Oh, summer, how we love you! Blue skies, long days, and happy kids home from school.
Well, mostly happy kids.
Um. Sort of happy kids.
OK FINE. Bratty-ass kids complaining that they’re SOOO BORED.
Summer camps to the rescue!
Even with so many good ones to choose from, there’s still a handful of summer camps we really wish were real. Like these:
Camp Holy Crap Please Just Learn How to Ride Your Bike Already
Camp activities: Bike riding. Wound dressing. Yelling. Occasional crying.
Camp motto: No one calls home.
Camp Rediscover the Joy of All the Things We’ve Already Given You
Camp activities: Wrapping and unwrapping your own stuff.
Camp motto: Surprise!
Camp Practice Something. Anything. Just Pick Something.
Camp activities: Practicing anything. Anything at all. Rock collecting, yo-yo, violin, sewing. Pick any one of the 4000 things you’ve said you want to be able to do, and F*CKING PRACTICE IT.
Camp motto: We sort of believe in you.
Camp Try Harder
Camp activities: Trying harder. Can’t carry all the things? Try harder. Can’t finish your homework? Try harder. Can’t find your shoes? Try harder.
Camp motto: Literally no one cares.
Camp activities: You ask us for things. We say no. Repeat.
Camp motto: You can’t always get what you want.
Camp The Drums Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time, But Turns Out You Sorta Suck
Camp activities: Getting a grip on reality.
Camp motto: You’re average.
Camp If You Don’t Take Care of Your Pets, They’ll Die
Camp activities: Take care of your pet, or watch it die.
Camp motto: This is how life actually works.
Camp Find Someone Who’ll Pay You to Do That Cuz I Won’t
Camp activities: Unload someone else’s dishwasher, see if they pay you. Fold someone else’s laundry, see if they pay you. Mow someone else’s lawn, see if they pay you.
Camp motto: We’re not stupid, kid.
Camp Babysitting as Birth Control (for Tweens + Teens)
Camp activities: Taking care of several babies for 336 non-stop hours.
Camp motto: You don’t want one.
Camp No Seriously, You’re Killing Us With the Play-by-Play
Camp activities: Editing.
Camp motto: We love you but we really need you to get to the f*cking point.
Camp You Have to Carry Your Own Damn Stuff
Camp activities: Carrying your own damn stuff.
Camp motto: No, you can’t put it in my bag.