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True: Nature, nurture, and personal experience play a tremendous role in shaping how dads ultimately parent their children.


But let’s not forget about music. 

That’s right, music. From rock to rap to folk to country and everything in between, what you listen to influences a lot more than how you wear your hair, what you think about authority, and whether you view weed as an evil gateway drug or an invaluable prism through which to view this crazy and complicated world.

Music ultimately affects how you raise your kids.

Whatever your preference, it’s always good to share your love of music with your children. Okay, almost always: There’s a lot of new research out there suggesting the earlier children are exposed to EDM, the greater the chances they grow up to become assholes or, worse, DJs.

But hey, as long as you’re not listening to a computer game masquerading as an art form, then expose away. And the earlier the better.

Is your spouse expecting? Strap some BellyBuds onto to her growing midsection and introduce the little guy or gal to the wonderful world of music in utero. 

 NOW, WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, HERES A LOOK AT DADS MUSIC PREFERENCES THROUGH THE DECADES AND HOW THOSE PREFERENCES IMPACTED THEIR PARENTING: 

 

Hip Hop Dad

 Mid-90s through early 2000s 

Hip Hop Dad is a passionate parent as well as a strict disciplinarian, who practices tough love on his children, for good reason. (Of course, it’s because he only wants the best for them.) He has the unique perspective of coming up during a time when Hip Hop was both finally getting the widespread acclaim and recognition it desperately deserved and also starting its slow descent into the era of commercial garbage much of the industry is currently mired in. Hip Hop Dad constantly struggles to understand his children and what they listen to, what they wear, and how they use technology.

The famous 2008 beef between Ice-T and Soulja Boy perfectly illustrates the relationship Hip Hop Dad has with his children. When Ice, the original gangsta, called out the DeAndre Cortez Way, a.k.a. Soulja Boy, he did it out of love. Like Hip Hop Dad – who sees the limitless potential of his children wasted on selfies, texting, and an aversion to outdoor activity and natural sunlight – Ice felt Soulja had far more to offer the Hip Hop World than a silly Superman song and a stupid dance that became so popular even middle-aged office workers knew how to do it.

Soulja – like Hip-Hop Dad’s children – was forced to defend his choices and chastise Ice for not taking the time to understand the next generation. Hip Hop Dad and his kids have these arguments all the time and, like Ice and Souja, the anger eventually subsides and Hip Hop Dad goes back to whatever his version of safe is (“Law & Order: SVU” and Geico commercials).

Parent Co. partnered with WavHello because they believe in giving dad a fair shot at influencing his baby’s musical tastes.

Pop Punk Dad, a.k.a. Emo Dad

 Early to mid-2000s 

Dudes who fell in love with bands like Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Paramore, and Dashboard Confessional tend to be overly sensitive and emotional – and their parenting reflects that.

Ninety-seven percent of Emo Dads are helicopter parents. Its not unusual for Emo Dad to burst into tears if his kid skins her knee. Huge proponents of Braxton-Hicks Neo-Extreme Attachment Parenting (recreating womb-like conditions for a child until at least the age of 11), Emo Dad will require no less than 13 hugs and kisses from his children before setting them free to board the school bus in the morning.

After the kids leave, Emo Dad will often drive around his cul-de-sac blasting Saves the Days breakthrough album, chain-smoking cloves, and weeping uncontrollably (79 percent of Emo Dads are unemployed). When he has too much to drink, Emo Dad may show up at his ex-girlfriends house (same girl whose initials he carved into his forearm with his PopPops swiss army knife) with a vintage boombox a la John Cusack in “Say Anything”, only to be chased off by his former flames Financial Advisor husband.

Grunge Dad

 Early to mid-90s 

The brooding brilliance and angst of Kurt Cobain, Layne Staley, and Eddie Vedder left an indelible mark on Grunge Dad and ultimately carried over into his parenting style. Grunge Dad still thinks angst and flannels are cool (the $5 thrift store ones, not the $175 J-Crew ones).

From age two on, Grunge Dad bombards his children with troubling stories about climate change, political corruption, inequality, the cautionary tale of Moby, and other horrifying realities of this cold, cold world. Like his constant attempts to get his kids to watch Nirvanas legendary “MTV Unplugged” performance, his kids will often ignore his warnings.

Living a calm life in the suburbs with a beautiful family (the opposite of his Grunge idols) makes it challenging for Grunge Dad to find an outlet for his contrived anger. But its a challenge hes willing to meet head-on. Grunge Dad will tackle the mundane injustices of suburban living with the same veracity Pearl Jam used to take on TicketMaster in the mid-90s.

