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Before we get into the debate…

Have you given your kid a smartphone?

On average, kids in the U.S. receive their first smartphone just a few months after their 10th birthday. Was your child one of them?

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For sure!

By Rachel McClain

We ordered our 10-year-old a cell phone a few weeks ago. We didn’t just order him a cell phone though; we ordered him an iPhone. No, he’s not spoiled. (Well, okay. He’s a little spoiled; he does have a Lego Death Star, buried in a room full of toys. But, he’s no more spoiled than a standard kid around whom the earth revolves.)

Like a lot of Americans, we don’t have a landline, and we decided that we needed something for emergencies. I have some serious health problems, but also, like any kid getting older, he’s been begging to stay home alone for brief periods, like short trips to the boring grocery store.

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While we were debating the purchase, it occurred to me just how important the decision really was, and for more reasons than: “He needs access to a phone.” It’s about accepting others’ parenting decisions, and about recognizing how much times have changed.

The “I never would’ve gotten an iPhone when I was that age” argument

I kept hearing this argument in my head. Then something occurred to me: when I was his age, there were no iPhones. In fact, there were no cell phones. Okay, there were cell phones; but they were the size of a brick, and they were for shiny men named Todd who did cocaine off the backs of toilets in nightclubs.

If we were ever left home alone, the avocado-colored rotary phone worked just fine. The piercing ring would reach us in the radius that our mom would’ve given us, which was generally the backyard. Besides, no one called kids in our day; friends all lived in knocking distance.

Times have changed

But these days, kids’ friends don’t all live in knocking distance. With charter and private schools, many kids don’t go to school in the neighborhood they live in, scattering friends all over the community. Plus, today’s kids are notoriously over-scheduled in after-school activities, making friends in karate, ballet, or swimming.

When your kid’s best friend lives 10 miles away, not 10 houses away, it’s time to recognize a difference in the way we’re raising our children. We aren’t a generation of parents that opens the front door in the morning, pushing our kids out into the sun. We are a generation of parents with scheduled playdates and supervised outings.

Kids have changed

We’ve put our phones in our kids’ hands in waiting rooms and at Aunt Myrtle’s to keep them quiet, since they were able to figure out how to press that combination of keys, in just the right order, to change the keyboard to Japanese. They’ve grown up with technology – and with a seemingly innate ability to use it – that we didn’t have. They’ve grown up knowing that it will be there to meet their needs. This generation of kids has never not known Facebook, front-facing cameras, or that there is always a way to reach Daddy.

That’s when we realized that we were also worried about the backlash. Every parenting decision we make these days comes with an eye-roll or a tsk-tsk from someone because everyone has an opinion, on everything. We were worried that the minute he strolled outside with his own phone, we’d hear through the grapevine about our seemingly idiotic decision. But, the thing is: everyone is wrong. We can’t make decisions about what to do for our kid based on what you think you’d do for your kid. No one should. It’s crazy for anyone to do that.

Responsibility has changed

When we came to the point of being ready to trust our kid alone, for any length of time, we had to put all of that other stuff together. We spent a great deal of time debating things like a landline, or a voice over IP, but the cost difference between those things is negligible these days.

It occurred to us, after a lot of debate, that we were only deciding against the cell phone because we were afraid of the idea of progress. We were afraid that letting him have something in his pocket that enabled him to play games, or that let him connect, all the time, was something we couldn’t handle. When we realized that we trust ourselves to be good parents, with solid ideas on guidelines, rules, and limits, it dawned on us that this is no different than anything else.

So we pulled the trigger and went through with it. We decided that there was no reason to force him to go backward on technology just because we’d never had access to the same thing at his age. We set strict limits on usage and time, and we’ve followed through with them. In other words, we’ve been the same parents that we’ve always been – he’s just got a phone.

