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I recently lost it with my kids. And by lost it, I mean tears, lots of them, streaming into the pancake batter I was stirring — yum.


At 6 a.m., my 4-year-old came into the bedroom, “Mama, we’re ready to get up!” he said. After I hauled my 32-week-pregnant belly out of bed, I found him on the top bunk with a piece of paper. “It’s a list, just like in Frog and Toad!” he said, his eyes bright. My boy had crossed off “wake up” and “get mama.” Next on the list was, “get dressed.” Across the room, in his crib, my 2-year-old was lifting his butt up in the air in a down dog position and then collapsing and giggling.

But within 15 minutes, everything turned, like a storm cloud unleashing hail in my kitchen. “Mama, I want breakfast!” my 2-year-old yelled. “What would you like?” I asked. I’m pretty sure he said pancakes, but when I repeated pancakes, he said, “NO!” and started to cry. He cried for 20 minutes, stopping occasionally to scream about his milk cup, “GET IT FOR ME!”

Then my 4-year-old lost his list. “Mama,” he said, his lower lip trembling. “I can’t find my list, will you help me?”  I tried to help him, but then my 2-year-old, still crying and following me, wanted me to hold him. Then the 4-year-old wanted milk. And then, I’m pretty sure I heard my in-utero boy crying too.

You know what I wanted? I wanted to eat. And man did pancakes sound good. I was trying to add ingredients to the bowl when I couldn’t take it anymore. My husband got out of the shower and saw me — mussed up hair, red eyes. “Are you OK?” he asked, wrapped in a towel. I shook my head. “You aren’t going to quit the team, are you?” Our little joke always makes us laugh, but that morning, I bowed my head and the tears flowed.

Mornings like these are rare and they sap every ounce of my soul — and all I can do is cry. But over the past four years, I’ve discovered a few skills to help me be a better mom to my nonsensical toddlers.

1. Focus on the positive – and cultivate my own interests

I used to be a journalist, but then we relocated to the California desert for my husband’s job when my first child was 11 months old. It was hard to leave a job that I loved, and even harder to leave friends. And now I was a (gulp!) stay-at-home mom, something I never expected (and soon loved). But I knew that I would have to find something that fulfilled beyond motherhood.

I practiced photography and won an amateur photo contest for capturing a hummingbird hovering at a feeder. I learned how to crochet and made a blanket I now snuggle under. I took every pottery class I could find — and am close to opening an Etsy shop. If I do one thing a day for me, it helps me relax and not resent having left a career to be at home.

2.. Let go of the little annoyances

I have learned to let go of the small things that drive me crazy — well, mostly. One recent annoyance: My 4-year-old loves to do projects with Scotch tape, and before I know it, he has used the whole role in one sitting, taping together construction paper in all different shapes. “Look mom, it’s a dinosaur!”

It used to irritate me, because Scotch tape isn’t cheap, and because when I need it, I can never find it. But I decided to change my mindset: Scotch tape is better than any toy I can buy for him. And why would I discourage creativity, independence, and an activity that’s good for his development? I realized that I needed to buy more Scotch tape, put some away for me and then let him be his little awesome self.

3. Think about how I nourish myself, and my kids

With more than two cups of caffeine, my patience goes down the drain with the egg shells. It’s the same with too much sugar – once it wears off, my energy dwindles and I’m less capable of handling whining or meltdowns. My 4-year-old probably thinks I’m the sugar police, even though he always gets a treat after dinner (and yes, we do sometimes go to Starbucks for chocolate milk in the morning).

But I often find myself saying things like, “I’m not buying that for you, it has too much sugar.” And, “No, you may not have the leftover orange juice our guests left here — it’s full of sugar.” Maybe it will come back and bite me someday, and my son will binge on sugar as a teenager. But for now, full tummies of mostly healthy foods keep all of us as calm as can be — until we’re tired.

4. Read something positive and supportive about parenting every day

On Facebook, I follow Janet Lansbury, who wrote No Bad Kids among others, because her method resonates with me. And that means I read a blog post about parenting every single day. (Yes, sometimes I’m that mom looking at her phone and ignoring her kids so I can find out how to be a better mom – oh the irony!)