Whether its a ridiculous ordinance from the fascist homeowners association (Why do all the townhouses have to have beige doors? Answer me, goddammit!) or the need for a left turn signal at a busy intersection, Grunge Dad will fight with every fiber of his being.

Its not uncommon for a Grunge Dad to end an impassioned plea to the school board by quoting a Grunge Legends lyrics such as “All and all is all we are,” or “Im a man in a box/buried in my shit/wont you come and save me.”

Punk Rock Dad

 Mid-70s to early 80s 

Punk Rock is more than a style of music. It’s a culture, a way of life. Therefore, it should come as no surprise that Punk Rock Dad’s musical life directly spills over into his child-rearing. Loud, passionate, aggressive, and insanely dedicated, Punk Rock Dad jumps into parenting with the same abandon as he enters a frenzied mosh pit.

Punk Rock Dad wants his kids to experience life, warts and all. He often enjoys inducting his children into adrenaline-boosting activities, like bungee jumping, dirt bike racing, and organized protests.

Punk Rock Dad will often use his aversion to stupid rules to help his kids – e.g., sneaking a child who doesn’t quite reach the “must be this tall to ride” mark onto the new heart-stopping roller coaster. Even with children, Punk Rock Dad still has authority issues. It’s not uncommon to see him take a swing at a Little League umpire for making a bad call against his son.

Disco Dad

 70s to early 80s 

Like the mindless, coke-fueled dance music they love, Disco Dads are vapid, self-obsessed meatheads, who raised their children to be the same way. Although they’re wildly misguided, Disco Dads are extremely loyal to their sons and daughters. They go out of their way to stress the importance of looks and appearances.

Having children didn’t stop Disco Dad from living his hedonistic lifestyle. Often, his kids would excitedly rush into their parents’ bedroom only to find a different woman in Mom’s spot – a side-effect of the wildly popular key parties of that time period.

Luckily, the majority of Disco Dad children rebelled against their fathers’ narcissistic style of life and opted for a different path. As a result, some of the more introspective music – including the Grunge movement – of the 90s was born.

 

Classic Rock Dad

 Mid-60s to mid-70s 

These fathers were lucky enough to come of age during what is arguably the best time in the history of music. From the British Invasion of the Beatles, the Stones, and the Who to the genius of Jimi Hendrix and Janis Joplin to the raw power of Led Zeppelin and the Doors, Classic Rock Dads experienced it all – and they’re quick to tell you all about how amazing it was.

“We’ve heard the Woodstock story a thousand times, Dad” is a universal gripe of Classic Rock Dad’s children. Classic Rock Dad is the type of hands-on parent so obsessed with reclaiming his youth that his own children have to sheepishly explain, “Sorry, Dad, it’s kinda just for kids this time.” Always looking to appear cool, Classic Rock Dad is quick to “spark up a doobie” with his own kids only to regret the decision later.

For Classic Rock Dad, music is serious business. He goes out of his way to instill the power of music in his children. Classic Rock Dad is responsible for convincing an entirely new generation to give a listen to the treasures of Paul, John, George, and Ringo, Mick and Keith, Roger and Pete, Jimmi, Janis, and Jim, Page and Plant, Clapton, and so many others.

The result of Classic Rock Dads’ collective efforts: A resurgence of palatable modern rock music in the late 90s and early 2000s.

Jazz Dad

 Late 50s and early 60s 

Thanks to the influence of greats like Miles Davis, John Coltrane, Thelonius Monk, and Ella Fitzgerald, Jazz Dads are generally accepted as the coolest of all dads. They tend to pull off looks that no other dad demographic would ever be able to get away with: scarfs in summer, a non-douchey-looking fedora, and tinted glasses.

Children are mesmerized by the aura of Jazz Dad and almost always go out of their way to behave and impress him. For his part, Jazz Dad is an exceptionally patient parent. He’s big on instilling the virtues of creativity and exploration in his kids and, in the spirit of the music he adores, will often turn a well-known bedtime story into a free-flowing, stream-of-consciousness adventure.

While Jazz Dad is a huge supporter of the arts, he often becomes testy about the “bullshit” his kids are learning in music class.

An unfortunate offshoot of Jazz Dad is Modern Jazz Dad (the subgenre of jazz that really took hold in the 80s). Modern Jazz Dad worships embarrassing icons like Kenny G., wears silly knitted vests, and often opts for wearing his hair in a ponytail despite severely thinning hair.

