A modern lifestyle brand redefining motherhood

“Mum, can I watch a mooooooovie?” These words used to fill me with dread.


I didn’t want to say no as I try really hard to be a yes parent. But I also didn’t want to impair my children’s long-term cognitive function or, you know, alter the thickness of their cerebral cortex. So instead I managed every moment, directing them from playdoh to tree climbing to sensory play. I’d encourage them to relax every so often with a biscuit and a Fireman Sam audiotape.

There was not a spare minute for brain damage! For the kids, that is. Personally, I felt like I was going bonkers.

The Fireman Sam theme tune became the soundtrack to my parenting crisis.

I felt like I was hounded in one direction by research that seemed to show that screen time was immensely bad for children and hounded in another by my daughter’s clear wishes to watch movies and play on the iPad.

A turning point.

The turning point for me came when I realized I was being hypocritical. Here I was, making a living from screens! My blog, ebooks and Youtube channel had been providing the only income for my family for over two years. And I loved my job! I counted it a true privilege to open up my laptop and get paid to write and connect with people.

While I nearly always head to another location for the main grunt, I still Instagram and tweet from home. (Specifically from the windowsill at home, the only place we actually get the internet.)

One evening my daughter said “I don’t CARE if I get brain damage mum! And why do you get to play on the iPad?”

I decided that if I was going to pursue a path that didn’t feel good to me I had to be absolutely certain that the research was golden.

The jury is out.

Turns out, that for every article suggesting screen time makes kids moody, crazy and lazy there is another claiming that it makes them better students, with less psychological problems.

Faced with this ambiguous science, I did what I always do when confused – I ate a biscuit and rocked back and forth to the Fireman Sam theme tune.

Just kidding. I ignored it.

I simply said “Well, the research is no help. Let me do what feels right.”

And then a whole world of connection and joy was opened to me.

Screentime can provide connection and joy.

My oldest child, Ramona, just loves movies. Adores them. My youngest couldn’t care less; she would rather take her clothes off and roll in the mud. But Ramona loves them.

I decided I would always say yes to her requests to “watch somepin” or “play somepin.” I now sit down and watch with her (until the 96th replay and then I sit and deliciously read a novel) and we take turns playing her favourite games.

She began to open up to me and tell me things that had happened to her that she found hard. Playing the iPad with her somehow unlocked a door that I didn’t know had been so firmly closed.

Now that I was valuing the things she valued, she felt valued.

These days when she asks “Mum, can I watch a mooooovie?” I simply feel pleasure that I can help her do something she loves simply by flicking a switch for her.

Sometimes she asks to watch while she eats her dinner (is there anything better than combining pleasures in this way?) and sometimes she asks to watch a movie late at night and she will gently drift to sleep in front of the laptop. Sometimes the request drips off her lips first thing in the morning, and I stay in bed with our youngest while she welcomes the dawn with Rockstar Barbie.

I can shrug off society’s belief that these things equal neglectful parenting because when I look at my daughter, I see that she is happy, healthy, loved and deeply connected to us.

Limits or no limits?

We embrace screens and don’t impose limits, although we have some fairly natural boundaries around them. We are off grid and barely get internet, so our movies are dvd’s from the library rather than the bottomless resource that is youtube. We get our electricity from our solar panels, so some days we run out and there is not much we can do about it.

I am clearly a complete hippy, a total tree hugger. But I am convinced that screens are vilified as the enemy of nature, and our kid’s health, at the cost of parent – child connection. 


We are trying to get the internet to our farm, and perhaps we will have to have a conversation about how to use the endlessness of the internet wisely. But I hope to do it in a way that remembers the lessons I have learnt so far.

A trusting, open-minded relationship with my children is far, far more important to me than inconclusive research and societal expectations.

And I haven’t listened to Fireman Sam in a year.

Tips for wise no-limits screen time:

– Put effort into their screen time. Make sure they are warm, comfortable and well fed! Those post screen time blues are often simply because your child hasn’t had their physical needs met whilst watching/playing.
– Make a joyous, connecting occasion of it. Make popcorn. Dress up as the characters! Follow up a movie with themed food and crafts and imagination games. The iPad apps or movies they love can be a brilliant jumping off point for loads of activities to do together.

