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In our culture, women are expected to be mothers first and all else second – at least that’s the excuse many make for the gender wage gap. If you’re married, or financially stable enough for one parent to stay home, the system may work. But what about when it doesn’t?


But for many, particularly the Black woman, this system and its expectations create major challenges.

While Black women are significantly more likely to attend college than any other race of females compared to their male counterparts, they’re still paid less. A strong matriarchal structure causes Black to be seen as the only female group that is more privileged than their male counterpart. But does this structure buffer us from other systemic disparities?

That same matriarchal structure can result in a very different upbringing for males compared to females. Black women are encouraged to be self-sufficient and educated, while Black males are often permitted to take the scenic route to maturity.

The result? Black women are often forced to take the reins and lead the household themselves. In today’s progressive times, egalitarianism is not a bad thing. But when you’re the primary breadwinner – as in many single-parent homes – and are expected to be a full-time mother, conflict can occur.

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Are Black women under increased pressure to parent and provide? The research may indicate so. And the following factors together represent a unique set of circumstances that may affect Black women’s ability to do just that.

Wage disparities

Parenthood is challenging, but it can be increasingly difficult to be an effective parent when your earning potential is limited. Few areas illustrate this challenge like the gender wage gap.

Recently, an analysis of weekly earnings found that Black women make an average of $611 while Black males earned $680 weekly. That means Black women make 89.9 percent of what black men make.

This sounds wonderful, until we compare the numbers across racial lines. White women make 81.8 percent of what White men make, but their average weekly earnings are $734 and $897 for White men. Both White and Asian women have a higher weekly take-home average than Black and Hispanic males.

In 2015, women in the United States made an estimated 80 percent of what men were paid. Factor race into the equation and the results are even more troubling. Thanks to the gender/ race combo, African American females make an estimated 64 cents per every dollar a white male makes.

Family structure

For those in multi-income households, the struggles of the gender wage gap can be buffered. But current cultural trends reflect an increase in single parent homes and a delay of marriage across all races. As a result, single mothers are significantly more likely to live in poverty. With 67 percent of black children born into non-married homes (non-married meaning two single parents, NOT fatherless – black fathers are as, if not more active than fathers of other races) it does not take long to see room for challenges.

Forty percent of single parents are employed in low-wage jobs. The median income for single mothers is $26,000 as compared to $84,000 median income for married couples.

The working poor have an independent set of struggles to overcome. Female-headed working families account for 39 percent of low-income working households nationally, but 65 percent of African American low-income working households are led by women. 

Four out of 10 (40%) Black families with children under 18 that were headed by single working mothers live in poverty. Families headed by White females reflected a figure of 14.5 percent living below the poverty line.

Career choices and lack of benefits

For Black women, overrepresentation in conditions of poverty and work ethic have no relation. Black women have historically been more likely to be employed or actively looking for employment than any other group by race and gender. The most recent assessment of the labor force includes 62 percent of black women as compared to 57.5 percent of white women.

One reason for wage disparities in the black community can be accounted for by college major and choice of profession. Women are more than overrepresented in low wage jobs. As a matter of fact, more than half of low wage working women are employed in 16 occupations; the highest concentration of these professions being health aides – a career with an average wage of $10 per hour or $21,000 per year.  

This is significantly less than the $46,000 national average wage across all occupations. Nearly 40 percent of health aid positions are filled by Black women. It’s also important to mention these jobs often do not offer the benefits – paid leave, health insurance, retirement plans – that many higher-skilled jobs offer. Health aides and similar positions are very valuable within society, but compensation packages for these workers fail to represent that value. 

Childcare costs

The average cost of daycare in the United States is $11,666 annually, or a staggering $972 per month. It is not difficult to see why any parent would think twice before placing their child in daycare.

Now imagine the obstacle this creates for single, low-income mothers, particularly one with a $21,000 annual take-home pay.

To avoid the cost of childcare, many mothers elect to stay at home to raise their children themselves. This is a wonderful option for those who can afford it. But for the estimated 12 million single parents in the United States (80% percent of which are single mothers) this luxury is too expensive to afford.

Childcare takes well over 25 percent of monthly income for many and there are still other expense such as food, housing, and transportation that need to be accounted for.

Culturally and societally, Black women are expected to choose financial contribution over parenting. It’s still somewhat shocking for a Black woman to state that she is a stay-at-home mom. Many, like myself, are pushing back and choosing to delay employment to raise their children despite having a higher education.

