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In our culture, women are expected to be mothers first and all else second – at least that’s the excuse many make for the gender wage gap. If you’re married, or financially stable enough for one parent to stay home, the system may work. But what about when it doesn’t?


But for many, particularly the Black woman, this system and its expectations create major challenges.

While Black women are significantly more likely to attend college than any other race of females compared to their male counterparts, they’re still paid less. A strong matriarchal structure causes Black to be seen as the only female group that is more privileged than their male counterpart. But does this structure buffer us from other systemic disparities?

That same matriarchal structure can result in a very different upbringing for males compared to females. Black women are encouraged to be self-sufficient and educated, while Black males are often permitted to take the scenic route to maturity.

The result? Black women are often forced to take the reins and lead the household themselves. In today’s progressive times, egalitarianism is not a bad thing. But when you’re the primary breadwinner – as in many single-parent homes – and are expected to be a full-time mother, conflict can occur.

Are Black women under increased pressure to parent and provide? The research may indicate so. And the following factors together represent a unique set of circumstances that may affect Black women’s ability to do just that.

Wage disparities

Parenthood is challenging, but it can be increasingly difficult to be an effective parent when your earning potential is limited. Few areas illustrate this challenge like the gender wage gap.

Recently, an analysis of weekly earnings found that Black women make an average of $611 while Black males earned $680 weekly. That means Black women make 89.9 percent of what black men make.

This sounds wonderful, until we compare the numbers across racial lines. White women make 81.8 percent of what White men make, but their average weekly earnings are $734 and $897 for White men. Both White and Asian women have a higher weekly take-home average than Black and Hispanic males.

In 2015, women in the United States made an estimated 80 percent of what men were paid. Factor race into the equation and the results are even more troubling. Thanks to the gender/ race combo, African American females make an estimated 64 cents per every dollar a white male makes.

Family structure

For those in multi-income households, the struggles of the gender wage gap can be buffered. But current cultural trends reflect an increase in single parent homes and a delay of marriage across all races. As a result, single mothers are significantly more likely to live in poverty. With 67 percent of black children born into non-married homes (non-married meaning two single parents, NOT fatherless – black fathers are as, if not more active than fathers of other races) it does not take long to see room for challenges.

Forty percent of single parents are employed in low-wage jobs. The median income for single mothers is $26,000 as compared to $84,000 median income for married couples.

The working poor have an independent set of struggles to overcome. Female-headed working families account for 39 percent of low-income working households nationally, but 65 percent of African American low-income working households are led by women. 

Four out of 10 (40%) Black families with children under 18 that were headed by single working mothers live in poverty. Families headed by White females reflected a figure of 14.5 percent living below the poverty line.

Career choices and lack of benefits

For Black women, overrepresentation in conditions of poverty and work ethic have no relation. Black women have historically been more likely to be employed or actively looking for employment than any other group by race and gender. The most recent assessment of the labor force includes 62 percent of black women as compared to 57.5 percent of white women.

One reason for wage disparities in the black community can be accounted for by college major and choice of profession. Women are more than overrepresented in low wage jobs. As a matter of fact, more than half of low wage working women are employed in 16 occupations; the highest concentration of these professions being health aides – a career with an average wage of $10 per hour or $21,000 per year.  

This is significantly less than the $46,000 national average wage across all occupations. Nearly 40 percent of health aid positions are filled by Black women. It’s also important to mention these jobs often do not offer the benefits – paid leave, health insurance, retirement plans – that many higher-skilled jobs offer. Health aides and similar positions are very valuable within society, but compensation packages for these workers fail to represent that value. 

Childcare costs

The average cost of daycare in the United States is $11,666 annually, or a staggering $972 per month. It is not difficult to see why any parent would think twice before placing their child in daycare.

Now imagine the obstacle this creates for single, low-income mothers, particularly one with a $21,000 annual take-home pay.

To avoid the cost of childcare, many mothers elect to stay at home to raise their children themselves. This is a wonderful option for those who can afford it. But for the estimated 12 million single parents in the United States (80% percent of which are single mothers) this luxury is too expensive to afford.

Childcare takes well over 25 percent of monthly income for many and there are still other expense such as food, housing, and transportation that need to be accounted for.

Culturally and societally, Black women are expected to choose financial contribution over parenting. It’s still somewhat shocking for a Black woman to state that she is a stay-at-home mom. Many, like myself, are pushing back and choosing to delay employment to raise their children despite having a higher education.

But this privilege is not often available in a single family structure. Black families trail slightly behind all other racial groups with 23 percent of Black children growing up in a home with a stay-at-home mother.

