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How do we create a more compassionate world for our children? We can start by practicing mindfulness and compassion in our own homes and relationships.


Our children learn most by what we model in the everyday moments that make up our days. As we’re eating breakfast, driving to activities, and connecting or disconnecting. It’s not so much what we say. It’s the tone of our voice, the look on our face, the way we tune in or out. It’s how we choose to fill our day.

Our children learn values at home that will help them stand up with compassion and kindness no matter what is happening elsewhere. It’s a big responsibility because little impressionable people are always watching us and soaking it all in. We are who are children look up to.

We must start with being more compassionate and kind with ourselves.

In the hustle of everyday, we may feel like we aren’t in control of our own thoughts. That we’re not responsible for our own actions. Someone else’s behavior, maybe our child’s, may trigger anxiety, discomfort, or anger in us, but we’re still responsible for our response.

Mindfulness is a simple practice that can help us be more aware. When we’re aware, we can choose to be more compassionate.

Mindfulness is more about being than doing

When mindful, we are practicing being present and aware in a nonjudgmental, accepting way. It’s not about doing. It’s about being, and bringing awareness to all the to-dos that fill our day. It’s something we can all do, and it has the potential for tremendous results.

When we bring more consciousness to our thoughts, we can take responsibility for them. Too many of us aren’t in control. We’re on auto-pilot. Without awareness and presence, we’re disconnected from ourselves. When disconnected, we can’t connect with others. We react instead of respond.

Before reacting, we can pause, observe the intense feeling and impulse. Then we can choose to respond differently. We can align our actions with our intention to be loving and kind.

When we’re not aware, we repeat old patterns – maybe patterns created in our own childhood – that don’t serve us any more. Our children have a way of triggering the feelings within us that need to grow so we can create new patterns.

In their book, “Inner Work of Mindful Parenting”, Myla and Jon Kabat-Zinn write, “Taking the time to stop, to breathe, to locate and feel the emotion and accompanying tension in the body gives us at least a chance to recognize in some way we are under an old spell, and perhaps to wake from it with a more mindful and imaginative response.”

When we are able to catch ourselves in these tough moments and choose a loving response, a healing takes place within us. It doesn’t mean we let our children get away with anything. It just means we are there for them in an understanding, loving way, teaching them the skills they need to understand their emotions.

The energy we give out is important. When we act in a reactive, negative way, we feel it internally. When we act kindly, we feel that, too. Kindness has a compounding effect, much stronger than the negative thoughts. It affects us and everyone around us.

Aligning choices with intentions

When we are connected with ourselves through mindfulness, we can connect with others and treat others with kindness to create more meaningful experiences and interactions in our lives. Here are three components of mindfulness:

1 | Presence – Being aware of our thoughts and feelings

When we are present in this moment, we can choose to be kind and loving. It’s when we are lost in thoughts about the past or future, that we aren’t here now, and have trouble being positive. When we’re present, we’re positive.

2 | Acceptance – Meeting ourselves and others where we are right now

We don’t judge ourselves as better or worse than any other person or thing. When we can be who we are, we can trust that everyone we encounter is doing the best they can in this moment.

3 | Positivity – Seeing goodness in whatever we experience

It’s important to let go of the things we can’t control, like the past or the future. We are only responsible for our thoughts and the way we treat others. We have no control over how others treat us, and we should try not to take things personally.

Mindfulness is a process, not an end result

All we can do is notice our thoughts and accept them. This makes way for new thoughts that are positive and kind. When in a state of observing and noticing, we can observe our negative thoughts and return back to love, which lives deep within us, and everyone else. It’s just buried too often.

Mindfulness takes practice

We have to exercise our mindfulness muscle. That’s how it gets stronger and eventually becomes habit. We can practice at a set time, like when we wake up, through stillness, quiet, or meditation. We can practice throughout the day, taking a pause and bringing our attention back to a centered state.

Tools for practicing mindfulness

Breath

Use breath to ground yourself in body. Slow down and bring awareness to the now by focusing on the feeling of breath moving through your body.

Labeling

Observe whatever it is you experience in a given moment. Call it out to yourself using your five senses: I’m hearing birds, I’m seeing cars, I’m feeling something in my leg, I’m touching soft fabric, I’m hearing wind, I’m seeing leaves, I’m feeling my shirt, I’m hearing a train horn. Allow yourself to just feel, openly and without judgment.

