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5 Ways to Foster Creativity in Yourself (And Also Benefit Your Kids)

In 2011, the little black book came in the mail. 80 blank white pages. My goal was to dream on these pages – to draw, to journal my life, to create. I had signed up for the Brooklyn Art Library, a unique project that offers anyone with an interest in creativity the aforementioned sketchbook.


Once I had turned the pages into art, I would mail the book back to the library. The staff would catalogue it and add it to their collection of thousands. I would be personally fulfilled – art and writing have always had a role in my life – and part of an international creative movement.

Beyond a scribble on the first page, I never drew a thing. As a full-time employee and mother of a teen and pre-teen, life butted in. I was busy. The little black book stared at me. The deadline to submit the book creeped up. Eventually I admitted defeat and tucked the book into a drawer.

At the time it was the necessary choice, but I have always tried to keep creativity in my life. A study has discovered that 75 percent of people don’t believe they’re living up to their creative potential. I can only imagine a huge portion of that would be parents. We produce meals, provide entertainment, chauffeur, clean up, and often work outside the home. Although 80 percent of people think “we all have the potential to create” and “creativity brings my imagination to life,” who has time for optional passions?

 

 

Turns out we should find the time – and not only for internal satisfaction. Parents who are stressed, both by non-parental demands and by the pressing need to be great parents, have a greater chance of raising children with behavioral and emotional problems. These children may also not do as well at school. If being creative is your “me time,” it will help you de-stress.

You’ll also be setting an example for your children. Creativity in childhood fosters important life skills. Our children learn to analyze situations and problem-solve. They come up with new ways of thinking. They learn to experiment, make mistakes, and learn from them. They improve their self-confidence. (Ditto for us grown-ups.)

Plus if you’re taking “me time,” your children may be getting “me time” too. This unstructured time has been shown to boost focus, creativity, problem solving, and self-control. It may even predict success in school and later on in life itself.

So find a way to carve out the opportunity: before your kids wake up, after they go to bed, once they’re immersed in their finger paints or homework. Then get creatively cracking.

Too rusty to know where to begin? External motivation is a great, well, motivator. As for me, I’ve signed up for the sketchbook project again. The book is currently on its way in the mail. Being proactive, I have already drawn four pages, which I plan to glue in. This book, I’m determined, will not be filed in a drawer.

You too can take part in this project: see details below. Plus learn about four other kicks-in-the-butt that can restart you on your creative path. Now grab that pen/needle/whatever and get going!

1 | Put it to the page

You too could be the proud owner of a new blank sketchbook!

For a moderate fee, the Brooklyn Art Library will mail you a sketchbook (with optional drawing supplies), provide you with a choice of non-restrictive themes, give you a fill-that-book deadline, and set you on your way. No need to be a professional artist here. Even children can submit – so get your kids involved on their own sketchbooks too!

Once done, send the sketchbook back in to be added to the world’s largest collection of sketchbooks – over 36,000 from over 100 countries. Not only can people visit the library and browse the books at the Brooklyn location, but the library often goes on tour, bringing your creative efforts to people across the United States. Plus your book can be digitized and appear online. You even get a tracking number so you can see exactly where, when, and how often viewers enjoy your book.

Collage, doodle or document your vacation. Make people laugh, make people cry, or just make a mess. How you fill the book is up to you.

2 | Stitch it forward

Knitting, crocheting, weaving, spinning, bombing – crafts made with yarn abound and are celebrated each year on I Love Yarn Day. On October 14, 2017, dust off your own needles and paraphernalia to join this seventh annual effort to create and share the yarn-based love. Get free patterns and tips on the website, learn from expert designers and bloggers, and join the community on social media through the hashtags #stitchitforward and #iloveyarnday.

Put on by the Craft Yarn Council, the day is not only meant to motivate you, but to motivate those around you. With the theme “Stitch It Forward,” the day encourages you to share your skills by teaching them to at least one newbie. Not only can you get your parental quality time, but, if they’re old enough, you can head your children in this creative direction too.

You’ll get a tangible item and feel expansive. Plus research has shown that yarn-based crafts can help you reduce your stress, improve your mood, increase your memory, and more. One study even showed that knitting can reduce burnout amongst nurses – which is likely true for parents too!