Rock and Roll Dad

 The ‘rebel’ sound of the 50s 

Rock and Roll Dads – not to be confused with Rock Dads or Hard Rock Dads – are a conflicted lot. Their parenting style reflects a sad confusion and latent self-hatred.

On one hand, Rock and Roll Dads see themselves as rebels. When Cleveland DJ Alan Freed coined the term Rock and Roll, it was instantly embraced by a generation of confused, mostly white teenagers, who were desperate to distance themselves from their “square” parents’ authoritarian ways.

Only later, did these rebels discover the truth about their Rock and Roll idols: They stole the sound from superior black musicians and, through slimy A&R men, left those superior musicians destitute and penniless.

Rock and Roll Dad is constantly trying to reconcile these unforgivable offenses, which leave his kids attempting to navigate a childhood of confusing messages, e.g. “Stick it to the man, son” or “You really need to get more black friends, Jason.

The result of Rock and Roll Dads’ breeding: A brooding, Prozac-fueled demographic the rest of the world refers to as Generation X. Thanks a lot, Rock and Roll Dads!

 

Crooner Dad

 Came of age in the 40s, and some annoying Millennials 

The Crooner movement emerged in the late 40s after the decline of the swing, jazz, and big band music, which dominated the early part of that decade. From Frank Sinatra to Dean Martin to Perry Como, crooners were powerful both vocally and personally. Dads who grew up on Frank, Dean, or Perry tended to be the strong, silent type, who enjoyed a stiff drink at the end of a long day and could do “manly things,” like change a flat or unclog a toilet without a plunger.

Crooner Dad typically entered into parenthood by downing a fifth of whiskey and chain smoking Pall Malls, while his wife labored away in an unsanitized hotel room. Crooner Dad was tough, but fair. Whether a skinned knee or a right proper beating at the hands of Patsy Carmichael, Crooner Dad was likely to tell his kids to walk it off.

Even if your Crooner Dad never actually said “I love you,” somehow you just knew it.

Parent Co. partnered with WavHello because they believe in giving dad a fair shot at influencing his baby’s musical tastes.

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While breastfeeding might seem like a simple task, there are so many pieces to the puzzle aside from your breasts and baby. From securing a good latch, boosting your milk supply and navigating pumping at work or feeding throughout the night, there's a lot that mama has to go through—and a number of products she needs.

No matter how long your nursing journey may be, it can be hard to figure out what items you really need to add to your cart. So we asked our team at Motherly to share items they simply couldn't live without while breastfeeding. You know, those ones that are a total game-changer.

Here are the best 13 products that they recommend—and you can get them all from Walmart.com:

1. Medela Nursing Sleep Bra

"This fuss-free nursing bra was perfect for all the times that I was too tired to fumble with a clasp. It's also so comfy that, I have to admit, I still keep it in rotation despite the fact that my nursing days are behind me (shh!)." —Mary S.

Price: $15.99

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2. Dr. Brown's Baby First Year Transition Bottles

"My daughter easily transitioned back and forth between breastfeeding and these bottles." —Elizabeth

Price: $24.98

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3. Multi-Use Nursing Cover

"When I was breastfeeding, it was important to me to feel like a part of things, to be around people, entertain guests, etc. Especially since so much of being a new mom can feel isolating. So having the ability to cover up but still breastfeed out in the open, instead of disappearing into a room somewhere for long stretches alone to feed, made me feel better."—Renata

Price: $11.99

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4. Lansinoh TheraPearl Breast Therapy Pack

"I suffered from extreme engorgement during the first weeks after delivery with both of my children. I wouldn't have survived had it not been for these packs that provided cold therapy for engorgement and hot therapy for clogged milk ducts." —Deena

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5. Medela Quick Clean Breast Pump Wipes

"Being a working and pumping mama, these quick clean wipes made pumping at the office so much easier, and quicker. I could give everything a quick wipe down between pumping sessions. And did not need a set of spare parts for the office." —Ashley

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6. Earth Mama Organic Nipple Butter

"This nipple butter is everything, you don't need to wash it off before baby feeds/you pump. I even put some on my lips at the hospital and it saved me from chapped lips and nips." —Conz

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7. Medela Double Electric Pump

"I had latch issues and terrible postpartum anxiety, and was always worried my son wasn't getting enough milk. So I relied heavily on my breast pump so that I could feed him bottles and know exactly how much he was drinking. This Medela pump and I were best friends for almost an entire year" —Karell

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8. Lansinoh Disposable Stay Dry Nursing Pads