Black women are often said not to have historically had the luxury of choosing to stay home with their children. This is quite understandable considering the ability to stay home is often determined by family wealth. With Black women making only a percentage of what White women make, and Black men making 73 percent of what White men make, it’s easy to see that regardless of marital status, all income is necessary to maintain the household.

Debt

Another factor, often overlooked, is outstanding debts. A typical White household has 16 times the wealth of a Black one. In addition to more money coming into the household for White families, there may also be less money leaving the household. This is important to consider because a decrease in expenses decreases the need for additional income.

Debts may include student loans, medical bills, and utility debt. Black young adults are believed to have 68.2 percent more student loan debt than their White counterparts. And Black individuals are significantly more likely to be sued over small debts like utility bills.

Even seeking debt forgiveness is more challenging for Black individuals. Bankruptcy, a strategy that’s still a largely middle class phenomenon, is a way out for many. But when attempting to file for bankruptcy, Black individuals are more likely to be directed towards Chapter 13 bankruptcy, which is more costly, less successful, and more time-consuming than Chapter 7. Bankruptcy has also been found to yield less assistance for Black and Hispanic individuals. This is important to acknowledge as it is impossible to build wealth with multiplying debts.

All factors considered

Black women have the unique responsibility of uplifting themselves while providing strength to their men despite a broken system. Families are interdependent. The conditions that affect Black males also directly affect Black females and their families.

One should not ignore the role historic attempts at deconstructing the family and systematic oppression has had on Black individuals.  

By the year 2000 more than “1 million Black children had a father in jail or prison – and roughly half of those fathers were living in the same household as their kids when they were locked up.Disproportionate mass incarceration of Black males must be accounted for.

With the cumulative effects of income disparities, difficulty in family structure, and the cost of living, it’s easy to see that Black women face unique challenges. There is no magic wand to wave away these issues.

By studying the unique challenges faced by Black women, we can work to find a solution to many of these problems. Fortunately, the Black community is one of resilience and strength. Black children are growing and thriving despite the many odds stacked against them.

In the words of the great Maya Angelou, we will continue to rise. Read below for her powerful poem that illustrates the strength and persistence of the Black woman.

You may write me down in history

With your bitter, twisted lies,

You may trod me in the very dirt

But still, like dust, I’ll rise.

 

Does my sassiness upset you?

Why are you beset with gloom?

‘Cause I walk like I’ve got oil wells

Pumping in my living room.

 

Just like moons and like suns,

With the certainty of tides,

Just like hopes springing high,

Still I’ll rise.

 

Did you want to see me broken?

Bowed head and lowered eyes?

Shoulders falling down like teardrops,

Weakened by my soulful cries?

 

Does my haughtiness offend you?

Don’t you take it awful hard

‘Cause I laugh like I’ve got gold mines

Diggin’ in my own backyard.

 

You may shoot me with your words,

You may cut me with your eyes,

You may kill me with your hatefulness,

But still, like air, I’ll rise.

 

Does my sexiness upset you?

Does it come as a surprise

That I dance like I’ve got diamonds

At the meeting of my thighs?

 

Out of the huts of history’s shame

I rise

Up from a past that’s rooted in pain

I rise

I’m a black ocean, leaping and wide,

Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

 

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear

I rise

Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear

I rise

Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,

I am the dream and the hope of the slave.

I rise

I rise

I rise.

From “And Still I Rise” by Maya Angelou. Copyright © 1978 by Maya Angelou. Reprinted by permission of Random House, Inc.

 

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It's a conundrum many parents wrestle with: We don't want to lie to our kids, but when it comes to Santa, sometimes we're not exactly giving them the full truth either.

For Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard, lying to daughters Lincoln, 5, and Delta, 3 just isn't an option, so everyone in the Bell-Shepard household knows the truth about Santa.

"This is going to be very controversial," Shepard told Us Weekly earlier this month. "I have a fundamental rule that I will never lie to them, which is challenging at times. Our 5-year-old started asking questions like, 'Well, this doesn't make sense, and that doesn't make sense.' I'm like, 'You know what? This is just a fun thing we pretend while it's Christmas.'"

According to Shepard, this has not diminished the magic of Christmas in their home. "They love watching movies about Santa, they love talking about Santa," Shepard told Us. "They don't think he exists, but they're super happy and everything's fine."

Research indicates that Shepard is right—kids can be totally happy and into Christmas even after figuring out the truth and that most kids do start to untangle the Santa myth on their own, as Lincoln did.

Studies suggest that for many kids, the myth fades around age seven, but for some kids, it's sooner, and that's okay.


