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Time and again, I see and hear advice to ignore children who are in emotional distress. Those who both give and receive this advice do so with the best of intentions. They love children and believe it is in a child’s best interest to “train them out of tantrums” by ignoring because they believe that anything else will reinforce or fuel this “bad behavior.”


There are several things at play here that we need to address in order to bring compassion to our responses with our children.

1. We have subscribed to the idea that tantrums are bad behavior.

We believe children have tantrums in a calculative manner with the intent to manipulate us to either give them attention or give them something they want. When we understand how the developing brain of a child works, we can quickly debunk this idea that young children (babies and toddlers) are being deliberately manipulative.

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Rather, true tantrums occur when the limbic system (the emotional center of the brain) becomes overloaded and alarms trigger the lower brain, sending them into a meltdown. When the lower brain is in charge, children have little control over their actions, and screaming, kicking, and crying are a discharge of the overwhelming feelings.

Many things can overload the limbic system and trigger the lower brain, and to us, those things may seem very insignificant—silly even—and so our initial response is often dismissive. Who really gets that upset over the way a sandwich is cut? This judgment blocks our compassion because when we trivialize the emotional experience of another, we feel validated in not offering our support.

2. Tantrums make us uncomfortable.

There’s another reason we want to ignore a tantrum and that is the emotional response it invokes in our own brains. Because we humans are so interconnected, our mirror neurons are firing when we see our child in distress and it causes us to feel like we are in distress, too.

We don’t want to feel uncomfortable, so we push the cause of our discomfort (the child) away. Ignoring is basically like constructing a mental wall that doesn’t allow their pain to become our pain, and here again, trivializing their experience comes in handy because we use that “logic” (thanks to our fully developed frontal lobes) to ease our own discomfort.

3. We are afraid that compassion will reward the tantrum.

Connection is one of our most basic human needs. We all long to feel heard, validated, loved, accepted and attached, not only when we are our best selves, but also when we are our worst selves. Imagine a spouse, partner, or friend withdrawing their attention and warmth from you because you are crying, upset and in emotional distress.

What would it do for your relationship? How would it affect your emotional state? Now imagine that these people gave you a shoulder to cry on, listened as you communicated your frustration or sadness, and then, even if they couldn’t solve your problem for you, they said “I’m here for you.” Now ask yourself those same two questions.

Compassion is not a reward—it is the heart of relationships.

Psychologist, science writer, and emotional intelligence expert, Daniel Goleman says, “True compassion means not only feeling another’s pain but also being moved to help relieve it.” To extend compassion, we have to be willing to allow ourselves to feel our own discomfort and yet have the emotional stability to not become entangled in their distress but to be the lighthouse that shows them the way through the storm.

Different Kinds of Tantrums:

Thus far, I’ve been talking about the true emotional overwhelm, or what Tina Payne-Bryson calls “downstairs tantrums.” Read Upstairs and Downstairs Tantrums for a complete explanation.

Sometimes, particularly in older children beyond the preschooler years, a child will “pitch a fit” in an attempt to get you to give in. Hey, the frontal lobe is maturing! This isn’t true emotional distress, and parents can tell the difference. Even during this type of tantrum, though, you can still show compassion while standing your ground. When he realizes the fit doesn’t get him what he wants, it won’t be a tool he uses, and when you stay compassionate and calm in the face of it, he’ll learn what it looks like to show maturity.

The Bottom Line:

We don’t have to make a new sandwich and cut it the right way, buy them the toy, or let them stay up an hour later nor do we have to send them to their room or ignore them completely. Neither approach is the best for fostering emotional health.

Instead, I believe in offering compassionate, loving support while holding our boundaries and then, once the storm has passed, actively teaching children about their emotions and how they can respond when they feel upset. This approach strengthens relationships, resilience, and emotional intelligence.

Children must learn that kicking and screaming on the floor is not the way to deal with upsets, but they don’t learn how to handle those emotions by kicking and screaming alone. They learn by watching how we handle our upsets and by what we teach them before and after an emotional meltdown.

So don’t ignore! Help.


This article was originally published on Positive Parenting.


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As a mid-Spring holiday, we never knew exactly what to expect from the weather on Easter when I was growing up in Michigan: Would we get to wear our new Sunday dresses without coats? Or would we be hunting for eggs while wearing snowsuits?