RAIN

Recognize whatever it is you are feeling. Allow and accept the experience without judgment. Investigate the feeling with kindness and curiosity as an observer. Nurture and nourish yourself for whatever you felt. Give yourself kind words and love. (More on this at tarabrach.com.)

Movement

Any kind of movement helps your mind get back to a more calm and centered space. Walking, exercise, stretching. You can practice breath, labeling, or RAIN while moving.

Nature

Getting outside helps you zoom out and see your experience as rather small in the lens of the larger world. Everything in nature is perfect, and we are, too. We are here to experience, connect, fail, and grow. Our path is up and down, and that’s how it’s meant to be.

Gratitude

There is always something we can be grateful for. We just have to focus on it. Writing down what we are grateful for everyday helps thinking this way become a habit.

Practicing compassion impacts everyone around you

We can’t control everything that happens. We can only control how we respond. We can choose a negative or positive response, and that choice affects everyone around us, especially those impressionable little people who matter most.

We have to be aware of how we are feeling and know that it affects those around us. The more aware we become, the more we choose to feel better. When really present, we’re connected and engaged, and naturally empathetic and compassionate.

Through our breath, we can bring ourselves back to present throughout the day. This is walking mindfulness. Through meditation, we center and ground ourselves in stillness. Both of these practices ripple to those around us and make a positive impact.

Our children are present naturally. They learn a different way of living from the world, from us. We need to get back to that mindful, present state our children embody so well so that our children don’t lose it, too.

Let’s start there, within our own families and communities. At the end of the day, our children – the future of our world – are learning how to think and act and engage from us, day to day, moment by moment.

We can choose love. And that positive energy can spread out into the world one family at a time.

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We spend a lot of time prepping for the arrival of a baby. But when it comes to the arrival of our breast milk (and all the massive adjustments that come with it), it's easy to be caught off guard. Stocking up on a few breastfeeding essentials can make the transition to breastfeeding a lot less stressful, which means more time and energy focusing on what's most important: Your recovery and your brand new baby.

Here are the essential breastfeeding tools you'll need, mama:

1. For covering up: A cute nursing cover

First and foremost, please know that all 50 states in the United States have laws that allow women to breastfeed in public. You do not have to cover yourself if you don't want to—and many mamas choose not to—and we are all for it.

That said, if you do anticipate wanting to take a more modest approach to breastfeeding, a nursing cover is a must. You will find an array of styles to choose from, but we love an infinity scarf, like the LK Baby Infinity Nursing Scarf Nursing Cover. You'll be able to wear the nursing cover instead of stuffing it in your already brimming diaper bag—and it's nice to have it right there when the baby is ready to eat.

Also, in the inevitable event that your baby spits-up on you or you leak some milk through your shirt, having a quick and stylish way to cover up is a total #momwin.

2. For getting comfortable: A cozy glider

Having a comfy spot to nurse can make a huge difference. Bonus points if that comfy place totally brings a room together, like the Delta Children Paris Upholstered Glider!

Get your cozy space ready to go, and when your baby is here, you can retreat from the world and just nurse, bond, and love.

3. For unmatched support: A wire-free nursing bra

It may take trying on several brands to find the perfect match, but finding a nursing bra that you love is 100% worth the effort. Your breasts will be changing and working in ways that are hard to imagine. An excellent supportive bra will make this so much more comfortable.

It is crucial to choose a wireless bra for the first weeks of nursing since underwire can increase the risk of clogged ducts (ouch).The Playtex Maternity Shaping Foam Wirefree Nursing Bra is an awesome pick for this reason, and because it is designed to flex and fit your breasts as they go through all those changes.

4. For maximum hydration: A large reusable water bottle

Nothing can prepare you for the intense thirst that hits when breastfeeding. Quench that thirst (and help keep your milk supply up in the process) by always having a water bottle with a straw nearby, like this Exquis Large Outdoor Water Bottle.

5. For feeding convenience: A supportive nursing tank

Experts recommend that during the first weeks of your baby's life, you breastfeed on-demand, meaning that any time your tiny boss demands milk, you feed them. This will help establish your milk supply and get everything off to a good start.

What does this mean for your life? You will be breastfeeding A LOT. Nursing tanks, like the Loving Moments by Leading Lady, make this so much easier. They have built-in support to keep you comfy, and you can totally wear them around the house, or even out and about. When your baby wants to eat, you'll be able to quickly "pop out" a breast and feed them.