The posts are usually about slowing down, cultivating patience, and remembering this time spent raising children is short. Sometimes the post serves to remind me that I’m the adult, and my kids are just that — little kids. Reading these daily posts helps to keep me sane.

5. Ignore the kids and see what happens

Often I’ll disappear into the other room — a little, “Now you see me, now you don’t!” — and see what happens. I’ll stand in a doorway, spying on them, suppressing any cough or sneeze, or even holding my breath.

More often than not, the kids surprise me. My 4-year-old will get out the play dough and help his little brother. Or they’ll quietly play trains together. Or I’ll hear, “I WANT IT!” from my 2-year-old, and a negotiation will ensue, followed by giggles. Being a little bit hands-off can yield great results — and those few minutes of stolen time help me feel normal again.

6. Get outside

It’s true that I think fresh air is important for the kids, and I put a premium on it. But the truth is, it’s good for me, too. And what’s good for me, is good for them.

I spend time getting dirty in the garden, or taking them on hikes in the foothills. I’ll find any excuse to be outside, with the kids in tow. Generally, we’re all the happier for it.

7. Always, always, always remember they’re just little kids

Like the ticker on CNN, I have a banner that runs through my mind. They’re the same words and I see them all day long, “They’re just kids!”

So when they ram one of those tiny shopping carts into my heel at the grocery store, and I want to pummel them like I would have an opponent on the soccer field 20 years ago, I stare at that ticker in my mind, “They’re just kids!”

Instead of following my initial reaction and being aggressive, I calm down and respond reasonably, reminding them to be careful. But I try not to yell, or go on about just how much it hurt, or the inevitable bruise I’ll have on my heel. They’re just kids, and they didn’t mean to run me over.

Or did they?

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Unstructured play is play without predetermined rules of the game. There are no organized teams, uniforms, coaches or trainers. It is spontaneous, often made-up on the spot, and changeable as the day goes on. It is the kind of play you see when puppies chase each other around a yard in endless circles or a group of kids play for hours in a fort they created out of old packing boxes.

Unstructured play is fun—no question about it—but research also tells us that it is critically important for the development of children's bodies and brains.

One of the best ways to encourage unstructured play in young children is by providing open-ended toys, or toys that can be used multiple ways. People Toy Company knows all about that. Since 1977, they've created toys and products designed to naturally encourage developmental milestones—but to kids, it all just feels like play.

Here are five reasons why unstructured play is crucial for your children—

1. It changes brain structure in important ways

In a recent interview on NPR's Morning Edition, Sergio Pellis, Ph.D., an expert on the neuroscience of play noted that play actually changes the structure of the developing brain in important ways, strengthening the connections of the neurons (nerve cells) in the prefrontal cortex, the area of the brain considered to be the executive control center responsible for solving problems, making plans and regulating emotions.

Because unstructured play involves trying out different strategies without particular goals or serious consequences, children and other animals get to practice different activities during play and see what happens. When Dr. Pellis compared rats who played as pups with rats that did not, he found that although the play-deprived rats could perform the same actions, the play-experienced rats were able to react to their circumstances in a more flexible, fluid and swift fashion.

Their brains seemed more "plastic" and better able to rewire as they encountered new experiences.

Hod Lipson, a computer scientist at Cornell sums it up by saying the gift of play is that it teaches us how to deal with the unexpected—a critically important skill in today's uncertain world.

2. Play activates the entire neocortex

We now know that gene expression (whether a gene is active or not) is affected by many different things in our lives, including our environment and the activities we participate in. Jaak Panksepp, Ph.D., a Professor at the University of Washington studied play in rats earning him the nickname of the "rat tickler."

He found that even a half hour of play affected the activity of many different genes and activated the outer part of the rats' brains known as the neocortex, the area of the brain used in higher functions such as thinking, language and spatial reasoning. We don't know for sure that this happens in humans, but some researchers believe that it probably does.

3. It teaches children to have positive interaction with others

It used to be thought that animal play was simply practice so that they could become more effective hunters. However, Dr. Panksepp's study of play in rats led him to the conclusion that play served an entirely different function: teaching young animals how to interact with others in positive ways. He believed that play helps build pro-social brains.

