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When you and your spouse disagree about how to raise the kids

In the beginning, I didn’t realize how different the parenting styles of my husband and I were. We wanted to imbue our children with the same values (kindness, respect for others, enthusiasm for learning) and had the same goals (getting them out of the house and independent enough to schedule their own doctor’s appointments by the time they graduate).


When your children are babies, let’s face it, there’s not a lot of actual parenting that goes on. Aside from loving them unconditionally, at that stage parenting is mostly care-taking: changing diapers, wiping runny noses, and the like. Yet, at that point, we still had the same values (discussing how our children were the cutest on earth) and goals (getting them to sleep for more than two hours at a time).

The first year or two, we rarely disagreed. We had the same opinions on baby-wearing (great for naps), breastfeeding (free food), and vaccines (as many as advisable, as soon as possible). But as our children grew from babies to toddlers, things began to change.

I sewed the boys handmade stuffed animals. He brought home Hot Wheels with names like “Blade Raider” emblazoned on the sides. I read them “Peter Rabbit.” He introduced them to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. When their wrists stretched past their sleeves this fall, we both bought them new shirts. Mine had pictures of polar bears and foxes on them. His were football jerseys.

I’ll give you one guess which ones they preferred.

When I was discussing the idea for this article with my husband (after all, it’s a good idea to check in before writing publicly about disagreeing with your spouse’s parenting style), I tried to give him examples of how we differed.

“You know, things like how I cook them oatmeal for breakfast and you give them Pop-Tarts.”

“But they like Pop-Tarts!” He retorted.

Therein lay the problem. The first year or two was mine to call the shots. I chose who I saw for my pregnancy (midwife), what kind of births to have (one with an epidural, two without), and what baby food to feed them (homemade). But as they became toddlers, I had to cede control.

The kids were growing up. My husband introduced them to baseball, soccer, and basketball. Having been a hopeless athlete as a kid, I preferred our backyard time to be unstructured play. Whereas I had wanted to minimize brand influences to encourage their own creativity, my husband was excited to bring them into the world of Superman and Wonder Woman. While I tried to minimize screen-time (or at least I told myself I did), he bonded with them over Mario Kart.

(“It’s not Mario Kart,” he will tell me upon reading this article. “I don’t know the names of any other video games,” I’ll reply).

The simple, natural childhood I pictured for my children was shifting. The one where they sat peacefully on the floor playing with wooden blocks and listening to indie kids’ music was fading away. The one where they jumped off the couch yelling, “Cowabunga, dude!” was becoming a reality.

(“You’re the one who lets them jump off the couch, not me,” my husband will point out. “I’m trying to illustrate a point,” I’ll say. “Besides, where do you think they got the idea?”)

I couldn’t put my finger on what I found so annoying about this situation. Was I worried about losing my sweet and innocent boys? Hurt that they always seemed to prefer their dad’s interests over mine? Did I truly feel my way was better?

After all, had I been parenting 50 or even 30 years ago, I would’ve had complete say over what my kids wore, ate, and read. He would’ve been in his office, oblivious to what was going on with the kids. They would’ve been completely under my domain, and shouldering that burden alone would have frustrated me even more than having to share it.

Besides, his way isn’t really so objectionable. Sports provided some structure to the boys’ boundless energy. Their love of superheroes gave us the opportunity to discuss the importance of standing up for those who need help. The more I thought about it, the more I realized we could instill the same values and achieve the same goals whether we went with my naturalistic approach or my husband’s more conventional one. Sometimes I even wondered if I truly thought my way was better, or if I simply wanted to fit in with the parenting trends of the moment.

At the end of the day, I think my frustrations might be more centered on them preferring their dad’s world over my own. Every parent dreams of passing on their interests to their child. To see those interests passed over can sting a bit. In all honesty, the more they turn out to be like their dad, the happier I am. He’s a wonderful person and, as far as I’m concerned, the more like him they are, the better.

(“Yeah, I don’t care if you write about that,” he told me. “Just as long as you really emphasize that last part,” he said smiling.)

In the end, we can’t control who our children will become. In a year or two when they enter school, they’ll have a whole new world of influences. All we can do is point them in the direction we want them to go and hope that the path they inevitably choose instead is still a good one.

Who said motherhood doesn't come with a manual?

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When you become a mama, your definition of a smooth morning undergoes a complete evolution. Now, you consider it a win if your real alarm wakes you up and you get to drink coffee while it's still warm. The not-so-smooth mornings? Well, let's face it, that's a rough way to start the day.

