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Goodbye


The last time I saw my grandmother, she was settled into her rocking chair after a long day of church and family. 

“Baby girl,” she said. “Help me with my socks.”

I was in my 30s, but would ever be her Baby Girl. As I pulled the thick, soft socks over her small feet, she smiled.

“I used to be the one putting your socks on. The tables have turned,” she said.

“No! I never needed help with anything!” I teased her. I wasn’t comfortable, on that day, with contemplating my long-past youth and her advanced age. I knew it was our last visit.

I got up to leave the room, knowing it would be the last time I saw, spoke to, hugged my grandmother before she died. This visit had to end at some point, and I wouldn’t linger. From the doorway, I wished she would say that thing she always said one more time…the thing she said every day of my childhood when I left through her squeaky back door to walk the short path back to my own house…

“See you later alligator.”

“I love you, Grandmother.”

We all knew she was fading, and that’s why my husband and I had driven 12 hours for a weekend visit and a last chance to see her while she was still lucid. 

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I would speak to her again the night she died, through a phone held up to her ear. She spent her last days in my childhood bedroom, being looked after by my parents, my aunt and nurses. I was selfish and glad to not see it.

“I love you, Grandmother,” I told the phone. “We are all going to be OK, so you can go when you’re ready.”

Proust and the Madeleine 

In the study of memory, French novelist Marcel Proust’s description of eating a Madeleine with a cup of tea is the oft-cited connection between remembrance and scent in literature. Proust’s narrator smells the combination of tea and cookie and is suddenly overcome with the memory of his childhood. This case of autobiographical memory evoked by the sense of smell is known by cognitive scientists as the Proust phenomenon. These odor-evoked memories are typically vivid, emotional, and old. 

Cognitive scientists say memories evoked by scent are a conscious process, both involuntary and voluntary. As Proust’s character first registers the scent of the cookie and tea, he has an involuntary flash of a moment from childhood. It is then a conscious effort for him to pursue that flash to form a full narrative of the remembered scene. By searching out the scents of our past, we may recapture connections to places and people who have been lost to time.

Morning

I dip a Madeleine in a cup of Earl Grey with milk, inhaling for a revelation. The only memory to arise is of studying Proust.

My first memory of coffee came from a whiff of freeze dried Taster’s Choice crystals hitting steaming water in my grandmother’s kitchen. Sometimes she’d give me a sip, and sometimes my brother and I would instead dip strips of white bread in glasses of cold milk, sucking at them like kittens.

I forgot the pleasure of instant coffee until I was an adult. Fresh ground coffee beans can give off their own pleasing scents, but different roasts are too varied to attach to particular memories. However, peel the seal off a jar of instant coffee and the light brown pebbles will smell just like they did 30 years before.

When I realized the jar of instant coffee could take me back 30 years to my grandmother’s kitchen, I started drinking it every day. The memory is academic now, worn too thin to be emotional.

Memory trigger

One theory about the connection between olfaction and memory is based on the anatomy of the brain. The olfactory bulb is connected to the amygdala, hippocampus, and thalamus – parts of the brain which are also involved in emotion and memory. A psychologist specializing in the study of smell, Rachel Herz, believes sensations of smell and taste are especially “sentimental” because their ruling structures are connected to the hippocampus, where long-term memory is centered. The amygdala is also a converging point for smell, memory and emotion. Literary scholar Evelyn Ender suggests emotion is an essential component of memory retention. She wrote, “A memory image exists by virtue of an emotion. If it were just a flat picture, devoid of emotional vibration, this image would probably not have been retained.”

Bedtime

She was averse to scents, allergic to flowers, an opponent of perfumes; a migraineur on guard against olfactory attacks, but at bedtime, exceptions were made.

After a bath, she would emerge in perfect pink pajamas and a robe, glowing and dewy. She never went a day without coating her face in Oil of Olay and her body with Jergens lotion, each with their own potent scent. Pink Oil of Olay beauty fluid from a glass bottle smells chemical and vaguely floral. Jergens’ original scent is a cherry-almond blend. 

