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I felt lost as a new mother, but babywearing helped me find myself again
I wish someone had told me before how special wearing your baby can be, even when you have no idea how to do it.
September 23, 2020
My first baby and I were alone in our Brooklyn apartment during a particularly cold spring with yet another day of no plans. My husband was back at work after a mere three weeks of parental leave (what a joke!) and all my friends were busy with their childless lives—which kept them too busy to stop by or check in (making me, at times, feel jealous).
It was another day in which I would wait for baby to fall asleep for nap number one so I could shower and get ready to attempt to get out of the house together to do something, anything really, so I wouldn't feel the walls of the apartment close in on me by the time the second nap rolled around. I would pack all the diapers and toys and pacifiers and pump and bottles into a ginormous stroller that was already too heavy to push without a baby in it .
Then I would spend so much time figuring out where we could go with said stroller, because I wanted to avoid places with steps or narrow doors (I couldn't lift the stroller by myself and I was too embarrassed to ask strangers for help—also hi, New Yorkers, please help new moms when you see them huffing and puffing up the subway stairs, okay?). Then I would obsess about the weather, was it too cold to bring the baby out? And by the time I thought I had our adventure planned, the baby would wake up, I would still be in my PJs and it was time to pump yet again.
Slowly, but surely, and mostly thanks to sleep deprivation and isolation, I began to detest this whole new mom life. I've always been a social butterfly. I moved to New York because I craved that non-stop energy the city has and in the years before having my baby I amassed new friends I made through my daily adventures. I would never stop. I would walk everywhere just to take in the scenery and was always on the move.
Now I had this ball and chain attached to me, I thought, that didn't even allow me to make it out of the door to walk the dog. This sucks, I would think regularly, followed by maybe I'm not meant to be a mom after all.
<p>I was jealous of all the other moms who seemed to have their life together enough to be out and about with their kids, living their best lives. <em>I couldn't be them, could I? </em><br/><br/>One weekend while walking around our quiet neighborhood, my husband and I walked into a cool baby store. We needed more bottles since I had recently decided to exclusively pump and this place came highly recommended as they had all the European brands (I cannot stop laughing at how naive we were as first parents, bare with me). The owner was working that day, and as she saw me struggle to get our stroller into her store she gently asked, "Have you tried babywearing?" </p><p>"No," I responded quickly "I'm too clumsy for it."</p><p><strong>What I didn't say was that I was terrified of dropping my baby. That this isolation and loneliness had slowly metamorphosed into postpartum anxiety and I was constantly playing in my head all the things that could go wrong if I did something new or different with my son.</strong> </p><p>Babywearing was one of those things in my list of terrible things to do. I <em>am</em> clumsy. I <em>am</em> also very stubborn. She asked again, my husband poked me (he has loved babywearing since day one, much to my stress of seeing our infant tucked against his chest).</p><p><em>Fine,</em> I said, defeated and aware that if I didn't at least try one carrier I was not going to be able to leave this store ever again. I requested something that would be easy to put on and more intuitive than the pieces of cloth you're supposed to wrap seven million times around your body. The owner of the shop, who happened to be a babywearing guru, handed over<a href="https://shop.mother.ly/products/explore-coast-carrier?utm_source=Motherly&utm_medium=content&utm_campaign=babywearing-conz" target="_blank"> a Tula carrier.</a> </p><p><strong><em>Click.</em> Went the carrier. <em>Click. </em>Went my brain. Maybe I could babywear after all? I walked out with a brand new carrier and the hope that maybe this was my way back into my regular life. </strong><br/><br/>At first I tried it out at home while doing other things, not fully committing to being away from the comfort of everything I thought my baby needed. Then we moved to walks around the block with the dog, to see how we all felt about being outside in this new thing. </p><p>Slowly I found myself out all day with a baby that would nap against my chest when he wanted to and explored the world around him when he was awake, eyes wide open, taking it all in. </p><p><strong>Babywearing completely changed my outlook on motherhood.</strong> </p><p>It became my preferred method of transporting my growing child, well into toddlerhood. I only stopped briefly when I found out I was pregnant again, this time with twins. After my body attempted to miscarry I was told to take it easy and not carry a lot of weight. My toddler was a lot of weight. <br/><br/>With two new babies, babywearing was (and I don't say this lightly) life-saving. They were born right before the pandemic hit the U.S. which meant we had no support at home and no extra hands to pass babies around while we chased after a toddler. They both also had <em>terrible</em> reflux, which meant they needed to be upright 24/7 or they would scream until our ears bled. </p><p>So we wore them a lot, and we still do. It allows us to go on family hikes, to keep them close to our chests and away from germs and viruses in these very weird times. And most importantly, it allows our twins to explore the world just like their big brother did strapped to my chest. </p><p>If I could go back in time, I would add a <a href="https://shop.mother.ly/products/explore-coast-carrier?utm_source=Motherly&utm_medium=content&utm_campaign=babywearing-conz" target="_blank">Baby Tula carrier </a>to my registry and tell myself how easy babywearing can be, even for a clumsy human like me. It would've made a world's difference in my first fourth trimester. </p>