The whole point of getting him a phone was to provide him with the ability to contact us in an emergency, but now we have so much more. He’s texting us random love notes, even from the same room (filled with ridiculous emojis, of course). He’s autistic, and like so many other ASD kids, he’s fallen in love with Pokémon Go, so he’s running through the neighborhood, greeting neighbors like he’s never done before, and hatching his eggs (when his homework and chores are done, of course). Plus, he’s been more eager to do his chores, because he knows he’s helping to pay for something he truly values. And, best of all, I know where he is, all the time. That’s a lot more than we ever would have gotten with a landline!

Nope.

By Kate Rosin

It happened nearly a decade ago: My third-grader had just climbed into the school bus and as I watched her take a seat from my spot on the sidewalk, I noticed another child gazing vacantly out the bus window as he chatted on a cell phone. Who’s on the other end of that call? I wondered. And what could possibly be so important that a 10-year-old needs a phone – at 8:30 a.m., no less?

I thought about that boy all day. While I could envision situations where it might be handy for a child to have his or her own phone – a kid is hurt or needs a ride home, a parent wants to convey an urgent message – I couldn’t find a way to justify purchasing a cell phone for a child that young. I still can’t.

As adults, I think we can all admit to a certain level of addiction to, or at least heavy reliance on, our phones. We use them for everything from calls and email, to maps and shopping. They make life infinitely easier. Though my husband and I were late adopters who didn’t succumb to mobile phones until the mid-2000s, I can no longer imagine trying to navigate life – both literally and figuratively – without a smart phone.

Kids don’t need the stress of owning a smartphone

Sometimes, however, the convenience of phone ownership begins to feel more like a burden. There is stress attached to checking incessant call, text, email, and app notifications; monitoring data usage to avoid overage charges; and protecting devices from loss, breakage, and theft. Are those concerns kids need to manage while they’re still learning the ropes of life in elementary school? I don’t think so.

In addition to being unnecessary worries and distractions, cell phones are also viewed as status symbols, expensive devices that contribute to low self-esteem by highlighting the division between the “haves” and the “have-nots.” When she saw that boy on the bus with the cell phone in elementary school, my daughter immediately assumed he was wealthy and we were poor because she didn’t have a phone. In reality, cost didn’t factor heavily into our decision to postpone her phone.

There are still other ways to communicate

While there are benefits to having round-the-clock access to our children, there is no real need for it, especially during school hours. We all grew up without individual phones and our parents had no trouble getting messages to us in the classroom. School staff and teachers are still happy to communicate information between parents and their children. If you’re sending a friend to pick up your kid at school, someone from the office will let her know. If your child gets sick and needs to go home, the school nurse will find a way to get in touch.

When young kids aren’t at school, most parents know exactly where they are and all of those places – home, a friend’s home, after-school programs, sports programs, etc. – offer landlines and/or supervising adults with cell phones that children and their parents can use to communicate.

Some might consider withholding immediate access to parents or caregivers via cell phone as unfair or even cruel, but it actually allows children to think independently and become more self-reliant. If, for example, a student forgets his homework and his teacher won’t let him call someone to bring it to school, that’s unfortunate, but turning an assignment in late provides a valuable life lesson about responsibility and preparedness.

When should kids get cell phones? That’s obviously up to their parents, but in my experience, middle school seems to be about right. School work, athletics, and activity schedules tend to ramp up in middle school, and teachers, coaches, and program administrators begin relying more heavily on electronic communication. When my daughter played field hockey in eighth grade, for instance, her coach shared information through email and a team Facebook page. If after-school practice was changed or cancelled during the school day and my daughter didn’t have access to the internet, her only hope of getting that information was from a teammate with a phone.

There are exceptions, of course, but in general, I believe that giving mobile phones to grade-schoolers benefits adults, not children. Young kids may think it’s cool or fun to have a phone, but it’s unfair to try to alleviate our own parental anxieties by burdening our offspring with additional, undue stress and responsibility. I say we let children be children, as carefree and unencumbered as possible, for as long as we can.

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As a former beauty editor, I pride myself in housing the best skincare products in my bathroom. Walk in and you're sure to be greeted with purifying masks, micellar water, retinol ceramide capsules and Vitamin C serums. What can I say? Old habits die hard. But when I had my son, I was hesitant to use products on him. I wanted to keep his baby-soft skin for as long as possible, without tainting it with harsh chemicals.