Writing for The Conversation, Kristen Dunfield, an Assistant Professor of Psychology at Concordia University, suggests that when kids come to parents with the hard questions about Santa, parents may feel a bit sad, but can take some comfort in "recognizing these challenging questions for what they are—cognitive development in action."

Kids aren't usually the ones who are upset when they figure it out, researchers note. Typically, kids are kind of proud of themselves for being such great detectives. It's the parents who feel sadness.

Some parents may not choose to be as blunt as Shepard, and that's okay, too. According to Dunfield, if you don't want to answer questions about Santa with 100% truth, you can answer a question with a question.

"If instead you want to let your child take the lead, you can simply direct the question back to them, allowing your child to come up with explanations for themselves: "I don't know, how do you think the sleigh flies?" Dunfield writes.

While Dax Shepard acknowledges that telling a 3-year-old that Santa is pretend might be controversial, he's hardly the first parent to present Santa this way. There are plenty of healthy, happy adults whose parents told them the truth.

LeAnne Shepard is one of them. Now a mother herself, LeAnne's parents clued her into the Santa myth early, for religious reasons that were common in her community.

"In the small Texas town where I grew up, I wasn't alone in my disbelief. Many parents, including mine, presented Santa Claus as a game that other families played," she previously wrote. "That approach allowed us to get a picture on Santa's lap, watch the Christmas classics, and enjoy all the holiday festivities so long as we remembered the actual reason for the season. It was much like when I visited Disney World and met Minnie Mouse; I was both over the moon excited and somewhat aware that she was not actually real."

No matter why you want to tell your children the truth about Santa, know that it's okay to let the kids know that he's pretend. Kristen Bell's kids prove that knowing the truth about Santa doesn't have to make Christmas any less exciting. Pretending can be magical, too.

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Last year my sons and I gave my wife the one thing every mom really wants every now and then: the absence of us.

We woke up that morning, kissed her on the cheek, and got out of dodge. Ten hours later we returned to find her eating carrot cake in a bathrobe and listening to podcasts.

Like so many dads when they do any solo-parenting, I posted a picture to Facebook. It got a big response, with more moms than I expected saying that's just what they wanted, too. I'm not an expert in presents or parenting, but consider this my recommendation to dads to make "taking the kids and leaving" this year's gift for moms—and a much bigger part of your regular life.

Don't get me wrong, we love my wife Kate. She's everyone's favorite family member. She's brilliant and funny and full of adventure. She's both the strongest person I know and the most caring. She's amazing at freeze dancing. She can name one million Pokemon. She knows instantly which injuries need Band-aids and which need kisses... and which, like me stabbing my hand trying to open a coconut with a kitchen knife, need the ER.

That's precisely why on her birthday we needed to get out of there. For a few hours Kate didn't have to do our emotional labor or be the default parent. No one asked her to make his brother return a toy or to check the tone in an email. She didn't have to perform appreciation for a breakfast in bed we would have made wrong. For one day, she didn't have to take care of anyone. It's embarrassing this is rare, but I admit in my family it is.

This brings up some big questions.

Why couldn't we have just stayed and taken care of her for a change? Did we really have to leave?

The answer is yes, at least for now. Our family's modes should include times when we're all around and Kate's not working, but they just don't.

When the kids need a Lego separated, it's her name they yell first down the stairs. If they're bored and looking to gin up some interaction, it's her lap they cannonball onto from the back of the couch. And that all goes for me, too, only without the Legos and cannonballs (mostly). That means whenever we're with Kate she has to be at some level of "on."

She shouldn't have to feel like the decision-maker, problem-solver, and nurturer in chief whenever she's in the same house as her husband and children, but she does. That means, for now, the quickest way to free her from that burden is just for us to get out that door.

That brings us to the biggest questions.

Does one day make a difference when there's such an everyday imbalance in the parenting load?

If Kate shoulders so much of the practical and emotional labor in our house that a day on her own can be a *literal* gift, what does that say about us?

It says a lot of things, but here's the main one: we need to change. If you'd asked us on our wedding day if our plan for raising a family was to divide the load unequally, we'd have both said "no way." But here we are.

So what do we do about it?

Well, the better question is what do I do about it. The problem is—I need to transform my share of the work around here. It can't be on Kate to solve that, too. That means I need to step up, to start doing much more not only of the caretaking and meal-planning and cooking, but the playdate-scheduling, doctor appointment-making, and child-life-organizing.

Leaving the house for one day doesn't turn me into a co-primary parent, but maybe it can be a jump-start. Sometimes the best way to begin changing habits is to create situations where those habits are impossible.

I might not have the strength to change our caretaking patterns when all four of us are together, but if it's just me and the boys with mom inaccessible, no one has another choice. The more days where I'm the primary parent, the more all four of us get accustomed to me in the role we're used to just having Mom in.

