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You know the days: They won’t get out of bed, put their shoes on, eat dinner, tidy up, get in the bath, out the bath, or go to sleep.


The days when it felt like all you did was bribe/threaten/coax them to complete the task you’ve set.

That pull of what they want to do against the push of what you want them to do? Most of this can be boiled down to one simple sentence:

Adults go fast and children go slow.

The adult world is busy. We are expert multi-taskers. We cook and plan and get ready while doing 10 other things. We think not only of the now but of tomorrow and the day after and next week and next year. A series of endless tasks to do, places to go to, and people to meet.

The child world is simpler. Their interest is focused from moment to moment. They have vague notions of later and tomorrow and how long until their birthday but they live in the now.

You could even argue that children are mindful while we are mindless.

There’s even science behind this. Adults have brains designed to manage complex flows of information, sifting through what they need to do and prioritizing. This ability to logically plan with a complex notion of time is a higher-level thinking function, developed in the frontal lobe – one of the last parts of the brain to mature.

Children’s brains haven’t developed these skills yet. A human brain is shaped by experience. A child needs to repeat a behavior many hundreds of times before they master it. This single-minded learning is what helps them crawl and then walk against overwhelming odds. If they applied the more complex adult form of learning they might never be able to focus so singularly on what they need to do.

So when you whip off the covers, rush them out the door, or ask them to tidy up mid-game, they often respond in an unfavorable manner. Cue tears, stamping, and threats. Your adult needs at odds with their child needs make disconnection inevitable.

Remember: Adults go fast and children go slow.

So should you never get your child out of bed? That would be a little impractical. The question is more: How shall I get my child out of bed?

Is it possible to be more mindful, to slow down, and find a new pace? One that feels less rushed, more playful, more in tune with the natural developmental rhythms of children?

5 ways to go slower

1 | Bring balance to your time

Be mindful of the sensory overload that can follow a big exciting event. Too much, too loud, and too many people often paves the way for a behavior meltdown. Introduce a balance of activity – the bigger, noisier, and more exciting the activity, the more you need to provide pools of calm time around that activity.

Have a big party to go to? Have a quiet morning before. Had a hectic busy week of school and play dates? Schedule a quiet Saturday for a walk in the woods, some baking, and movie snuggles.

2 | Provide support for transition points in the day

These are often the sore points of family life – getting up, out the door, or in the bath. We require that children drop what they’re doing and obey – even though we’d be pretty furious if someone turned our television show off half way through! That can mean telling how long they have left of an activity or even better for young children, providing a visual cue for when they need to transition activity.

Perhaps even make the next activity seem more enticing by presenting it in a playful way. Let them choose something different to take in the bath – cooking equipment usually works well. Sing a song, let them chase you up the stairs – anything that engages rather than disconnects.

3 | Plan for extra time

When you can allow more time for a task, do so! Stop focusing on the end goal. If they want to stop and look at everything on the way to the park, that’s fine. The point is fun, right? Not just to make it to the swings.

We know as adult that we need to plan in extra time for activities with kids but we rarely actually account for this often continuing at adult speed dragging (sometimes literally) our children behind us.

4 | Protect the bedtime calm down

This is especially relevant if you’re a family who struggles with bedtimes and winding down. Screens need to go away an hour before bed. The blue light in all screens sends similar signals to the brain as natural light. It’s telling the brain it’s time to stay up.

But the most important thing is to be present during the bedtime routine. Make time to chat about the day and cuddle. Don’t rush in and out of the bathroom while you cook dinner and hang the washing up. Spend 30 minutes focused on being connected and present. This slowing the pace of your actions allows your child to fill up on you before they go to sleep.

5 | Say no

That’s it. Learn to say no. No to three parties on one day. No to doing the big shop with the kids. No to the PTA meeting that you really don’t have time for. No to the endless drama on emails at work after 5 p.m.

Now, it’s understandable that you aren’t always going to be able to slow down but this is not an all-or-nothing scenario. Identify the most common stress points in your house and develop your slow-down plan for then. If it’s general rather than specific just do it when you can.

Every little bit helps. This is your family, your space and your time. Sometimes it’s not just okay to protect it. It’s essential.

Try going child pace for a couple of hours. You might find out that you like it.

This article was originally published on Mellownest.com.

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Whether you're filling out your own registry or shopping for a soon-to-be-mama in your life, it can be hard to narrow down what exactly new moms need (versus what will just end up cluttering the nursery). That's why we paired up with the baby gear experts at Pottery Barn Kids to create a registry guide featuring everything from the gear you'll use over and over to the perfect gifts under $50.