Not a vain woman, still she made choices which protected her pale, soft skin. I never saw her in direct sunlight and heard stories of her bathing in milk as a child. After a childhood of tucking my hand inside her perfectly smooth palm, I could sketch her hands from memory. Her nails perfectly filed, her rings loose, soft blue veins across the top of her hands. Her hands were cold, her heart warm, as they say.

I keep her nail file next to my bed. I wear her ring on special occasions. I don’t use Oil of Olay or Jergens because I’m afraid the potency of their scents will fade from overuse.

My daughter was born five years after my grandmother died. I imagined the two convening in some way, hoping my two beloved spirits could connect in the ether, even if they never would in life. When my baby stirred in the middle of the night and settled again, I imagined her Great Gran checking in on her.

It was a comfort in the addled postpartum months to believe my grandmother lives inside my daughter in a way that is not precisely reincarnation, but more like a thinning of the veil. I find evidence in the way she looks at me, like she has known me for ages. She asks to smell my instant coffee. I apply her bedtime lotion and then breathe her in.

For the first few years after Grandmother died, I did not want to remember her too acutely. I did not want to see her house remodeled for a new occupant or read her handwriting on old papers.

I accepted her visits in dreams; we never talked, just sat and held hands. I accepted her visits to my daughter, comforted by the stories I told myself, that Mamie and Grandmother would love each other immensely.

By remembering Grandmother as clearly as possible, I can bring the two together deliberately. I can let Mamie smell my coffee, and I can look for recognition in her eyes.

Who said motherhood doesn't come with a manual?

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Did you hear that? That was the sound of Nordstrom and Maisonette making all your kid's summer wardrobe dreams come true.

Nordstrom partnered with Maisonette to create the perfect in-store pop-up shop from May 24th-June 23rd, featuring some of our favorite baby and kids brands, like Pehr, Zestt Organics, Lali and more. (Trust us, these items are going to take your Instagram feed to the next level of cuteness. 😍) Items range from $15 to $200, so there's something for every budget.

Pop-In@Nordstrom x Maisonette

Maisonette has long been a go-to for some of the best children's products from around the world, whether it's tastefully designed outfits, adorable accessories, or handmade toys we actually don't mind seeing sprawled across the living room rug. Now their whimsical, colorful aesthetic will be available at Nordstrom.

The pop-in shops will be featured in nine Nordstrom locations: Costa Mesa, CA; Los Angeles, CA; Chicago, IL; Austin, TX; Dallas, TX; Bellevue, WA; Seattle, WA; Toronto, ON; and Vancouver, BC.

Don't live nearby? Don't stress! Mamas all across the U.S. and Canada will be able to access the pop-in merchandise online at nordstrom.com/pop

But don't delay―these heirloom-quality pieces will only be available at Nordstrom during the pop-in's run, and then they'll be over faster than your spring break vacation. Happy shopping! 🛍

This article is sponsored by Nordstrom. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

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Summer is upon us and my mind is already whirling with all the exciting plans I'm going to do with my toddler. We're going to go to the zoo, and the beach, and I want to see his face the first time he sees a firefly.

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Life

One of the toughest parts of having the kids home all summer is finding activities that will keep everyone entertained. But, you don't have to go on a grand adventure or spend tons of money to do that, mama. 👏

Set aside one day (or night) a week for an at-home movie night. Make some popcorn, order pizza, lay out pillows and blankets in the living room and curl up with your favorites to watch a movie. Not only will a film keep the kiddos entertained for a couple hours, but they're great conversation starters and can teach valuable life lessons. Want to make it more special? Surprise them with a toy that will give them a hint of what you'll be watching that night!

We picked our favorites that both kids (and mama) will enjoy.

1. How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World

Our toy pick: Toothless plush dragon

We're back with our favorite dragon and Viking, Toothless and Hiccup, for the final installment of this trilogy. On the search for the Hidden World to keep all of the dragons safe, we'll see how far Hiccup and Toothless will go for love, friendship and family. (Psst: The film is finally available on Blu-ray and DVD!)

We interviewed Jay Baruchel (the voice of Hiccup) and writer and director Dean DeBlois. One of Baruchel's fondest memories as a child was watching movies with his mom and having conversations about the themes throughout the films—he hopes HTTYD does the same for families.

