Breastfeeding: it’s wanting to stop & it’s not wanting to stop

It’s waiting for your milk to come in
It’s sore, hard boobs and cluster feeding.
You’re told it’s natural, but it feels so unnatural.
It’s sore nipples and nipple creams. Nursing bras and nursing pads
It’s pumping in the middle of the night, then cleaning and disinfecting, just to start all over again.
It’s trying to get them to take a bottle.
It’s a partner feeling helpless
It’s a bad latch and then it’s lactation consultants, tongue ties and lip ties
It’s not enough milk
so it’s supplements and supplementing and even more pumping
It’s warm compresses.
It’s too much milk
It’s leaking through your shirt and waking up with wet bedsheets, so then
It’s cold compresses.
It’s side-lying, football hold, trying to remember which side to feed from next.
It’s clogged ducts, fevers, Mastitis. Allergies and changing your diet.
It’s debating having that drink, taking that medication and using that product.
It’s nourishment.
It’s loving skin to skin and then feeling touched out
It’s “Are they getting enough?”
It’s stressfully watching every single oz you pump.
It’s crying over spilled milk
It’s frustration
It’s some looks of judgement and some looks of empathy
It’s hormone fluctuation
It’s fulfilling and beautiful. Affordable and convenient.
It’s a tiny hand reaching up for you. Touching your face or wrapping around your finger.
Then it’s nails reaching up to scratch you.
It’s tiring. Being used as a pacifier. Never having a break.
It’s physically demanding and mentally draining.
It’s bonding.
It’s wanting to stop and it’s not wanting to stop
All at the same time.