"I overproduced in the first couple weeks (and my milk would come in pretty much every time my baby LOOKED at my boobs), so Lansinoh disposable nursing pads saved me from many awkward leak situations!" —Justine

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9. Haakaa Silicone Manual Breast Pump

"This has been a huge help in saving the extra milk from the letdown during breastfeeding and preventing leaks on my clothes!" —Rachel

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10. Medela Harmony Breast Pump

"Because I didn't plan to breastfeed I didn't buy a pump before birth. When I decided to try, I needed a pump so my husband ran out and bought this. It was easy to use, easy to wash and more convenient than our borrowed electric pump." —Heather

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11. Milkies Fenugreek

"I struggled with supply for my first and adding this to my regimen really helped with increasing milk." —Mary N.

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12. Lansinoh Breast Milk Storage Bags

"I exclusively pumped for a year with my first and these are hands down the best storage bags. All others always managed to crack eventually. These can hold a great amount and I haven't had a leak! And I have used over 300-400 of these!" —Carla

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13. Kiinde Twist Breastfeeding Starter Kit

"The Kiinde system made pumping and storing breastmilk so easy. It was awesome to be able pump directly into the storage bags, and then use the same bags in the bottle to feed my baby." —Diana

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This article is sponsored by Walmart. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

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For most breastfeeding mothers, being away from your baby means lugging a breast pump with you to work or through airport security and painstakingly packing up your milk to bring or send back to your baby. But a mother who made headlines this week can't take her milk to her baby because she doesn't know when she will see her again.

Maria Domingo-Garcia is among the hundreds of workers picked up by ICE at food processing plants in Mississippi on August 7. When she left for work that day she said goodbye to her husband and three children, including the 4-month-old daughter she was nursing. All three children are U.S. citizens, CNN reports.

Mom's lawyers say she was not able to nurse or pump since being detained 

Earlier this week, when Domingo-Garcia had been separated from her daughter for 12 days, her lawyers told media that she was in a lot of pain as she had not been able to breastfeed or pump for nearly two weeks.

Not being able to drain one's breasts can lead to engorgement, which can lead to mastitis. Both engorgement and mastitis are painful, and mastitis can even be deadly if mothers cannot get medical help.

On Tuesday, a spokesperson for US Immigration and Customs Enforcement stated that a nurse has examined Domingo-Garcia and that she's not producing milk. Her lawyers say they were not present for or aware of this examination, and one of them, Ybarra Maldonado, suggests that the stress Domingo-Garcia is under may have impacted her ability to lactate.

"If during a test she didn't produce milk, perhaps it's because she's been detained for 12 days and going through a horrible situation," Maldonado told CNN.

Indeed, it is possible for a mother to stop lactating if she is separated from her baby for as long as Domingo-Garcia has been. Diana Spalding, midwife and Motherly's Digital Education Editor, says that "the process by which lactation ceases varies so much. It depends on many variables including how long and how frequently a woman was breastfeeding or pumping, how slow or fast she stopped, her emotional state, and simply her individual anatomy. It is 100% possible that Domingo-Garcia had been lactating prior to being taken by ICE."

While attorneys and ICE officials continue to debate whether or not this mother was lactating, her husband continues to try to bottle feed their daughter, an American citizen who is now going without her mother and without breastmilk.

The children are being hurt

One in four children in America has immigrant parents, according to a recent report by the Urban Institute. What's more, 75% of those children (including Domingo-Garcia's) have parents who have been in the US for more than 10 years. Like Domingo-Garcia's kids, 91% of the children of immigrants are citizens. But only 61% of the parents in these families can say the same.

That means there are more than 7 million kids in the US (most of whom are American) who have non-citizen parents and are extremely vulnerable to the same kind of trauma Domingo-Garcia's children are going through. And to call it trauma isn't speculation—it's science. We know that separating children from their parents does long term damage to kids.

"The effect is catastrophic," Charles Nelson, a pediatrics professor at Harvard Medical School told the Washington Post last year. "There's so much research on this that if people paid attention at all to the science, they would never do this."

That is why the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) stands against the detention of immigrant children, who may soon be detained indefinitely if a plan announced Wednesday proceeds. The AAP also warns against separating children from their parents or primary caregiver unless that person is abusing the child.

"It is the position of the AAP that children in the custody of their parents should never be detained, nor should they be separated from a parent, unless a competent family court makes that determination. In every decision about children, government decision-makers should prioritize the best interests of the child," the APP noted in its 2017 policy statement Detention of Immigrant Children.