–  Make an occasion of other activities too! Learn how to knot a rope swing and go on hunts for the perfect tree to hang it from. Plan mud slides and lantern walks and picnics on the trampoline. If your lives are full of play and connection screens, simply become one of the many brilliant things your kids can choose from.

– Model what you believe in! If nature is important to you, make an effort to get out there and enjoy it. Kids will see value in the things you make time for.
Finally, if you do feel the need for limits, do it in a way that respects your child’s wishes and ideas, rather than imposing a rule. Hold a family meeting where everyone can come up with ways to limit screens in a way that feels good to everyone. (And stick to it yourself!)

 

Who said motherhood doesn't come with a manual?

Subscribe to get inspiration and super helpful ideas to rock your #momlife. Motherhood looks amazing on you.

Already a subscriber? Log in here.

When you become a mama, your definition of a smooth morning undergoes a complete evolution. Now, you consider it a win if your real alarm wakes you up and you get to drink coffee while it's still warm. The not-so-smooth mornings? Well, let's face it, that's a rough way to start the day.

When the wake-up call comes early and the coffee has been forgotten in the microwave, it may seem absolutely impossible to carve out any time for yourself. But a centered, confident mama is a happier mama, and there are some simple ways to sneak self-care into your morning to ensure you're putting your best face forward.

Specializing in quick, easy and (we must say) beautiful morning makeup routines, Woosh Beauty understands busy mornings, and has created an 'everything-in-one' makeup palette that is our new secret weapon for feeling like we made the effort to center ourselves, too.

Inspired by Woosh Beauty, here are five ways we've given our morning beauty routines a self-care makeover.

1. Make time (and space) for calm

As moms, time is priceless and that's especially true in the morning. Even if you're racing against the clock, it's worth it (trust us) to hit the pause button for just five minutes before tackling all the to-dos on your list.

With The Fold Out Face from Woosh Beauty, you have all the makeup you need (coverage and color) in one compact, portable palette. That means no scrambling to find your concealer. No opening, closing, then reopening and closing eyeshadows and powders.

Most importantly, no need to set up shop in front of your vanity/bathroom mirror/designated makeup space while keeping one eye on a constantly moving child. The Fold Out Face goes wherever you go and gives you everything you need in the flip of one flap—so you really can focus on yourself.

2. Create rituals that boost confidence

Even if you're going on your third day with the same yoga pants (they're so comfy!), it's important to make time in the morning to do something that will put a confident pep in your step.

While makeup has likely been part of your routine for years, motherhood can take a toll on your skin in new ways—which is why having 13 full-sized cosmetics, made from luxurious high-performing mineral-based formulas, allows you to erase the appearance of under-eye circles, perfect any imperfections and give yourself an effortless glow—all in less than five minutes.

So even if you don't have time to meticulously apply makeup, you can look and feel like you did. 😉

3. Allow our minds to drift 

For most of us, mornings mean going from zero to 60 in about five seconds flat. Before fully immersing yourself in the obligations of the day, it's nice to have just a few minutes to allow your mind to drift away from the to-do list. Woosh Beauty makes having mindspace while checking off "put on makeup" possible by numbering the order in which the cosmetics in The Fold Out Face should be applied.

4. Savor little luxuries

Before you go spend the morning driving kids around to the tune of nursery rhymes and eat a lunch of PB&J crusts, it can make a world of difference to your outlook to lavish in something that is all yours.

We love that Woosh Beauty makes that simple with The Essential Brush Set, a luxe collection of double-ended brushes that are numbered to correspond with the steps in the Fold Out Face, and come in a soft storage bag to keep them away from kids who may mistake them as paint brushes.

5. Be kinder to ourselves

Sometimes, a healthy self-voice for the rest of the day starts with rituals that remind us we're doing good for our bodies, too. By using Woosh Beauty products in your morning beauty routine, which are free of parabens, sulfates, gluten and fragrance—not to mention they are animal cruelty-free—you aren't just applying makeup, you're applying products and using tools that you can feel good about.

In the morning, a seemingly little thing like taking a few minutes for self-care is really a big thing that will continue to pay off with a beautiful outlook throughout the day—and with The Fold-Out Face from Woosh Beauty, it pays off with a beautiful look throughout the day, too.

Motherly readers can receive a 20% discount site wide using the code MOTHERLY at checkout.


