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One morning, as I casually sipped my coffee and thumb-scrolled through my Facebook feed, I came across a terrifying headline describing one mom's horrific experience of nearly losing her children to a child trafficker in Ikea.

Like thousands of other moms across America, I clicked through to read the story because, hey – I'm a mom, and I go to Ikea.

My heart raced as the mom described being followed through the store, shadowed by two men who clearly were not there to buy reasonably priced furniture in a box. I was on the edge of my seat waiting for the moment when they'd pounce. Who would the heroic rescuer turn out to be, I wondered? Security? A passerby?


But there was no hero. Suddenly, the story just ended.

Huh? Wait a minute, I thought. What happened to the part where her children almost got kidnapped and sold into child sex trafficking? Did I miss something?

It turns out, I did not. What Diandra Toyos described in her viral Facebook post was her feeling that something just wasn't right. She did what any mom would do in her position; she protected her kids.

When she posted about it on social media, I'm sure she had no idea she was about to ignite a firestorm. In the weeks that followed, her story was covered by nearly every national news organization and was viewed and shared on Facebook hundreds of thousands of times. (It has since been removed.)

While some worried readers frantically fanned the flames, demanding that we all be more vigilant in a society where sex trafficking is rapidly expanding, others called the mom a fear-monger, lambasting her for a misinformed and sensationalistic representation of an experience that ultimately just felt uncomfortable.

Though no one can say with any certainty whether her fears were founded, one thing is for sure: Parenting is scary. But we would do better to educate ourselves about risk before allowing the fear to rule our parenting.

We are parenting in a time of paranoia. We have somehow gotten to a place in American news and social media where a creepy feeling constitutes a near-miss, and a national news story. Fear sells, and unfortunately, we live under a cloud of it. It seems that no one is safe – especially a mom with three kids, who goes to Ikea.

But are our fears justified? I decided to go straight to the source and review the statistics about abductions and sex trafficking in our current culture. What I found was more reassuring than the evening news would lead you to believe.

The current pattern of crime in the U.S.

First of all, crime rates are down. Pew Research Center reports that violent crimes are down at least 50 percent since the early 90s. While one survey showed a slight uptick between 2014 and 2015, the fact remains that, overall, violent crime in the U.S. has declined sharply over the past three decades. Property crime has also fallen roughly 50 percent in the same time period.

Despite the statistics, though, public perception of crime is on the rise. A Gallup poll conducted regularly dating back to 1972 reveals that each year, Americans believe that crime has increased in their area. Similarly, in a 2016 Pew Research Center poll, 57 percent of registered voters said that crime had gotten worse since 2008.

What is causing the perceived increase in crime rates despite the consistent and sharp decline in actual crime? The constant barrage of crime-related news paired with the power of social media has played no small part. But are our children actually safer than they were 30 years ago?

The current statistics on kidnappings and abductions by strangers

A 2016 issue of the Juvenile Justice Bulletin compared data related to stranger abductions from 1997 to 2011 and found that, overall, rates have remained fairly steady, but low.

Each year, there are approximately 105 stranger abductions reported nationally. With an estimated 74 million children in America, that makes the odds of any single child being abducted by a stranger about 0.00014 percent, or one in 700,000.

Of the children who are abducted by strangers, 92 percent are recovered alive. This represents a 40 percent increase in recovery rate since 1997, mostly attributed to increases in cell phones and mobile tracking technology.

Of the victims, most are girls aged 12 to 17, and in nearly two-thirds of all cases, the child went with the abductor willingly, usually having been tricked into complacency. Specifically, only 36 percent of abductions happened in public spaces, and only 16 percent were related to sex trafficking. That makes the odds of a child being abducted by a stranger for the purposes of sex trafficking roughly one in four million.

The current state of human trafficking in the U.S.

It is true that prosecutions related to human trafficking are on the rise in the United States, but only slightly. The 2016 Trafficking in Persons Report produced by the U.S. Department of State reports that in 2015, there were 257 federal human trafficking prosecutions, charging 377 defendants. This represents a slight increase from the 208 prosecutions charging 335 defendants in 2014.