Domingo-Garcia's children are not being detained, but they are being hurt by their mother's detention and child advocates say far too many children know their pain.

​When mom or dad is taken

Domingo-Garcia was far from the only immigrant parents working in Mississippi food processing plants the day of the ICE raid that changed her family's life. There were so many more parents who didn't come home that day. The day that also happened to be the first day of school in Scott County.

School superintendent Tony McGee told The Clarion Ledger his staff were working hard to help the children who were displaced or impacted by the ICE raids, and he acknowledged that the situation will impact students' academic abilities. "We'll worry about the school part of it after we get all this sorted out," he said. "You can't expect a child to stay focused on the schoolwork when he's trying to focus on where Mom and Dad are."

Indeed, research links parental incarceration with children developing attention deficit disorders, developmental and speech delays, learning disabilities and behavior problems.

And yet, in some ways, parental incarceration may be better for children than parental detention, which is what Domingo-Garcia's experience is defined as. Incarceration is something that follows a conviction and is a long-term thing. Kids whose parents are convicted of a crime and sent to prison often know where mom or dad is and may even get to maintain a relationship with them.

Detention, on the other hand, is a temporary, more slippery state. The children of those in ICE facilities don't know when or if they are coming home or if they will be deported.

There are other ways in which having a parent incarcerated in prison is different than having one detained in an ICE facility. In some American prisons, moms are permitted to nurse their babies. If Domingo-Garcia had gone to prison in New Mexico she would have the right to breastfeed and the right to pump milk for her baby. But she went to work in Mississippi instead.

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If you're about to be a parent, whether it's for the first time or not, then you've probably thought about all the changes in your life that are coming—especially in the area of finances. Having a baby alters your financial picture. If you take maternity or paternity leave, those changes can be even more pronounced.

If you have student loans in repayment, you may find it difficult to make monthly loan payment with a new baby, and you might be wondering how to make it work.

So how do you handle student loan payments while on maternity leave?

Here are the options available to student loan borrowers:

Family leave deferment

If you have a federal student loan, you can ask for a parental leave/working mother deferment, which offers you time without payments. Becoming a new mother isn't cause for an automatic deferment, like a job loss or serious illness, and so you'll have to work with your servicer directly to request this type of deferment. Navient, one of the largest federal loan servicers, offers information about this deferment on their website.

To be eligible, you'll need to either be pregnant or have a baby less than six months old. You must prove this via a birth certificate or doctor's statement confirming your pregnancy.

In addition, you cannot be working full-time or attending school during the deferment period. If you're hoping to ask for a deferment without taking the time off work, you'll find your request denied. The maximum length of a deferment is six months.

Forbearance

A forbearance allows you to either make a smaller payment or postpone payments completely. Like the deferment, you'll need to contact your servicer and request it. If it's approved, you can take some time off of your student loans while you're off work. Just be aware that even during forbearance, interest continues to accrue, which means your total balance will increase during that time.

Income-based repayment plan

If you'd prefer to keep making payments but just need the amount reduced, you can apply for a new income-based repayment plan. The Income-Based Repayment (IBR) plan caps your monthly payment at 10% to 15% of your discretionary income. And since it's also based upon the size of your family, it will account for the fact that your family size has changed, and your discretionary income has decreased. To apply, contact your loan servicer.

Pay as you earn (PAYE) plan

Another option is the Pay As You Earn (PAYE) plan, which allows you to pay 10% of your income, but only up to the payment amount you would have paid on the standard plan. Because the income and family size are reassessed each year, this plan is great for growing families. It allows you to get a temporary reprieve with lower payments. Then, as you further your career and increase your income, your payment gets back on schedule. Your servicer can help get you set up with the PAYE plan. Your spouse's income is only counted if you file taxes as married jointly.

Revised pay as you earn (REPAYE) plan

Under the Revised Pay As You Earn (REPAYE) plan, you'll pay the same 10% of your income, with annual reassessment of your situation. You won't, however, get a break from counting your spouse's income. With REPAYE, all income counts regardless of how you file your taxes. The good news is that anything left on your balance will be forgiven after 20 years. Talk to your servicer to see if it's a good fit.

Income contingent-repayment (ICR) plan

The Income Contingent-Repayment (ICR) plan is either 20% of your discretionary income, or what you'd pay on a fixed repayment for 12 years, whichever is less. Just as in the other options, you must update your income and family size each year even if nothing changed. In addition, you may have to pay taxes on any amount that is forgiven because the government considers it income. It does, however, work on subsidized, unsubsidized, PLUS, and even consolidation loans, and can be applied for with your servicer.

