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Lately I’ve been interested in the major differences between our generation and my mother’s generation when it comes to our challenges and approaches as parents.


I often wonder, is it harder to be a mother today than it was 30 years ago?

One evening I propped myself in bed and my mom excitedly used Facebook to video chat me for the first time. I’m the farthest I’ve ever been from her ; 9,948 miles to be exact. She was immensely proud of herself for being able to initiate the chat without any prior instruction from me.

As we started talking I asked her the biggest difference between being a mom in the 1980s versus today and she said, without taking a minute to think, “Your generation doesn’t call their mothers.”

I put the question out there to the older moms I know on Facebook and got this reply from another family member, “We are no longer the ‘smartest’ person they know. They often don’t seek our advice and go directly to their cell phone for the answers.”

These answers surprised me. I hadn’t realized that although I’ve relied on my mom to babysit my son I didn’t ever ask her for advice on mothering. I remember clearly one afternoon how I expressed to my mom how upset I was that I couldn’t exclusively breastfeed my son.

She said, “Honey, formula is just as good. You were formula fed because I couldn’t breastfeed either.”

I snapped at her saying, “Actually mom, it isn’t. Medical research these past 20 years has shown it’s a much healthier alternative and can protect the baby.”

I know I reacted this way because of my own insecurities but I realize what I really communicated to my mom in that moment was, “I know more than you.”

But I don’t. No matter how much research I do my mother will always have something more valuable than information: experience. My mother’s experience provides the context of what it really means to be a mom every single day. She has a story to tell that is worth hearing.

My mother’s wisdom offers a perspective of knowing what it’s like to mother through sleep deprivation, to make immense sacrifices like working two jobs to put your child through school, and what it’s like to feel insecure, make mistakes, and love so deeply that it hurts. I haven’t seen any research that involves any of those things as variables.

Yet I’ve spent the first two years of motherhood Googling and posting questions to many Facebook mommy groups when I could have been relying on the support of one of the most important people in my life. Knowledge may be power, but it isn’t love.

It makes sense to seek out the advice of people from our own generation. They understand the unique challenges that our generation faces as mothers. But the strangers in these online groups that we don’t know personally also don’t have something our mothers do – a sensitivity for our feelings, the best intentions, and an unconditional regard for us. This may be apparent when you put out a question about formula feeding and indirectly cause one of those tired mommy war debates.

Julia Henrichs from Projects and Parenting put things perfectly: “Today’s moms believe they are ‘smarter’ and ‘better’ than any other generation of moms. They’ve earned their Bachelor’s in Google Search, their Master’s in Non-Experimental Research, and their Doctorate in Mothering.”

When and why did we become such know it alls? And what do we truly think we know about mothering that is so drastically different from all the mothers before us? Instead of being arrogant or self-important we should be vulnerable and willing to learn.

I’m making an effort to seek out my mom’s support more. I tell her when it’s been a rough couple of days. I tell her what my toddler is doing and that I have no idea how to respond. Sometimes she has great advice and other times she’s not sure what to do either. But the most important thing being accomplished in these conversations is a deepening of our connection. My relationship with my mother has a direct impact on how I relate to my son. If I want my son to be open and vulnerable with me it starts with me being that way with my own mom.

So the next time your mom offers you a tip and your first instinct is to roll your eyes, stop yourself. Remember where this sage advice is coming from. Remember that this is a person in your life who did the same things you are doing every day and who fought the battles you are fighting now. Look at her in the eye and say, “Thanks, Mom.”

Ask her questions. Let her know your struggles. If you don’t have a mother to call try to find a mother figure in your life who can be there to offer support with the best intentions.

And when you’re freaking out about the last tantrum your toddler experienced or you’re worried that you’re not doing enough for your child, close your laptop, put down your tablet – stop Googling and call your mother.

Her approaches may seem outdated and you might feel as if she is nagging, but in that advice is a nugget of wisdom and love. Remember there will be a day that you wish you could call her.

Who said motherhood doesn't come with a manual?

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Whether you're filling out your own registry or shopping for a soon-to-be-mama in your life, it can be hard to narrow down what exactly new moms need (versus what will just end up cluttering the nursery). That's why we paired up with the baby gear experts at Pottery Barn Kids to create a registry guide featuring everything from the gear you'll use over and over to the perfect gifts under $50.

