A modern lifestyle brand redefining motherhood
Print Friendly and PDF

The first clue that I might be pregnant again began with the delivery of the wrong sleep sack. I had ordered one for my seven-month-old. Bouncing my son on my knee, I stared at the opened package. Instead of blue race cars, pink flowers decorated the sack.


I heard what sounded like a ping, and the ping planted the seed.

Could I be pregnant? I thought. No. No, I can’t.

I shook off the crazy feeling. There was no way I was pregnant. My son was a miracle IVF baby. The doctor told me that the chances of conceiving naturally at the age of 40 were slim to none.

I silenced the ping.

A few days later, I returned to work after seven months of maternity leave. When I dropped my son off at daycare, I cried. Naturally I was emotional; my tears couldn’t possibly be prompted by hormones.

In the past four months, I had lost 30 pounds. There was no way that I was pregnant my first week back at work after losing all the baby weight and more, especially after being told becoming pregnant would be close to a miracle. Miracles like this didn’t happen to someone like me.

The second clue came when I threw up at lunch. I chalked it up to first-day-back nerves. I had returned to a promotion, and my new role was unclear.

Still, the ping persisted.

I picked my son up from daycare, his round face all aglow when he spotted me.

I’ll just take a quick pregnancy test, I thought. Then I can put it out of my mind.

I strapped my son in the Ergo and walked a mile to CVS.

Back home, I peed on the stick. I glanced away. I looked back. Already two little lines had appeared. I threw the stick under the sink and slammed the cupboard door.

I was in shock. It was impossible. I couldn’t be pregnant. I wasn’t ready for another child. I could barely handle one. I was 40 after all. Two under two would be the death of me. I didn’t have enough love in my heart for two. How would my body handle it? My husband would leave me. What would my boss think?

I strapped my son back in the Ergo and walked back to CVS. I would splurge on the digital tests that were more accurate. I’ll get a bunch, so I can test again and again to make sure. I won’t cry. Everything will be okay.

I continued like this for the next eight weeks. I told no-one except a close friend who’s like a mother to me. When I told her, she said, “I’m so sorry.” She knew what I must be feeling. Hearing her mirror my own thoughts gave me some strength. Perhaps I could handle having another baby so soon.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want another child. I did. I wanted my son to have a sibling. I’d always imagined two, but now after becoming a mother, I understood that motherhood is as hard as it’s beautiful. I understood that having children is an all-consuming lifestyle change. I knew that raising kids really did take a village.

Perhaps the feeling of doom had to do with how tired I felt. Or that I wasn’t ready for the labor, the breastfeeding, or the late night awakenings. The memory of all these realities were still fresh in my mind. After all, the time between pregnancies had only been a few months.

After eight weeks of hiding my nausea, I began to slowly accept that I would be a mother of two under two. I felt guilty every time someone complimented my weight loss. I knew I needed to tell my husband. The weight of becoming parents had put stress on our marriage, but in the past few weeks, we’d settled into a routine. We’d found happiness again. I didn’t want to jeopardize this new-found place of peace.

I wanted to enjoy my growing son. I wanted to enjoy my new job. I wanted to wear a bikini again. I certainly didn’t want to worry about swollen ankles and stretch marks, or where we’d put the baby in our tiny apartment. I didn’t want to worry about divorce.

Around 18 weeks I started to tell people outside of my family. I began to show quicker this time, and my weight loss only further emphasized my swollen belly. I found out the baby was a girl. I cried then. At least it would be a girl, I thought.

I wasn’t alone in this pregnancy. Two other women at work were pregnant and due around the same time. My boss was surprisingly supportive. Acceptance settled in. My daughter was coming, regardless of how much I wanted to put her off for at least one more year.

People asked, “Aren’t you excited?”

I responded, “Of course!”

Inside though, I wasn’t so sure. I was frightened. I had no family close. I was over 40. The list went on. My friends at work seemed to be less worried and more excited. I was the one who wondered if I was up to the changes that were approaching so quickly.