But this privilege is not often available in a single family structure. Black families trail slightly behind all other racial groups with 23 percent of Black children growing up in a home with a stay-at-home mother.

Black women are often said not to have historically had the luxury of choosing to stay home with their children. This is quite understandable considering the ability to stay home is often determined by family wealth. With Black women making only a percentage of what White women make, and Black men making 73 percent of what White men make, it’s easy to see that regardless of marital status, all income is necessary to maintain the household.

Debt

Another factor, often overlooked, is outstanding debts. A typical White household has 16 times the wealth of a Black one. In addition to more money coming into the household for White families, there may also be less money leaving the household. This is important to consider because a decrease in expenses decreases the need for additional income.

Debts may include student loans, medical bills, and utility debt. Black young adults are believed to have 68.2 percent more student loan debt than their White counterparts. And Black individuals are significantly more likely to be sued over small debts like utility bills.

Even seeking debt forgiveness is more challenging for Black individuals. Bankruptcy, a strategy that’s still a largely middle class phenomenon, is a way out for many. But when attempting to file for bankruptcy, Black individuals are more likely to be directed towards Chapter 13 bankruptcy, which is more costly, less successful, and more time-consuming than Chapter 7. Bankruptcy has also been found to yield less assistance for Black and Hispanic individuals. This is important to acknowledge as it is impossible to build wealth with multiplying debts.

All factors considered

Black women have the unique responsibility of uplifting themselves while providing strength to their men despite a broken system. Families are interdependent. The conditions that affect Black males also directly affect Black females and their families.

One should not ignore the role historic attempts at deconstructing the family and systematic oppression has had on Black individuals.  

By the year 2000 more than “1 million Black children had a father in jail or prison – and roughly half of those fathers were living in the same household as their kids when they were locked up.Disproportionate mass incarceration of Black males must be accounted for.

With the cumulative effects of income disparities, difficulty in family structure, and the cost of living, it’s easy to see that Black women face unique challenges. There is no magic wand to wave away these issues.

By studying the unique challenges faced by Black women, we can work to find a solution to many of these problems. Fortunately, the Black community is one of resilience and strength. Black children are growing and thriving despite the many odds stacked against them.

In the words of the great Maya Angelou, we will continue to rise. Read below for her powerful poem that illustrates the strength and persistence of the Black woman.

You may write me down in history

With your bitter, twisted lies,

You may trod me in the very dirt

But still, like dust, I’ll rise.

 

Does my sassiness upset you?

Why are you beset with gloom?

‘Cause I walk like I’ve got oil wells

Pumping in my living room.

 

Just like moons and like suns,

With the certainty of tides,

Just like hopes springing high,

Still I’ll rise.

 

Did you want to see me broken?

Bowed head and lowered eyes?

Shoulders falling down like teardrops,

Weakened by my soulful cries?

 

Does my haughtiness offend you?

Don’t you take it awful hard

‘Cause I laugh like I’ve got gold mines

Diggin’ in my own backyard.

 

You may shoot me with your words,

You may cut me with your eyes,

You may kill me with your hatefulness,

But still, like air, I’ll rise.

 

Does my sexiness upset you?

Does it come as a surprise

That I dance like I’ve got diamonds

At the meeting of my thighs?

 

Out of the huts of history’s shame

I rise

Up from a past that’s rooted in pain

I rise

I’m a black ocean, leaping and wide,

Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

 

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear

I rise

Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear

I rise

Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,

I am the dream and the hope of the slave.

I rise

I rise

I rise.

From “And Still I Rise” by Maya Angelou. Copyright © 1978 by Maya Angelou. Reprinted by permission of Random House, Inc.

 

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As mamas, we naturally become the magic-makers for our families. We sing the songs that make the waits seem shorter, dispense the kisses that help boo-boos hurt less, carry the seemingly bottomless bags of treasures, and find ways to turn even the most hum-drum days into something memorable.

Sometimes it's on a family vacation or when exploring a new locale, but often it's in our own backyards or living rooms. Here are 12 ways to create magical moments with kids no matter where your adventures take you.


1. Keep it simple

Mary Poppins may be practically perfect in every way, but―trust us―your most magical memories don't require perfection. Spend the morning building blanket forts or break out the cookie cutters to serve their sandwich in a fun shape and you'll quickly learn that, for kids, the most magical moments are often the simplest.