4. Children who play are often better students

The social skills acquired through play may help children become better students. Research has found that the best predictor of academic performance in the eighth grade was a child's social skills in the third grade. Dr. Pellis notes that "countries where they actually have more recess tend to have higher academic performance than countries where recess is less."

5. Unstructured play gets kids moving

We all worry that our kids are getting too little physical activity as they spend large chunks of their time glued to their electronic devices with only their thumbs getting any exercise. Unstructured play, whether running around in the yard, climbing trees or playing on commercial play structures in schools or public parks, means moving the whole body around.

Physical activity helps children maintain a healthy weight and combats the development of Type 2 diabetes—a condition all too common in American children—by increasing the body's sensitivity to the hormone insulin.

It is tempting in today's busy world for parents and kids to fill every minute of their day with structured activities—ranging from Spanish classes before school to soccer and basketball practice after and a full range of special classes and camps on the weekends and summer vacation. We don't remember to carve out time for unstructured play, time for kids to get together with absolutely nothing planned and no particular goals in mind except having fun.

The growing body of research on the benefits of unstructured play suggests that perhaps we should rethink our priorities.

Not sure where to get started? Here are four People Toy Company products that encourage hours of unstructured play.

1. People Blocks Zoo Animals

These colorful, magnetic building blocks are perfect for encouraging unstructured play in children one year and beyond. The small pieces fit easily in the hands of smaller children, and older children will love creating their own shapes and designs with the magnetic pieces.

People Blocks Zoo Animals 17 Piece Set, People Toy Company, $34.99

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This article was sponsored by People Toy Company. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

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Mamas have a hard time carving out time for themselves. Our families almost always take priority, meaning things like skincare can easily fall by the wayside. Even though studies have shown the benefits of caring for ourselves also benefit our babies benefit our babies, it often feels just one more task to add to our to-do list.

Fortunately, it's possible to skip extensive routines and start small. If you have just five minutes (or more!) to spare for yourself this week, try these self-care products you can sneak during nap time or after you finally get the little ones down for the night.

If you only have 5 minutes: Remove your makeup

One of the most important ways to care for your skin at the end of the day is removing your makeup. Start with a cleansing towelette to easily wipe away even stubborn mascara and eyeliner so you can go to bed with a clean slate.

Neutrogena Makeup Remover Cleansing Towelettes, Amazon, 2-pk $8.97

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If you have 10 minutes (or more): Use a jade facial roller

After cleansing, use this jade roller to gently massage your face to boost collagen, flush out toxins and improve circulation in your skin.

Jade Facial Roller, Amazon, $11.99

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Motherly is your daily #momlife manual; we are here to help you easily find the best, most beautiful products for your life that actually work. We share what we love—and we may receive a commission if you choose to buy. You've got this.

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In the moments after we give birth, we desperately want to hear our baby cry. In the middle of the night a few months later it's no longer exactly music to our ears, but those cries aren't just telling us that baby needs a night feeding: They're also giving us a hint at what our children may sound like as kindergarteners, and adults.

New research published in the journal Biology Letters suggests the pitch of a 4-month-old's cry predicts the pitch they'll use to ask for more cookies at age five and maybe even later on as adults.

The study saw 2 to 5-month olds recorded while crying. Five years later, the researchers hit record again and chatted with the now speaking children. Their findings, combined with previous work on the subject, suggest it's possible to figure out what a baby's voice will sound like later in life, and that the pitch of our adult voices may be traceable back to the time we spend in utero. Further studies are needed, but scientists are very interested in how factors before birth can impact decades later.

"In utero, you have a lot of different things that can alter and impact your life — not only as a baby, but also at an adult stage," one of the authors of the study, Nicolas Mathevon, told the New York Times.

The New York Times also spoke with Carolyn Hodges, an assistant professor of anthropology at Boston University who was not involved in the study. According to Hodges, while voice pitch may not seem like a big deal, it impacts how we perceive people in very real ways.

Voice pitch is a factor in how attractive we think people are, how trustworthy. But why we find certain pitches more or less appealing isn't known. "There aren't many studies that address these questions, so that makes this research especially intriguing," Hodges said, adding that it "suggests that individual differences in voice pitch may have their origins very, very early in development."

So the pitch of that midnight cry may have been determined months ago, and it may determine part of your child's future, too. There are still so many things we don't know, but as parents we do know one thing: Our babies cries (as much as we don't want to hear them all the time) really are something special.