Budgeting for a baby

There's no way around it—having a baby brings a lot of new expenses. From the things you'll need to buy before the baby comes, to the amount of diapers, bottles and other things your child will need in their first year, you'll need to figure out how much that will cost and how to correctly budget for it. Babycenter.com has a calculator that can help you break down what your child will cost in a given year. You can divide that number by 12 to understand the monthly costs.

Then, you'll want to identify where you can cut back, if possible, to continue meeting your monthly student loan obligations. For some, that might mean eating out less and bypassing the afternoon latte. For others, it'll require a full restructuring of the budget, especially if you plan to take maternity leave that's not fully paid. Since most maternity leaves are unpaid, you'll need to consider expenses, monthly bills, or other obligations that normally comes out of your paycheck and add those to the budget for the time that you're home.

After you get a handle on what your finances will look like and you have a functional budget, don't wait for your child to arrive before trying to live on that budget. In fact, the sooner you start cutting back, the better. That way, you can get a head start on saving, and you'll also be able to adjust any facets of your budget that prove unworkable.

The bottom line

Having a baby is a joyful experience. But caring for a newborn brings enough stress without the anxiety of how you'll pay student loans while you're on maternity or paternity leave. The best time to plan for your new family member is long before you bring them home. Take the time to talk to your servicer, make a budget and prepare your finances for your baby.

Originally posted on lendedu.

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Learn + Play

Michael Bublé knows how to make music that makes us feel all the feels, and his viral lyric video for his song "Forever Now" proves it.

If you've got kids heading back to school, watch this at your own risk and with some tissues handy, mama.

Michael Bublé - Forever Now [Official Lyric Video] youtu.be

The video is a simple animation of a child's room as it transforms over time from a nursery to the packed-up bedroom of a young adult leaving the nest. We held it together until it got to this part: "It wasn't so long ago, we walked together and you held my hand. and now you're getting too big to want to."

The video reminds us of the classic children's book Love You Forever, and that the babies in our arms today will one day be in someone else's arms.

Right now, when our days are filled with bottle washing and shoe getting and making sure that no one falls asleep in their car seat the days sometimes feel so long, but Bublé's telling us something that we sometimes forget: One day we will be looking back and wondering why these long days went by so fast.

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It would be easy to look at one of Tori Roloff's (of Little People, Big World) stunning maternity photos and think everything is going perfectly for the soon-to-be mother of two, who is expecting a baby girl with her husband Zach. But Tori is keeping it real: Though the photos may show her in a pretty dress, cradling her baby bump against a stunning backdrop, Tori isn't loving every second of her pregnancy. And you know what? That's okay.

The pregnancy is so rough, Tori initially didn't even want to commemorate it with photos (though we bet she's glad she did upon seeing the finished product!).

"I'm not one of those women who loves being pregnant," Tori writes alongside one maternity photo, which she posted to Instagram. "In fact there's not a lot of times I do love being pregnant. Don't get me wrong. I thank God for this amazing gift every single day and I know how blessed I am but it definitely hasn't made me feel my best."

But let's make one thing clear: Just because Tori is clearly finding parts of pregnancy unpleasant, that doesn't mean she isn't immensely grateful for the chance to carry her baby.

"This photo truly embodies what I LOVE about pregnancy. My growing bump is a symbol of a healthy girlsie [sic]. It's a reminder that I'm in a position that many women dream of and trust me—I do not take it for granted," she adds.

One Instagram user sums up our feelings on this post pretty perfectly. "Pregnancy is so hard and I think some people assume that if you don't love it, you're ungrateful. I think you can recognize the difficulties of pregnancy and still be grateful for it — they're not mutually exclusive. This photograph is stunning and you are glowing. Embrace your feelings, no matter what they are. You're valid in them! Sending you big love," she writes in the post's comments.

Our take? Pregnancy is not easy...at all! Morning sickness, exhaustion, back pain, hip pain, belly pain...let's just say expectant mamas can be in a lot of discomfort and voicing that discomfort is totally acceptable.

Yes, pregnancy is an amazing blessing (and one that not every woman gets to or wants to experience), but not enjoying every single second of it doesn't take away from the gratitude an expectant mom feels. So to Tori (and all the other uncomfortable preggos out there), here's what we'll say: Don't beat yourself up for not loving pregnancy. It doesn't mean you love your baby — or the privilege of carrying them—any less.

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