This article was sponsored by Woosh Beauty. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

I was walking in Target the other day talking to my sons, who are two and three, about getting Mama a birthday card. "Which one should we get for Mama?" I asked. They wanted the $7 cat one that sang "I'm too sexy for my hair," of course. As we laughed about the different cards, a woman walked by and patted my arm. "They are so lucky to have you." I smiled and thought, how nice. Only a few aisles later did I realize she may have thought I was their nanny, not their mom...

I look nothing like my kids. They are blond-haired and blue-eyed—they have the most perfect blue eyes that they got from my wife, who was the one who carried our children. I am Colombian, and my 5-foot-nothing stature is more Oompa Loompa than Barbie.

As a girl, young woman, and even early into adulthood I never had the urge to have children. When I was in first or second grade teachers would ask, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" and a bunch of girls would answer, "a mommy." I answered, "a banker."

Times have changed and when I grew up I no longer wanted to be a banker and I surprised myself in the fact that I did want kids. And I am so happy I married someone who not only wanted kids too but who also wanted to be the one to carry them.

Our kids have her last name. She did the work for those nine plus months—she deserves that. And honestly, it's not important to me that they don't have my last name, and I don't feel any less connected to them because I didn't carry them in my womb. What counts is that we are a family.

I was adopted at two months old. I look like my Italian mom and absolutely nothing like my English dad. From a young age, I always knew I wasn't biologically their child, but in every single other way, I still am their kid. (They joke that their offspring wouldn't be as cute or as athletic, and I joke back but they'd probably be smarter and taller.)

Our never-ending love, our respect, our gifts of compassion, and the fact that we're always there for each other—these are the treasures that make us a family. Not anything biological. So that has taught me a lot about how to raise my kids with the all of those same treasures that also include politeness, honesty, the gift of laughter, and always doing your best.

I didn't give birth to my boys, but I am there to calm them in the middle of the night because of an accident, nosebleed, or scary dream.

I didn't give birth to my boys, but the diaper changes are real. (Trust me.)

I didn't give birth to my boys, but I read to them, dance with them, and laugh with them—every day.

I didn't give birth to my boys, but somehow, one of my boys has a matching birthmark in the same place as I do and our little inside joke is that we high-five them together.

I didn't give birth to my boys, but both of them smile the same way I do…total full teeth smile.

I didn't give birth to my boys, but they call me "Mom," and I've never loved two human beings more.

But being one of two moms definitely makes for some interesting and funny stories. We got rid of our crib a few months ago and when someone found out she asked, "But what if there's—ya know—an accident?" I told her that one of the many joys of being a lesbian is that there will not be any "accidents" in our future.

Or the time right after my wife had our first baby when I was in the hospital bed with our son while my wife went to a new parent class. (I told her we should do one before the baby actually came, but a lesson I've learned is that one should definitely choose their battles wisely with their pregnant wife.) I was in the bed, holding my son and the nurse came in and said, "Time to get your vitals" and so, I had some explaining to do.

Or the time we went to do our taxes. The woman said, "Okay, which one of you wants to go first?" My wife replied, "We are married. We'd like to do it all together." The woman looked at us for a few seconds and said, "Oh, I've never done this before." I looked at her and said, "You've never done a married couple's taxes before?" She shrugged and said, "Not like this."

So how does all of this make me feel? It makes me feel human. Sometimes people judge, sometimes people do not take enough time to ask questions, sometimes people assume. These stories make me understand that I am blessed, confident, and my biggest struggle with my kids—besides too long of a bedtime routine right now—is that I sometimes have to explain a little more. I know this is teaching them to do the opposite of what is sometimes done to us—to take time to ask questions, be patient, be curious and be polite.

So sure, having two moms does make for some funny stories at times, but it also provides us the opportunity to raise our kids well and show society that we, as women, are capable. Our family is two moms—a mom and a mama—and our two precious boys who make up this team. We smother our kids with all the snuggles in the world, and they will forever be mama's boys, which we could not be happier about.

The funny stories keep us laughing, but they also do something much more serious, much more important. They remind us that gay people, not too long ago, did not have the luxury of being on a child's birth certificate together, or filing taxes jointly. They remind me to be humble, unassuming and, most of all, grateful. I am grateful that my friends and family have all accepted us as we are, a loving couple who wants to be happy and raise kind, healthy boys.