When the wake-up call comes early and the coffee has been forgotten in the microwave, it may seem absolutely impossible to carve out any time for yourself. But a centered, confident mama is a happier mama, and there are some simple ways to sneak self-care into your morning to ensure you're putting your best face forward.

Specializing in quick, easy and (we must say) beautiful morning makeup routines, Woosh Beauty understands busy mornings, and has created an 'everything-in-one' makeup palette that is our new secret weapon for feeling like we made the effort to center ourselves, too.

Inspired by Woosh Beauty, here are five ways we've given our morning beauty routines a self-care makeover.

1. Make time (and space) for calm

As moms, time is priceless and that's especially true in the morning. Even if you're racing against the clock, it's worth it (trust us) to hit the pause button for just five minutes before tackling all the to-dos on your list.

With The Fold Out Face from Woosh Beauty, you have all the makeup you need (coverage and color) in one compact, portable palette. That means no scrambling to find your concealer. No opening, closing, then reopening and closing eyeshadows and powders.

Most importantly, no need to set up shop in front of your vanity/bathroom mirror/designated makeup space while keeping one eye on a constantly moving child. The Fold Out Face goes wherever you go and gives you everything you need in the flip of one flap—so you really can focus on yourself.

2. Create rituals that boost confidence

Even if you're going on your third day with the same yoga pants (they're so comfy!), it's important to make time in the morning to do something that will put a confident pep in your step.

While makeup has likely been part of your routine for years, motherhood can take a toll on your skin in new ways—which is why having 13 full-sized cosmetics, made from luxurious high-performing mineral-based formulas, allows you to erase the appearance of under-eye circles, perfect any imperfections and give yourself an effortless glow—all in less than five minutes.

So even if you don't have time to meticulously apply makeup, you can look and feel like you did. 😉

3. Allow our minds to drift 

For most of us, mornings mean going from zero to 60 in about five seconds flat. Before fully immersing yourself in the obligations of the day, it's nice to have just a few minutes to allow your mind to drift away from the to-do list. Woosh Beauty makes having mindspace while checking off "put on makeup" possible by numbering the order in which the cosmetics in The Fold Out Face should be applied.

4. Savor little luxuries

Before you go spend the morning driving kids around to the tune of nursery rhymes and eat a lunch of PB&J crusts, it can make a world of difference to your outlook to lavish in something that is all yours.

We love that Woosh Beauty makes that simple with The Essential Brush Set, a luxe collection of double-ended brushes that are numbered to correspond with the steps in the Fold Out Face, and come in a soft storage bag to keep them away from kids who may mistake them as paint brushes.

5. Be kinder to ourselves

Sometimes, a healthy self-voice for the rest of the day starts with rituals that remind us we're doing good for our bodies, too. By using Woosh Beauty products in your morning beauty routine, which are free of parabens, sulfates, gluten and fragrance—not to mention they are animal cruelty-free—you aren't just applying makeup, you're applying products and using tools that you can feel good about.

In the morning, a seemingly little thing like taking a few minutes for self-care is really a big thing that will continue to pay off with a beautiful outlook throughout the day—and with The Fold-Out Face from Woosh Beauty, it pays off with a beautiful look throughout the day, too.

Motherly readers can receive a 20% discount site wide using the code MOTHERLY at checkout.


This article was sponsored by Woosh Beauty. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

No pregnancy and birth are exactly the same. Each of us has a unique story, and so do our babies. As Hilary Duff proves, a mother's second birth story isn't a just a rerun of her first.

Motherhood changes people, and for Duff welcoming her second child, daughter Banks, at age 31 was a very different experience than birthing her son, Luka, when she was 24. She went from a hospital to a home birth she explains in a two part interview for the Informed Pregnancy podcast.

And although Duff admits that at some points in her home birth she was scared and asked herself why she wasn't in a hospital "with all the drugs," she says she's so glad she did it and would totally do it again.

She's opened up about how she came to want a home birth, what surprised her about it and what helped her during her labor—and it's quite a birth story.

Looking back

During her first pregnancy, Duff says she started out wanting an elective C-section. She was 23 when she and ex-husband Mike Comrie found out they were expecting, and she didn't have a lot of peers who were having kids.

Her mom had C-sections for Duff and her siblings, and Duff thought that's what she would do, too. But in her second trimester she decided that she would try delivering first. She had an epidural for Luka's birth but he was born without a C-section.

More than five years later, during her pregnancy with Banks, Duff watched Ricki Lake's 2008 documentary "The Business of Being Born" and started considering a different kind of birth plan the second time around.

