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5 Ways We Try to Protect Our Kids That Totally Miss the Mark

We can’t protect our children from everything, even if we really, really want to. It’s tempting when we see our child crying over a scraped knee to bundle him up in a blanket and keep him in our arms forever, where nothing will ever be able to hurt him again.

But we all know that’s not the right thing to do. Kids need to go through hard times. They learn from them, they get stronger, and they become better people. We would never have become the people we are today if we hadn’t screwed up. Our kids need to make those mistakes, too.

But it’s not just helicopter parenting that does more harm than good. As it turns out, a lot of things we think of as “common sense” ways to keep our kids safe don’t keep them safe at all. A lot of the time, they actually make things worse.

Teaching stranger danger

If you grew up in the ’90s, you were probably told never to talk to strangers. Everyone you don’t know on a first name basis was a potential kidnapper waiting to abduct us.

That messed us up. We were raised to believe that most people are evil, and it affected how we live. It made us spend less time outdoors, and it actually put us in more danger because, despite what we were told, most people aren’t evil.

Usually, when a kid gets hurt, it’s by someone they know. In fact, 93 percent of victimized children know their abuser. Instead, stranger danger makes kids afraid to talk to people who are usually willing and able to help them get out of a bad situation.

Instead of teaching kids that strangers are bad, researchers today say we should be teaching them what actions are bad and how to handle them if they happen. Instead of teaching our kids to keep away from anyone they don’t know, we should be teaching them to call for help or to refuse to keep secrets from Mom and Dad.



Cleaning everything

Keeping a tidy house is one thing, but when you scrub every germ out of your home, you’re actually putting your child at a major risk for health problems. Germs aren’t always a bad thing. They give your immune system a challenge, and that makes it stronger. If your immune system is essentially quarantined, you can develop some major issues.

Studies have found that cleaning your home with antibacterial soap actually increases your children’s risk of developing hay fever and allergies. Likewise, using a dishwasher instead of cleaning dishes by hand increases your child’s chance of getting eczema. It’s not that those methods don’t work. The problem is that they work too well, eliminating the harmless bacteria that make our bodies stronger.

In fact, one of the best things researchers say you can do to make a newborn’s body strong is to put their pacifier in your own mouth after it gets dropped on the floor and then give it to your baby. You’ll share all your disgusting, dangerous germs with your child – and your baby’s immune system will get stronger.

Avoiding peanuts

These days, people treat taking a peanut butter sandwich to school like walking in with a loaded gun. So many kids have allergies that we don’t risk touching half the things in the supermarket. As it turns out, though, part of the reason we’re allergic to so many things is that we avoided them in the first place.

Keeping a child away from peanuts for the first five years of their life, one study found, makes them seven times more likely to develop a peanut allergy. It might be done with good intentions, but it turns out that people aren’t born with peanut allergies; they develop them.

If you don’t want to spend the rest of your life at the grocery store carefully reading the ingredients on every single thing you buy, slather your baby up in some peanut butter. You’ll work wonders for his immune system.

Stopping bad habits

Nail biting might not make you look good, but apparently, it works wonders for your body. Your immune system gets stronger when you bite your own nails. Those gross, dirty things are loaded with germs – which is actually a good thing, strengthening your immune system so it can fend off the bad bacteria.

It also relieves stress. Nail biters, according to some studies, are actually better at handling stress than people who don’t bite their nails. Sure, it might not be a good look – but compared to other ways people handle their problems (smoking, drinking), it’s not that bad.

Avoiding risky play

Keeping children from climbing trees and play-fighting might save them from needing a Band-Aid today, but it can create some real problems in the long run.

Taking risks is one of the best things a kid can do. It’s the main way animals learn, so our bodies are wired to get as much out of a dangerous experience as possible. Letting kids run wild and free builds up their sense of self-confidence, makes them less anxious, and helps them judge risks later in life.

Kids who take risks also tend to grow up with better social skills and imaginations because they spend their time learning to play games that aren’t directed by an adult. And how risky are the risks they take anyway? Ironically, kids are more likely to injure themselves in organized sports – the athletics we condone and/or force them into – than they are in risky free play, a.k.a. athletic activities they pick for themselves.

Sometimes we need to step back, stop trying to keep our kids so safe, and just let them make stupid mistakes. It’s how they learn, and it makes them stronger.

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When you become a parent for the first time, there is an undeniably steep learning curve. Add to that the struggle of sorting through fact and fiction when it comes to advice and—whew—it's enough to make you more tired than you already are with that newborn in the house.

Just like those childhood games of telephone when one statement would get twisted by the time it was told a dozen times, there are many parenting misconceptions that still tend to get traction. This is especially true with myths about bottle-feeding—something that the majority of parents will do during their baby's infancy, either exclusively or occasionally.

Here's what you really need to know about bottle-feeding facts versus fiction.

1. Myth: Babies are fine taking any bottle

Not all bottles are created equally. Many parents experience anxiety when it seems their infant rejects all bottles, which is especially nerve wracking if a breastfeeding mom is preparing to return to work. However, it's often a matter of giving the baby some time to warm up to the new feeding method, says Katie Ferraro, a registered dietician, infant feeding specialist and associate professor of nutrition at the University of California San Francisco graduate School of Nursing.