Although what the temperature had in store was really anyone's guess, there were a few special traditions my sister and I could always depend on—and it won't come as a surprise to anyone who knows me that my favorite memories revolved around food. After all, experts say memories are strongest when they tie senses together, which certainly seems to be true when it comes to holiday meals that involve the sounds of laughter and the taste of amazing food.

Now that I'm a parent, I'm experiencing Easter anew as my children discover the small delights of chocolate, pre-church brunch and a multi-generational dinner. While I still look forward to the treats and feasting, I'm realizing now that the sweetest thing of all is how these traditions bring our family together around one table.

For us, the build-up to Easter eats is an extended event. Last year's prep work began weeks in advance when my 3-year-old and I sat down to plan the brunch menu, which involved the interesting suggestion of "green eggs and ham." When the big morning rolled around, his eyes grew to the size of Easter eggs out of pure joy when the dish was placed on the table.

This year, rather than letting the day come and go in a flash, we are creating traditions that span weeks and allow even the littlest members of the family to feel involved.

Still, as much as I love enlisting my children's help, I also relish the opportunity to create some magic of my own with their Easter baskets—even if the Easter Bunny gets the credit. This year, I'm excited to really personalize the baskets by getting an "adoptable" plush unicorn for my daughter and the Kinder Chocolate Mini Eggs that my son hasn't stopped talking about since seeing at the store. (You can bet this mama is stocking up on some for herself, too.)

At the same time, Easter as a parent has opened my eyes to how much effort can be required...

There is the selection of the right Easter outfits for picture-perfect moments.

There is the styling of custom Easter baskets.

There is the filling of plastic eggs and strategic placement of them throughout the yard.

But when the cameras are put away and we all join together around the table for the family dinner at the end of the day, I can finally take a deep breath and really enjoy—especially with the knowledge that doing the dishes is my husband's job.

This article was sponsored by Kinder. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.


Our Partners

It's the kind of news no one wants to report and that no elected official wants to have to give to constituents, but on Wednesday Connecticut's Governor, Ned Lamont broke the news that an infant in his state died due to complications of COVID-19.

"It is with heartbreaking sadness today that we can confirm the first pediatric fatality in Connecticut linked to #COVID19. A 6-week-old newborn from the Hartford area was brought unresponsive to a hospital late last week and could not be revived," Lamont tweeted.

According to the governor, the baby tested positive for COVID-19.

"This is absolutely heartbreaking. We believe this is one of the youngest lives lost anywhere due to complications relating to COVID-19," he wrote.

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Lamont continued: "This is a virus that attacks our most fragile without mercy. This also stresses the importance of staying home and limiting exposure to other people. Your life and the lives of others could literally depend on it. Our prayers are with the family at this difficult time."

Lamont initially said the baby was 6 weeks old, but Hartford Mayor Luke Bronin later confirmed the baby girl was 7 weeks old, NBC Connecticut reports.

Before this baby's death, the youngest person to die from COVID-19 in Connecticut was 35 years old. The Connecticut case follows the death of a 9-month-old infant in Illinois on March 23. That baby's death is still being investigated as it is presumed to have been caused by COVID-19 but that has not yet been confirmed. The results of that cause of death investigation are expected within days, The Chicago Tribune reported this week.

Health officials are asking parents to take the social distancing guidelines seriously because while preliminary research suggests that children with COVID-19 usually don't get as sick as adults, a study posted by the journal Pediatrics found babies and preschoolers can become severely ill if they get COVID-19 (older kids are also are not immune, as the recent deaths of teens in France and London, England illustrate).

We are not reporting on this news to scare you, mama. We are reporting it to inform you so that you can make the best choices possible to protect your family.

Here is how you can protect you babies from COVID-19:

According to Dr. Aaron Milstone, M.D., M.H.S., a pediatrician at the Johns Hopkins Children's Center and an infectious disease expert at The Johns Hopkins Hospital, the best way to keep our kids from getting COVID-19 is to avoid exposure. That means staying home and avoiding contact with people who don't live in your home or who are sick or have been exposed to sick people.

