a case that saw Johnson & Johnson ordered to pay almost $4.7 billion to 22 women who sued, alleging baby powder caused their ovarian cancer. In July 2018, St. Louis jury ruled the women were right, but what does The American Academy of Pediatrics say about baby powder?

It was classified "a hazard" before many of today's parents were even born

The organization has actually been recommending against baby powder for years, but not due to cancer risks, but inhalation risks. Way back in 1981, the AAP declared baby powder "a hazard," issuing a report pointing out the frequency of babies aspirating the powder, which can be dangerous and even fatal in the most severe cases.

That warning didn't stop all parents from using the powder though, as its continued presence on store shelves to this day indicates. In 1998, Dr. Hugh MacDonald, then the director of neonatology at Santa Monica Hospital and a member of the American Academy of Pediatrics Committee on Fetus and Newborn, told the Los Angeles Times "Most pediatricians recommend that it not be used," adding that the consensus at the time was that "anybody using talcum powder be aware that it could cause inhalation of the talc, resulting in a pneumonic reaction."

Recent updates

A 2015 update to the AAP's Healthy Children website suggests the organization was even very recently still more concerned about the risk of aspiration than cancer risks like those alleged in the lawsuit. It suggests that parents who choose to use baby powder "pour it out carefully and keep the powder away from baby's face [as] published reports indicate that talc or cornstarch in baby powder can injure a baby's lungs."

In a 2017 interview with USA Today, Dr. David Soma, a pediatrician with the Mayo Clinic Children's Hospital, explained that baby powder use had decreased a lot over the previous five to eight years, but he didn't believe it was going to disappear from baby shower gift baskets any time soon.

"There are a lot of things that are used out of a matter of tradition, or the fact it seems to work for specific children," he said. "I'm not sure if it will get phased out or not, until we know more about the details of other powders and creams and what works best for skin conditions—I think it will stick around for a while."

Talc-based baby powder is the variety of baby powder involved in the The Justice Department and Securities and Exchange Commission's investigations and the lawsuits against Johnson & Johnson, but corn starch varieties of baby powder are also available and not linked to increased cancer risks.

In a statement on its website, Johnson & Johnson states that "talc is accepted as safe for use in cosmetic and personal care products throughout the world."

When Motherly requested comment on the recall and the safety of talc a spokesperson for the company issued the following statement:

"[Johnson & Johnson Consumer Inc] has a rigorous testing standard in place to ensure its cosmetic talc is safe and years of testing, including the FDA's own testing on prior occasions--and as recently as last month--found no asbestos. Thousands of tests over the past 40 years repeatedly confirm that our consumer talc products do not contain asbestos."

Bottom line: If you have one of the 33,000 bottles of Johnson's Baby Powder from Lot #22318RB, stop using it.

If you are going to use baby powder other than the recalled lot on your baby's bottom, make sure they're not getting a cloud of baby powder in their face, and if you're concerned, talk to your health care provider about alternative methods and products to use on your baby's delicate skin.

[A version of this post was originally published July 13, 2018. It has been updated.]

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Recent updates

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Jason Momoa's daughter Lola was born just a little over 12 years ago, back when only hard-core sci-fi fans and the people who stumbled on Baywatch Hawaii while flipping channels knew who he was. Maybe that's why now is the first time we're hearing the hilarious story of how he came this close to missing her birth. Even all these years later, it's suspenseful to read.

He told this all to Esquire for his cover story, where he's promoting his upcoming Apple TV+ show See. The post-apocalyptic show is filming in Vancouver, the same place Momoa was living on that fateful summer day in 2007 when he was starring on Stargate Atlantis.

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"It was the hottest day, July 20," Momoa began his tale, setting the scene of how he had no air-conditioning in his apartment and was sleeping in the front room by the window. Meanwhile, his now-wife Lisa Bonet was back in California and her water broke early. She had been trying to reach him on the phone in the other room.

"I missed about 70 calls," he told Esquire. He woke up and freaked out.

Thanks to his Stargate producer (yay for bosses who support parents!), he quickly got the last seat on a plane home, all the way in the back. "And I tell the lady, 'Listen, I'm having a baby—make sure everyone sits down so I can get off the plane first.'"

We're not sure if the flight attendant actually warned the rest of the passengers that this 6-foot-4 man would be running through the plane when they landed, but we can very clearly imagine this scene.

"Benjamin Bratt was on the plane!" he recalled of the Law & Order star. "He was in first class... And he was like, 'Go, go, go.'"

Go he did. "So I come barreling out of the terminal, like the Predator, like, 'GET OUT OF THE WAY!'"

He gave his cab driver the run-all-the-lights-I'm-having-a-baby speech that happens in the movies and raced to Bonet's side.