DeBlois touched on a theme that every parent can relate to. "There's nothing quite like raising a child and then, despite wanting to protect them and shield them from all of the unknowns in the world, you have to let them go and follow their destiny—and that's a difficult process... that's one of the big topics we tackle in the movie." Now cuddle your littles a little tighter.

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2. Christopher Robin

Our toy pick: Winnie The Pooh

This film will bring your own childhood memories back as you make new ones with your kids. Grown Christopher Robin recieves a surprise visit from Winnie the Pooh and the two go on an adventure in the Hundred Acre Wood to find all of Pooh's friends. On this journey, you and your kids will follow along to see what happens when Christopher isn't excited about childhood wonder anymore, but focused on his own priorities... until his daughter encounters the beloved characters.

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3. Mary Poppins Returns

Our toy pick: Illustrated edition of the book

The original kids are now grown with their own children, but while going through a tough time and dealing with personal tragedy, Mary Poppins is back to lend a helping hand again.

Throughout the magical adventure, Mary Poppins has a surprise around every turn and the use of imagination is a necessity—but the bigger lesson isn't for the smaller Banks kids. There are valuable lessons about grief, dealing with emotions and becoming resilient throughout.

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4. Smallfoot

Our toy pick: Sticker pack

Migo is a Yeti who comes across something he's never seen before, a human. After seeing the 'smallfoot,' he goes back to his village to tell everyone, but when no one believed him, he was banished from his home. His quest to prove that humans do exist takes him on an adventure of a lifetime. Kids will learn about friendship, what it means to be a family, and how to deal when you're feeling different from everyone else.

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5. A Wrinkle in Time

Our toy pick: Space water coloring book

This fantasy film will take the entire family on an exploration through time. A young student, Meg, is having trouble accepting that her scientist father disappeared when she was a child. When three figures coming to visit her (Mrs. Whatsit, Mrs. Who, and Mrs. Which) she goes on a brave expedition to find out where her dad is in the universe. Along the way, she'll learn how to conquer her fears, persevere and the importance of kindness, no matter what.

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Motherly is your daily #momlife manual; we are here to help you easily find the best, most beautiful products for your life that actually work. We share what we love—and we may receive a commission if you choose to buy. You've got this.

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It's hard to believe that summer is upon us... wasn't it snowing and dark outside at 4 p.m., like, yesterday? Now the days are longer, the kiddos are starting to wrap up their school years, and as luck would have it, all the retailers are offering MAJOR deals in honor of Memorial Day.

Need to invest in a new bike for the summer? We got you. Time to restock the kids bathing suits? Got you there, too. Desperate to get yourself a new mattress, but don't want to pay full price? Fear not, we've still got you!

We checked in with our absolute favorite brands to find out what deals they're offering, and we corralled all that info into one tidy story.

Here are all the best online sales for this week and weekend. Happy Memorial Day, everyone!

Home

Parachute: Get 20% off the entire site, including towels, sheets, duvet inserts, pillows, rugs and more.

Wayfair: Get 60% off backyard play items, 65% off patio furniture, and 50% off grills and fire pits.

Cost Plus World Market: Up to 50% on outdoor furniture and top sellers.

Target: Up to 30% off patio and home items, 25% off grilling favorites and 20% off select Lego sets.

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BuyBuyBaby: 20% off Bob strollers, $30 off Stokke highchairs, 20% of many nursery furniture brands and more!

Walmart: Get massive discounts sitewide, including home, kitchen, kids and outdoor gear.

Best Buy: Get up to 40% off appliances.

Maisonette: Shop the brand's biannual home sale, which is happening this weekend.

Pottery Barn: Up to 50% off all outdoor items.

Pottery Barn Kids: Up to 60% off kids furniture, bedding and decor.

West Elm: Up to 40% off outdoor furniture.

Grandin Road: Get 30% off all outdoor furniture this weekend.

Frontgate: Up to 25% off outdoor furniture, outdoor entertaining essentials and pool and beach gear.

Dyson: Get $100 off the Dyson V8 Absolute and Dyson Ball Animal 2 and $150 off the Dyson Pure Hot+Cool Link HP02.