Kate might be superior to me in every aspect of parenting—which makes sense, given she's been practicing more than I have for eight years—but it's important to remember that a shared load is better for everyone. Of course it's better for her, but it's so much better for the boys, too. And it's better for me.

Our children are wonderful, hilarious and exquisite tiny humans. The focus on my 5-year-old's round face as he tries to make a card tower. The sound of my 7-year-old's boot cracking a puddle of ice as he walks to school. Pokemon. I miss all that when I'm not leaned forward as a parent.

And it's now or never. I've been a father for eight years. In 10 more, if we're lucky, our oldest will be in college. Childhoods go by fast. If don't become a better dad now, when will I?

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Breakfast is often said to be the most important meal of the day, but in many households, it's also the most hectic. Many parents rely on pre-prepared items to cut down on breakfast prep time, and if Jimmy Dean Heat 'n Serve Original Sausage Links are a breakfast hack in your home, you should check your bag.

More than 14 tons of the frozen sausage links are being recalled after consumers found bits of metal in their meat.

The United States Department of Agriculture's Food Safety and Inspection Service announced the recall of 23.4-oz. pouches of Jimmy Dean HEAT 'n SERVE Original SAUSAGE LINKS Made with Pork & Turkey with a 'Use By' date of January 31, 2019.

"The product bears case code A6382168, with a time stamp range of 11:58 through 01:49," the FSIS notes.

In a statement posted on its website, Jimmy Dean says "a few consumers contacted the company to say they had found small, string-like fragments of metal in the product. Though the fragments have been found in a very limited number of packages, out of an abundance of caution, CTI is recalling 29,028 pounds of product. Jimmy Dean is closely monitoring this recall and working with CTI to assure proper coordination with the USDA. No injuries have been reported with this recall."

Consumers should check their packages for "the establishment code M19085 or P19085, a 'use by' date of January 31, 2019 and a UPC number of '0-77900-36519-5'," the company says.

According to the FSIS, there have been five consumer complaints of metal pieces in the sausage links, and recalled packages should be thrown away.

If you purchased the recalled sausages and have questions you can call the Jimmy Dean customer service line at (855) 382-3101.

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Flying with a 2-year-old and a 5-year-old isn't easy under optimal conditions, and when the kids are tired and cranky, things become even harder.

Many parents are anxious when flying with kids for exactly this reason: If the kids get upset, we worry our fellow passengers will become upset with us, but mom of two Becca Kinsey has a story that proves there are more compassionate people out there than we might think.

In a Facebook post that has now gone viral, Kinsey explains how she was waiting for her flight back from Disney World with her two boys, Wyatt, 2, and James, 5, when things started to go wrong, and the first of three kind women committed an act of kindness that meant so much.

After having to run all over the airport because she'd lost her ID, Kinsey and her boys were in line for security and she was "on the verge of tears because Wyatt was screaming and James was exhausted. Out of the blue, one mom stops the line for security and says 'here, jump in front of me! I know how it is!'" Kinsey wrote in her Facebook post.

Within minutes, 2-year-old Wyatt was asleep on the airport floor. Kinsey was wondering how she would carry him and all the carry-ons when "another mom jumps out of her place in line and says 'hand me everything, I've got it.'"

When Kinsey thanked the second woman and the first who had given up her place in line they told her not to worry, that they were going to make sure she got on her flight.

"The second woman takes evvvverything and helps me get it through security and, on top of all that, she grabs all of it and walks us to the gate to make sure we get on the flight," Kinsey wrote.

Kinsey and her boys boarded, but the journey was hardly over. Wyatt wolk up and started "to scream" at take off, before finally falling back asleep. Kinsey was stressed out and needed a moment to breathe, but she couldn't put Wyatt down.

"After about 45 min, this angel comes to the back and says 'you look like you need a break' and holds Wyatt for the rest of the flight AND walks him all the way to baggage claim, hands him to [Kinsey's husband], hugs me and says "Merry Christmas!!" Kinsey wrote.

👏👏👏

It's a beautiful story about women helping women, and it gets even better because when Kinsey's Facebook post started to go viral she updated it in the hopes of helping other parents take their kids to Disney and experience another form of stress-relief.

"What if everyone that shared the story went to Kidd's Kids and made a $5 donation?! Kidd's Kids take children with life-threatening and life-altering conditions on a 5 day trip to Disney World so they can have a chance to forget at least some of the day to day stressors and get to experience a little magic!!"

As of this writing, Kinsey has raised more than $2,000 for Kidd's Kids and has probably inspired a few people to be kind the next time they see a parent struggling in public.

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