Then my daughter arrived.  The doctor gently placed her on my chest. I stroked her cheek with my finger. She was mine. My husband remarked on how calm she seemed. Being in her presence was a tonic, her eyes already seemed wiser than mine.

My son’s birth was traumatic and long. Hers was normal and short. We still struggled to breastfeed, but this time I had the knowledge and tools to overcome our difficulties. With your first, you have the lifestyle change. With your second you have this sensation of same, same but different. At first, I found diaper changes hard to manage. I went from two different size diapers to two different body parts. I couldn’t put the newborn down for the fear that the rhino-toddler would sit on her. When would they nap at the same time?

However, it really wasn’t the diaper changes or synchronized naps that worried me. Not really. I was really afraid that I wouldn’t be able to love both of them enough.

Then, three months into two under two, I heard what sounded like another ping.

The sound vibrated as I played and sang “Old MacDonald Had a Farm” with my children. It was one of those moments when motherhood seems like you imagined it before you had children. In that moment, I accepted I was raising two children. Not perfectly or not 1950s-well, but we were surviving. I would be able to get them both to bed by seven. I would be able to find ten minutes to myself. I would be able to love them equally but differently.

My life changed in other ways as well. In fact, having a second child opened up new possibilities. I viewed my time differently. With two children, every second counts. Accomplishing your dreams requires even more determination and resilience.

Everyone says nap when the baby naps, but what happens if you have two? Instead, you wake up early or go to bed late. You prioritize what’s important in your day. I was writing again. I started to become published. I lost 30 pounds. My husband decided to specialize in a new area of his field. He woke up at 3:30 every morning to study. One day he exclaimed, “I’m learning a lot.” He picked up our daughter. Love encircled them. I wasn’t the only one our daughter had transformed. We wouldn’t have made these changes without her. Her presence in our life had pushed us to make better decisions, to be resilient.

My son loved her too. There were moments of jealousy, but he was constantly hugging and kissing her. The first thing he did when he woke up was to ask for her. When I was pregnant, people used to tell me how close they would be, close as Irish cousins. I can see this now. He can make her laugh more easily than anybody. When he hugs her, he doesn’t want to let go.

Before you have children, the phrase, “They grow up so fast” sounds cliché. When you have children, you realize how true it is. I’m now continually reminded of the podcast “The Longest Shortest Time.” The title reflects my life beautifully. Time does stretch out and snap back.

One day, I heard another ping. The sound vibrated as I dropped them both off at daycare. I had arranged with their daycare provider to not linger. It was better to leave before one of them cried. I snuck away. But I wasn’t ready to let go, so I watched them through the window. My son stood guard by her carrier. The ping hummed. Only a short amount of time had passed raising two under two, yet so many things had changed.  Somehow we survived. We’d thrived. As I turned and walked away, I was already missing what had already passed.

The very best of Motherly — delivered when you need it most.

Subscribe for inspiration, empowering articles and expert tips to rock your best #momlife.

Already a subscriber? Log in here.

We spend a lot of time prepping for the arrival of a baby. But when it comes to the arrival of our breast milk (and all the massive adjustments that come with it), it's easy to be caught off guard. Stocking up on a few breastfeeding essentials can make the transition to breastfeeding a lot less stressful, which means more time and energy focusing on what's most important: Your recovery and your brand new baby.

Here are the essential breastfeeding tools you'll need, mama:

1. For covering up: A cute nursing cover

First and foremost, please know that all 50 states in the United States have laws that allow women to breastfeed in public. You do not have to cover yourself if you don't want to—and many mamas choose not to—and we are all for it.

That said, if you do anticipate wanting to take a more modest approach to breastfeeding, a nursing cover is a must. You will find an array of styles to choose from, but we love an infinity scarf, like the LK Baby Infinity Nursing Scarf Nursing Cover. You'll be able to wear the nursing cover instead of stuffing it in your already brimming diaper bag—and it's nice to have it right there when the baby is ready to eat.

Also, in the inevitable event that your baby spits-up on you or you leak some milk through your shirt, having a quick and stylish way to cover up is a total #momwin.

2. For getting comfortable: A cozy glider

Having a comfy spot to nurse can make a huge difference. Bonus points if that comfy place totally brings a room together, like the Delta Children Paris Upholstered Glider!