"For mothers returning to work, if you're breastfeeding but trying to transition to bottle[s], try to give yourself a two- to four-week trial window to experiment with bottle feeding," says Ferraro.

2. Myth: You either use breast milk or formula

So often, the question of whether a parent is using formula or breastfeeding is presented exclusively as one or the other. In reality, many babies are combo-fed—meaning they have formula sometimes, breast milk other times.

The advantage with mixed feeding is the babies still get the benefits of breast milk while parents can ensure the overall nutritional and caloric needs are met through formula, says Ferraro.

3. Myth: Cleaning bottles is a lot of work

For parents looking for simplification in their lives (meaning, all of us), cleaning bottles day after day can sound daunting. But, really, it doesn't require much more effort than you are already used to doing with the dishes each night: With bottles that are safe for the top rack of the dishwasher, cleaning them is as easy as letting the machine work for you.

For added confidence in the sanitization, Dr. Brown's offers an incredibly helpful microwavable steam sterilizer that effectively kills all household bacteria on up to four bottles at a time. (Not to mention it can also be used on pacifiers, sippy cups and more.)

4. Myth: Bottle-feeding causes colic

One of the leading theories on what causes colic is indigestion, which can be caused by baby getting air bubbles while bottle feeding. However, Dr. Brown's bottles are the only bottles in the market that are actually clinically proven to reduce colic thanks to an ingenious internal vent system that eliminates negative pressure and air bubbles.

5. Myth: Bottles are all you can use for the first year

By the time your baby is six months old (way to go!), they may be ready to begin using a sippy cup. Explains Ferraro, "Even though they don't need water or additional liquids at this point, it is a feeding milestone that helps promote independent eating and even speech development."

With a complete line of products to see you from newborn feeding to solo sippy cups, Dr. Brown's does its part to make these new transitions less daunting. And, for new parents, that truly is priceless.

This article was sponsored by Dr. Brown's. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

Jessica Simpson celebrated her baby shower this weekend (after getting a cupping treatment for her very swollen pregnancy feet) and her theme and IG captions have fans thinking this was not just a shower, but a baby name announcement as well.

Simpson (who is expecting her third child with former NFL player Eric Johnson) captioned two photos of her shower as "💚 Birdie's Nest 💚". The photographs show Simpson and her family standing under a neon sign spelling out the same thing.

While Simpson didn't explicitly state that she was naming her child Birdie, the numerous references to the name in her shower photos and IG stories have the internet convinced that she's picking the same name Busy Philips chose for her now 10-year-old daughter.

The name Birdie isn't in the top 1000 baby names according to the Social Security Administration, but It has been seeing a resurgence in recent years, according to name nerds and trend watchers.

"Birdie feels like a sassy but sweet, down-to-earth yet unusual name," Pamela Redmond Satran of Nameberry told Town and Country back in 2017. "It's also just old enough to be right on time."

Simpson's older kids are called Maxwell and Ace, which both have a vintage feel, so if Birdie really is her choice, the three old-school names make a nice sibling set.

Whether Birdie is the official name or just a cute nickname Simpson is playing around with, we get the appeal and bet she can't wait for her little one to arrive (and her feet to go back to normal!)

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Mamas, if you hire a cleaning service to tackle the toddler fingerprints on your windows, or shop at the neighborhood grocery store even when the deals are better across town, don't feel guilty. A new study by the University of British Columbia and Harvard Business School shows money buys happiness if it's used to give you more time. And that, in turn could be better for the whole family.

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As if we needed another reason to shop at Target, our favorite store is offering some great deals for mamas who need products for baby. Mom life can be expensive and we love any chance at saving a few bucks. If you need to stock up on baby care items, like diapers and wipes, now is the time.

Right now, if you spend $100 on select diapers, wipes, formula, you'll get a $20 gift card with pickup or Target Restock. Other purchases will get you $5 gift cards during this promotion:

  • $20 gift card when you spend $100 or more on select diapers, wipes, formula, and food items using in store Order Pickup, Drive Up or Target Restock
  • $5 gift card when you buy 3 select beauty care items
  • $5 gift card when you buy 2 select household essentials items using in store Order Pickup, Drive Up or Target Restock
  • $5 gift card when you buy 2 select Iams, Pedigree, Crave & Nutro dog and cat food or Fresh Step cat litter items using in store Order Pickup
  • $5 gift card when you buy 3 select feminine care items using in store Order Pickup, Drive Up or Target Restock

All of these promotions will only run through 11:59 pm PT on Saturday, January 19, 2019 so make sure to stock up before they're gone!

Because the deals only apply to select products and certain colors, just be sure to read the fine print before checking out.

Target's website notes the "offer is valid using in store Order Pickup, Drive Up or Target Restock when available".

The gift cards will be delivered after you have picked up your order or your Target Restock order has shipped.

We won't tell anyone if you use those gift cards exclusively for yourself. 😉 So, get to shopping, mama!

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