6. For pain prevention: A quality nipple ointment

Breastfeeding shouldn't hurt, but the truth is those first days can be uncomfortable. Your nipples will likely feel raw as they adjust to their new job. This will get better! But until it does, nipple ointment is amazing.

My favorite is the Earth Mama Organic Nipple Butter. We love that it's organic, and it is oh-so-soothing on your hard-at-work nipples.

Psst: If it actually hurts when your baby latches on, something may be up, so call your provider or a lactation consultant for help.

7. For uncomfortable moments: A dual breast therapy pack

As your breasts adjust to their new role, you may experience a few discomforts—applying warmth or cold can help make them feel so much better. The Lansinoh TheraPearl 3-in-1 Breast Therapy Pack is awesome because you can microwave the pads or put them in the freezer, giving you a lot of options when your breasts need some TLC.

Again, if you have any concerns about something being wrong (pain, a bump that may be red or hot, fever, or anything else), call a professional right away.

8. For inevitable leaks: An absorbing breast pad

In today's episode of, "Oh come on, really?" you are going to leak breastmilk. Now, this is entirely natural and you are certainly not required to do anything about this. Still, many moms choose to wear breast pads in their bras to avoid leaking through to their shirts.

You can go the convenient and disposable route with Lansinoh Disposable Stay Dry Nursing Pads, or for a more environmentally friendly option, you can choose washable pads, like these Organic Bamboo Nursing Breast Pads.

9. For flexibility: A breast pump

Many women find that a breast pump becomes one of their most essential mom-tools. The ability to provide breast milk when you are away from your baby (and relieve uncomfortable engorged breasts) will add so much flexibility into your new-mom life.

For quick trips out and super-easy in-your-bag transport, opt for a manual pump like the Lansinoh Manual Breast Pump .

If you will be away from your baby for longer periods of time (traveling or working outside the home, for example) an electric pump is your most efficient bet. The Medela Pump In Style Advanced Double Electric Breast Pump is a classic go-to that will absolutely get the job done, and then some.

10. For quality storage: Breast milk bags

Once you pump your liquid gold, aka breast milk, you'll need a place to store it. The Kiinde Twist Pouches allow you to pump directly into the bags which means one less step (and way less to clean).

11. For keeping cool: A freezer bag

Transport your pumped milk back home to your baby safely in a cooler like the Mommy Knows Best Breast Milk Baby Bottle Cooler Bag. Remember to put the milk in a fridge or freezer as soon as you can to optimize how long it stays usable for.

12. For continued nourishment: Bottles

Nothing beats the peace of mind you get when you know that your baby is being well-taken of care—and well fed—until you can be together again. The Philips Avent Natural Baby Bottle Newborn Starter Gift Set is a fan favorite (mama and baby fans alike).

This article is sponsored by Walmart. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

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Motherly is committed to covering all relevant presidential candidate plans as we approach the 2020 election. We are making efforts to get information from all candidates. Motherly does not endorse any political party or candidate. We stand with and for mothers and advocate for solutions that will reduce maternal stress and benefit women, families and the country.

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A viral video about car seat safety has parents everywhere cracking up and humming Sir-Mix-A-Lot.

"I like safe kids and I cannot lie," raps Norman Regional Health System pediatric hospitalist Dr. Kate Cook (after prefacing her music video with an apology to her children."I'm a doctor tryin' warn you that recs have changed," she continues.

Dr. Cook's rap video is all about the importance of keeping babies facing backward. It's aptly called "Babies Face Back," and uses humor and parody to drive home car seat recommendations from the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP).

"Switching from rear-facing to forward-facing is a milestone many parents can't wait to reach," Dr. Cook said in a news release about her hilarious video. "But this is one area where you want to delay the transition as long as possible because each one actually reduces the protection to the child."

Last summer the AAP updated its official stance on car seat safety to be more in line with what so many parents were already doing and recommended that kids stay rear-facing for as long as possible. But with so many things to keep track of in life, it is understandable that some parents still don't know about the change. Dr. Cook wants to change that with some cringe-worthy rapping.

The AAP recommends:

  • Babies and toddlers should ride in a rear-facing car safety seat as long as possible, until they reach the highest weight or height allowed by their seat.
  • Once they are facing forward, children should use a forward-facing car safety seat with a harness for as long as possible. Many seats are good up to 65 pounds.
  • When children outgrow their car seat they should use a belt-positioning booster seat until the vehicle's lap and shoulder seat belt fits properly, between 8 and 12 years old.