2. Get on their level

Sometimes creating a memorable moment can be as easy as getting down on the floor and playing with your children. So don't be afraid to get on your hands and knees, to swing from the monkey bars, or turn watching your favorite movie into an ultimate snuggle sesh.

3. Reimagine the ordinary

As Mary says, "the cover is not the book." Teach your child to see the world beyond initial impressions by encouraging them to imagine a whole new world as you play―a world where the laundry basket can be a pirate ship or a pile of blankets can be a castle.

4. Get a little messy

Stomp in muddy puddles. Break out the finger paint. Bake a cake and don't worry about frosting drips on the counter. The messes will wait, mama. For now, let your children―and yourself―live in these moments that will all too soon become favorite memories.

5. Throw out the plan

The best-laid plans...are rarely the most exciting. And often the most magical moments happen by accident. So let go of the plan, embrace the unexpected, and remember that your child doesn't care if the day goes according to the schedule.

6. Take it outside

There's never a wrong time of year to make magic outside. Take a stroll through a spring rainstorm, catch the first winter snowflakes on your tongue, or camp out under a meteor shower this summer. Mother Nature is a natural at creating experiences you'll both remember forever.

7. Share your childhood memories

Chances are if you found it magical as a child, then your kids will too. Introduce your favorite books and movies (pro tip: Plan a double feature with an original like Mary Poppins followed with the sequel, Mary Poppins Returns!) or book a trip to your favorite family vacation spot from the past. You could even try to recreate photos from your old childhood with your kids so you can hang on to the memory forever.

8. Just add music

Even when you're doing something as humdrum as prepping dinner or tidying up the living room, a little music has a way of upping the fun factor. Tell Alexa to cue up your favorite station for a spontaneous family dance party or use your child's favorite movie soundtrack for a quick game of "Clean and Freeze" to pick up toys at the end of the day.

9. Say "yes"

Sometimes it can feel like you're constantly telling your child "no." While it's not possible to grant every request (sorry, kiddo, still can't let you drive the car!), plan a "yes" day for a little extra magic. That means every (reasonable) request gets an affirmative response for 24 hours. Trust us―they'll never forget it.

10. Let them take the lead

A day planned by your kid―can you imagine that? Instead of trying to plan what you think will lead to the best memories, put your kid in the driver's seat by letting them make the itinerary. If you have more than one child, break up the planning so one gets to pick the activity while the other chooses your lunch menu. You just might end up with a day you never expected.

11. Ask more questions

Odds are, your child might not remember every activity you plan―but they will remember the moments you made them feel special. By focusing the conversation on your little one―their likes, dislikes, goals, or even just craziest dreams―you teach them that their perspective matters and that you are their biggest fan.

12. Turn a bad day around

Not every magical moment will start from something good. But the days where things don't go to plan can often turn out to be the greatest memories, especially when you find a way to turn even a negative experience into a positive memory. So don't get discouraged if you wake up to rain clouds on your beach day or drop the eggs on the floor before breakfast―take a cue from Mary Poppins and find a way to turn the whole day a little "turtle."

Mary Poppins Returns available now on Digital & out on Blue-ray March 19! Let the magic begin in your house with a night where everything is possible—even the impossible ✨

Spring is officially here and if you're looking for a way to celebrate the change in the season, why not treat the kids to some ice cream, mama?

DQ locations across the country (but not the ones in malls) are giving away free small vanilla cones today, March 20! So pack up the kids and get to a DQ near you.

And if you can't make it today, from March 21 through March 31, DQ's got a deal where small cones will be just 50 cents (but you have to download the DQ mobile app to claim that one).

Another chain, Pennsylvania-based Rita's Italian Ice is also dishing up freebies today, so if DQ's not your thing you can grab a free cup of Italian ice instead.

We're so excited that ice cream season is here and snowsuit season is behind us. Just a few short weeks and the kids will be jumping through the sprinklers.

Welcome back, spring. We've missed you!

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The woman who basically single-handedly taught the world to embrace vulnerability and imperfection is coming to Netflix and we cannot wait to binge whatever Brené Brown's special will serve up because we'll probably be better people after watching it.

It drops on April 19 and is called Brené Brown: The Call to Courage. If it has even a fraction of the impact of her books or the viral Ted talk that made her a household name, it's going to be life and culture changing.

Announcing the special on Instagram Brown says she "cannot believe" she's about to be "breaking some boundaries over at Netflix" with the 77-minute special.