In the future—later today or in a few years—I am hopeful that more and more people will see us as a family. There are so many different types of families out there, and we all deserve to be validated and seen. We are so fortunate that so many people already do recognize us as a family and hopefully, it will get easier and easier over time and the stories will become less and less frequent.

Maybe, just maybe, Target lady knew I was their mom, and not their nanny. Maybe she saw the love and pride in my eyes, the casual banter in the bright red cart, and the fact that I am confident in who I am to my boys—their mom.

After all, we are a family bonded by love and all the other treasures that have been passed down from our parents. Because relationships are not just blood…it's all of the other stuff that makes us a family.

You might also like:

It may sound hard to believe (or perhaps obvious 😉), but with an infant and toddler in tow, I'm thinking of making the move from the city to the 'burbs. Living in the heart of New York City was at one time exciting, invigorating and extremely convenient.

But now? Well, it has become un-accommodating, brash and expensive (well more expensive). And I find myself browsing real estate sites and dreaming of a house with a big yard. Although unimaginable before kids, with two kids, the pull of the suburbs is real. I still think NYC is the best in the world, but the more I analyze logistics to schools to safety... I'm leaning toward the 'burbs.

Here's why.

1. Schools! Schools! Schools!

This has got to be the number one reason most people leave the city. The stress and money to get into good schools in the city is a lot. We just went through the first step—preschool applications—including an interview and reference letters.

I had to stretch my creative muscles to illustrate the brilliance of my 2-year-old: "He can successfully build sandcastles, his Lego structures have the foundation of an aspiring architect" or should I just go with, "He doesn't hit!?" It's become close to a part-time job. All this aside, my child did get in (#mombrag), but now I just have to come to terms with the astronomical price tag.

But the 'burbs? The burbs of New York have some of the best schools in the country. You may pay for it via your property taxes, but when you have more than one kid, the economics just make sense.

2. Logistics

The struggle that is the double stroller. I love the history of New York, but as one of the oldest cities in America, it can be a real nightmare for strollers. Small doors, steps and tight passages result in the fact that we can't go into many places.

When I had my single stroller, although it took some work, I figured out which stores were stroller friendly. However, once I upgraded to the double stroller, my world became too small. The huge wheels barely fit through the doors and I get the side eye from my favorite coffee shop for bringing in such a monstrosity. And it's a lucky day if you manage to have an elevator on either end of your trip when you're riding the subway.

In the 'burbs, I dream of leaving the double stroller at home and upgrading to the spacious minivan. I look forward to those gigantic parking lots where I will be able to walk the grocery cart up to my car! Oh, the luxury!

3. Sports!

Did I mention I have active kiddos? As they get older, the confines of a city apartment incite an unbearable case of cabin fever. New York City has some lovely parks but unfortunately, the patches of grass at Madison Square Park just aren't cutting it anymore.

The suburbs promise full-size football and soccer fields, public tennis courts that you don't have to wait an hour for and numerous sports teams to participate in. I think sports should be a part of any childhood and I don't want my kids to miss out. (Another 'burbs bonus: There is something so magical about opening the back door and telling your kids to go play outside!)

4. Space

The toys are creeping into every crevice of the apartment and nothing is sacred. I just can't wait to send my kids to the basement with all of their favorite things. In addition, our house in the 'burbs would have a guest bedroom! It would be nice to entertain my family (aka free babysitters) without subjecting them to the blow-up mattress on the floor.

5. Noise

After a couple of months in the city, the noise of the police cars, fire trucks and ambulances just fade in the distance, but now with kids, every noise is accentuated. My toddler points out all of them while demanding an explanation "Is that a fire truck, mommy? What is it doing?"

I also feel the need to cover up my little one's ears, lest he wake up from our hard-earned nap time. I'd much rather be explaining the noise of birds and crickets to my kids rather than the loud noises of emergency vehicles.

6. The people

I love my fellow New Yorkers who are driven, worldly and tell it like it is. I know it has changed the Canadian in me to be a little more blunt. However, part of this New Yorker attitude doesn't mesh so well with kids.

I've been honked at to hurry up while I try to strap in my two kids in at the car park or have gotten an audible sigh from the hostess for bringing my kids to our local restaurant. Kids take a little more time and patience and that time is money to a lot of folks.

I love you New York, but I am ready to make the move.