<p><em>We independently select and share the products we love—and may receive a commission if you choose to buy. You've got this.</em></p>
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Baby Tula Explore carrier
<a href="https://shop.mother.ly/products/explore-coast-carrier?utm_source=Motherly&utm_medium=content&utm_campaign=babywearing-conz" target="_blank"><img type="lazy-image" data-runner-src="https://www.mother.ly/media-library/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDQzMzg2NC9vcmlnaW4ucG5nIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0NTMyNjYwMH0.TK5Rjcekd2HlRrvoHCF1Yv5wujrJa9w57beqVuX5VXo/image.png?width=980" id="fa503" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="49fcbb107027cb3d51ac42c06ea4654e" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" alt="BABY TULA Explore Coast Carrier - Beyond" /></a><p>Multiple positions to carry baby including front facing out*, facing in, and back carry. Each position provides a natural, ergonomic position best for comfortable carrying that promotes healthy hip and spine development for baby.</p>
$179
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In just over three weeks, we will become parents. From then on, our hearts will live outside of our bodies. We will finally understand what everyone tells you about bringing a child into the world.
Lately, the range of emotions and hormones has left me feeling nothing short of my new favorite mom word, "hormotional." I'm sure that's normal though, and something most people start to feel as everything suddenly becomes real.
Our bags are mostly packed, diaper bag ready, and birth plan in place. Now it's essentially a waiting game. We're finishing up our online childbirth classes which I must say are quite informational and sometimes entertaining. But in between the waiting and the classes, we've had to think about how we're going to handle life after baby's birth.
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I don't mean thinking and planning about the lack of sleep, feeding schedule, or just the overall changes a new baby is going to bring. I'm talking about how we're going to handle excited family members and friends who've waited just as long as we have to meet our child. That sentence sounds so bizarre, right? How we're going to handle family and friends? That sentence shouldn't even have to exist.
<p><strong>I imagined welcoming our baby and having a waiting room full of excited visitors. They would say, "How much did the baby weigh!? How is mom doing? Does the baby look like Dad or Mom?" By now, we all know my vision had to change, and we can't have that type of birthing story. It's sad, but that's life. </strong></p>
<p><strong>What about when we get home from the hospital? Good friends will message us congratulations and ask us when they can meet our new little addition. But what are we supposed to say?</strong></p>
<p>Normally, we'd say, "Come on by! We'd love for you to meet our little one." They'd hold our baby, and marvel at the miracle we created. Can we do this now? I think we all know the answer to that. No, because of the high risk of COVID-19 spreading to our baby.</p>
<p>So what do we tell them? We'd love for you to meet the baby, but right now, our doctor does not recommend visitors due to the high risk of catching the deadly virus sweeping our world. We hope and pray it changes soon so you can meet our baby and be apart of our new little miracle's life.</p>
<p><strong>Most people will understand. They will ask to FaceTime instead or drop off a hot meal on our doorstep. For those of you who understand, a big heartfelt and sincere, thank you. You have no idea how much we appreciate knowing we won't disappoint you.</strong></p>
<p>It's unfortunate, but we're prepared to hear scrutiny from some about following the doctor's recommendation. We already have. We know the hurt feelings come from a good place, which is wanting to be a part of our child's life right away. We get it. Trust me, we're just as frustrated. But imagine the anxiety we feel knowing some will be upset with us for trying to keep our child safe.</p>
<p>Even talking about it makes us uneasy. We've tried to avoid the conversation for a long time, but we need to be prepared to talk to our loved ones. We need to keep our baby healthy and listen to our doctor. She knows what's going to keep our child protected.</p>
<p><strong>For those who don't understand, when it's your turn to have a baby, I pray you're never faced with the compromises we're having to make.</strong> </p>
<p>I pray you can have a support person with you during appointments.</p><p>I pray you can celebrate with a normal baby shower.</p><p>I pray you can go out into public without fearing you'll get yourself and baby sick.</p><p>And I pray your birth experience can be as pleasant as it should be.</p>
<p>Thank you to all of our family and friends who've expressed their love and empathy for our situation. Just know that we want nothing more in the world than for you to be a part of our baby's life.</p>
<p><em>This essay was previously published <a href="https://rockymountainwifey.blogspot.com/2020/05/to-those-who-understand-thank-you.html" target="_blank">here</a>. </em></p><em></em>
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Report: President Trump plans to choose Amy Coney Barrett for Supreme Court
What you need to know about this mom of 7.