It's important to realize, though, that prosecuting more human traffickers does not necessarily mean there are more human traffickers. It could also be an indication of more effective investigations and arrests.

Regardless, for every human trafficker prosecuted, dozens of others no doubt escape unscathed. The human trafficking activist group Polaris estimated over 8,000 cases of human trafficking in 2016, representing a 35 percent increase over the year before.

Let's consider how human traffickers generally operate. Dr. Kimberly Mehlman-Orozco has served as a human trafficking expert witness in multiple criminal cases and has trained federal law enforcement agents on geographic patterns of human trafficking prevalence. She recently spoke with CBS News, warning that “These types of [social media posts] perpetuate misinformation, which leads to people being misinformed about how human trafficking happens in real life."

She goes on to relate that human traffickers generally build relationships with young people over prolonged periods, sometimes as long as a year, before luring them away from their families. They also generally target minors who are particularly vulnerable, such as runaways or homeless youth.

“It's not happening overnight or as some people have described 'in a matter of seconds or minutes,'" she adds. In fact, in her years interviewing over 2,000 victims of human trafficking, she has never heard of a single case in which a child was simply snatched suddenly from a crowded public space.

Of course, statistics don't matter if your child is the one in four million. So, how can we safeguard our children against abduction and sex trafficking? Here are some tips for getting started:

Monitor your child's social media use

Many victims are groomed online before they are actually abducted. Set parental controls, know what apps your child has access to, and regularly check their online communications.

Make a family rule against secrets

Teach your kids that it's not okay for older people to ask them to keep a secret. Most sexual predators count on the fact that a young child will not tell on them. Does this mean that we have to tell grandma what we bought her for her birthday? Of course not. Teach that surprises are okay, but secrets are not.

Teach young children about “tricky people"

Stranger danger is now commonly considered an outdated technique. More often than not, strangers are not a danger, and in some cases, a child may need to ask a stranger for help.

Instead teach about “tricky people," adults who ask for help from children. Teach children that there's no reason an adult should ask a child for help. Of course, there are exceptions, like holding a door for an elderly person or helping mommy rake the leaves. But in general, an adult should not ask for help from a child.

Trust your gut, and teach your children to do the same

Diandra Toyos will never know if her children were being targeted in Ikea, but she went with her gut and protected them. You can never fault a parent for erring on the side of safety.

Teach your children that if something feels wrong or makes them uncomfortable, they should leave the situation immediately and tell a trusted grown-up right away.

Let your kids know when it's okay to be rude

We spend so much time teaching our children to be polite and respectful, but that's the last thing we want them to be if someone is abusing or abducting them. Make sure your children know to do whatever is necessary to get away from someone who tries to touch them inappropriately or force them to go someplace against their will. Teach them that, if that ever happens, it's okay to be aggressive and make a scene.

It's hard not to ruminate over the worst case scenarios we envision around us. There's a fine line between protecting our kids and living in fear. By knowing the facts and taking reasonable steps to safeguard against the unlikely nightmares we imagine, we can keep ourselves grounded in reality, where we all have the same goal: to raise kids who are healthy, safe, and strong.

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When it comes to holiday gifts, we know what you really want, mama. A full night's sleep. Privacy in the bathroom. The opportunity to eat your dinner while it's still hot. Time to wash—and dry!—your hair. A complete wardrobe refresh.

While we can't help with everything on your list (we're still trying to figure out how to get some extra zzz's ourselves), here are 14 gift ideas that'll make you look, if not feel, like a whole new woman. Even when you're sleep deprived.

Gap Cable-Knit Turtleneck Sweater

When winter hits, one of our go-to outfits will be this tunic-length sweater and a pair of leggings. Warm and everyday-friendly, we can get behind that.


Gap Cigarette Jeans

These high-waisted straight-leg jeans have secret smoothing panels to hide any lumps and bumps (because really, we've all got 'em).


Tiny Tags Gold Skinny Bar Necklace

Whether engraved with a child's name or date of birth, this personalized necklace will become your go-to piece of everyday jewelry.