At last, thanks to modern transportation—not a herd of Dothraki horses nor a giant Atlantean battle shark, unfortunately—Momoa made it to Bonet's side just two hours before Lola was born. He even got to spend some time in the tub with his laboring partner, who was probably pretty happy he made it in time.

For the whole family's sake, we hope the birth of son Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa, a.k.a. Wolf, now 10, was slightly less dramatic.

This is a story that many couples can relate to. Unfortunately, our partners can't always be by our sides in the days leading up to birth. Sometimes they're on a business trip, sometimes they're deployed, and sometimes (like in Momoa's case) they're working a civilian job that takes them away from home.

This is why it is so important for bosses (again, applause for Momoa's producer) to understand that just because a woman's partner isn't carrying the baby doesn't mean they don't need to make room in their schedule for a birth.

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The internet is good for so many things. We use it to communicate with each other and to keep up with the news. But with so much information coming our way all day, every day, we're bound to miss some cool stuff. That's why we keep an eye on the internet each week, curating a list of viral hits that you may have missed but will definitely want to know about.

This week we've got everything from potty training tips to a heroic preschooler.

So grab a coffee and get comfortable, mama, because these are the headlines that made us smile this week:

Video of teacher showing kids how to wipe butts goes viral 

We don't know exactly where this teacher teaches, but it's likely not a school in the United States. And that has people online suggesting that American parents and teacher pick up this genius method for teaching little ones how to clean their behinds after going to the bathroom.

In the video the teacher has taped a couple of balloons to the back of her chair and the backs of her students' tiny chairs. She shows the kids how to wipe between the balloons, teaching them a skill they can use on their own butt in the bathroom.

If your little one is having a hard time mastering this potty skill it may be time to buy some balloons, mama!

4-year-old goes viral after saving 2-year-old sister from drowning

As Today reports, Gray Forrester (who just turned 5) is a heroic big brother. This little guy saved his 2-year-old sister after she fell in the family pool, and their mom is telling the story not only to give props to Gray (who totally deserves them) but also to remind parents about pool safety.

The Forresters did a lot right. They had a pool fence installed and their kids knew they were not allowed to be in the pool without an adult. "We installed beeps on the doors. We thought we had taken all the precautions," mom Laura Forrester told told WBIR in Knoxville.

But little Andie got around the security measures when her mom wasn't looking and fell in the pool. Luckily, Gray was there. "He saved me," says the toddler.

According to Gray, his little sister was struggling to doggy paddle, so he "grabbed her tummy. I was trying to lift her so she could breathe."

Andie was not waving or yelling for her mom because she couldn't. As former Coast Guard rescue swimmer Mario Vittone writes, "drowning is not the violent, splashing call for help that most people expect."

Gray lifted Andie out of the pool and their mom is so thankful and recommends all parents look into swimming lessons and double check their pool precautions.

Gray is a little hero and he's also really lucky. According to drowning investigator Natalie Livingston, kids have been known to pull one another down when one is drowning. Luckily, that didn't happen to Gray and Andie.

In an ideal world an adult would have been the one to save Andie, but her mama is happy Gray was there to do it.

This viral photo reminds us how hard labor + delivers nurses work 

Caty Nixon is a labor and delivery nurse and, as Today reports, she's also a viral sensation. The internet attention was very unexpected for Nixon. It came after her sister, Laura McIntyre posted a photo of Nixon snapped after the end of a grueling work week.

"[C]aty just wrapped up her fourth shift in a row. That's around 53+ hours in four days. That's not including the 1.5 hours she's in the car each day. She usually doesn't get a chance to eat lunch or even drink much water," her twin sister wrote.

"This pic is from a night back in July where she came to my house after a particularly hard day. She delivered a stillborn. Have you guys ever really thought about what a labor & delivery nurse sees? They see great joy in smooth deliveries & healthy moms & babies. They see panic & anxiety when a new mom is scared. They see fear when a stat C-section is called. They see peace when the mom has support from her family-[because] not all new moms do. They see teenagers giving birth. They see an addicted mom give birth to a baby who is withdrawing. They see CPS come. They see funeral homes come. Sid you know that they have to make arrangements for the funeral home to come pick up the baby? I didn't either," McIntyre wrote in her now viral Facebook post.

According to McIntyre, Nixon is "so good at what she does she often forgets how to take care of herself while she's taking care of her patients."

The photo she shared of her sister is a reminder to society that we need to take care of the nurses who take care of us.

Nurses like Nixon are so dedicated. "The good times are so good, and the bad times are heartbreaking," she told Today. "I'm here for all of it."

We're so glad her sister is there for her.

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