Netflix describes the special as a discussion of "what it takes to choose courage over comfort in a culture defined by scarcity, fear and uncertainty" and it sounds exactly like what we need right now.

April 19 is still pretty far away though, so if you need some of Brown's wisdom now, check out her books on Amazon or watch (or rewatch) the 2010 Ted Talk that put her—and our culture's relationship with vulnerability and shame—in the national spotlight.

The power of vulnerability | Brené Brown

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If Marie Kondo's Netflix show got people tidying up, Brown's Netflix special is sure to be the catalyst for some courageous choices this spring.

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My husband and I recently had a date night that included being away from our son overnight for the first time since he was born three years ago (but don't let your heads run away with a fantasy—we literally slept because we were exhausted #thisiswhatwecallfunnow). It was a combination of a late night work event, a feeling that we had to do something just for the two of us, and simple convenience. It would have taken hours to get home from the end of a very long day when we could just check into a hotel overnight and get home early the next day.

But before that night, I fretted about what to do. How would childcare work? No one besides me or my husband has put our son to bed, and we have never not been there when he wakes up in the morning.

Enter: Grandma.

I knew if there was any chance of this being successful, the only person that could pull it off is one of my son's favorite people—his grandmother. Grammy cakes. Gramma. We rely so much on these extended support systems to give us comfort and confidence as parents and put our kids at ease. Technically, we could parent without their support, but I'm so glad we don't have to.

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So as we walked out the door, leaving Grandma with my son for one night, I realized how lucky we are that she gets it...

She gets it because she always comes bearing delicious snacks. And usually a small toy or crayons in her bag for just the right moment when it's needed.

She gets it because she comes with all of the warmth and love of his parents but none of the baggage. None of the first time parent jitters and all of the understanding that most kids just have simple needs: to eat, play and sleep.

She gets it because she understands what I need too. The reassurance that my baby will be safe. And cared for.

She gets it because she's been in my shoes before. Decades ago, she was a nervous new mama too and felt the same worries. She's been exactly where we are.

She gets it because she shoos us away as we nervously say goodbye, calling out cheerfully, "Have fun, I've got this." And I know that she does.

She gets it because she will get down on the floor with him to play Legos—even though sometimes it's a little difficult to get back up.

She gets it because she will fumble around with our AppleTV—so different from her remote at home—to find him just the right video on Youtube that he's looking for.

She gets it because she diligently takes notes when we go through the multi-step bedtime routine that we've elaborately concocted, passing no judgment, and promising that she'll follow along as best as she can.

She gets it because she'll break the routine and lay next to him in bed when my son gets upset, singing softly in his ear until she sees his eyelids droop heavy and finally fall asleep.

She gets it because she'll text us to let us know when he's fallen asleep because she knows we'll be wondering.

She gets it because just like our son trusts us as his mom and dad, Grandma is his safe space. My son feels at ease with her—and that relaxes me, too.

She gets it because when we come home from our "big night out" the house will be clean. Our toddler's play table that always has some sort of sticky jelly residue on it will be spotless. The dishwasher empty. (Side note: She is my hero.)

She gets it because she shows up whenever we ask. Even when it means having to rearrange her schedule. Even when it means she has to sleep in our home instead of her own.

She gets it because even though she has her own life, she makes sure to be as involved in ours as she can. But that doesn't mean she gives unsolicited advice. It means that she's there. She comes to us or lets us come to her. Whenever we need her.

She gets it because she takes care of us, too. She's there to chat with at the end of a long day. To commiserate on how hard motherhood and working and life can be, but to also gently remind me, "These are the best days."

After every time Grandma comes over, she always leaves a family that feels so content. Fulfilled by her presence. The caretaking and nourishment (mental and food-wise) and warmth that accompanies her.

We know this is a privilege. We know we're beyond lucky that she is present and wants to be involved and gets it. We know that sometimes life doesn't work out like this and sometimes Grandma lives far away or is no longer here, or just doesn't get it. So we hold on. And appreciate every moment.

As Grandma leaves, I hug her tight and tell her, "I can't thank you enough. We couldn't have done this without you." Because we can't. And we wouldn't want to.

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Spring is one of the most fun times of the year to explore nature with your child. There are just so many fun changes, from baby animals, different birds migrating through, and all of the beautiful rainbows that come from spring showers.