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Chrissy Teigen has been very open about the ways pregnancy has changed her body. Mom to 2-year-old Luna and 4-month-old Miles, Teigen—a former swimsuit model—has famously embraced her postpartum body (stretchies and all), while noting that she's still, at times, insecure about it, but she's not ashamed.

That's why, when a man on Twitter commented on a photo of Teigen's red carpet look for the Emmy's to ask the whole wide world (and Teigen herself, he tagged her) if she was pregnant again, Teigen was quick to shut down the shamer.

"I'm asking this with the utmost respectful [sic], but is @chrissyteigen pregnant again?" The man wrote.

"I just had a baby but thank you for being soooo respectful," Teigen replied (from the Emmys).


Fellow moms were quick to jump to Teigen's defense. Many pointed out that Teigen actually looks incredible for any human, let alone one who is four months postpartum. Other mamas were quick to chime in with stories about their own lingering baby bumps.

For a lot of women, our bodies are different after having a baby. Sometimes that means we're a little rounder in the middle than we used to be. It happens to almost everyone, even red carpet-walking A-listers, like Teigen and actress Jennifer Garner, who once told Ellen Degeneres that she would have a bump forever.

"I am not pregnant, but I have had three kids and there is a bump," Garner explained in 2014, after paparazzi photographs fueled speculation that she and Ben Affleck were expecting a fourth child. "Forever and ever, not another baby. Just a bump like a camel. But just in reverse," Garner jokes.

Like Garner, Teigen dealt with the pregnancy question with a sense of humor, but she shouldn't have had to defend her body from the Emmys. As many, many Twitter users pointed out to the man who asked, it's never cool to ask a woman if she is pregnant.

It's not polite to ask, and it's no one's business whether a woman's bump is a pregnancy, some fabric, a burrito, a weird shadow or (as in Teigen's case) basically a figment of someone's imagination.

A lot of mamas online last night chimed in to say that while Teigen's stomach doesn't look like it did in her Sports Illustrated days, it still looks pretty freaking amazing.

Yes, after two kids, Chrissy Teigen doesn't look like a swimsuit model. But she shouldn't have to. She's not a swimsuit model anymore. She is a cookbook author with her own Target line and she hosts a hilarious TV show. She's also a mother. She is so much more than her midsection.

"Honestly, I don't ever have to be in a swimsuit again," she recently told Women's Health. "Since I was 20 years old, I had this weight in my mind that I am, or that I'm supposed to be. I've been so used to that number for 10 years now. And then I started realizing it was a swimsuit-model weight. There's a very big difference between wanting to be that kind of fit and wanting to be happy-fit."

Teigen is happy with her body, and we're happy she spent Emmy night educating the internet about respecting women.

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As parents, we often put a lot of pressure on ourselves to make sure our babies' brains are developing as quickly as possible. But the irony is, for many years the best way our little ones can learn and grow is through play. In fact, research has shown that reading stories, playing simple games, and engaging with toys is one of the best ways to boost baby's brain development for years to come.

It's those kind of findings that fuels the work at People Toy Company, a Japanese-based toy company that believes in encouraging the natural development of children through research-backed toys. Every toy in their line is developed to make playtime engaging for parents and children alike while helping little ones achieve developmental milestones through play.

Here are 10 of our favorite toys for engaging little minds and encouraging motor development from baby's first weeks and beyond.

TOYS TO STIMULATE LITTLE BRAINS BEFORE 6 MONTHS

1. Mochi Double Pendant Necklace (newborn on)

It's a fact of life that babies love to explore their world with their mouths. Save your jewelry by swapping in this teething necklace made from rice. Babies will love the easy-to-hold shape and textured design—you'll love the neutral color palette that goes with any outfit.

Mochi Double Pendant Necklace, Amazon, $15.99

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TOYS TO STIMULATE LITTLE BRAINS AFTER 6 MONTHS

1. Magic Reflection Ball (6 month)

Encourage independent play from six months on with this constantly changing reflection ball. Use the suction cup to attach it to different smooth surfaces to encourage pulling up and standing later on.

People Magic Reflection Ball, Amazon, $8.99

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This article was sponsored by People Toy Company. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

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