Get your cozy space ready to go, and when your baby is here, you can retreat from the world and just nurse, bond, and love.

3. For unmatched support: A wire-free nursing bra

It may take trying on several brands to find the perfect match, but finding a nursing bra that you love is 100% worth the effort. Your breasts will be changing and working in ways that are hard to imagine. An excellent supportive bra will make this so much more comfortable.

It is crucial to choose a wireless bra for the first weeks of nursing since underwire can increase the risk of clogged ducts (ouch).The Playtex Maternity Shaping Foam Wirefree Nursing Bra is an awesome pick for this reason, and because it is designed to flex and fit your breasts as they go through all those changes.

4. For maximum hydration: A large reusable water bottle

Nothing can prepare you for the intense thirst that hits when breastfeeding. Quench that thirst (and help keep your milk supply up in the process) by always having a water bottle with a straw nearby, like this Exquis Large Outdoor Water Bottle.

5. For feeding convenience: A supportive nursing tank

Experts recommend that during the first weeks of your baby's life, you breastfeed on-demand, meaning that any time your tiny boss demands milk, you feed them. This will help establish your milk supply and get everything off to a good start.

What does this mean for your life? You will be breastfeeding A LOT. Nursing tanks, like the Loving Moments by Leading Lady, make this so much easier. They have built-in support to keep you comfy, and you can totally wear them around the house, or even out and about. When your baby wants to eat, you'll be able to quickly "pop out" a breast and feed them.

6. For pain prevention: A quality nipple ointment

Breastfeeding shouldn't hurt, but the truth is those first days can be uncomfortable. Your nipples will likely feel raw as they adjust to their new job. This will get better! But until it does, nipple ointment is amazing.

My favorite is the Earth Mama Organic Nipple Butter. We love that it's organic, and it is oh-so-soothing on your hard-at-work nipples.

Psst: If it actually hurts when your baby latches on, something may be up, so call your provider or a lactation consultant for help.

7. For uncomfortable moments: A dual breast therapy pack

As your breasts adjust to their new role, you may experience a few discomforts—applying warmth or cold can help make them feel so much better. The Lansinoh TheraPearl 3-in-1 Breast Therapy Pack is awesome because you can microwave the pads or put them in the freezer, giving you a lot of options when your breasts need some TLC.

Again, if you have any concerns about something being wrong (pain, a bump that may be red or hot, fever, or anything else), call a professional right away.

8. For inevitable leaks: An absorbing breast pad

In today's episode of, "Oh come on, really?" you are going to leak breastmilk. Now, this is entirely natural and you are certainly not required to do anything about this. Still, many moms choose to wear breast pads in their bras to avoid leaking through to their shirts.

You can go the convenient and disposable route with Lansinoh Disposable Stay Dry Nursing Pads, or for a more environmentally friendly option, you can choose washable pads, like these Organic Bamboo Nursing Breast Pads.

9. For flexibility: A breast pump

Many women find that a breast pump becomes one of their most essential mom-tools. The ability to provide breast milk when you are away from your baby (and relieve uncomfortable engorged breasts) will add so much flexibility into your new-mom life.

For quick trips out and super-easy in-your-bag transport, opt for a manual pump like the Lansinoh Manual Breast Pump .

If you will be away from your baby for longer periods of time (traveling or working outside the home, for example) an electric pump is your most efficient bet. The Medela Pump In Style Advanced Double Electric Breast Pump is a classic go-to that will absolutely get the job done, and then some.

10. For quality storage: Breast milk bags

Once you pump your liquid gold, aka breast milk, you'll need a place to store it. The Kiinde Twist Pouches allow you to pump directly into the bags which means one less step (and way less to clean).

11. For keeping cool: A freezer bag

Transport your pumped milk back home to your baby safely in a cooler like the Mommy Knows Best Breast Milk Baby Bottle Cooler Bag. Remember to put the milk in a fridge or freezer as soon as you can to optimize how long it stays usable for.

