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My daughter’s worst tantrum happened a few years as we were finishing up a daycare tour. I didn’t warn her before it was time to go and she refused to leave. I took her, screaming and kicking, outside the building to a less crowded but safe area, and put her down.


My baby girl kept kicking and screaming as I stood there as calmly as possible, for about 15 minutes, as I watched her tantrum. She didn’t want me to come to her, so I waited. People walked by, they stared. I felt anxious and sweaty, but I tried to remind myself that this isn’t as terrible as it feels.

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I smiled to passers-by, and even got some empathy and encouragement from strangers who have kids. After my little one was all cried out, she ran to me and I held her. She was calm and it was all done. We learned together that day and she never had a tantrum like that again.

The truth is, most children can’t regulate their own emotions until later in life. Sure, we “know” that, but do we really? As parents and caretakers, we have so much to offer our little ones, even in moments that we feel utterly powerless. Here we will examine triggers, and how you can help your little one overcome the temptation of a tantrum.

What to know first

Emotions

Being in touch with a child’s emotion is important when trying to divert a crisis tantrum. Through understanding their emotions, we can take a step further and understand their point of view. What is it they feel? Sadness, anger, humiliation? Avoid asking if they are tired, because this is a body feeling, not an emotion. Being tired can play a huge impact on the emotions, yes, but the little ones aren’t thinking about that right now.

Triggers

Understanding your child’s triggers is key to understanding tantrums. What triggers your child to throw a fit? Overstimulation, change in routine, bedtime, crowds, sharing toys… broccoli? Once we know what tends to set off our little ones, we can be better prepared.

How to take action against tantrums 

Warning

Children understand, and do better, if things are explained to them before they enter an over-stimulating experience. If you’re going into something that might be hard, like going to a store that has toys, tell them beforehand, clearly, that you aren’t buying toys today. If you’re at the park and it’s time to go home, let them know in advance, and set a timer on your phone, showing them what will happen. If you know that your kid hates to share toys, ask them to hide one favorite toy they don’t want to share and agree the share the rest in advance. Like us, children appreciate some warning.

Eye contact

Nothing works better than getting down on your knees and having eye-to-eye contact with your child. Make sure when you talk to your child you ask them to look at you in the eye, but not in a threatening way. Rather, a safe place for them to gaze. They may try to squirm and avoid it, but calmly work on directing their eyes to you when you speak to them. You can even go a step further and ask them to repeat what you told them. This allows for more effective communication.

Modeling

Our children struggle with self-soothing and regulating their emotions. Knowing this is important. Children watch us, they sense us. As adults, we do have the power of self control. We have the power to be soothing and smiling. Keeping your cool during a tantrum may feel impossible, but it’s not. Remember that you don’t have to “feel” your child’s feelings, that you are a separate person from them. That you are not “bad” or “wrong” as a parent. Forget what other’s might think. This is natural – all kids get upset sometimes.

I recall a time when a small child came to play. Younger than my daughter, he grabbed her precious toys and grabbed at my daughter. I decided to get down on the floor and model for my daughter how to handle the situation. I played with him, yet set boundaries of not pulling on hair. My daughter watched me and began to take over, playing with the boy herself. I modeled keeping cool for her, and handling something new.

Reflecting

Reflecting can be a pretty powerful tool from the parental tool bag. When your child is starting to show warning signs of tantrum, get down to their level and tell them how you think they are feeling, ask them if you are right.

Small children can learn to identify their own emotions this way, which is great for later on. “Alexa, you’re feeling sad/angry/lonely?” Again, avoid, “Are you tired?” because this is a body feeling, not an emotion. As a toddler, if my daughter was sad she learned quickly to tell me so. I can tell you that nothing pull on the heartstrings like a toddler saying, “I’m sad,” as she cries calmly. This helps the child learn to communicate with you, and reduce meltdowns.

Redirecting and play

Redirecting a child’s attention is a great method. This isn’t just sticking a teddy bear in their hands and expecting them to change their thought track. It’s a little more clever and calls for a bit of creativity.