Here are a few fun Montessori-inspired spring activities to try with your little one this year:

Learn about weather

In many parts of the country, spring brings rain clouds in addition to warmer weather. Embrace the rainy days as well as the sunshine by exploring the weather.

1. Cloud gazing

Find some pictures of different types of clouds (or use a book) and then enjoy searching for them in the sky. Take it a step further and use cotton balls to create representations of the different kinds of clouds if your child is interested.

2. Rainbows

Spring is a wonderful time to talk about rainbows. Spend time searching for rainbows after rainstorms, and consider getting a prism to let your child explore rainbows even on sunny days. Have fun noticing the order of the colors and provide the correct colors of paint or crayons for your child to create a picture of what he sees.

3. Daily weather report

Use these fun letter board ornaments to allow your child to create her own daily weather report. You could also simply create a booklet with some drawing paper and encourage your little one to draw or paint the weather each day and see how it changes over time.

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Observe animals

From baby animals to butterflies, spring is a wonderful time for children to learn about animals.

4. Bird watching

Spring migration makes it an exceptional time for bird watching. Try talking to your child about the different types of birds he might see this time of year. Have a bird watching adventure in your backyard or nearby park and see how many types you can spot together. Child-sized binoculars can make this even more fun.

5. Filling bird feeders

Filling bird feeders is something even young toddlers enjoy helping with. For older children, try providing several types of seeds and letting them mix or layer them together in the feeder.

6. Study butterflies

Children are understandably captivated by butterflies and spring is a great time to study them. You can simply read a book, or take it a step further and order a live butterfly kit to let your child see firsthand the transformation from caterpillar to a butterfly.

Explore nature

7. Create a nature table

Define a space such as a small table or even a tray or basket, and allow your child collect interesting things she finds in nature. Include a magnifying glass if you like.

8. Plant a garden

Young toddlers can help water a garden, slightly older children enjoy planting seeds and weeding, and older children can help design a garden and select the plants. Gardening provides an up-close look at how plants grow and is also great for independence and a sense of responsibility.

9. Collect flowers

Encourage your child to find and collect some of the little wildflowers growing everywhere this time of year. It can be especially fun to use a flower press to preserve his finds.

10. Celebrate Earth Day

Plant a tree, clean up a park, or join a community Earth Day event. These all provide a great opportunity to talk to children about their important role in taking care of our planet.

Practical life

Montessori teachers refer to the practice of real-life activities, like cooking and cleaning, as "practical life." These skills are practiced all year long, but there are some fun and different ways to focus on them in spring.

11. Peel hard-boiled eggs

Spring is a great time to talk about how some animals hatch from eggs. Letting your child peel hard-boiled eggs can be a fun extension of this, and is also a great way to build concentration, as it can take quite a long time and significant effort for a young child to remove all of the little pieces of eggshell.

Show your child how to crack the eggshell and provide a small bowl for her to put the shell in. Bonus: Ground up eggshells are great for the soil in your garden.

12. Hull strawberries

Spring produce provides a great opportunity for little ones to help clean and prepare different fruits and vegetables, including hulling strawberries.

Show your child how to rinse the strawberries and use a strawberry huller. He can also use a chopper to slice them.

13. Scrub outdoor toys

If you're anything like me, your child's water toys got a bit dusty in the long winter months. Get your child involved in cleaning them up for the warmer weather to come. All she'll need is a scrub brush, a bucket of water, and some soap if you wish. She'll have fun making the toys beautiful again, and you can check something off the to-do list—it's a win-win.

14. Scrub rain boots

In many areas, rain boots get a lot of use this time of year. At school, we sometimes put out a boot scrubbing activity for children to clean their muddy boots and this is something you can easily replicate at home. Set up a little cleaning station, perhaps on the back porch, with everything your child needs to clean his boots.

15. Flower arranging

Flower arranging is an activity enjoyed by children in Montessori classrooms all year long, but it is especially fun in the spring when your little one can help pick flowers in the backyard or visit a local market and see all of spring's beautiful flowers displayed.

Set up the activity so that your child can do it herself. In addition to fresh flowers, she'll need scissors to trim the stems, a few little vases to choose from, a small pitcher for water, and a funnel to pour water into each little vase. Your home will look beautiful, and your child will feel so proud knowing that she contributed.

Perhaps the best way to enjoy spring with your child is to simply get outside, splash in the puddles, and soak up the sunshine, but hopefully, these activities will give you a new way to spend time together and enjoy the season.

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