3 | Be collectively silly

You tell your kids to dress respectably, but maybe it’s time for you to throw that rule out the window – or rather, into a subway car. Nourish the exhibitionist in you and learn how to deal with situations on the fly by taking part in the annual No Pants Subway Ride.

The event is put on by Improv Everywhere, whose tagline is “We cause scenes.” They invite you to join them for this annual prank, which takes place in dozens of cities in dozens of countries. (Join the mailing list to be notified of the next date.)

Here’s what you do: Take off your pants (but leave on your underwear). Get on a subway. Pretend nothing strange is going on – even as other pants-less people get on and off the train. The only requirements: a daring attitude, the desire to have fun, and the ability to keep a straight face.

The goal, says the founder, is to share an experience and bring people together through absurdity. Our kids get to play – with no rhyme or reasoning – so here’s a chance for you too!

4 | Add to your talents

The above suggestions assume you already have some creative skill (or at least the ability to strip). But what if you’re more inclined to add to your talents?

Learning in person is a great way to proceed, so check out the offerings at your local art studios, craft stores, colleges, etc. If you live in New York or can travel there or to select other locations, you could try a Creativity Workshop, specifically focused on writing, photography, drawing, mindfulness, and other activities that explore the power of the imagination.

If a book is more your style, take a look at Austin Kleon’s “Steal Like an Artist” and accompanying journal. Here you’ll learn 10 tips about being creative – including how to steal ideas from others. If you’d rather shuffle than flip, the Art Sparks Creative Project Deck gives you a month’s worth of ideas.

There are also many opportunities to learn online. Search the options at The Great Courses or Udemy, or find classes specifically focused on creative pursuits at CreativeLive or Creativebug. Proceeding at your own pace is an ideal way to fit the learning in.

5 | Tune out

Then again, sometimes the best way to be creative is to not try to be creative. Research has shown that taking a walk – outside or on the treadmill – helps ideas flow and can generate novel concepts. As the philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche said, “All truly great thoughts are conceived while walking.” This also extends to movements like running, dancing, and yoga.

Even if you have a child in tow, schedule the walk around nap time, tuck the smartphone away, and take advantage of zoning out with just you, the stroller, the passing world, and your thoughts. Not only may creative ideas come to you at the moment, but the effect extends to when you get back home too. You’ll be ready to tackle your creative projects with greater zest or, if nap time is over, immerse yourself in the imaginary world of Disney characters like you never have before!

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Dear Jeff Bezos and all who have anything to do with Amazon Prime Day,

I just want to start by saying—I know you are trying to be helpful. I love you all for that. I honestly do. But, you are kind of making me feel a lot of pressure today. Like, in a good way, but also, in an anxious way.

Let me explain…

On any given day, as a mother to three children, I have a certain level of anxiety. While it's not constant, I do have my anxious moments. Why? Because there are various versions of the following: Me asking my two older daughters to get their shoes on what feels like 500 times as I am changing my 9-month-old's very, very, very messy diaper while I am trying to figure out what I can throw on to wear in about five seconds while I am repeating brush your teeth, brush your teeth in my head so I, in fact, don't forget to brush my teeth.

Not even to mention the mental load that weighs on my mind every single day. Remember to flip the laundry, fill out the school forms, cancel that appointment, reschedule this appointment, order more diapers, figure out what we're having for dinner, squeeze in a shower, lock the basement door so the baby can't get down the stairs, find better eczema cream for my middle daughter, get more sunscreen...the list goes on and on and on.

But then you Amazon Prime Day me and I'm having a lot of feelings about that.

Because you're reminding me of things I need to order, to think about, to be on top of more.

The little potty that's on sale reminds me that I need to step up my potty training game for my 2-year-old. That super cute dollhouse reminds me that I need to think about my daughter's first birthday in two months (WHAT!). That face mask reminds me that I need to remember to wash my face before bed because I forget waaaay more than I remember which is terrible.

But then I realize, these deals are going to save my mental load by fixing my life. Right?

Like, I never knew I needed an Instant Pot until you told me it was only $58. Now I am scouring Pinterest for meals I want to prep in my own. THIS POT IS THE TICKET TO GETTING MY LIFE IN ORDER.