Imagine your child is getting cranky as you wait for your order at Starbucks (for example). What can you do? You can’t just walk out of the store without your lifeline cup of caffeine. Instead, take your child and walk around the shop. Point out interesting things like pictures on mugs or colors you see. If they’re old enough, ask what they see.

Use your environment and make something out of it. You’d be surprised how much children love straws or sugar packets. Have your child say hello to strangers who may be happy to smile and coo at your little one. 

Offer choices

Offering choices is a very effective technique when working with children. This can be used in all sorts of ways, from the food they eat to what they do. Offering choices gives your child power, and what more do they want than that? Even asking questions that seem like you’re giving them power can work wonders.

For example: “Jimmy, do you want five more minutes at the park, or six?” Once they make a choice, follow through with it. Allow your child to feel that they have some decision-making power in their daily lives. Another example: “Johnny, you have a choice, if you throw sand we go home now, if you don’t we can stay longer.”

This can be a learning process, as you follow through with your statements. “Jimmy, remember, you wanted seven minutes. Now the timer is up, time to go. Next time we can come back, but only if you can stay calm when it’s time to go.”

Again, it’s giving him a choice: If he isn’t calm maybe he won’t get to come back to the park tomorrow, but if he works to be calm then he gets to come back. When offering choices, remember that your tone is important – children sense that asking in anger may be a form of punishment.

Apply these techniques to a hypothetical-but-real-life scenario

Mom needs to bring her daughter, Ana, to the grocery store. Mom knows Ana tends to want to grab things off the shelf and throws a tantrum when she can’t keep them. Mom tells Ana before leaving the house that she needs to go to the grocery store. Mom kneels down to make eye contact and says, “Ana, we cannot buy a toy today. You have a choice, you can come with mommy to the store now but no toys, or stay home.”

Ana wants to go, but she wants a toy. She won’t agree. Mom says, “Okay, no store,” and mom waits. Ana is upset, but Mom waits until Ana understands that she won’t get a toy. Mom has Ana repeat that she understands she won’t get a toy again later.

At the store, Ana sees a toy. Forgetting everything, she begins to ask for it. Mom makes eye contact with Ana softly. “Ana, remember what we said? No toys today. I know it makes you sad, you want it now. But maybe another time you can get it.” Ana may tear up, but mom keeps her loving cool. “I know, it’s not easy, but I know you can do it, your my big girl! Can you help me remember what we needed? Was it cereal? Mommy forgot!” Laughing, mom keeps talking and encouraging Ana to help her.

In this vignette, we see that mom knows her daughter’s triggers. She decides to warn her child that there would be no toy, offering a choice to stay home or come with. She has eye contact and is physically level with her child. She sees her daughter beginning to show emotions and reflects that back to her, identifying the emotion. The child has a chance to understand and put a word to the feeling she has. Mom keeps her cool, and models behavior, reminding the child of their agreement. Later, she cleverly redirects the child in a way that helps her feel empowered. Mom is playful and loving. Tantrum avoided.

Through these techniques we learn so much about our little ones. We learn how we can act rather than react. We can outsmart the tantrums, and help our children grow and learn. I believe that most tantrums can be avoided with extra understanding and support. Try it. What have you got to lose? I know, just your sanity.  

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Pop quiz, mama! How many different types of car seats are there? If you guessed three, you're partially correct. The three main types are rear-facing car seats, forward-facing car seats, and booster seats. But then there are a variety of styles as well: infant car seats, convertible seats, all-in-one seats, high-back booster seats, and backless boosters. If you're not totally overwhelmed yet, keep reading, we promise there's good stuff ahead.

There's no arguing that, in the scheme of your baby and child gear buying lifetime, purchasing a car seat is a big deal! Luckily, Walmart.com has everything you need to travel safely with your most precious cargo in the backseat. And right now, you can save big on top-rated car seats and boosters during Best of Baby Month, happening now through September 30 at Walmart.com.

As if that wasn't enough, Walmart will even take the carseat your kiddos have outgrown off your hands for you (and hook you up with a sweet perk, too). Between September 16 and 21, Walmart is partnering with TerraCycle to recycle used car seats. When you bring in an expired car seat or one your child no longer fits into to a participating Walmart store during the trade-in event, you'll receive a $30 gift card to spend on your little one in person or online. Put the money towards a brand new car seat or booster or other baby essentials on your list. To find a participating store check here: www.walmart.com/aboutbestofbabymonth

Ready to shop, mama? Here are the 9 best car seat deals happening this month.