Gap Brushed Pointelle Crew

This wear-with-anything soft pink sweater with delicate eyelet details can be dressed up for work or dressed down for weekend time with the family. Versatility for the win!


Gap Flannel Pajama Set

For mamas who sleep warm, this PJ set offers the best of both worlds: cozy flannel and comfy shorts. Plus, it comes with a coordinating eye mask for a blissed-out slumber.


Spafinder Gift Card

You can't give the gift of relaxation, per say, but you can give a gift certificate for a massage or spa service, and that's close enough!


Gap Stripe Long Sleeve Crewneck

This featherweight long-sleeve tee is the perfect layering piece under hoodies, cardigans, and blazers.


Gap Chenille Smartphone Gloves

Gone are the days of removing toasty gloves before accessing our touchscreen devices—thank goodness!


Ember Temperature Control Smart Mug

Make multiple trips to the microwave a thing of the past with a app-controlled smart mug that'll keep your coffee or tea at the exact temperature you prefer for up to an hour.


Gap Flannel Shirt

Our new favorite flannel boasts an easy-to-wear drapey fit and a flattering curved shirttail hem.


Gap Sherpa-Lined Denim Jacket

Stay warm while looking cool in this iconic jean jacket, featuring teddy bear-soft fleece lining and a trendy oversized fit.


Gap Crazy Stripe Scarf

Practical and stylish, this cozy scarf adds a pop of color—well, colors—to any winter ensemble.


Nixplay Seed Frame

This digital picture frame is perfect for mamas who stay up late scrolling through their phone's photo album to glimpse their kiddos being adorable. By sending them to this smart frame to view throughout the day, you can get a few extra minutes of sleep at night!


Gap Crewneck Sweater

Busy mamas will appreciate that this supersoft, super versatile Merino wool sweater is machine washable.


This article was sponsored by GAP. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and Mamas.

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There's a lot of discussion about the importance of early education—but what about soft skills like respect and kindness? How can mamas teach children important values like cooperation, gratitude, empathy or politeness?

These values are basic, foundational beliefs that help us know right from wrong, that give balance and meaning to life and that enable us to form community bonds with one another. These soft skills are crucial for kids to learn at any age, and it's important for them to be reinforced, both in the classroom and at home, throughout their childhood.

Here are fundamental ways to build character in your young children:


Performing random acts of kindness can have a positive influence on both the individual showing and receiving the kindness. As a family, think of ways that each one of you can show kindness to others. Some ideas may include baking cookies for the mail carrier, donating an unopened toy to a local charity, purchasing canned goods for a homeless shelter or leaving notes and drawings for the neighbors. Include your child in the process so they can see firsthand the joy that kindness can bring to others.



Children have a strong desire to mimic adult family members. Encourage your child to help complete simple chores in and around the house. Children feel a great sense of accomplishment when they can do their share and feel that sense of responsibility. Two-year-olds will enjoy folding towels, putting books away, putting paper in the recycling box and tending to the garden. Older children may enjoy helping out in the kitchen or with yard work.


Patience is the ability to demonstrate self-control while waiting for an event to occur. It also refers to the ability to remain calm in the face of frustration. This is a skill which develops in children as they mature. While it is important to practice patience, adults should also be realistic in their expectations, evaluate daily routines and eliminate long periods of wait time from the schedule.


Schedule a time when the whole family can sit down together for dinner. Model good manners and encourage older siblings and other members of the family to do the same. Use phrases such as, "Can you please pass the potatoes?" or "Thank you." Be sure to provide your child with guidance, by explaining what to do as opposed to what not to do.


Change your routines at home to encourage children to be flexible in their thinking and to try new things. Try being flexible in the small things: enjoy breakfast for dinner, eat ice cream with a fork, have your child read a bedtime story to you or have a picnic in the living room. Let your child know it is okay to do things in a different way.


Children are beginning to understand different emotions and that others have feelings. Throughout their childhood, talk about their feelings and share one's own feeling with them as well. By taking the time to listen to how children are feeling, you will demonstrate to them that you care and reinforce with them that you fully understand how they are feeling.


Coordinate playdates or take your children to events where they can practice introducing themselves to other children, and potentially with adults. Find games and other activities that require turn-taking and sharing.


