Menu
working mom failing
@9_fingers_/Twenty20

As a mom, I say the phrase 'let me just…' to my kids more times a day than I can count.

Yes, I can help you log into your class, let me just send this email.
Yes, I can play with you, let me just make one more call.
Yes, I can get you a snack, let me just empty the dishwasher.

I say it a lot at work, too.

Yes, I can write that article, let me just clear my inbox.
Yes, I can clear my inbox, let me just finish this meeting.
Yes, I can attend that meeting, let me just get this project out the door.

The problem is that every 'let me just' is followed by another 'let me just'... and by the time they're all done, the day is over, and I didn't do most of the things I intended—and I feel pretty bad about myself because of it.

I wasn't present with my kids today.
I didn't meet that deadline.
I couldn't muster the energy to cook dinner.
The house is a mess. I am a mess. The world is a mess.

It's okay, I tell myself. Let me just try again tomorrow.

But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes and the list of things I didn't get to or didn't do well bears down on my shoulders and my heart, and all I can think is, "I am failing."

And I think that maybe I'm not alone.


Every mother I talk to these days, whether she has one child or five, whether she is a working mom or a stay-at-home-mom, whether she's homeschooling or not—feels like she is failing—no mother has it easy right now (or ever has, for that matter).

For working moms, the constant struggle is feeling like we are letting everyone down: our kids, our partner, our co-workers, our boss...and ourselves? We're not even on the list of priorities.

But mama, it's not our fault.

Society is not set up to support us—it wasn't before the pandemic and it certainly isn't now. The infrastructure we live in makes it unrealistic to get through the day accomplishing all the things we set out to do. The pandemic means that the resources and support we did have—the daycare, the grandparents, the steady flow of income—are gone for many of us. To put it plainly, it is impossible to get everything done.

Let me say it again: It is impossible to get everything done.

And speaking of which, let's talk about the 'everything.' The expectations placed on mothers are ridiculous. Our society prioritizes progress and work above presence and rest, and it's infiltrated our sense of worth—we feel guilty for everything. We go to bed at night focused on all the things we didn't do, and all the ways we let people down, rather than focusing on all the good we did.

But the thing is, there is so much good. Look at us! Seriously, look at what we are accomplishing every day.

It's not pretty or graceful, but my goodness, we are getting it done—during a pandemic, in a society that doesn't show us that we are important. Without resources, without help, without the security that we are going to be okay. We. Are. Getting. It. Done. I'm not sure anything could be further away from failure.

So here is what I vow to myself (and to my children and mamas everywhere):

I am going to do the best I can. Sometimes my best is exceptionally executed work projects, and sometimes my best is telling my boss that I need to take a mental health day. Sometimes my best is a magnificent day of virtual learning and home cooked meals, and sometimes it's missed assignments and cereal for dinner. I am going to allow space for all of it.

I am going to be gentler with myself, even if just a little. When my self-judgment flares and the words "I failed again" start to run through my head, I am going to place my hand on my heart, and say, "Shh. No, mama. You didn't fail. You did the best you could under ridiculous circumstances. You are worthy. You are good."

Let me just remember how hard I work every day.
Let me just acknowledge the unprecedented challenges we are facing.
Let me just love myself.
Let me just trust that I am enough. The rest will fall into place.

For the mama who needs to remember that she is more than enough.

'I am enough' bracelet

oath bracelet

We are obsessed with the beautiful oath bracelets from Sontakey that remind us how amazing we are, each and every day.

$35

'This is Motherhood'

https://shop.mother.ly/products/this-is-motherhood-1?utm_source=Motherly&utm_medium=content&utm_campaign=working-mamas-feel-like-failing

Remembering that we are not alone can change everything. This is Motherhood is a collection of stories and exercises that represent the breadth of the motherhood experience and show us that we really are all in this together.

$20

We independently select and share the products we love—and may receive a commission if you choose to buy. You've got this.

Sunday Citizen

I live in the Northeast and when I woke up this morning, my house was freezing. It had been in the mid 40's overnight and we haven't turned the heat on yet. Suddenly, my normal duvet felt too thin. The socks on my bare feet too non-existent. Winter is coming, and I'd been drinking rosés still pretending it was summer.

I couldn't put it off any longer. It was time to do my annual tradition of winterizing my home—and I don't mean making sure my pipes and walls have enough insulation (though obviously that's important too). I mean the act of evaluating every room and wondering if it has enough hygge to it.

If you've never heard of hygge, it's a Danish word that means a quality of coziness or contentment. And what better time to make sure you have moments of hygge all throughout your house than right now? As far as I'm concerned it's the only way to get through these dark winter months (even more so during a pandemic.)

So I went room by room (yes, even my 4-year-old's room) and swapped in, layered or added in these 13 products to get us ready for winter:

Keep reading Show less
Shop

The one thing your family needs to practice gratitude

And a tradition you'll want to keep for years.

Gracious Gobbler

I think I can speak for well, basically everyone on planet earth when I say things have been a bit stressful lately. Juggling virtual school, work and the weight of worry about all the things, it's increasingly difficult to take even a moment to be grateful and positive these days. It's far easier to fall into a grump cycle, nagging my kids for all the things they didn't do (after being asked nine times), snapping at their bickering and never really acknowledging the good stuff.

But the truth is, gratitude and appreciation is the kind of medicine we need now more than ever—and not just because the season is upon us. For one thing, practicing gratitude is a scientifically proven way to boost our happiness, health and relationships. More importantly, we need to ensure we're cultivating it in our children even when things are challenging. Especially when things are challenging.

I'm ready to crank the thankfulness up a few dozen notches and reboot our family's gratitude game so we can usher out 2020 on a fresh note. So, I've called in some reinforcements.

Enter: the Gracious Gobbler.

Keep reading Show less
Shop

The second any new parent lays their eyes on their newborn baby, their thoughts probably go to how the baby is going to set the world on fire with their energy, charisma and passion. As the years go by, you may refer to your little one as a firecracker because of their witty and spunky personality, or you may be taken aback (in the best way possible) by how their infectious personality catches onto any room like a flame.

Perhaps you or your partner has taken on a life of service as a firefighter, and are heavily inspired by the word fire, or maybe it's a word with a different personal meaning that ignites your spirit. The word fire can stand for a lot of things, including warmth, light and exciting. Maybe you see your child as the flame that will continue to carry on your family's legacy. Whatever reason you may want to give your child a name that means fire, it's up to you, and there are dozens of options to make your dreams come true.

So go ahead and peruse this list for 100 ideas for baby names that mean fire.

Keep reading Show less
Life