Eventually, I acquiesced and began using leading brands on his sensitive skin. I immediately regretted it. His skin became dry and itchy and regardless of what I used on him, it never seemed to get better. I found myself asking, "Why don't beauty brands care about baby skin as much as they care about adult skin?"

When I had my daughter in May, I knew I had to take a different approach for her skin. Instead of using popular brands that are loaded with petroleum and parabens, I opted for cleaner products. These days I'm all about skincare that contains super-fruits (like pomegranate sterols, which are brimming with antioxidants) and sulfate-free cleansers that contain glycolipids that won't over-dry her skin. And, so far, Pipette gets it right.

What's in it

At first glance, the collection of shampoo, wipes, balm, oil and lotion looks like your typical baby line—I swear cute colors and a clean look gets me everytime—but there's one major difference: All products are environmentally friendly and cruelty-free, with ingredients derived from plants or nontoxic synthetic sources. Also, at the core of Pipette's formula is squalane, which is basically a powerhouse moisturizing ingredient that babies make in utero that helps protect their skin for the first few hours after birth. And, thanks to research, we know that squalane isn't an irritant, and is best for those with sensitive skin. Finally, a brand really considered my baby's dry skin.

Off the bat, I was most interested in the baby balm because let's be honest, can you ever have too much protection down there? After applying, I noticed it quickly absorbed into her delicate skin. No rash. No irritation. No annoyed baby. Mama was happy. It's also worth noting there wasn't any white residue left on her bottom that usually requires several wipes to remove.


Why it's different

I love that Pipette doesn't smell like an artificial baby—you, know that powdery, musky note that never actually smells like a newborn. It's fragrance free, which means I can continue to smell my daughter's natural scent that's seriously out of this world. I also enjoy that the products are lightweight, making her skin (and my fingers) feel super smooth and soft even hours after application.

The bottom line

Caring for a baby's sensitive skin isn't easy. There's so much to think about, but Pipette makes it easier for mamas who don't want to compromise on safety or sustainability. I'm obsessed, and I plan to start using the entire collection on my toddler as well. What can I say, old habits indeed die hard.

This article was sponsored by Pipette. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

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Military families give up so much for their country, particularly when they have small children at home. Those of us who have never witnessed this kind of sacrifice first-hand could use a reminder of it once in a while, which is just one of the reasons we're so happy to see the beautiful photoshoot Mary Chevalier arranged for her husband's return home from Afghanistan.

The photoshoot was extra special because while James Chevalier was serving a nine-month deployment, Mary gave birth to their second son, Caspian.

Getting ready to meet Dad

"During the laboring and birthing process of Caspian, I was surrounded by family, but that did not fill the void of not having my husband by my side," Mary told InsideEdition.com. "He was able to video chat during the labor and birth, but for both of us, it was not enough."

While James had yet to meet Caspian, their 3-year-old son, Gage, missed his dad a whole lot, so this homecoming was going to be a big deal for him too. That's why Mary arranged for her wedding photographer, Brittany Watson, to be with them for their reunion in Atlanta.

Gage was so happy to see his Dad 

"[He] had no idea he was going to be getting to see his daddy that day," Watson wrote on Facebook. "The family met at the Southeastern Railway Museum for Gage to go on a special train ride... little did he know, he'd be doing it with daddy!"

Watson did a beautiful job capturing the high emotions of every single family member, from Gage's surprise, to the delight on baby Caspian's face. It's no wonder her Facebook post went viral last week.

"Caspian is natural, a very happy baby, but both James and I felt like Caspian knew who his father was almost immediately," Mary told Inside Edition. "He was easily comforted by me husband right off the bat and seemed to have an instant connection. It was very emotional."

The moment this dad had been waiting for 

If we're sobbing just looking at the photos, we can't even imagine what it was like in real life.

"We are all so blessed and take so much for granted," Watson wrote. "I cannot contain the joy I feel in my heart when I look at these images, and I hope you feel it too!"


