It’s the end of an era – where parents all over America pour that late night cocktail and escape into the world of Mad Men.
Let’s face it. Most of the characters in Mad Men are dysfunctional role models by modern parenting standards, but they remind us of all those privileges we took for granted before we became parents.
Like taking your time on the toilet, showering or getting dressed without children barging in on you.
Having a long leisurely meal at a restaurant without having to ask kids to get out from under the table or stop running in the aisles.
Grocery shopping solo and taking as long as you want to compare prices or read labels without worrying your kids are knocking down displays or getting lost in the aisles.
Staying in bed as long as you want in the morning reading, sleeping or just staring at the wall without worrying if someone is going to kill themselves stacking furniture or wander outside alone.
Not to mention having the time and space to puke your guts out alone when you’re sick without having someone interrupt to ask you to make them a snack or empty out their portable potty.
Long gone are the days of binge watching tv or movies all day long.
Or being able to have sex when and where you want with the doors open.
People judge you for not knowing about current events in real time, not getting the fact that can’t watch or listen to the news without traumatizing your children.
You’re rarely around bodies of water without feeling anxious that one of your children might drown if you take your eyes off of them for a second.
You have to weigh the cause and effect of dancing and partying all night long. The consequences the next day will be loud and severe.
The days of goofing off and staying late at work are over. You’re an efficient, focused machine knowing you need to get to piano practice, pick up at daycare or make dinner for the family.
You’ve really cut down on your swearing and get called out for saying a bad word when you say “darn” or “stupid” in front of your kids.
Traveling like a boss with a cocktail and magazine is out of the question. It’s about organizing your diaper bag, doing anything to keep your kid from screaming, and getting dirty looks and judged by hypocrites.
Rare are the moments when you get to blast news, rap music or podcasts in the car without having to mute the sound every twenty seconds or switch to Dora the Explorer’s greatest hits.
Arguments now have to be scheduled and whispered.
Crying also needs to be scheduled. Best to reserve the ugly crying for showers or parked cars.
Absolutely, positively no stupid and wreckless choices. You’re not on your own anymore.
And all the money you used to spend on designer shoes, concerts or impromptu trips needs to be relegated to swimming lessons, diapers or summer camps.
Sure we miss some of the luxuries we had before we had kids. Yes, we now get irrationally, maniacally happy when we get to experience one of these liberties.
But thank the stars, we’re not like the parents in Mad Men.