1| You don’t know anyone’s name.
While you might remember the names of your own children, keeping track of their dozens of classmates, teammates, and friends is impossible. For example, Dahlia, Daphne, and Natalie from your daughter’s soccer team – you know, the lanky ones with the long blonde ponytails – might as well be triplets. And was that Jake from the soccer team or Mark from basketball who dropped by to return your son’s lost water bottle?
2 | Everyone’s a stranger.
Remembering all the parents you encounter is even harder than recalling the kids. That mom who stopped you in the grocery store to compliment your son’s performance in the school play? You’d swear you’ve never met – until she thanks you again for hosting the class potluck a couple of weeks ago. Oops.
3 | You know how to fake it when memory fails, at least in public.
That’s right, smile and wave, just like Kate Middleton.
4 | But when you get mad, you’re tongue-tied.
Let’s say you catch a child drinking milk straight from the carton. Chances are you’ll sputter out a long list of names before you land on the right one. “Dammit, Kourt-, I mean Khloe, er, Kim, Kyl-, Kend-, what’s-your-name, Rob…” By the time you name the offender, you’ve forgotten the offense and need to run to the store for more milk.
5 | You can’t remember which kid doesn’t like watermelon.
That hurts his feelings, and is certain to drive him to therapy someday. Or maybe it hurts her feelings. You’re not really sure.
6 | You can’t possibly attend every single class party/soccer game/dance recital for every child.
Scheduling conflicts abound. Sometimes you feel guilty, but mostly you tell yourself that it’s good for kids to learn that they can’t always be the center of attention.
7 | You aren’t sure who’s invited.
Party invitations sprout like weeds in your in box. “You’re Invited to Logan’s Super Awesome Birthday Bash!” Um, who’s Logan? Is Logan a boy or girl? Which one of my kids is invited? Check with your children. Discover they each have a friend named Logan. Send them all to the party and go get a pedicure!
8 | Your laundry room is a place of mystery.
Whose black sock is this? Are these Ava’s jeans or are they Megan’s? And which kid has the number 7 soccer jersey? Maybe moms with fewer kids have time to label everything; you’re too busy sorting, washing, folding, and putting the wrong clothes in the wrong drawers.
9 | You go to the grocery store every day, but there’s never any food in the house.
The youngest complains that big brother drank all the orange juice. Big brother laments that sister ate all the chocolate chip cookies. The oldest denies finishing the milk and sticking the empty carton back in the fridge. Everybody hates Dad for eating all the cheese.
10 | You’ve wasted 1.5 years of your life filling out forms.
Summer camp registrations, school admissions, safety waivers, medical forms… Oh, the hours spent searching for the insurance card and copying down the group number over and over again!
11 | You secretly love the challenge and the chaos.
You may be exhausted, frustrated, rumpled, and confused most of the time, but you’re never bored, because for you, more kids isn’t just about more work – it also means more fun.