12. For continued nourishment: Bottles

Nothing beats the peace of mind you get when you know that your baby is being well-taken of care—and well fed—until you can be together again. The Philips Avent Natural Baby Bottle Newborn Starter Gift Set is a fan favorite (mama and baby fans alike).

This article is sponsored by Walmart. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

Our Partners

[Editor's Note: Welcome to It's Science, a Motherly column focusing on evidence-based explanations for the important moments, milestones, and phenomena of motherhood. Because it's not just you—#itsscience.]

If you breastfeed, you know just how magical (and trying) it is, but it has numerous benefits for mama and baby. It is known to reduce the likelihood of developing cardiovascular disease, type 2 diabetes, and rheumatoid arthritis, and cuts the risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) by half.

If this wasn't powerful enough, scientists have discovered that babies who are fed breast milk have a stomach pH that promotes the formation of HAMLET (Human Alpha-lactalbumin Made Lethal to Tumor cells). HAMLET was discovered by chance when researchers were studying the antibacterial properties of breast milk. This is a combination of proteins and lipids found in breast milk that can work together to kill cancer cells, causing them to pull away from healthy cells, shrink and die, leaving the healthy cells unaffected.

According to researchers at Lund University in Sweden, this mechanism may contribute to the protective effect breast milk has against pediatric tumors and leukemia, which accounts for about 30% of all childhood cancer. Other researchers analyzed 18 different studies, finding that "14% to 19% of all childhood leukemia cases may be prevented by breastfeeding for six months or more."

And recently, doctors in Sweden collaborated with scientists in Prague to find yet another amazing benefit to breast milk. Their research demonstrated that a certain milk sugar called Alpha1H, found only in breast milk, helps in the production of lactose and can transform into a different form that helps break up tumors into microscopic fragments in the body.

Patients who were given a drug based on this milk sugar, rather than a placebo, passed whole tumor fragments in their urine. And there is more laboratory evidence to support that the drug can kill more than 40 different types of cancer cells in animal trials, including brain tumors and colon cancer. These results are inspiring scientists to continue to explore HAMLET as a novel approach to tumor therapy and make Alpha1H available to cancer patients.

Bottom line: If you choose to breastfeed, the breast milk your baby gets from your hard work can be worth every drop of effort.

You might also like:

Life

Dear friend,

I sat across from you today. You are struggling, you are tired.

As I looked into your eyes I recognized the exhaustion and the fear. I recognized the question, the one that asks, "Am I going to be okay?" I remembered a dark season in my life. I remembered when I was so undone with anxiety that I couldn't take the kids to the beach or even make it out of the house.

I remembered when I had no hope.

I remembered a friend who showed up every single day on my doorstep.

She'd ask,What are you afraid of today?" I'd tell her and she'd listen. She'd really listen…that was the gift. When I'd run all out of words I would sit shaking on my porch trying to feel the sun that beat down all around me but never touched my skin.

Then she would say, You are okay, your kids are okay. This is just fear and anxiety." And I would cry until all the tears were gone.

And the next day she'd be back because I'd already forgotten the truth.

Sometimes we need truth holders in our lives because our grip is not strong enough.

Sometimes we need to stand with each other until the sun comes up.

Right now, you are low. Right now you feel like a fragmented version of yourself. It's okay to fall apart. When you are low, others are high. When you are broken, others are okay.

We have all been undone. We have all been undone and then we get put back together piece by piece, and when we find someone else who is suffering we understand deeper and wider. We can hold space for them because we get it.

So, friend, I take your hand, like she took mine because we will walk through this together.

There have been so many times in the past I've watched friends suffer from a distance because I wasn't sure what to say and I was afraid of making it worse. I made their pain about me, and I still cringe when I think about it. I wish that I'd showed up. I wish I'd been brave.

I'm done letting my fear keep me from staying close.

I will not do it perfectly—in fact, sometimes I might do it awkwardly and terribly. I will probably say the wrong thing. I will probably make you mad.

I'm okay with that now.

I will listen to you until you're all out of words. I will listen, and I will listen and then I will take your hand because you are not alone.

I will take your hand because you are going to be okay.