Safety 1st Grow and Go Spring 3-in-1 Convertible Car Seat

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From rear-facing car seat to belt-positioning booster, Grow and Go Sprint's got you covered through childhood. Whether you choose the grey Silver Lake, Seafarer or pink Camelia color palette, you'll love how this model grows with your little one — not to mention how easy it is to clean. The machine-washable seat pad can be removed without fussing with the harness, and the dual cup holders for snacks and drinks can go straight into the dishwasher.

Price: $134 (regularly $149)

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Baby Trend Hybrid Plus 3-in-1 Booster Car Seat in Bermuda

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When your toddler is ready to face forward, this versatile car seat can be used as a five-point harness booster, a high-back booster, and a backless booster. Padded armrests, harness straps, and seat cushions provide a comfy ride, and the neutral gray seat pads reverse to turquoise for a stylish new look.

Price: $72.00 (regularly $81)

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Baby Trend Hybrid Plus 3-in-1 Booster Car Seat in Olivia

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Looking for something snazzy, mama? This black and hot pink car seat features a playful heart print on its reversible seat pad and soft harness straps. Best of all, with its 100-pound weight limit and three booster configurations, your big kid will get years of use out of this fashionable design.

Price: $72.00 (regularly $81)

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Evenflo Triumph LX Convertible Car Seat

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This rear- and forward-facing car seat keeps kids safer, longer with an adjustable five-point harness that can accommodate children up to 65 lbs. To tighten the harness, simply twist the conveniently placed side knobs; the Infinite Slide Harness ensures an accurate fit every time. As for style, we're big fans of the cozy quilted design, which comes in two colorways: grey and magenta or grey and turquoise.

Price: $116 (regularly $149.99)

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Disney Baby Light 'n Comfy 22 Luxe Infant Car Seat

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Outfitted with an adorable pink-and-white polka dot Minnie Mouse infant insert, even the tiniest of travelers — as small as four pounds! — can journey comfortably and safely. This rear-facing design is lightweight, too; weighing less than 15 lbs, you can easily carry it in the crook of your arm when your hands are full (because chances are they will be).

Price: $67.49 (regularly $89.99)

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Graco 4Ever 4-in-1 Convertible Car Seat

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We know it's hard to imagine your tiny newborn will ever hit 100 lbs, but one day it'll happen. And when it does, you'll appreciate not having to buy a new car seat if you start with this 4-in-1 design! Designed to fit kids up to 120 lbs, it transforms four ways, from a rear-facing car seat to a backless belt-positioning booster. With a 6-position recline and a one-hand adjust system for the harness and headrest, you can easily find the perfect fit for your growing child.

Price: $199.99 (regularly $269.99)

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Graco SlimFit All-in-One Convertible Car Seat

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With its unique space-saving design, this 3-in-1 car seat provides 10% more back seat space simply by rotating the dual cup holders. The InRight LATCH system makes installation quick and easy, and whether you're using it as a rear-facing car seat, a forward-facing car seat, or a belt-positioning booster, you can feel confident that your child's safe and comfortable thanks to Graco's Simply Safe Adjust Harness System.

Price: $149.99 (regularly $229.99)

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Graco Snugride Snuglock 35 Platinum XT Infant Car Seat

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Making sure your infant car seat is secure can be tricky, but Graco makes it easy with its one-second LATCH attachment and hassle-free three-step installation using SnugLock technology. In addition to its safety features, what we really love about this rear-facing seat are all of the conveniences, including the ability to create a complete travel system with Click Connect Strollers and a Silent Shade Canopy that expands without waking up your sleeping passenger.

Price: $169.99 (regularly $249.99)

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Graco Snugride Snuglock 35 Elite Infant Car Seat

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With just one click, you can know whether this rear-facing car seat has been installed properly. Then adjust the base four different ways and use the bubble level indicator to find the proper position. When you're out and about, the rotating canopy with window panel will keep baby protected from the sun while allowing you to keep your eye on him.