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During both of my pregnancies, I was under the care of an amazing midwife. Every time I went to her office for check-ups, I was mesmerized by the wall of photos participating in what may be the most painfully magical moment of a woman's life: giving birth. But there was a painting that always drew my attention: a woman dressed in orange, holding her newborn baby with a face that could be described as clueless. The line above the canvas read, "Now what?"

I felt like the woman in the painting as I kissed my mother goodbye when my daughter was born. She came from my native Colombia to stay with us for three months. When she left, I realized that my husband had been working as usual during those first 90 days of our new life. My baby was born on a Friday and on Monday he was back at the office. (No parental leave policy for him.)

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Now what? I thought. The quote "It takes a village to raise a child" suddenly started to hit home, literally.

After a few years in Miami, I had some friends, but it truly didn't feel like I had a village. Some were not mothers yet, most of them worked full-time and others didn't live close by. My nomad life left my best friends spread out in different places in the world. I found myself signing up for "mommy and me" classes in search of new mothers, immigrants like me, alone like me.

It seemed like a utopian dream to think about when my grandmothers became mothers. Both of them had 6 and 10 children and they were able to stay sane (or maybe not? I don't know). But at least they had family around—people cooking, offering help. There was a sense of community.

My mother and father grew up in "the village." Big families with so many children that the older siblings ended up taking care of the little ones; aunts were like second mothers and neighbors became family.

When I was about to give birth to my second baby, my sister had just had her baby girl back in Colombia. Once, she called me crying because her maternity leave was almost over. My parents live close to her, so that was a bonus. Hiring a nanny back there is more affordable. But even seeing the positive aspects of it, I wished I could have been there for her, to be each other's village.

The younger me didn't realize that when I took a plane to leave my country in search of new experiences 19 years ago, I was giving up the chance to have my loved ones close by when I became a mother. And when I say close by, I mean as in no planes involved.

It hasn't been easy, but after two kids and plenty of mommy and me classes and random conversations that became true connections, I can say I have a mini-village, a small collection of solitudes coming together to lean on each other. But for some reason, it doesn't truly feel like one of those described in the old books where women gathered to knit while breastfeeding and all the children become like siblings.

Life gets in the way, and everyone gets sucked into their own worlds. In the absence of a true village, we feel the pressure to be and do everything that once was done by a group of people. We often lose perspective of priorities because we are taking care of everything at the same time. Starting to feel sick causes anxiety and even fear because it means so many things need to happen in order for mom—especially if single—to lay down and recover while the children are taken care of. And when the children get sick, that could mean losing money for a working mother or father, because the truth is that most corporations are not designed to nurture families.

In the absence of that model of a village I long for, we tend to rely on social media to have a sense of community and feel supported. We may feel that since we are capable of doing so much—working and stay at home moms equally—perhaps we don't need help. Or quite the opposite: mom guilt kicks in and feelings of not being enough torment our night sleep. Depression and anxiety can enter the picture and just thinking about the amount of energy and time that takes to create true connections, we may often curl up in our little cocoon with our children and partners—if they are present—when they come home.

Now what? was my thought this week while driving back and forth to the pediatrician with my sick son. I can't get the virus, I have to be strong, my daughter can't get ill, my husband needs to be healthy for his work trip next week, we all need to be well for my son's fifth birthday. And so, it goes on. I texted one of my mom friends just to rant. She rants back because her son is also sick. She sent me a heart and an "I'm here if you need to talk."

I am grateful to have talked to her at that random postpartum circle when I first became a mother. She's a Latina immigrant like me and feels exactly like me. I will do it more, get out of my comfort zone and have—sometimes—awkward conversations so I can keep growing my own little village.

It may not look like the one I'd imagined, but still may allow me to be vulnerable even through a text message.

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Halloween is around the corner, but if you are like me you are still trying to figure out what to dress your family (especially the little ones), so here are some cute ideas inspired by famous characters. There's something for everyone—from cartoon lovers to ideas for the entire family!

Here are some adorable character costumes for your family:

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