Whatever you do, do not forget that there are songs still left to sing. There are joyful moments coming around the corner that will take your breath away. This, my friend, feels like everything. It feels all consuming and that hope won't ever come, but it's not true…

The sun will come up.

You will laugh again. You will laugh so hard that your stomach aches and tears spill out. I promise. Things will be funny again.

You will have moments again when you hold your kids and your heart breaks into a million pieces because your love is fuller and more overwhelming than you ever knew it could be.

Those are the moments that it is worth hanging on for. They are the moments that are worth more than a thousand years of everything.

Someday, you will be past this and you will look back and thank God that you're on this side of the storm, and then you will thank yourself because it turns out you are stronger than you knew.

Joy is coming.

It can't resist you. You can't resist it. Even when everything is so dark and dingy and hopeless, hang on, because it will come.

For now, when you can't hope, I will hope for you.

When you can't see, I will see for you.

And one day soon you will feel the sun again on your own.

Love,

Your friend

You might also like:



Love + Village

Dear second child,
I blinked, and three weeks have passed since I brought you into our world.

As the second-born, you get the privilege of not being the "guinea pig." The mistakes I made at the beginning of my journey into life with a newborn I (probably) won't make with you (though new "mom of two" mistakes will inevitably be made along the way).

This time around, I know that if you have the hiccups 10 times a day, I don't have to call the doctor to ask if you'll be okay.

If you spit up a little after every meal, I don't have to worry that you're not eating enough.

If you've never slept longer than a two-hour stretch in your short little life – and if you're still not sleeping through the night at one year old – that there's nothing wrong with you, and that this too shall pass.

But, also as the second babe to join our family, I quickly realized that my attention has been divided from the moment I knew I was pregnant, and even more so the moment you were born.

This time around, I can't hold you like I did your older brother—as often as I want or whenever I want. I put you down when you're crying or unsettled more times in a day than I'd like to because your older brother spilled his breakfast all over his clothes and needs help getting changed.

Your nursing sessions are often interrupted because there was a loud crash in the other room and your brother? Well, he was far too quiet for far too long.

You get passed around from person to person, not because I don't want to be the one who gets to hold you and comfort you, but because this transition has been hard on your older brother and he needs his mama, too.

Before you were born, I wondered how it would be possible to love two little humans as much as I already loved your brother. But, the moment you were born, my heart doubled in size just for you.

So my sweet second-born, despite the fact that you'll probably always have to fight a little harder to get my attention and be a little louder in order to be heard, I want you to know that I love you, too.

I love your newborn smell and the way you calm down the instant you're in my arms.

I love the way your arms always seem to find a way to free yourself of a swaddle, and the way the single dimple on your right cheek appears along with a little smile when you're dozing off to sleep.

I love the way a bath always calms you down and I even love waking up with you all hours of the night because, this time, these are some of the precious only moments we get to spend uninterrupted—just you and me.

In this ever-evolving journey of motherhood, I've quickly learned to savor all of the moments - the good and the bad. I look at your brother, a walking, talking, beautifully chaotic mess of a toddler, and wonder how two years passed by so quickly. I look at him and realize that every moment—especially the 3 a.m. feed and fussing that follows—is one to be cherished because it simply won't last.

So thank you, my sweet second-born, for this new perspective on motherhood. We've only just met you, but you fill our home and our hearts in ways that only you can. You add more joy and meaning to our days, and you've brought more love into our family in ways that only you, as our second-born, can.

So, my precious second-born: you may not know it yet and it may not always feel like it, but I want you to know that I see you, I hear you, and I love you, too.

Love,
Mama

You might also like:

Life

We are almost into Pumpkin Spice season—this summer, this month and this week have flown by! But don't worry, we've been taking note of the good news stories you need to read when you have a moment to slow down.

Grab a coffee and get comfortable, mama, because these are the headlines that made us smile this week:

This kindergarten father is total #dadgoals

As Today reports, dad Jamie DeSpain is going viral for making his kindergarten daughter's day by taking her stuffed cat, Sophia, to work with him and putting her to work.