Price: $129.99 (regularly $219.99)

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This article was sponsored by Walmart. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

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If I ever want to look alive before dropping my son off to school, there are two things I must put on before leaving the house: eyeliner and mascara. When using eyeliner, I typically use black liner on my top lid, a slightly lighter brown for my bottom lid, and then a nude liner for my water line. It works every time.

My mascara routine is a bit different. Because my natural lashes are thin and not the longest, I always opt for the darkest black I can find, and one that's lengthening and volumizing. For this reason, I was immediately drawn to It Cosmetics Lash Blowout Mascara. The new mascara is developed in partnership with Drybar (the blow dry bar that specializes in just blowouts) and promises to deliver bold and voluminous lashes all day long. I was sold.

Could this really be the blowout my lashes have been waiting for? It turns out, it was much better than most volumizing formulas I've tried.

For starters, the wand is a great size—it's not too big or small, and it's easy to grip—just like my favorite Drybar round brush. As for the formula, it's super light and infused with biotin which helps lashes look stronger and healthier. I also love that it's buildable, and I didn't notice any clumps or flakes between coats.

The real test is that my lashes still looked great at dinnertime. I didn't have smudges or the dreaded raccoon eyes I always get after a long day at work. Surprisingly, the mascara actually stayed in place. To be fair, I haven't compared them with lash-extensions (which are my new go-to since having baby number two), but I'm sure it will hold up nicely.

Overall, I was very impressed with the level of length and fullness this mascara delivered. Indeed, this is the eyelash blowout my lashes have been waiting for. While it won't give you a few extra hours in bed, you'll at least look a little more awake, mama.

It Cosmetics Lash Blowout Mascara

It Cosmetics Lash Blowout Mascara
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Here's how I apply IT Cosmetics Lash Blowout Mascara:

  1. Starting as close to lash line as possible (and looking down), align the brush against your top lashes. Gradually turn upwards, then wiggle the wand back and forth up and down your eyelashes.
  2. Repeat, if needed. Tip: Be sure to allow the mascara to dry between each coat.
  3. Using the same technique, apply mascara to your bottom lashes, brushing the wand down your eyelashes.
Motherly is your daily #momlife manual; we are here to help you easily find the best, most beautiful products for your life that actually work. We share what we love—and we may receive a commission if you choose to buy. You've got this.

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Having children isn't always as easy as it looks on Instagram. There's so much more to motherhood than serene baby snuggles and matching outfits. But there's a reason we've fallen so deeply in love with motherhood: It's the most beautiful, chaotic ride.

Every single day, we sit back and wonder how something so hard can feel so rewarding. And Eva Mendes just managed to nail the reality of that with one quote.

Eva, who is a mama to daughters Esmerelda and Amada with Ryan Gosling, got real about the messy magic of motherhood in a recent interview.

"It's so fun and beautiful and maddening," the actress tells Access Daily. "It's so hard, of course. But it's like that feeling of…you end your day, you put them to bed and Ryan and I kind of look at each other like, 'We did it, we did it. We came out relatively unscathed.'"

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And just like that, moms all over the world feel seen. We've all been there: Struggling to get through the day (which, for the record is often every bit as fun as it is challenging), only to put those babies to sleep and collapse on the couch in sheer exhaustion. But, after you've caught your breath, you realize just how strong and capable you really are.

One thing Eva learned the hard way? That sleep regressions are very, very real...and they don't just come to an end after your baby's first few months. "I guess they go through a sleep regression, which nobody told me about until I looked it up," she says "I was like, 'Why isn't my 3-year-old sleeping?'"

But, at the end of the day, Eva loves her life as a mom—and the fact that she took a break from her Hollywood career to devote her days to raising her girls. "I'm so thankful I have the opportunity to be home with them," she says.

Thank you for keeping it real, Eva! Momming isn't easy, but it sure is worth it.

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My labor and delivery was short and sweet. I started feeling contractions on Monday morning and by Tuesday night at 8:56 pm my handsome baby boy was born. Only 30 minutes of pushing. Afterward, I was still out of it, to be honest. I held him and did some skin to skin and handed him off to my husband, my mother held him next.