"I just started thinking that I wanted a different experience," Duff tells the host of Informed Pregnancy, prenatal chiropractor, childbirth educator and labor doula Dr. Elliot Berlin.

"I'm older now. I love motherhood more than anything—I never thought I would be this way, I never thought I could be so happy and so fulfilled. It's not easy, because being a parent is not easy, but it's just a joy. And I thought to myself that I want to like fully get the full experience of what it is like to bring a baby into the world."

Having support from Matt, Haylie and her mom

When Duff brought the idea up with her partner, Matthew Koma, he "was amazing," she explains. He had some questions, but was down to support Duff in her birthing choices.

Duff says she thinks her mom Susan and sister Haylie were "nervous to think about not being in a hospital" at first, but once Duff explained things a bit and got to talk to them about her doula and midwives, Haylie got really pumped about the idea.

"She was so supportive and amazing. I think my mom was a little more worried but she got behind me," Duff recalls, adding that because her mom had C-sections herself, even seeing Duff deliver Luka vaginally in a hospital was a bit of a different experience for her, so being there for the home birth was taking things to an unfamiliar level.

"The first time she saw me having a contraction in the house she was cooking bacon for Luka," Duff explains, adding that she had to pause the conversation she was having and squat down during the contraction.

"My mom was like, 'Oh no, oh no, oh no' and I was like, 'Mom, you can't do that all day...She got used to it. She's my mom and just having the comfort your mom brings was important to me."

Having her mom and her sister there was important to Duff, who was able to labor upstairs (where Koma had dragged the birthing pool out of Luka's room, where it had been temporarily used as a trampoline, and got it set up in Duff's room) when she needed to and then come downstairs to chill with her mom, sister and son when she could.

Even though she started feeling the contractions in the middle of the night, she still wasn't in active labor by the time her mom was cooking bacon for Luka in the morning.

"I think that was the most surprising part for me, thinking that it was going to progress a lot faster than it did and it just didn't," she explains, adding that at one point she went back downstairs and her son was watching a Marvel movie on TV.

"When I pictured my birth I didn't picture watching Guardians of the Galaxy on TV. Luka was like explaining the characters to me," she explains.

Her birth team 

Duff's partner, son, sister and mother weren't the only ones in the house with her the day Banks was born. She had a doula, a birth photographer who is also a doula and three midwives. "I definitely got through some contractions alone," says Duff "[But] I needed a tribe of people.

Her people helped her in the moments when things got really scary. Like when she worried she wasn't progressing fast enough, or when the pain was intense.

Duff found squatting, sitting on a birthing ball, and using a heating pad were all helpful at different points in the process. "Also some oils, I smelled a lot of clary sage oil and that felt really good," she explains. "I don't know why it felt really good to me."

What didn't feel good was being told to relax. "Any time someone would tell me to relax I felt like I would punch them in the face," she says, adding that Koma used the phrase one too many times.

"He was like, 'just relax babe', and I was like 'you're gonna die if you say that'!"

At the suggestion of one of her midwives, Duff started imagining herself melting into the bed with each contraction, and found that was helpful, too.

And although her contractions never got as long or as close together as her team expected them to, one of her midwives eventually gave her the good news that she was progressing.

"She looks at me and she's like, 'you want to go get in the tub?' and I just started crying," Duff recalls. "It was such a happy moment."

In the tub

Duff says when she was moved to the birthing tub, her brain really let her body take over. After the birth she estimated she was in the tub for about 30 minutes, but Koma told her it was really more like 90. "My brain disconnected," she says. "I remember telling myself that I don't need to be here for all of this."

At one point, she looked at one of her midwives and said, 'I'm really scared right now." Exhausted and unable to hold her body up as she channelled all her energy into pushing, Duff let her team hold her legs and arms while she pushed.

Having a baby

When Banks' head emerged, it didn't feel quite like the birth videos Duff has seen.

"Honestly, when I got her head out I was shocked by the feelings," she told Dr. Berlin. "I've seen women reach down and pull their baby out, and I couldn't do that…I was like, okay I'm there, I'm there, I've got to finish this job, but it was like really intense. It wasn't pleasant at that point. I think I wasn't fully in my headspace, my body was doing what it needed to do. It wasn't until her body came out that I could like want to grab onto her and bring her up out of the water."

Baby Banks needed some breaths from a midwife when she was first pulled from the water, but because her son Luka was also born looking a little blue, Duff says she wasn't freaked out. Once she figured out how to breathe, little Banks did "the most amazing thing," her mama recalls.

