Husbands the world over are breathing a collective sigh of relief. Finally, it’s here. Finally, they get to pass the buck and dodge the age-old question that has plagued man for generations.
Women, through time, have looked at their reflection in mirrors, posing at different angles to check on curves, dimensions, lengths and breadths. Meanwhile, husbands have lain on couches and beds, absorbed in reruns of Breaking Bad on their iPads, oblivious to the outfit iterations their better-halves are enduring.
She then asks the dreaded question: Honey, how do I look?
Scenario 1: Man answers with a grunt.
Wife responds with icy, Dairy-Queen-Arctic-Rush silence. Cold enough to give him a brain freeze and then some. Man senses bedroom has turned into the Tundra. He looks up from device. But it’s too late. Way too late.
Scenario 2: Man answers with a non-committal, “Nice.” (He thinks he’s dodged bullet. Ha!)
“Nice? That’s all you got to say??” comes the somewhat incredulous response, before she marches off to change.
Scenario 3: Man answers with a “Wow, you’ve never looked more beautiful in your life.”
“I wore this last evening,” she answers calmly. The trap was set. Significant other had no trouble falling in.
Enter the solution that husbands down the centuries have been ardently seeking. Women no longer have to pose said question (or versions of it: Do I look fat? Does my tummy stick out? Do my arms look too …?) to their spouses. Instead, women can now take the “How do I look?” query to one of our tried-and-tested sources of joy: Amazon.
It brought you the world while you were up late feeding the baby. It streamed Prime movies while you had to give up theaters for toddler time. It now brings personalized fashion advice, right to your bedroom.
Amazon Echo’s latest avatar, Echo Look, takes pictures of you in your “Should I wear this?” outfit and sends you feedback instantly. It’s like having a personal “What Not to Wear” episode air in your home. The device comes to life with the “Alexa” command. So, when you say, “Alexa, take a picture” it obliges and take a full-length, 360 panorama of you. (Especially important if someone is viewing you at a 75 degree angle).
We have the old version of the Echo at home. It doesn’t take pictures. Mostly, it just answers my 7-year-old’s command to tell jokes. On a lark, I asked the ‘old’ Alexa how I looked. She reprimanded me with a stern, “Susan, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” Well, Alexa, you’re probably not aware of your latest version. Beauty now seems to be in the hands of the algorithms and style gurus of Amazon.
Maybe that’s a good thing. Since the launch of the Echo Look, studies have shown that incidence of fights between spouses before social events has reduced by 32%. Couples have arrived at churches, parties and restaurants without report of a single ruffled feather.
Smiles did not have to be plastered before walking into restaurants. Truces did not have to be negotiated at the doorway of friends’ homes. “This could be the breakthrough we’re looking for,” said one marriage counselor in a recent interview. All for just $200.
Other experts have suggested, Alexa is merely posing as your style-savvy BFF while secretly trying to sell you merchandise from Amazon. Whaa?
Meanwhile, if the whole concept of Alexa taking pictures of you in your bedroom creeps you out, you can always go old school, and turn to the man who knows you’re drop-dead gorgeous no matter what you wear. Hubby dear, I hope you’re reading this!
PS: Please add a generous pinch of salt to some of the “facts” in the post. Handcrafted Himalayan pink, if that’s your preference. Which is also available on Amazon.