DeSpain's oldest daughter, Hadley, had been taking Sophia the cat with her to school as she made the big leap into kindergarten this month, but last week her dad realized she'd forgotten Sophia in the van when he'd dropped her off at school. DeSpain didn't want to cause an interruption at school, so he just brought Sophia into work with him and began texting his wife, Erica, photos of Sophia doing work around the office.

"I kind of have a goofy streak and Hadley really appreciates goofiness," Jamie DeSpain, who lives in Madison, Alabama, told Today Parents. "Combine that with her love for stuffed animals...[it] made for the perfect dad setup."

He took pics of Sophia taking phone calls, doing emails, having coffee and even having a pensive look out the window, which DeSpain captioned: "wondering what Hadley is doing."

When dad got home, his daughter was thrilled with her stuffed animal's big day out and was happy to be reunited with both her father and Sophia. Hadley was so thrilled with the experience that she asked her dad to repeat the mission the next day with her stuffed dog, Mocha. The cotton-filled canine was spotted doing various office tasks and, of course, drinking some coffee. 😂

Hadley's mama says her husband's antics were a welcome bit of fun and helped the family remember that while kindergarten is a big step, Hadley's still a little kid (and it seems her dad is too, at least at heart).

"Sending Hadley off to kindergarten has been a big transition for us as a family, but this activity reminded us that she's still little," Erica DeSpain said."We want to soak up that childlike wonder as much as we can, and this activity was a great way to do just that."

We think office buildings are about to see an infestation of stuffed animals!

This father's viral Instagram video is total #dadgoals

Father Jimmy Howell has gone viral for giving his 9-month-old daughter Kensley an adorable pedicure.

"She got a little crazy with me today due to the fact that I was filing her nails a little too rough, y'all see why I can't do anything for free, I'm charging her next week, just watch," he captioned the video he posted to Instagram.

"Kensey, this is free," He jokes in the video after Kensley seems to protest the spa service for moment. 😂

With the power of dad humor, Howell not only got the baby's toes clipped (which is hard to do!) but got her laughing, too. He says he has weekly "spa talks" with his daughter, so it's no wonder his baby nail skills are so on point.

Viral kindness: "Please ask me if I have sunscreen" 

We have all been there—sometimes you're the one who needs an extra diaper and sometimes you're the one who has one to give. The point is, every parent needs help sometimes and most are happy to pay it forward when it is their turn to give a diaper to a stranger in need.

Wisconsin mom Shelby Beck captured this perfectly in a Facebook post this week after she went to the park with her daughter and a fellow mama had to ask her for a favor.

When the stranger approached Beck, she could tell she was uncomfortable. "She shrugged her shoulders and quietly said 'I'm embarrassed to even ask, but do you happen to have sunscreen we can use?' As if she was somehow ashamed that she forgot to pack sunscreen today." Beck wrote.

She continued her Facebook post with an open letter to parents who find themselves in the same situation as the sheepish stranger.

"Dear fellow mamas,

Please ask me if I have sunscreen. Ask if I have baby wipes, diapers or even extra snacks.

Ask me if your toddler can sit down and play with us while you find a shady bench to nurse your newborn.

Hand me your phone and ask me to take a picture of you with your sweet babies - we all know mamas aren't in enough photos.

Ask for help. Ask for love. Ask for anything.

Even though we are strangers, please ask me.

It's not easy being responsible for little humans but it's easier if we help each other out.
We're all in this together.❤️"

We could not agree with Shelby more. Mamas helping mamas is a beautiful thing (and asking for sunscreen could even lead to making a mom friend!).

Oh, and one last thing...

Oh, and if you need a good cry this weekend, check out this viral Michael Bublé video that has parents everywhere crying about our kids growing up. Team Motherly could not get through it without sobbing! Just like summer, their childhoods will be over before we know it so take some time to connect with your babies this weekend. They're off to kindergarten today—off to college tomorrow! 😭


You might also like:

News
Motherly provides information of a general nature and is designed for educational purposes only. This site does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.Your use of the site indicates your agreement to be bound by our  Terms of Use and Privacy Policy. Information on our advertising guidelines can be found here.