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[Editor's note: Motherly is committed to covering all relevant presidential candidate plans as we approach the 2020 election. We are making efforts to get information from all candidates. Motherly does not endorse any political party or candidate. We stand with and for mothers and advocate for solutions that will reduce maternal stress and benefit women, families and the country.]

Suicide rates for girls and women in the United States have increased 50% since 2000, according to the CDC and new research indicates a growing number of pregnant and postpartum women are dying by suicide and overdose. Suicide rates for boys and men are up, too.

It's clear there is a mental health crisis in America and it is robbing children of their mothers and mothers of their children.

Medical professionals urge people to get help early, but sometimes getting help is not so simple. For many Americans, the life preserver that is mental health care is out of reach when they are drowning.

Democratic presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg just released a plan he hopes could change that and says the neglect of mental health in the United States must end. "Our plan breaks down the barriers around mental health and builds up a sense of belonging that will help millions of suffering Americans heal," says Buttigieg.

He thinks he can "prevent 1 million deaths of despair by 2028" by giving Americans more access to mental health and addictions services.

In a country where giving birth can put a mother in debt, it's not surprising that while as many as 1 in 5 new moms suffers from perinatal mood and anxiety disorders, more than half of new moms who need mental health treatment don't get it. Stigma, childcare and of course costs are factors in why women aren't seeking help when they are struggling.

Buttigieg's plan is interesting because it could remove some of these barriers. He wants to make mental health care more affordable by ensuring everyone has comprehensive coverage for mental health care and by ensuring that everyone can access a free yearly mental health check-up.

That could make getting help more affordable for some moms, and by increasing reimbursement rates for mental health care delivered through telehealth, this plan could help moms get face time with a medical professional without having to deal with finding childcare first.

Estimates from new research suggest that in some parts of America as many as 14% or 30% of maternal deaths are caused by addiction or suicide. Buttigieg's plan aims to reduce those estimates by fighting the addiction and opioid crisis and increasing access to mental health services in underserved communities and for people of color. He also wants to reduce the stigma and increase support for the next generation by requiring "every school across the country to teach Mental Health First Aid courses."

These are lofty goals with a lofty price tag. It would cost about $300 billion to do what Buttigieg sets out in his plan and the specifics of how the plan would be funded aren't yet known. Neither is how voters will react to this 18-page plan and whether it will help Buttigieg stand out in a crowded field of Democratic candidates.

What we do know is that right now, America is talking about mental health and whether or not that benefits Buttigieg's campaign it will certainly benefit America.

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[Editor's Note: Welcome to It's Science, a Motherly column focusing on evidence-based explanations for the important moments, milestones, and phenomena of motherhood. Because it's not just you—#itsscience.]

If you breastfeed, you know just how magical (and trying) it is, but it has numerous benefits for mama and baby. It is known to reduce the likelihood of developing cardiovascular disease, type 2 diabetes, and rheumatoid arthritis, and cuts the risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) by half.

If this wasn't powerful enough, scientists have discovered that babies who are fed breast milk have a stomach pH that promotes the formation of HAMLET (Human Alpha-lactalbumin Made Lethal to Tumor cells). HAMLET was discovered by chance when researchers were studying the antibacterial properties of breast milk. This is a combination of proteins and lipids found in breast milk that can work together to kill cancer cells, causing them to pull away from healthy cells, shrink and die, leaving the healthy cells unaffected.

According to researchers at Lund University in Sweden, this mechanism may contribute to the protective effect breast milk has against pediatric tumors and leukemia, which accounts for about 30% of all childhood cancer. Other researchers analyzed 18 different studies, finding that "14% to 19% of all childhood leukemia cases may be prevented by breastfeeding for six months or more."

And recently, doctors in Sweden collaborated with scientists in Prague to find yet another amazing benefit to breast milk. Their research demonstrated that a certain milk sugar called Alpha1H, found only in breast milk, helps in the production of lactose and can transform into a different form that helps break up tumors into microscopic fragments in the body.

Patients who were given a drug based on this milk sugar, rather than a placebo, passed whole tumor fragments in their urine. And there is more laboratory evidence to support that the drug can kill more than 40 different types of cancer cells in animal trials, including brain tumors and colon cancer. These results are inspiring scientists to continue to explore HAMLET as a novel approach to tumor therapy and make Alpha1H available to cancer patients.

Bottom line: If you choose to breastfeed, the breast milk your baby gets from your hard work can be worth every drop of effort.

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