Mixbook: Get 50% off $149+, 40% Off $99+, or 30% off sitewide with code: DADSGRADSA.DADSGRADSA.

Williams-Sonoma: Get 20% off all outdoor cooking and dining essentials.

All Modern: From May 22 (starting at 9AM) to May 28, take up to 65% off + an extra 15% off with code LETSGO.

Joybird: Get 30% off couches, chairs, ottomans, beds and more.

Houzz: Up to 80% off outdoor essentials, bathroom vanities, bar stools, area rugs and more.

Artifact Uprising: Receive a code for your free 5 x 5" Color Series Photo Book after any purchase (a $20 value).

We Are Knitters: Up to 25% off on select kits and yarn balls.

S'well: Take advantage of a rare sale from this water bottle brand.

Lumens: Save up to 50% on modern lighting, fans and furniture.

Brooklinen: Get 10% off your first order.

Snowe Home: Spend $300 in May, get a $50 credit to home essentials brand in June.

Lulu and Georgia: 15% off $300 (code: GOOD); 20% off $600 (code: BETTER), 25% off $900 (code: BEST).

Lovesac: Up to 35% off sactionals.

Sleep

Marpac: Up to $300 off Yoga Sleep mattresses and 25% off all bedding accessories, including sheets, pillows and the new weighted blanket.

Parachute: Get 20% off the brand's new luxury mattress.

Eight Sleep: $200 off and free in-home delivery.

Bear: 20% off the purchase of a mattress, plus two free pillows with the code MD20.

Tempurpedic: Up to $700 off select mattress sets, plus 25% off pillows and bedding.

Cocoon by Sealy: $150 off all Cocoon Chill mattresses plus two free pillows and a free set of sheets ($337 Total Value).

Lull: $150 off any size mattress purchase.

Sapira: 18% off all mattresses, plus two free pillows with the purchase of a mattress.

Zinus: 15% off Zinus Exclusive Mattresses and platform beds.

Helix: $100 off a mattress and two free pillows with code MDW100, $150 off a purchase of $1,250+ and two free pillows with code MDW150, $200 off a purchase of $1,750+ with code MDW200.

Nectar: $125 off a mattress, plus two free pillows.

Layla: $125 off a mattress plus two free pillows.

Wayfair: Save 31% on all Nora mattresses.

Allswell: 15% off mattresses and 30% off all bedding with code SUMMER.

Purple: Up to $100 off a mattress, plus a free set of sheets.

Tulo: With code MEMDAY, receive two free pillows and up to $378 off.

Ostrich Pillow: Take advantage of the travel pillow's 20% off flash sale on Memorial Day.

Lifestyle

Jack Rogers: Get up to 50% off the brand's iconic sandals.

Aurate: Depending on your order value, get up to 25% off the brand's fine jewelry.

Primary: Take advantage of one of our favorite kid clothing brand's massive warehouse sale, happening right now.

Anthropologie: Get an extra 25% off all sale items.

Kid Made Modern: 20% off all arts and crafts, 40% off apparel and home decor.

Paravel: Get 20% off the purchase's of the site's collection of sophisticated luggage and bags (bundles not included).

Antidote: Get 20% off sitewide with code MOTHERLY20.

ASOS: 25% off the entire site.

Target: Tees and tanks for the whole family starting at $4, swimwear starting at $8

Gap: Up to 50% off everything.

Old Navy: 50% off all tees, tanks, shorts and swim.

Prana: Select activewear styles are now 25% off.

Macy's: 20% off sale & clearance clothing & accessories, Jewelry, home items, watches.20% off sale & clearance clothing & accessories, Jewelry, home items, watches.

Shopbop: Up to 40% off 5,000+ styles.

M. Gemi: Get 25% off the site's gorgeous handmade Italian shoes that are currently on sale.

Mark & Graham: 20% off the sitewide with code SAVE20.

Nordstrom: Shop Nordstrom's Half yearly sale, with up to 50% off clothing, shoes and accessories.

Bloomingdales: The brand's Big Brown Bag sale is happening now, with up to 70% off site-wide.

Saks: Get up to 50% off the entire site.