When he was in my mother's arms, I knew he was safe. I started to drift off, the epidural had me feeling drowsy and I had used up all my strength to push this 7 lb baby out. My son's eyes were open and then I guess he went to sleep too. My mother swayed him back and forth. The nurses were in and out, cleaning me up and checking in on us.

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When yet another nurse came in, my mom said to her, "He wasn't latching because he wanted to sleep."

The nurse yelled, "He's not sleeping!"

The next 25 minutes happened in slow motion for me.

After the nurse said these words, she flung my son onto the little baby bed. I looked over and he looked a little blue. Then I heard the loud words of CODE PINK. In matters of seconds about 30 nursing staff descended into my room and crowded around my baby.

I couldn't even see what was happening. I tried to get out the bed but they wouldn't let me and after a couple of failed attempts one of the nurses look at me and said, "He's fine, he's breathing now."

Breathing now? He wasn't breathing before? Again, I tried to push my way to my baby, but once again I was told to not move. They had just performed CPR on my 30-minute old newborn and I couldn't understand what was happening even after a pediatrician tried to explain it to me.

I just started crying. He was fine in my stomach for 39 weeks and 6 days and now I bring him into this world and his heart nearly stops?

I was told he needed to go to the neonatal intensive care unit. I was confused, as I thought the NICU was only for preemies and my son was full term.

After what felt like an eternity we were finally allowed to see our son. My husband wheeled me there and we saw him in the corner alone. I saw the incubator and the wires, he's all bundled up.

The nurse explained all the beeping and showed me the heart rate monitor. He's doing fine. We go over the feeding schedule. I'm exhausted still. I stay with him until about 1 or 2 am. They all suggest I get some sleep. There's no bed in the NICU, so I head back to my room.

The next day was better, he doesn't have to be in the incubator anymore, but the wires remain. By that night or early the next morning, the wires in his nose come out and I try feeding him. I try pumping. It was painful.

He gets his first bath and he loves it. The nurse shampoos his hair (he had a lot!) and he seems so soothed. The nurse explains that because he's full term he doesn't need the same type of support in the NICU. She tells me my baby's strong and he'll be fine.

I look around. I see the other babies, the other moms. They could be there for weeks. And unlike me, the moms have to go home—without their baby.

Friday comes and by now he's done all his tests, blood work came back normal, all tubes have been removed and I get it. I get my going-home package. Finally. I get my instructions on doctor follow-ups and we finally get to go home.

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There have been a lot of iconic entertainment magazine covers featuring pregnant women over the years. Who can forget Demi Moore's bare baby bump on Vanity Fair or Britney Spears' similar nude pose on Harper's Bazaar?

Pregnant women on a magazine covers is nothing new, but a visibly pregnant CEO on the cover of a business magazine, that's a first and it happened this week.

Inc. just put The Wing's CEO Audrey Gelman on the cover and this is a historic moment in publishing and business.

As Gelman told Today this week, "You can't be what you can't see, so I think it's so important for women to see that it's possible to run a fast-growing business and also to start a family."

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She continued: "It's so important to sort of burst that bubble and to have new images of women who are thriving and working professionally while balancing motherhood … My hope is that women see this and again feel the confidence to take greater professional risks while also not shelving their dreams of becoming a mother and starting a family."

The Wing started in 2016 as a co-working space for women and has grown rapidly. As Inc. reports, The Wing has eight locations in the U.S. with plans for more American and international locations by 2020.

Putting Gelman on the cover was an important move by Inc. and Gelman's honesty about her early pregnancy panic ("I can't be pregnant. I have so much to do." she recalls thinking after her pregnancy test) should be applauded.

Gelman says pregnancy made her slow down physically, and that it was actually good for her company: "I had this realization: The way to make my team and my employees feel proud to work for me and for the company was actually not to pretend to be superhuman or totally unaffected by pregnancy."

We need this. We need CEOs to admit that they are human so that corporate leadership can see employees as humans, too. Humans need things like family leave and flexibility, especially when they start raising little humans.

There are a lot of iconic covers featuring pregnant women, but this one is different. She's wearing clothes and she's changing work culture.

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