My definition of a dad joke: it makes you groan louder than you’ve ever laughed.
When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent. (Or, alternately, when it becomes a groan-up.)
Some people think that the term “dad joke” is offensive, because it plays into the stereotype that dads are a bit clueless and inept. But I think the idea of dad jokes is sweet. And in my experience, it’s true. Dads make worse jokes than moms.
The difference with mom jokes? It’s all about the delivery. (Sorry-not-sorry.)
The following favorite “jokes” have all the hallmarks of dad humor: puns, obvious punchlines, and clunky set-ups.
Many of were shamelessly lifted from Reddit. They’re pretty much clean enough to share with younger kids.
A Bunch of Dad Jokes
What’s the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bike?
Never trust an atom. They make everything up.
Why do elephants wear green tennis shoes?
So they can walk across pool tables without being seen. I mean, have you ever seen an elephant walk across a pool table? No? That’s because it works.
Why don’t you ever see elephants hiding in trees?
Becuase they’re good at it.
“Did you know that diarrhea is hereditary? It runs in your genes.”
What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?
Ye’d think it be “R”, but a pirate’s first love always be the “C”
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
Two chickpeas are walking down the street when one chickpea starts to vomit. The other chickpea asks “Are you okay?”
The chickpea answers, “No, I falafel.”
Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan.
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Because he never lands. I love this joke because it never gets old.
What did the zero say to the eight?
What is Harry Potters favorite method of getting down a hill?
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was incredible!
If I had to describe myself with one word it would be “bad at following directions.”
What’s the most clueless animal in the jungle?
A polar bear
I still remember the last thing my grandfather said before kicking the bucket. “Hey wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?”
What’s brown and sticky?
Why is a giraffe’s neck so long?
Because it’s head is so far from its body.
What’s red and smells like blue paint?
I asked a skeleton what part of his body he’d get rid of. He responded “My spine. It holds me back.”
Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
Why is a boxing ring square?
If the pen is mightier than the sword, why do actions speak louder than words?
What animal can jump higher than a house?
All of them… houses can’t jump.
The mighty thunder god rode his valiant steed to the top of the mountain, raised his hammer high into the air and called out “I am Thor!”
His horse turned around and said “You forgot your thaddle, thilly.”
I eat mop.
I eat mop who…
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
I was fired from a calendar factory once becuase I took a few days off.
Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar? They each got 6 months.
Why don’t ants get sick?
Because they have little antibodies.
Wheels were the first revolutionary invention.
“How do you make a Kleenex dance?
Put a little boogie in it!”
Why is camping so extreme?
Because your sleep will be in-tents!
Never buy anything with velcro. It’s a total rip off.
No matter how much you try to push the envelope, it’ll always be stationery.
Why don’t the Leaning Tower of Pisa and Big Ben ever visit each other?
One lacks the time and the other lacks the inclination.
A squirrel is relaxing in his tree when it suddenly starts to shake violently. He looks outside and sees an elephant climbing the tree.
The squirrel says “hey elephant, what are you doing?”
The elephant replies “I’m climbing this tree to eat some pears!”
“You dummy,” sayeth the squirrel, “this is a pine tree… there’s no pears up here.”
The elephant says “I know, I brought my own!”