September 21, 2020
When Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg died on Friday her spot on the Supreme Court was vacated and on Monday President Trump said he is prepared to make his third U.S. Supreme Court nomination this week. "I will announce it either Friday or Saturday," Trump said on Fox News, adding, "We should wait until the services are over for Justice Ginsburg."
Now, CNN reports President Trump plans to choose Judge Amy Coney Barrett for the Supreme Court Nomination. He is expected to make the announcement on Saturday.
According to CNN, senior Republican sources are "indicating that Barrett is the intended nominee... All sources cautioned that until it is announced by the President, there is always the possibility that Trump makes a last-minute change but the expectation is Barrett is the choice."
President Trump says a vote on this Supreme Court nominee should come before the upcoming presidential election (a move that goes against Ginsberg's last wishes—and the precedent set by the senate in 2016). The President previously said he was looking seriously at five candidates for the spot, but during his Fox News interview on Monday, he only mentioned two: Amy Coney Barrett and Barbara Lagoa.
Here's what you need to know about Amy Coney Barrett
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<img type="lazy-image" data-runner-src="https://www.mother.ly/media-library/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDQyNzk4NC9vcmlnaW4ucG5nIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYyNzIwMzY0NH0.Sagv45VcX3AbZY5Y6S3eMdnlDzn5ZyIJ3ukFeSUa0mA/image.png?width=980" id="82ab1" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="ef71592bde757934721f5467487cfecc" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /><p>Judge Amy Coney Barrett is a circuit judge on the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Seventh Circuit. President Trump has said he prefers a young person for the vacant SCOTUS post and at 48, Barrett fits the bill.<br></p><p>If she gets the seat, Barrett would be the youngest justice on the Supreme Court. </p><p>A mother of seven, Barrett became a parent through pregnancy and adoption. Barrett was nominated by President Trump for the appellate court for the Seventh Circuit in 2017 and made history as the first woman to occupy an Indiana seat on the Seventh Circuit Court of Appeals. A professor of law at and graduate of Notre Dame, Barrett clerked for the late Justice Antonin Scalia.</p><p>Some Democrats are worried that Barrett could vote to overturn <em>Roe v. Wade </em>if she makes it to the Supreme Court as she <a href="https://www.latimes.com/politics/la-na-pol-court-abortion-precedent-20180703-story.html" target="_blank">has previously defended overturning precedents. </a></p><p>Judge Barrett's dissenting opinion in a 2019 case is also notable. The case saw the Seventh Circuit rejected a challenge by Rickey Kanter, whose 2011 mail fraud conviction meant he was banned from possessing firearms for life. The Seventh ruled against Kanter's argument that federal and state laws preventing felons from owning firearms are unconstitutional, but Barrett dissented, stating that banning non-violent felons from owning guns treats the Second Amendment as a second-class right. </p><p>Barrett is a devout Catholic and a member of<a href="https://peopleofpraise.org/about/faq/" target="_blank"> People of Praise</a>, a multi-denominational Christian organization.<br></p>
<p class=""><em>[A version of this post was first published September 21. It has been updated.] </em></p>
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