Check out the picks below, and happy shopping (and registering)!

MUST-HAVE BABY GEAR

These five gift ideas are designed to make #momlife easier while solving some of the most common parenting dilemmas.

1. Doona All-In-One Infant Car Seat/Stroller

One of the first things you learn when you become a mom? Those infant car seats are heavy. Which is what makes the Doona All-In-One Infant Car Seat/Stroller so genius. It's the world's first completely integrated mobility solution, quickly transforming from safe car seat to functional stroller without any extra parts. Simply pop out the wheels, pull up the handle bar, and you're ready to roll.

Doona All-in-one Infant Car Seat / Stroller, $499

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GIFTS THAT CAN BE PERSONALIZED

Even the most utilitarian gift feels a little more special with some personalization. Here are some of our favorite options that can be customized with baby's name or monogram.

1. Nursery Blankets

You'll never forget the blanket you bring your newborn home in. And with Pottery Barn Kids' assortment of blankets, there's a wrap to suit every new mama's style. Choose from fuzzy neutral patterns or stylish printed options, and add baby's name for an extra personal touch.

Nursery Blankets, Starting at $39.50

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GIFTS THAT GROW WITH THEM

Save money and space by gifting items that will last long after baby's first year. These clever gift items will have mama saying "thank you!" for years to come.

1. west elm x pbk Mid-Century Convertible Crib

A convertible crib is an investment in years of sweet dreams. We love this mid-century-style option made from sustainably sourced wood with child-safe, water-based finishes. When your baby outgrows their crib (sniff!), it easily converts into a toddler bed with the matching conversion kit.

west elm x pbk Mid-Century Convertible Crib, $399

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GIFTS UNDER $50

Sometimes the littlest gifts mean the most. Here are our favorite gifts under $50 they'll be sure to cherish.

1. west elm x pbk Dot Muslin Swaddle Set

When you're raising a newborn, you can never have too many swaddles. Perfect for naptime, burp cloths, stroller covers, and spontaneous play mats, a muslin swaddle will always come in handy. And we especially love this neutral patterned collection in platinum, nightshade, and peacock.

west elm x pbk Dot Muslin Swaddle Set, $45.50

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Learn more and explore all Pottery Barn Kids' registry must-haves here.

In the moments after we give birth, we desperately want to hear our baby cry. In the middle of the night a few months later it's no longer exactly music to our ears, but those cries aren't just telling us that baby needs a night feeding: They're also giving us a hint at what our children may sound like as kindergarteners, and adults.

New research published in the journal Biology Letters suggests the pitch of a 4-month-old's cry predicts the pitch they'll use to ask for more cookies at age five and maybe even later on as adults.

The study saw 2 to 5-month olds recorded while crying. Five years later, the researchers hit record again and chatted with the now speaking children. Their findings, combined with previous work on the subject, suggest it's possible to figure out what a baby's voice will sound like later in life, and that the pitch of our adult voices may be traceable back to the time we spend in utero. Further studies are needed, but scientists are very interested in how factors before birth can impact decades later.

"In utero, you have a lot of different things that can alter and impact your life — not only as a baby, but also at an adult stage," one of the authors of the study, Nicolas Mathevon, told the New York Times.

The New York Times also spoke with Carolyn Hodges, an assistant professor of anthropology at Boston University who was not involved in the study. According to Hodges, while voice pitch may not seem like a big deal, it impacts how we perceive people in very real ways.

Voice pitch is a factor in how attractive we think people are, how trustworthy. But why we find certain pitches more or less appealing isn't known. "There aren't many studies that address these questions, so that makes this research especially intriguing," Hodges said, adding that it "suggests that individual differences in voice pitch may have their origins very, very early in development."

So the pitch of that midnight cry may have been determined months ago, and it may determine part of your child's future, too. There are still so many things we don't know, but as parents we do know one thing: Our babies cries (as much as we don't want to hear them all the time) really are something special.

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They say there's no use in crying over it, but for pumping mamas, spilled milk is a major upset.

When you're working so hard to make sure your baby has breast milk, you don't want to lose a drop, and Chrissy Teigen knows this all too well.

The mom of two posted a video to social media Wednesday showing her efforts to rescue breastmilk from a tabletop. She used various utensils and a syringe to try to get the milk back in the bottle.

"I spilled my breastmilk and this is how important it is in this house," she says while suctioning up milk with what appears to be a baster.