Encourage your child to spend five minutes every day listing the things they are grateful for. This could be done together just before bedtime or after dinner.


As parents, our goal is to teach children to recognize that even though people have different likes and dislikes or beliefs and ideas, they must treat each other with manners and positivity. Respect should be shown when sharing, cleaning up, and listening to others. Always teach and model the Golden Rule: treat others the way you would like to be treated. Also remind children that respect can be shown towards things in the classroom. Treating materials and toys correctly shows appreciation for the things we have.
Learn + Play

Medical researchers and providers consider a woman's postpartum period to be up to 12 months after the delivery of baby, but too often, health insurance doesn't see it the same way. Nearly half of the births in the United States are covered by Medicaid or the Children's Health Insurance Program (CHIP) and while the babies who are born during these births are eligible for Medicaid or CHIP for a year, their mothers often lose their coverage 60 days after delivering their child. There is clear data showing 70% of new moms will have at least one health complication within a year of giving birth.


This week, members of Congress' Subcommittee on Health met to mark up H.R. 4996, the "Helping Medicaid Offer Maternity Services (MOMS) Act of 2019, and it was favorably forwarded to the full Committee.

What does this mean? It means that while this bill still has a ways to go before it potentially becomes law, its success would see states get the option to provide 12 months of continuous coverage postpartum coverage to mothers on Medicaid. This would save lives.

As we at Motherly have said many times, it takes a considerable amount of time and energy to heal from birth. A mother may not be healed 60 days out from delivering. She may still require medical care for perinatal mood disorders, breast issues like thrush and mastitis, diabetes, and the consequences of traumatic births, like severe vaginal tearing.

Cutting off Medicaid when her baby is only 2 months old makes mom and baby vulnerable, and the Helping Moms Act could protect families from dire consequences.

The United States has the highest rate of maternal deaths in the developed world, and according to the CDC, "about 700 women die each year in the United States as a result of pregnancy or delivery complications." This is not okay, and while H.R. 4996 is not yet signed into law this bill could help change this. It could help address the racial disparities that see so many Black mothers and Native American mothers dying from preventable causes in the first year of motherhood.

A report from nine American maternal mortality review committees found that there were three leading causes of death that occurred between 43 days and one year postpartum: cardiomyopathy (32.4%), mental health conditions (16.2%), and embolism (10.8%) and multiple state maternal mortality review committees have recommended extending Medicaid coverage to one year postpartum in order to prevent these deaths.

Basically, making sure that moms have have continuous access to health care the year after a birth means doctors can spot issues with things like depression, heart disease and high blood pressure at regular check-ups and treat these conditions before they become fatal.

The Helping Moms Act is a step forward in the fight for maternal health and it proves that maternal health is truly a bipartisan issue. Republicans and Democrats alike recognize the value in providing support for mothers during the postpartum period.

The Helping MOMS Act was was introduced by Democratic Congresswoman Robin Kelly of Illinois, chair of the Congressional Black Caucus Health Braintrust. It was co-lead by Texas Republican Michael Burgess (who is also a medical doctor), as well as Georgia Republican Buddy Carter, Washington Republicans Jaime Herrera Beutler and Cathy McMorris Rodgers and Ayanna Pressley from Massachusettes and Lauren Underwood of Illinois (both Democrats).

"Incentivizing postpartum Medicaid expansion is a critical first step in preventing maternal deaths by ensuring new moms can see their doctor. I'm proud that my colleagues, on both sides of the aisle, came together to put an end to the sad reality of American moms dying while growing their families," said Kelly. "We can't allow the perfect to be the enemy of the good. This is a good, bipartisan first step, but it must be the first of many."

It doesn't matter what your political stripes, reducing America's maternal mortality stats should be a priority.


Whether you're having a low-key Friendsgiving with your closest friends or prepping to host your first big Thanksgiving dinner with both families, figuring out all of the menu details can be the most overwhelming step. How much should I cook? What ingredients do I need? How does one actually cook a turkey this big?