"Children are exposed to COVID-19 when the virus contacts their eyes, nose, mouth or lungs. This usually occurs when a nearby infected person coughs or sneezes, which releases respiratory droplets into the air and onto the child's face or nearby surfaces such as tables, food or hands," Dr. Milstone explains.

Speaking on Good Morning America this week, another expert, Dr. David Kimberlin (professor and co-director of the Division of Pediatric Infectious Diseases at the University of Alabama-Birmingham) reminded parents that there are other viruses going around that are not COVID-19.

"Not every fever, not every cough is going to be this new COVID-19 virus," said Kimberlin. "That said, the coronavirus is circulating widely and so it has to be on our radar and part of what we're thinking. Pediatricians across the country are on heightened awareness with this."

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends parents call their doctor if their infant is showing symptoms that could be COVID-19 (including fever, cough and shortness of breath). Your pediatrician can tell you if you need to take your baby to the ER.

If your infant or child has difficulty breathing, can't keep down liquids, has bluish lips, confusion or won't wake up, call 911.

[An earlier version of this post stated the baby's 6 weeks old. It has been updated with clarification from Hartford Mayor Luke Bronin, who says the baby was 7 weeks old.]

News

Easter is almost here, mama. But if you're anything like me, you haven't had time to prepare. Surviving during the coronavirus outbreak with a preschooler and 11-month-old has taken up much of my energy. And since I'm constantly thinking of fun activities to entertain them, I find myself exhausted with the mere thought of having to think of cool Easter crafts—I'm tapped out!

Thankfully, there are tons of Easter crafts that are perfect for the season (and really, any day). So grab some paper, scissors, glue and googly eyes and let your imagination fly.

Here are 10 easy Easter crafts your kids will love making:

Speckled egg planters

Bring the outdoors indoors with a fun spring gardening project.

What you'll need:

  • Eggs
  • Acrylic paint
  • Paint brushes
  • Mini cups (disposable or whatever you use for crafting)
  • Paper towels or newspaper
  • Organic potting soil
  • Spoons and bowls (disposable or whatever you use for crafting)
  • Small fresh potted flowers
  • Empty egg carton to display planters

Instructions:

1. Gently tap the top of each egg against a hard surface until it has started to crack. Carefully remove pieces of shell from the very top of the egg, leaving about three quarters of the remaining shell intact. Pour out the yolks and whites, then wash and fully dry the empty shells.

2. Fill up your mini cups with paint in the colors of your choice.

3. Using a brush, start splattering paint by tapping your paint brush with your index finger. Let the shells dry completely.

Craft from Nellie's free range eggs.

Pom pom bunnies

There's nothing sweeter in the spring than fuzzy little animals.

What you'll need:

  • Scissors
  • Tacky glue
  • Yarn
  • Cotton balls
  • Felt
  • Beads

Instructions:

1. Start by creating a small pom-pom for the head and a large pom-pom for the body. Wrap yarn around the "arms" of your pom pom maker and make sure not to wrap too tightly. The more yarn you use, the thicker and fluffier your bunny will be! For the small pom-pom, we wound the yarn about 15 times. For the large pom-pom, we wound the yarn about 40 times.

2. Cut a 10-inch piece of yarn and tie it in the center. Tie the yarn so it leaves one long tail. Gently remove the yarn from the pom-pom winder.

3. Take scissors and cut the loops to create your pom-pom. Make sure not to cut the long tail on the pom-pom. Repeat steps with the large pom-pom maker to create the bunny's body.

4. Take the two pom-poms and tie the long tails together to create the bunny. Trim off any excess yarn.

5. Decorate your bunny with felt and beads! Make eyes, a nose and a tail, and glue them on the pom-poms.

Craft from Kiwico.

Easter egg suncatcher

Similar to a wind chime, a suncatcher can be hung near windows to "catch" light. Make your own by following these easy steps.

What you'll need:

  • Clear contact paper
  • 2 sheets of construction paper
  • Tissue paper in various colors
  • 1 sheet white paper
  • 12-inch piece of yarn
  • Glue
  • Scissors
  • Pushpins
  • Foam board

Instructions:

1. You will need a sheet of contact paper that is twice the size of a piece of construction paper. Lay the contact paper, clear side down (do not remove the backing yet!) onto the foam board and tack it in place with pushpins, one in each corner.