Do we need more plates and cups for the kids? I mean really they only probably need about two plates and two cups each but YES. Yes I do need more cute kids kitchenware. THESE PLATES ARE THE TICKET TO BEING A GOOD MOM.

What would I do if I had five Echo Dots? I don't know, but let's find out because they're only $29! THESE DOTS ARE THE TICKET TO EFFICIENCY.

If I order a Vitamix at 30% off, I know I'll lose the baby weight. Think of all the smoothies I'll mix up! I mean, I just lost a pound even thinking about the smoothies that thing can whip up. THIS VITAMIX IS THE TICKET TO A SEXY BOD.

Buying this trendy, floral dress will step up my mom style significantly. THIS DRESS IS THE TICKET TO KEEPING MY COOL.

Okay, then after I add all the fixers to my cart, I realize… I have 99 things, but necessity ain't one.

I mean, I have everything from waterproof band-aids to bras to dresses for myself and my kids to an alarm clock and books. I basically feel like Oprah—You get an Audible subscription! You get an Audible subscription!—but instead of these products magically being paid for by Queen O herself, the money is coming from my bank account, which is a lot less fun of a game, TBH.

And if I am being honest, I don't need much help with my order-things-from-Amazon-and-pretend-it's-being-paid-for-with-Monopoly-money game as I am quite often coming home to an Amazon package wondering what it could be, opening it with the enthusiasm of a kid on Christmas morning—even though I am the exact person who ordered whatever is inside of that Amazon box.

But today, on Amazon Prime Day, you tempt me with all the deals. And yes, my anxiety, blood pressure and adrenaline rise. And yes, my bank account might temporarily decrease—BUT if we are being fair, with the savings I'm getting on things I would buy anyway, I am basically making our account increase overall. Right?

And while these things aren't going to make me skinnier, or cooler, or more put together—I'm okay with that. I am doing a pretty good job on my own. But some of them will actually help my life in a few different ways at a reasonable price, and I am grateful for that—for real.

Now, Bezos, please end this 404 error nonsense and let me purchase all the things!

Thank you for all the savings and excitement,

Mamas everywhere

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Usually when celebrities post swimsuit photos on Instagram they don't exactly look like your average beach-going mom, but former Bachelorette (and mom of two) Ali Fedotowsky posted a series of bikini photos on Monday that are both beautiful and relatable.

"This might be my most vulnerable post on Instagram ever," she wrote in the caption for the photos which show a postpartum belly that looks like a real postpartum belly.

"At the end of the day, I know it's important to be open and honest about my postpartum body in hopes that it helps even one person out there who is struggling with their own body image," Fedotowsky (who just gave birth to her second child in May) wrote.

In the first photo of the series she's wearing a sarong around her stomach, but in the second and third photos Fedotowsky reveals the kind of stomach many mamas sport: It's not perfectly taut, she's not showing off any abs, but it is definity beautiful.

"If you swipe to see the second photo in this post, you see that my body has changed. My skin around my stomach is very loose and stretched out, I'm 15lbs heavier than I used to be, and my cup size has grown quite significantly," Fedotowsky writes.

The photos are a sponsored post for Lilly and Lime Swimwear (a line made for women with larger busts) but that doesn't mean it wasn't brave. In fact, the fact that it's an ad makes it even more amazing because research shows that when advertising only shows us bodies that don't look like our own, women become "generally more dissatisfied with their body and appearance".

Ali Fedotowsky

On her blog Fedotowsky notes that a lot of comments on her previous Instagram posts have been followers remarking how slim she looks, or how much they wish they looked like she does postpartum. By dropping that sarong and showing her tummy Fedotowsky is showing other mothers that there is nothing wrong with their own.

"While I appreciate the positive comments, you guys are always so good to me, I keep trying to explain that I'm just good at picking out clothes that flatter my body and hide my tummy," she wrote on her blog.

"I bounced back pretty quickly after I gave birth to Molly. But things are different this time and I'm OK with that. I'm learning to love my body and embrace how it's changed. I hope I get back to my pre-pregnancy shape one day, but that may never happen. And if it doesn't, that's OK."

Ali Fedotowsky

It is okay, because our bodies are more than our swimsuit selfies. They the vessels that carry us through life and carry our children and provide a safe, warm place for those children feel love.