Check out the picks below, and happy shopping (and registering)!

MUST-HAVE BABY GEAR

These five gift ideas are designed to make #momlife easier while solving some of the most common parenting dilemmas.

1. Doona All-In-One Infant Car Seat/Stroller

One of the first things you learn when you become a mom? Those infant car seats are heavy. Which is what makes the Doona All-In-One Infant Car Seat/Stroller so genius. It's the world's first completely integrated mobility solution, quickly transforming from safe car seat to functional stroller without any extra parts. Simply pop out the wheels, pull up the handle bar, and you're ready to roll.

Doona All-in-one Infant Car Seat / Stroller, $499

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GIFTS THAT CAN BE PERSONALIZED

Even the most utilitarian gift feels a little more special with some personalization. Here are some of our favorite options that can be customized with baby's name or monogram.

1. Nursery Blankets

You'll never forget the blanket you bring your newborn home in. And with Pottery Barn Kids' assortment of blankets, there's a wrap to suit every new mama's style. Choose from fuzzy neutral patterns or stylish printed options, and add baby's name for an extra personal touch.

Nursery Blankets, Starting at $39.50

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GIFTS THAT GROW WITH THEM

Save money and space by gifting items that will last long after baby's first year. These clever gift items will have mama saying "thank you!" for years to come.

1. west elm x pbk Mid-Century Convertible Crib

A convertible crib is an investment in years of sweet dreams. We love this mid-century-style option made from sustainably sourced wood with child-safe, water-based finishes. When your baby outgrows their crib (sniff!), it easily converts into a toddler bed with the matching conversion kit.

west elm x pbk Mid-Century Convertible Crib, $399

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GIFTS UNDER $50

Sometimes the littlest gifts mean the most. Here are our favorite gifts under $50 they'll be sure to cherish.

1. west elm x pbk Dot Muslin Swaddle Set

When you're raising a newborn, you can never have too many swaddles. Perfect for naptime, burp cloths, stroller covers, and spontaneous play mats, a muslin swaddle will always come in handy. And we especially love this neutral patterned collection in platinum, nightshade, and peacock.

west elm x pbk Dot Muslin Swaddle Set, $45.50

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Learn more and explore all Pottery Barn Kids' registry must-haves here.

In the moments after we give birth, we desperately want to hear our baby cry. In the middle of the night a few months later it's no longer exactly music to our ears, but those cries aren't just telling us that baby needs a night feeding: They're also giving us a hint at what our children may sound like as kindergarteners, and adults.

New research published in the journal Biology Letters suggests the pitch of a 4-month-old's cry predicts the pitch they'll use to ask for more cookies at age five and maybe even later on as adults.

The study saw 2 to 5-month olds recorded while crying. Five years later, the researchers hit record again and chatted with the now speaking children. Their findings, combined with previous work on the subject, suggest it's possible to figure out what a baby's voice will sound like later in life, and that the pitch of our adult voices may be traceable back to the time we spend in utero. Further studies are needed, but scientists are very interested in how factors before birth can impact decades later.

"In utero, you have a lot of different things that can alter and impact your life — not only as a baby, but also at an adult stage," one of the authors of the study, Nicolas Mathevon, told the New York Times.

The New York Times also spoke with Carolyn Hodges, an assistant professor of anthropology at Boston University who was not involved in the study. According to Hodges, while voice pitch may not seem like a big deal, it impacts how we perceive people in very real ways.

Voice pitch is a factor in how attractive we think people are, how trustworthy. But why we find certain pitches more or less appealing isn't known. "There aren't many studies that address these questions, so that makes this research especially intriguing," Hodges said, adding that it "suggests that individual differences in voice pitch may have their origins very, very early in development."

So the pitch of that midnight cry may have been determined months ago, and it may determine part of your child's future, too. There are still so many things we don't know, but as parents we do know one thing: Our babies cries (as much as we don't want to hear them all the time) really are something special.

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They say there's no use in crying over it, but for pumping mamas, spilled milk is a major upset.

When you're working so hard to make sure your baby has breast milk, you don't want to lose a drop, and Chrissy Teigen knows this all too well.

The mom of two posted a video to social media Wednesday showing her efforts to rescue breastmilk from a tabletop. She used various utensils and a syringe to try to get the milk back in the bottle.