You might also like:

Leadership is often misunderstood with being bold, arrogant, self-centered or wanting attention. However, that's very far from the truth.

So, who is a leader? And why would you want your child to become one?

A true leader is someone who:

  • is confident about who they really are because they know themselves,
  • inspires others with his/her gifts and talents because they recognize them,
  • is trusted because they can trust themselves,
  • can express themselves to the world easily and effortlessly because they don't feel afraid to do this,
  • celebrates other people for their talents and leads/ inspires/ listens/ guides/ people to share their gifts with the world,
  • is ready to make a change to the world no matter how small or big,
  • and leads a happy and fulfilling life that is true to their nature.

The reality is that a leader is actually someone very positive and highly evolved as a human being. Why wouldn't we want to nurture our children's leadership mindset then? We all most certainly should if we really want to help our children reach their full potential.

Here are some ways creative play nurtures the leadership mindset

  1. Creative play allows your child to express themselves they way they like and prefer in the very moment.
  2. Your child can explore their inner gifts, talents and preferences, experiment with them and deciding how they can make best use of them in the real world.
  3. Creative exploration opens up the whole world of possibilities which your child can flexibly test, reflect on and improve until they are satisfied with the final result.
  4. While creating, your child develops great confidence in their own skills and talents.
  5. Creative play allows plenty of space for celebration of your child's own individuality.

Every play is creative when it's child-led. Children create all the time and creative play is not restricted to arts and crafts only—it goes far beyond that. Construction is creative, discussion is creative, dancing is creative, gardening is creative, role-play is creative, the possibilities are endless.

To really nurture your child's leadership mindset, any creative experience must always be child-led. Otherwise the creativity aspect will most likely be controlled, restricted and shaped towards a certain direction or agenda-driven.

Child-led means that your child is the author of the experience—they can take it wherever they want it and however they want it. This also means that you, as a parent, are a facilitator of that experience, offering child-friendly and safe space and access to tools and resources, but you don't impose any structure, outcome or result.

You allow your child to experience whatever they wish and need at that moment. And by doing this we show them that we trust them, that we celebrate who they are, and that whatever they offer to the world is wonderful and it doesn't need to be changed or modified to our liking.

Originally published on National Born Leaders.

You might also:

Caesar salad should not be on the menu this Thanksgiving, according to the Centers for Disease Control.

Romaine lettuce has been linked to an E. coli outbreak that has seen 32 people in 11 states fall ill. More than a dozen people have been hospitalized.

"Consumers who have any type of romaine lettuce in their home should not eat it and should throw it away, even if some of it was eaten and no one has gotten sick," the CDC notes on its website.

There have also been cases in Canada—15 in Quebec and 3 in Ontario. The Public Health Agency of Canada says people in those provinces should avoid eating romaine lettuce and salad mixes containing romaine lettuce until more is known about the outbreak.

Officials on both sides of the border agree this outbreak is linked to a previous outbreak in 2017.

According to the U.S. Food and Drug Administration, genetic analysis of the E. coli strain indicates this outbreak isn't linked to the one that occurred back in the spring of 2018 but is related to an epidemic in the fall of 2017.

"Genetic analysis of the E. coli O157:H7 strains tested to date from patients in this current outbreak are similar to strains of E. coli O157:H7 associated with a previous outbreak from the Fall of 2017 that also affected consumers in both Canada and the U.S." the FDA notes on its website.

FDA Commissioner Scott Gottlieb says the agency is taking steps to "get ahead of this emerging outbreak to reduce risk to consumers; help people protect themselves and families from foodborne illness outbreak, especially ahead of Thanksgiving meals."

"This isn't the first romaine outbreak we've seen in recent past," Gottlieb said in a statement posted to Twitter. "We're taking steps to identify root causes of these events and to prevent future outbreaks. We're committed to working with partners to implement additional safety practices to prevent outbreaks from occurring."

The FDA is asking the food industry to help it contain the outbreak by voluntarily withdrawing romaine products from the market and withholding distribution until the source of the outbreak is identified.

Bottom line: If you've got romaine in the fridge, toss it, mama.

You might also like:

Motherly provides information of a general nature and is designed for educational purposes only. This site does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.Your use of the site indicates your agreement to be bound by our  Terms of Use and Privacy Policy. Information on our advertising guidelines can be found here.