"They hand her to me, and I'm looking at her—and you know, babies are like floppy little worms, they just don't have any control—and she reaches up both of her arms right at my neck as to give me a hug. It was so clearly a hug."

Duff says the hug made her feel like baby Banks was saying something: "Like, good [teamwork] mom, we did it."

After the birth, Duff's team made her a smoothie using a chunk of raw placenta (a practice that the CDC recommends against, but many women choose to partake in).

She says she's not trying to push her choices on anyone else, and that she wants mothers to feel supported in whatever choices they make for themselves. "It's a very personal choice and it's not for everyone, that's for sure, she says.

Duff says that although she was at times overwhelmed and scared, she's so happy that Banks' birth story unfolded at home, and she would do it all over again.

To hear the whole interview, check out the Informed Pregnancy podcast.

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The moment you put your Christmas tree up, something changes in your home. Everything is a little more magical and it's a reminder that the holidays are finally here—but getting that tree is another story, especially with littles running around.

Packing the family up and heading to a Christmas tree farm sounds exciting, but it's not always feasible during this busy season.

Amazon to the rescue. You can now order *real* Christmas trees to your door from the comfort of your couch, compliments of family-owned tree farms. Shipping starts next week so grab your preorder before it sells out.

Here are some of their options:

1. 3-4 Foot Sno-Tip Black Hills Spruce

Hallmark Real Christmas Tree, Amazon, $59.99

BUY

4. 10-12 inch Charlie Brown Christmas Tree

Costa Farms Charlie Brown Christmas Tree, Amazon, $22.99

BUY

Motherly is your daily #momlife manual; we are here to help you easily find the best, most beautiful products for your life that actually work. We share what we love—and we may receive a commission if you choose to buy. You've got this.

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Do you feel it?

That little spark ✨ in the air that only comes around this time of the year is starting to buzz and pop around us. There's nothing quite like the joy and excitement that comes with counting down to the holidays—especially with your kids who think last Christmas was forever ago.

And what better way to count down to Christmas than with an Advent calendar? We've rounded up a dozen of our favorites that you can use year after year.

Here's to new traditions!

1. Beautifully modern 

The numbered ornaments on this "tree" slides down all the way to the bottom as you check off each day.

Advent Calendar Sliding Wood Tile Hearth & Hand™ with Magnolia, Target, $29.99

BUY

2. Wooden classic 

This beautiful calendar is a showpiece. It lights up to create a cozy and festive scene.

Clever Creations Traditional Wooden Christmas Advent Calendar, Amazon, $54.99

BUY

3. Kindness calendar 

The holidays are all about giving—and that doesn't stop with just material items. We can give in the form of kindness every single day, and this calendar helps us do just that.

My Kindness Advent Calendar, $75.00

BUY

4. Wonderfully minimalist 

We love how super simple this fabric hanging calendar is. Tuck a treat inside each pocket for extra fun.

Advent Calendar Hearth & Hand™ with Magnolia, Target, $24.99

BUY

5. Santa’s delivery truck

Add a touch of whimsy with this sweet delivery truck featuring Santa and a snowman.

Northlight 14" Children's Advent Calendar Red Storage Truck Christmas Decoration, Target, $42.89

BUY

6. Happy snowman 

All the joy of a snowman without the frozen fingers.

18" Snowman Advent Calendar, Target, $18.99

BUY

7. Their very own tree 

Your kids can pick the ornament of their choice, as they decorate their very own tree each day.

Melissa & Doug® Countdown to Christmas Wooden Advent Calendar, Target, $17.99

BUY

8. Stocking garland

We love the twist on a traditional calendar with this sweet garland of 24 stockings.

Northlight 8' Blue and Gray Christmas Socks Advent Calendar Garland, Target, $29.69

BUY

9. Super simple display 

This one is no fuss, no muss.

Advent Calendar Wooden Stand - Threshold™, Target, $29.99

BUY

10.  Treasure boxes 

Tuck treasures inside each day for your littles to discover.

Holiday Treasure Box Christmas Countdown, Amazon, $19.99

BUY

11.  Santa's countdown 

We love the sweet little candy cane you can use to track each of the days on this Santa calendar.

Countdown to Christmas Plush Santa Advent Calendar, Amazon, $12.99

BUY

12.  Reindeer banner 

Why does Santa get to have all the fun? With this sweet felt hanging, the reindeer gets to shine.

Good Ruby Advent Calendar for Kids, Amazon, $29.99

BUY

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Nameberry was born 10 years ago and to celebrate our 10th anniversary, we undertook an original analysis of baby name data from the Social Security Administration.