"I spilled my breastmilk and this is how important it is in this house," she says while suctioning up milk with what appears to be a baster.

In a follow-up video Teigen continues to try to rescue the spilled milk.

"We're trying," she says as she suctions up a drop or two. "I got some."

Teigen is currently breastfeeding baby Miles, her son with husband John Legend, and has been very public about the fact that she pumps a lot as a working mom.

She's also been open about the fact that milk supply has always been an issue for her, not just with Miles but with Luna, too.

"I actually loved [pumping] because I'm a collector of things, and so when I found out I could pump I [did it] so much because I knew the more you pumped, the more milk you'd make," she told POPSUGAR back in March. "So I loved collecting my breast milk and seeing how much I could get, even if it was very, very little."

Like a lot of moms, Teigen did struggle emotionally when a pump session wouldn't get her the ounces she wanted.

"I wasn't producing a lot of milk, and it was frustrating. When you're frustrated, [it can also make you] not produce that much."

Research backs her up. Stress has been linked to lower milk production. Because of that, she's trying to stay positive this time around, but captioned her video post "EVERY DROP COUNTS IN THIS HOUSE" because, well, they do.


So many mothers can relate. Have you ever tried to save your breastmilk?

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What is it about networking that's just kind of...awful? Typically inconvenient and often awkward, formal networking events rarely yield the results most women (and especially mamas) are looking for.

Whether you're reentering the workforce post-baby leave or simply looking to make a complicated career switch as a busy mom (or just struggling to juggle play dates and professional meetings), making the right connections is often a hurdle that's difficult to surmount. And more and more often, networking comes up short in providing what moms really need.

When time is truly at a premium—a session swapping business cards can be hard to prioritize. Shapr wants to change all that.

Designed with busy people in mind, Shapr is an app with an algorithm that uses tagged interests, location, and professional experience to match you with 10-15 inspiring professional connections a day. You swipe to indicate interest in networking with any of them, and if the interest is mutual, you're connected. (But don't worry, that's where the similarities to that dating app end.)

It makes it easier to connect with the right people.

From there, you can chat, video conference, and even meet in person with potential mentors, partners, and investors while growing your real-life network. No more wasting hours trying to pick someone's brain only to discover they don't have the right experience you need. And no more awkward, stilted small talk—even suggests a few preset icebreakers to help get the conversation rolling more quickly.

The best part? You could do virtually all your connecting from your couch post-bedtime.

It simplifies switching careers or industries.

Sysamone Phaphone is a real mom who was fed up with traditional networking options. When she quit her full-time job in healthcare to pursue founding a startup, she quickly realized that in-person networking events weren't only failing to connect her to the right people, they were also difficult for a single mom of two to even attend. "I was complaining to a friend that I was so tired and didn't know how I was going to keep doing it this way when she recommended the Shapr app," Phaphone says. "I tried it right there at dinner and started swiping. [Later], in my pajamas, I got my first connection."

From there, Phaphone was hooked. Her network suddenly exploded with developers, potential partners she could work with, and even people to hire for the roles she needed. She was also able to connect with and empower other women in tech. Now, checking in with Shapr connections is just part of her routine. "I look for connections after drop-off at school and on my commute into the city," she says. "Then after bedtime is done, I go on to check if there is anyone I've connected with."

It helps you find a mentor—no matter where they live.

Another common roadblock Shapr removes? Location. While you probably wouldn't fly to LA from New York for a networking event, the Shapr app lets you connect and chat with the person who best meets your needs—regardless of where they're based. Even better for parents, the "mom penalty" many women contend with when trying to get back into the workforce doesn't exist on Shapr—if you have the right experience, the connections will still come.

To connect, simply create your account, enter up to ten hashtags you want to follow (either industry related like #film or #tech or by person you're seeking, such as #developer or #uxui), preset what you're looking for (investors, collaborators, etc.), and indicate how you prefer to meet. To connect with more people at once, Shapr also has community groups within the app around interest topics that you can join. And even though the connection begins in the digital space, it often results in the in-person experiences mamas crave.

"I wish I could encourage more moms and dads to use it because it has been a lifesaver for me," Phaphone says. "It empowered my career and career choices, and it provides so much convenience. I can put my kids to bed and not go to an event, but still meet 20 people in a night."

For women looking to grow their business, position, or simply achieve a little self-growth, Shapr is changing the way we connect. This powerful new app could change everything, mama. Download it today to get started.

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