Loose skin is a beautiful thing.


Thanks for keeping it real, Ali.

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Amazon shoppers were anxiously awaiting the countdown to Amazon Prime Day, but when the clock struck one, er three, the website went down.

On Monday afternoon shoppers were trying to get their hands on the much-hyped Prime Day deals but instead of low prices, many users just saw 404 errors, continuously refreshing pages, or had issues keeping or adding items to their shopping carts.

CNBC reports shares of Amazon were down during the shopping glitch, and many shoppers took to Twitter and Instagram to discuss how all they could see on Amazon were the dogs who decorate the site's 404 pages.

As cute as the dogs are, shoppers are getting tired of seeing them, so hopefully Amazon gets things back up and running soon. Analysts had projected Amazon would rake in $3 billion dollars this Prime Day. Time will tell how much of that was lost during the great dog picture debacle of 2018.

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"Say you're sorry!"

"Go apologize and mean it."

"You don't sound like you're sorry to me."

"She won't want to be your friend anymore if you don't apologize right now."

Sound familiar? This is a hot topic for many parents. We want our kids to have good manners, to truly feel and show compassion for another, to want to apologize from a heartfelt and authentic place—yet when we tell them to say they're sorry, what are we really communicating?

I think:

  • I need you to apologize so I can feel better about what just happened...
  • This is how we fix problems...
  • I need you to do what I say ...
  • You need me to tell you how to feel and behave...
  • I'm in control...(bigger and stronger wins)
  • Integrity is secondary to apologies—what you do doesn't have to be aligned with how you feel or think... just do it anyway.

Whew. Maybe not the message we really want to give.

Yes, manners are important and apologies are necessary. But, encouraging the growth of this from within—a genuine desire to (re)connect and show compassion, being in our integrity—is essential for healthy relationships.

Think about it. How might you feel if, after being hurt deeply by a friend they brushed you off with a cursory, "I'm sorry" or after a tearful yelling match with your teen that left you feeling raw, your spouse said, "How could you lose it like that?! You need to go apologize to him!"

I'd venture to say you might feel more hurt, maybe misunderstood and alone, or even mad.

Often, situations our children are in that we catch ourselves telling them to apologize are defined by just the same kinds of feelings. Hurt whether they are the one doing the hurting or being hurt; frustrated and mad that their favorite toy was grabbed, a cool idea rejected, some other injustice experienced; misunderstood because their feelings and thoughts weren't respected, because the adult missed all that led up to the conflict, because they weren't listened to; alone because they are misunderstood, not listened to, hurt on the inside, feeling rejected; MAD because they really didn't like what their buddy did and their feelings overflowed.

Having your child say "I'm sorry" is going to do very little for a child to grow an understanding of how they feel, why they feel, what they can do with all these feelings—all precursors to compassion.

The words I'm sorry" are more often about our need, not our child's. So what can you do to grow the genuine, integrity based, heartfelt ability to apologize?

1. Role model, always

Be genuine with your own apologies. Voice compassion for your child, others, and their situation.

2. Name and affirm feelings of all parties involved.

Just think, if your spouse, following the tearful yelling match with your teen, had said, "Honey that was really tough. Let me hold you for a minute while you pull yourself together," how might you now feel? How might that change the next step you took? I bet you'd feel connected, understood, cared for, and in a better position to now re-connect with your son and apologize for losing it. And it would have come from a genuine place within you.

3. Give choices or ideas.

"What can you do to help him feel better?"

"When you are ready to let her know you feel sorry, she'll appreciate it."

"Can you use your words or would you like to show her you feel sorry?"

Words, smiles, pats, sharing a toy, playing next to—these are all authentic ways kids can show they are sorry.

4. Notice what your child chooses or does on their own to express their apology and their feelings and name it.

"Thank you for offering your special stuffed guy to your friend. You wanted to help him feel better. What a nice thing to do to let him know you felt sorry."

And now you are helping your child learn a bit more about what healthy, caring relationships look like. Genuine apologies are on their way. It takes time to grow a child who can tap into their inner selves and respond with compassion and honesty in a difficult situation. Time, patience, and gentle guidance... trust this. "I'm sorry" will follow... and be truly meant.

Relationship building all around.

Originally published on Denali Parent Coaching.

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