But, don't worry, mama—HelloFresh is lending a helping hand this year with their Thanksgiving box in collaboration with Jessica Alba. Because you already have enough on your plate (and we're not talking stuffing).

Here are the details. You can choose from two Thanksgiving boxes: Turkey ($152) or beef tenderloin ($132). The turkey box serves 8-10 people while the beef one will serve 4-6 and both are $6.99 to ship. We got to try both and they're equally delicious so you can't go wrong with either one, but the turkey does require a 4-day thaw period so keep that in mind. And if you're wondering what the sides are, here's a sneak peek:

  • Garlic mashed potatoes
  • Green bean casserole with crispy onions
  • Ciabatta stuffing with chick sausage and cranberries
  • Cranberry sauce with orange, ginger and cinnamon
  • Apple ginger crisp with cinnamon pecan crumble

While someone still has to do the actual cooking, it's designed to take the stress out of Thanksgiving dinner so you can focus on spending time with your loved ones (or watching Hallmark Christmas movies). You don't have to worry about grocery shopping, portion sizes, recipe curation or forgetting that essential thing you needed to make the meal perfect. Everything is super simple to make from start to finish—it even comes with a cooking timeline.

Orders are open through November 21 and can be delivered anytime through November 24. Even better? You don't need a subscription to order.


We independently select and share the products we love—and may receive a commission if you choose to buy. You've got this.


My mother's death propelled me to start the process of becoming a parent as a 43-year-old single woman. As my connection to her remained strong in spirit after her death, I was ready to experience the same bond with my own child. I began the journey with Intra Uterine Insemination (IUI), and after three failed attempts at getting pregnant, I decided to adopt.

The adoption process is a lengthy and humbling one—one that includes fingerprints, background checks, references, classes, doing a profile of yourself and your life that birth parents eventually use to choose adoptive families.

After my application was approved, a young couple chose me just a month later. I couldn't believe my fortune. But I had to get to work and prepare the house for my baby's arrival. I bought the best of everything—bassinets, clothes, diapers, car seats… the list goes on. I told close friends and family that it was finally happening.


But all of this was in vain. The day I was supposed to pick my daughter up, I learned that the birth parents had changed their minds. They no longer wanted to give their daughter up for adoption. As time passed, it was difficult to endure no interest from potential parents but the faith in believing what is meant to be continued. To increase my potential, I enrolled with a second adoption agency.

A few months later, as I was getting ready to try IVF for the first time, I received a phone call to let me know that a woman had selected me to adopt her child. So I opted out of IVF and found myself in a hospital delivery room with the birth mother, assisting her in the delivery of MY child. It was a boy! I was so thrilled, and he was just adorable.

After six years of losses and disappointments, I was able to bring him home and awaited the final word that the mother and father have given the needed consent. I was getting ready to watch the Super Bowl with him dressed in football gear, I got a phone call.

Once again, the adoption agency informed me that the birth mother had changed her mind. That evening, I had to return the baby to his birth mom. I was heartbroken, and my hopes were shattered.

What now? Going back to IVF meant starting from scratch, and that would take a minimum of six months before being able to really start getting pregnant. I was 49 years old, and the clock was ticking. I really wanted to be a mom by the age of 50.

I was in Chicago, recovering from a collapsed lung, when I received yet another phone call from the adoption agency. An expecting mom had chosen me and had already signed over all of her rights. This little girl was mine. For real, this time. But I had to get to Southern New Jersey by Thursday to pick her up from the hospital.

After negotiating with my doctor to give me the green light to leave while recovering from my condition, I hopped on a train, and 22 hours later, I arrived to New York City in a massive snow storm. I took longer than expected to get to her, but after navigating the icy roads of New Jersey, I met my daughter!

She is now 2 years old, and she has changed my life in ways that just can't be fully described. What I can say is that I now understand my mother's love even more and her devotion to me and my siblings, and as I am sharing the same with my daughter, my bond to my mother keeps on growing.

Becoming a mom at 49 was never what I had envisioned. But whether you are trying to conceive or have decided to adopt a child, the road to becoming a parent is rarely easy. I know that inner strength and believing in what was meant to be kept me moving forward.

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