In a follow-up video Teigen continues to try to rescue the spilled milk.

"We're trying," she says as she suctions up a drop or two. "I got some."

Teigen is currently breastfeeding baby Miles, her son with husband John Legend, and has been very public about the fact that she pumps a lot as a working mom.

She's also been open about the fact that milk supply has always been an issue for her, not just with Miles but with Luna, too.

"I actually loved [pumping] because I'm a collector of things, and so when I found out I could pump I [did it] so much because I knew the more you pumped, the more milk you'd make," she told POPSUGAR back in March. "So I loved collecting my breast milk and seeing how much I could get, even if it was very, very little."

Like a lot of moms, Teigen did struggle emotionally when a pump session wouldn't get her the ounces she wanted.

"I wasn't producing a lot of milk, and it was frustrating. When you're frustrated, [it can also make you] not produce that much."

Research backs her up. Stress has been linked to lower milk production. Because of that, she's trying to stay positive this time around, but captioned her video post "EVERY DROP COUNTS IN THIS HOUSE" because, well, they do.


So many mothers can relate. Have you ever tried to save your breastmilk?

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What is it about networking that's just kind of...awful? Typically inconvenient and often awkward, formal networking events rarely yield the results most women (and especially mamas) are looking for.

Whether you're reentering the workforce post-baby leave or simply looking to make a complicated career switch as a busy mom (or just struggling to juggle play dates and professional meetings), making the right connections is often a hurdle that's difficult to surmount. And more and more often, networking comes up short in providing what moms really need.

When time is truly at a premium—a session swapping business cards can be hard to prioritize. Shapr wants to change all that.

Designed with busy people in mind, Shapr is an app with an algorithm that uses tagged interests, location, and professional experience to match you with 10-15 inspiring professional connections a day. You swipe to indicate interest in networking with any of them, and if the interest is mutual, you're connected. (But don't worry, that's where the similarities to that dating app end.)

It makes it easier to connect with the right people.

From there, you can chat, video conference, and even meet in person with potential mentors, partners, and investors while growing your real-life network. No more wasting hours trying to pick someone's brain only to discover they don't have the right experience you need. And no more awkward, stilted small talk—even suggests a few preset icebreakers to help get the conversation rolling more quickly.

The best part? You could do virtually all your connecting from your couch post-bedtime.

It simplifies switching careers or industries.

Sysamone Phaphone is a real mom who was fed up with traditional networking options. When she quit her full-time job in healthcare to pursue founding a startup, she quickly realized that in-person networking events weren't only failing to connect her to the right people, they were also difficult for a single mom of two to even attend. "I was complaining to a friend that I was so tired and didn't know how I was going to keep doing it this way when she recommended the Shapr app," Phaphone says. "I tried it right there at dinner and started swiping. [Later], in my pajamas, I got my first connection."

From there, Phaphone was hooked. Her network suddenly exploded with developers, potential partners she could work with, and even people to hire for the roles she needed. She was also able to connect with and empower other women in tech. Now, checking in with Shapr connections is just part of her routine. "I look for connections after drop-off at school and on my commute into the city," she says. "Then after bedtime is done, I go on to check if there is anyone I've connected with."

It helps you find a mentor—no matter where they live.

Another common roadblock Shapr removes? Location. While you probably wouldn't fly to LA from New York for a networking event, the Shapr app lets you connect and chat with the person who best meets your needs—regardless of where they're based. Even better for parents, the "mom penalty" many women contend with when trying to get back into the workforce doesn't exist on Shapr—if you have the right experience, the connections will still come.

To connect, simply create your account, enter up to ten hashtags you want to follow (either industry related like #film or #tech or by person you're seeking, such as #developer or #uxui), preset what you're looking for (investors, collaborators, etc.), and indicate how you prefer to meet. To connect with more people at once, Shapr also has community groups within the app around interest topics that you can join. And even though the connection begins in the digital space, it often results in the in-person experiences mamas crave.

"I wish I could encourage more moms and dads to use it because it has been a lifesaver for me," Phaphone says. "It empowered my career and career choices, and it provides so much convenience. I can put my kids to bed and not go to an event, but still meet 20 people in a night."

For women looking to grow their business, position, or simply achieve a little self-growth, Shapr is changing the way we connect. This powerful new app could change everything, mama. Download it today to get started.

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