Our statistics identify:

  • Which girls' and boys' names were the hottest of the past decade
  • Which unisex names switched gender identities
  • Which international names have immigrated to the US
  • Which baby names will be most popular ten years from now
  • Which once-popular names are sailing toward extinction

Here are our original findings:

Most popular girls' names

The girls' names that increased the most in usage over the past decade include the surnames of a singing duo and a Golden Age screen siren, a sweet vintage name and new-fangled word names with elevated meanings.

  1. Everly
  2. Nova
  3. Adaline
  4. Paislee
  5. Harlow
  6. Royalty
  7. Henley
  8. Coraline
  9. Emberly
  10. Aitana

Most popular boys' names

The boys' names that have grown the most in usage over the past 10 years include the names of a Spanish footballer, a British Pakistani singer and a mythological strong man.

  1. Brantley
  2. Thiago
  3. Knox
  4. Jayceon
  5. Atlas
  6. Zayn
  7. Raylan
  8. Reyansh
  9. Huxley
  10. Brentley

10 names that switched genders

In a decade that brought transgender issues into the mainstream, many popular names switched from mostly female to mostly male or vice versa. Often the switch was inspired by a celebrity, such as Leighton Meester or Kyrie Irving, but that doesn't always work in the direction you guess it will.

Peyton, first popularized by football star Manning, and Lennon, the surname of Beatle John, have both swung toward the girls' side.

  1. Quinn – 28% to 80% girls
  2. Peyton – 45% to 77% girls
  3. Leighton – 27% to 74% girls
  4. Lennon – 20% to 65% girls
  5. Sutton – 26% to 64% girls
  6. Kyrie – 14% to 91% boys
  7. Raylan – 44% to 91% boys
  8. Bentlee – 32% to 84% boys
  9. Tru – 47% to 70% boys
  10. Milan – 36% to 64% boys

10 names that immigrated to the U.S.

This decade saw an explosion in online communication and an increasing globalization of everything from fashion to food to baby names.

Parents in the US have fallen in love with a range of names from around the world. Those whose usage have increased the most in the past 10 years, many inspired by international celebrities, include:

  1. Elowen +6450%
  2. Zendaya - +6350%
  3. Freya +741%
  4. Bodhi +736%
  5. Isla +481%
  6. Mateo +450%
  7. Gunnar +385%
  8. Saoirse +232%
  9. Cillian +229%
  10. Magnus +205%

Top 10 girls' names of 2028

Our analysis of the Social Security data also includes exclusive statistical projections of future baby name popularity, with calculations of the Top 1000 Baby Names of 2028.

We created an algorithm that analyzes each name's past popularity trajectory and projects its rank going forward, to help parents gauge the trendiness of the names they're considering.

Here, our predicted "Top 10 Names for Girls" 10 years from now, which include three new names, marked with an asterisk.

  1. Charlotte
  2. Amelia
  3. Harper*
  4. Emma
  5. Olivia
  6. Evelyn
  7. Mia
  8. Aria*
  9. Ava
  10. Sofia*

Top 10 boys' names of 2028

In a departure from patterns of the past, we see boys' names changing more than girls' over the next decade,

Here, our projected "Top 10 for Boys of 2028" including seven new choices marked with asterisks.

  1. Liam
  2. Mateo*
  3. Maverick*
  4. Noah
  5. Lincoln*
  6. Lucas*
  7. Henry*
  8. Theodore*
  9. Jaxon*
  10. Oliver

10 classic names dominating the next decade

Sure, there are always the trendy invented names and the celebrity-inspired rising stars. But there are also a handful of classic names we project will increase dramatically in usage over the next decade.

Get ready for a new generation of babies with these 10 hot classic names.

  1. Anastasia
  2. Declan
  3. Eleanor
  4. Eloise
  5. Emmett
  6. Ezra
  7. Iris
  8. June
  9. Luca
  10. Silas

10 names on their way out

As new names take the stage, others must by necessity fade away. These 10 once-popular names have dropped precipitously in usage over the past 10 years and may be headed for extinction or at least the deep freeze.

.

  1. Ashlee
  2. Braeden and Braden
  3. Breanna
  4. Brenden and Branden
  5. Isis
  6. Jaydon, Jadon, Jadyn, Jaden, and Jaidyn
  7. Devon and Devin
  8. Kaitlin, Caitlin, and Caitlyn
  9. Rachael
  10. Shannon and Sean

Originally posted on Nameberry.

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