It’s Girl Scout cookie season! What a glorious time of year!
Of course, you already know this. By now, you’ve no doubt been shaken down by small armies of industrious young girls working hard to raise funds in their annual cash for sugar program.
Maybe you’ve even endured some hazing from your officemates who can’t understand your cookie choices. Maybe, say, your editor is a Thin Mint guy, and you’re a Trefoil kinda gal. WHAT? It’s FINE.
We love us some Girl Scout cookies. But what, exactly, do our cookie choices say about us?
THIN MINTS || You kinda want an Oreo but you also kinda want a Peppermint Patty. You might consider yourself slightly more sophisticated than the rest of us cookie eaters, but we’re on to you, pal. We know the plan is to stash these away in the freezer until you rediscover them months later in a desperate search for snacks to fuel your boozy midnight Sex in the City binge-watching sesh. Yeah gurl, hit that.
SAMOAS || Hey! Here’s an everything cookie! Just like your favorite bagel but with cookie parts! Chocolate! Caramel! Coconut! This is the right cookie for people who struggle with two things in life: 1) an affinity for the Keebler elves and 2) making decisions.
TAGALONGS || Perfect for the person who really just wants a Reese’s peanut butter cup but is also trapped in the conference room with the boss’s 8 year old daughter who’s busily wrapping up the paperwork on the 12 box cookie deal she just closed. Yeah. With you. Get yer wallet out.
PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICH || Also known as Do-Si-Dos. You know. Like that time the P.E. teacher made everyone square dance in gym class and you secretly loved it, just like you love this cookie. It’s a peanut butter-only sandwich with the crusts cut off and you’re actually a 6 year old trapped inside an adult’s body. It’s ok, we feel you, we are too. Case in point: look at this article. What are we doing with our lives? Hey, you know goes well with these cookies? Milk. And therapy. Let it out, little one. Let it all out.
RAH RAH RAISINS || What kind of half-hearted cheer is that?! Rah Rah. Meh. Raisins. Fine. I’ll buy some stupid cookies, but gimme the ones with raisins so I can put ’em in my salad.
TREFOILS || Butter. Sugar. BAM. Done. This cookie is for the person who knows just what they want out of life, and just how to get it. And what they want to is to enjoy a simple cookie with a nice cup of coffee while slogging through some late afternoon marketing analysis WITHOUT ALL THE SIDE-EYE JUDGEMENT ALREADY GAAAWD.
THANKS A LOT || A shortbread wafer with a chocolate sidecar, stamped with the words “Thanks A Lot” in a handful of languages. This little cookie is just right for the person who feels under-appreciated. Which is pretty much every person on the planet. This is the people’s cookie. Eat a sleeve. Feel the love. Thanks for all you do. Thanks a lot.
We’re missing some cookies, we know. Get in touch and give us your best analysis! We’d love to hear from you.
P/S: Want to read something slightly smarter than this but still on the topic of cookies? Click on over to Quartz for some actual science: There’s a Scientific Reason Chocolate Chip Cookies and Milk Taste So Good Together.