5:02 a.m. Holy cow, it’s five a.m.
5:05 a.m. hey, where my early risers at? The baby is hungry and I need entertainment.
5:08 a.m. It’s cool, I guess she will be back to sleep soon anyway, so…
5:20 a.m. still awake.
5:32 a.m. definitely still up.
5:48 a.m. WIDE AWAKE.
5:52 a.m. and now crying.
5:56 a.m. Ok, we’re good. It was just a dirty diaper.
6:02 a.m. lol, jk, crying again.
6:07 a.m. my neighbors love me now.
6:18 a.m. she’s eating again and now almost asleep.
6:19 a.m. ok, here it is. We’re going for the touchdown. She’s definitely sleeping.
6:24 a.m. Oh my gosh, she’s so cute I hope she never gets out of the newborn stage.
6:27 a.m. Uh-oh. My arm is going numb and I really have to pee.
6:28 a.m. I can just put her back in her crib reeeeeeeeally gently.
6:29 a.m. NO NO NO CODE BLUE
6:30 a.m. she’s up again I REGRET EVERYTHING.
6:35 a.m. Ok, she’s back down. God bless that rocking chair.
6:37 a.m. I made it to the bed now so I’m zzzzzzzzzz…
9:04 a.m. hey, look we’re awake again. But wait, did we just sleep for over two hours?! I feel so renewed!
9:05 a.m. time to eat again!
9:25 a.m. now for some serious playtime.
9:32 a.m. bouncy, bouncy, bouncy… man, babies love bouncing.
9:48 a.m. Even changing diapers is fun with this little lady.
9:50 a.m. Look! It’s a stuffed moose. Do you love the stuffed moose?
10:04 a.m. Guys, the stuffed moose is a roaring success. The dude abides.
10:20 a.m. whoaaaaa so much spit-up all over the place.
10:21 a.m. STUFFED MOOSE DOWN. I REPEAT, STUFFED MOOSE DOWN.
10:24 a.m. ok, time for some laundry. Which works out because we really haven’t done any since literally yesterday.
10:35 a.m. oh, I know! let’s go for a little walk in the stroller!
10:47 a.m. Look, trees! And cars! The world is so wondrous!
10:48 a.m. WAIT, ARE YOU SMILING?
10:49 a.m. Guys, she’s definitely smiling. Oh, it’s gone. MAN! Wait, no. It’s back!
10:50 a.m. Unmistakable smile over here, people! THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
10:51 a.m. Someone get a camera! Hey, you! Neighbor lady I never talk to! GET YOUR CAMERA.
10:52 a.m. Oh, you’re too late. It’s gone. Nice one, neighbor lady.
10:53 a.m. Ugh, that is so like neighbor lady. So selfish.
10:59 a.m. strolling, strolling, strolling…
11:03 a.m. oh my gosh, she’s asleep again. Ok, I didn’t plan for this. Should I eat, or should I nap? EAT OR NAP?!
11:04 a.m. I’m going to eat. I need to eat. Ok, to the house to eat! But only something small that will take a few minutes to make. Hot pockets? Hot pockets.
11:06 a.m. Alright, we are in the house and the hot pockets are in the microwave. I’m way too excited about this.
11:07 a.m. zzzzzzzz…
12:08 p.m. Aaaaand we’re up again. Ok, so I missed my chance to eat. And shower. But I slept! That was an awesome nap. All right, time to be the best mom ever! Just call me June Cleaver! No, no, no… Claire Huxtable. NO LORELAI GILMORE. I’m totally a Lorelai Gilmore.
12:09 p.m. But first: hungry baby.
12:14 p.m. Oh man, my phone is out of reach. Can’t. Get. It. UGH.
12:28 p.m. still eating. This parenting thing isn’t so hard at all. All you really have to do is feed them when they’re hungry! What was I so nervous about?
12:30 p.m. why is my hand so warm suddenly?
12:34 p.m. oh $@%*, there’s poop EVERYWHERE!
12:35 p.m. it’s on her elbow.
12:36 p.m. it’s on my socks.
12:38 p.m. it’s on the ceiling?
12:45 p.m. OK. PHEW. Poop crisis averted.
12:48 p.m. I should have waited on the laundry.
12:52 p.m. OK, REINSTATE PLAYTIME.
12:55 p.m. I never realized how many fart sounds I can make with my mouth.
1:04 p.m. if my baby were a paying audience I would totally be booked all week.
1:25 p.m. Anyone remember that time Rabbit came up with the bright idea to kidnap Roo from Kanga? …Some weird stuff is happening in the Hundred Acre Wood, guys.
1:58 p.m. Hungry baby!
2:30 p.m. Changing diapers is actually quite soothing.
2:35 p.m. Oh, great! Family is here to see the baby. AND THEY BROUGHT ME FOOD. Wonderful people.
2:47 p.m. She just loves her aunts and uncles. Look how sweet she is, just sleeping in their arms.
2:52 p.m. WAIT, SHE’S SLEEPING AGAIN. I have now wasted a whole five minutes not sleeping.
3:08 p.m. Ok, we snuck away from the family and are going to take another nap. Oh, I love naps so much. <3<3<3
5:15 p.m. I’m awake now for some reason, but she’s still sleeping. To try sleeping more or to just get up?
5:16 p.m. Oh my goodness, look at that little face!
5:17 p.m. She’s so cute, I’m crying.
5:18 p.m. I’m actually crying. It’s all over my keyboard.
5:19 p.m. She’s just such an angel. How did we get so lucky? I LOVE HER SO MUCH. I just want to stroke her little head.
5:20 p.m. Oh, wait she’s stirring. Don’t touch her!
5:21 p.m. Phew! That was close.
5:23 p.m. Ok, time to take that shower I should have taken three days ago.
5:25 p.m. oh, showering… How I have missed thee!
5:28 p.m. What is that? Is that crying?
5:29 p.m. Yep, she’s awake.
5:30 p.m. Does not rinsing your hair count as using leave-in conditioner?
5:31 p.m. Oh, sweet girl just wants to eat again.
6:02 p.m. She needs a diaper change.
6:05 p.m. Ok, now I think I will eat again too, because SO HUNGRY.
6:06 p.m. why must everything require cookingggggggg????? UGHHHHHHHH.
6:07 p.m. Ah yes, leftovers! Great success!
6:08 p.m. Hey, what are these hot pockets doing in the microwave?
6:39 p.m. I could kiss her for twelve hours straight.
6:40 p.m. She smells so good.
6:41 p.m. Oh, how sweet! She just loves looking at the lights.
6:45 p.m. Oh, and the ceiling fans!
6:48 p.m. Boy, am I thankful for household appliances!
7:07 p.m. Oh no! Why are you crying, sweetheart?
7:10 p.m. What is it? What’s wrong, baby girl?
7:14 p.m. She is reluctant to explain the problem.
7:38 p.m. update: we have been walking back-and-forth through this hallway for what feels like five hours. But if I stop moving she’ll start crying again.
7:40 p.m. I’m so glad I did track in high school.
8:08 p.m. Ok, well, I’ll try feeding her again because you really can’t go wrong with that.
8:10 p.m. NICE. She loves food!
8:38 p.m. Oh, and she’s asleep! Ok, time to show my morning self who’s boss and complete the crib transfer.
8:39 p.m. we got this. Slowly… slowly… slowly… OK, SHE’S IN.
8:41 p.m. Look how beautiful she is!!
8:42 p.m. I have the cutest baby in the entire world!
8:43 p.m. I could stare at her for years!
8:52 p.m. Zzzzzz…