Untuckit: Get 25% off sitewide, including the brand's famous no-tuck-necessary button-down shirts for men and women.

Holly & Tanager: 20% off the entire site.

Kipling: Buy one sale item get a second sale item 70% off through May 30.

Soma: Get 15% off your entire purchase or 30% off your purchase of $150 or more, or 40% your purchase of $200 or more. Get 15% off your entire purchase or 30% off your purchase of $150 or more, or 40% your purchase of $200 or more.

Beauty

Beautycounter: Get a free summer sun set with a $125 purchase.

Birchbox: This weekend only, get a two-for-one Birchbox discount.

Charlotte Tilbury: Get two free samples at checkout.

Stila: Get an extra 30% off sale items.

Algenist: Get 20% off $100, 25% off $200, 30% off $300.

The Body Shop: Get 40% of most of the site's items, and get a free American flag tote with a $60 purchase.

Make: 25% off all orders from May 23rd - May 27th with code MEMORIAL25OFF.

IGK: Get a free Airplane Mode Kit with a $40 purchase.

La-Roche Posay: 25% off when you spend $50; two free deluxe samples when you spend $65 with code MDW2019.

Clinique: Get a full-size freebie and a four-piece kit with any $55 purchase.

Shu Umera: Get a free mini paddle brush when you spend $85 with code FAST19.

Motherly is your daily #momlife manual; we are here to help you easily find the best, most beautiful products for your life that actually work. We share what we love—and we may receive a commission if you choose to buy.You've got this.

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By the time I became a mother at 30, I was well-versed in healing my personal anxiety. I began teaching myself mediation through books I found in the library and then when I was 19 I met my yoga teacher who also taught Zen meditation. My first experience with Zen meditation was powerful. After I got past the discomfort of stillness and silence I began having powerful visions—some I still remember to this day.

When I had my first child, I was well-practiced in maintaining my anxiety and being aware that, while it would probably never go away, it didn't have to be something that would hold me back. Instead, it could become an asset.

Anxiety could be a spiritual antenna for me to pay attention to what circumstances don't work for me, especially in motherhood. I could use it as a tool rather than as something that would hold me back.

In some ways, motherhood was its own spiritual awakening for me. During my pregnancy, I was also closing my business of five years and wrapping up a divorce―on top of feeling totally nauseous the whole time. It was the perfect storm to trigger anxiety.

Despite those challenges, pregnancy, birth, and motherhood felt so natural to me. This was what I was supposed to be doing―it was like the sun was rising and leaving all that destruction behind.

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Of course, meditation was a huge help. But as a mother, your meditation practice changes so much. During my pregnancy, I was so nervous about not having that time to myself―and for the first few years, I never really had 20 minutes to sit in silence and stillness (as any new mom knows!). So if I did get time during one of my daughter's longer naps, it was cherished.

I went from having a regular meditation practice to having a "meditate when you can" practice, and the sporadic schedule made my meditation an even more honored practice. It was something I got to do instead of something I just did.

Motherhood made me show up for meditation more presently―it became something I really worked at.

As a result, I felt myself becoming a more present mother and feeling more attuned to the energy of my child. In that first year, so many developmental changes are happening, and my meditation gave me a sensor to read into those changes. I even felt like it made up for the loss of sleep in a lot of ways.

I really feel as though motherhood itself is a meditation. Whether you get to sit in silence or not, you are so present―so aware of this kid―you are already in this state of awareness that meditation brings. Just by being a mom, you are meditating enough.

Whenever I'm able to find peace and stillness―no matter what may be happening in our lives―the practice kicks in. I take a deep breath and drop whatever I was doing before to be more present with my daughter. I grant myself grace when I have to multitask because I always know I can come back to that presence. For me, part of meditation is noticing that I need to take a moment to check in with myself, take a deep breath and recenter.

The good part of meditation is that there's always more to learn. I'm continuously growing―both as a mother and a person. Even in the most chaotic moments of motherhood, there's always a place of stillness I can come to.

The moment I became a mother was such a beautiful one―like waking up and knowing this was what I was meant to be doing. And just like meditation, it's a practice that brings me peace every day.

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