2. Draw an egg shape on white paper with a black marker. Slide the egg drawing underneath the contact paper on the left side. Carefully peel the backing off the left side of the contact paper (the sticky side should be facing upward) and fold it over to the right, tacking it under the pushpins on the right to hold it in place.

3. Have children decorate the sticky side of the contact paper with tissue paper, using the egg drawing underneath as a guide.

4. When children are done decorating, peel the backing off the right side of the contact paper and fold it over to the left, sticky side to sticky side. This will sandwich the tissue paper design between the contact paper.

5. Take the egg drawing and cut it out. Use that as a guide to cut egg shapes from the purple construction paper. Stack both sheets of construction paper together and cut around the egg, leaving about a 1-inch border all the way around.

6. Use the egg cut-out to cut the decorated contact paper in the same fashion, only leaving about 1/2-inch border all the way around.

7. Tie your yarn into a loop. Use a glue stick to adhere the egg inside the two construction paper eggs, creating a frame for your suncatcher. Be sure to glue the yarn inside with the contact paper egg.

Craft from Crafts by Amanda.

Crafty cascaróns

Making cascaróns is a great way to gather friends, family, and neighbors together to celebrate Easter and share Latino traditions.

What you'll need:

  • Newspaper, craft paper, or a plastic tablecloth
  • One dozen eggs (and carton)
  • Easter egg coloring kit or natural dyes
  • Small bowls
  • Vinegar (optional for vibrant colored eggs)
  • Scissors
  • Tissue paper, cut into small squares
  • Glue
  • Paper confetti (you can make DIY confetti by hole-punching construction paper)

Instructions:

1. Prepare the egg decorating work area by covering your table with newspaper, craft paper or a plastic tablecloth. Be sure to have plenty of napkins handy for little decorators to dry their hands on or to clean up any spills.

2. With a spoon, gently tap the top of an egg.

3. Remove the bits of shell, peeling away enough to make a small 1/2-inch hole.

4. Empty the contents of the egg out into a bowl. Thoroughly rinse the egg shell inside and out, shaking out excess water. Let the eggshell air dry upside down in an empty egg carton.

5. Dye the egg shells using an egg coloring kit or natural dyes in individual bowls. Add a splash of vinegar to the dye for vibrant color. Note: Brown eggs produce pretty earthy colors, and usually need to sit in the dye a bit longer.

6. When the egg shells are dry, fill with confetti to the brim. Once filled, apply glue around the outside of the hole and cover with colorful tissue paper. Let sit until completely dry.

7. Find an unsuspecting friend to sneak up on and gently tap your colorful cascarón over their head, then watch the confetti fly!

Craft from Nellie's free range eggs.

Rainbow play dough

Playing with playdough is a classic activity kids love and it's very easy to make.

What you'll need:

  • 1 1/2 cups flour
  • 1 cup salt
  • 1/4 cup cream of tartar
  • 2 cups water
  • 2 tablespoons vegetable oil
  • Food dye
  • Wax paper

Instructions:

1. Mix flour, salt and cream of tartar in a medium saucepan. Add water and oil; mix well. Add 20 drops of desired food color.

2. Cook about 5 minutes on medium heat, stirring constantly until mixture holds together.

3. Remove from heat. Scrape dough onto wax paper to cool. Knead lightly until the dough is smooth.

4. Store in an airtight container. May be kept for 2 to 4 weeks.

Craft from McCormick.

Egg carton floral garland

Spring has sprung and it's the perfect time to add color to your kitchen, living room or your child's bedroom. Use this garland to liven your home.

What you'll need:

  • Empty egg carton
  • Mod podge
  • Oversized needle
  • Green thread/string
  • Tissue paper (purple, pink and green)
  • Scissors

Instructions:

1. Cut the empty egg carton into individual cups.

2. Cut tissue paper into 3-inch squares.

3. Apply mod podge onto the outside of each egg cup. Place a tissue paper square onto the bottom of the cup, pressing to adhere, and then press onto the sides as well, gathering the paper to fit and forming a crinkled flower. Repeat for as many flowers as desired, and set aside to dry completely.

4. To make the leaves, cut out the flat top of the egg carton lid, recycling the off-cuts.

5. Use mod podge to apply green tissue paper onto the lid and let dry.

6. Once the tissue-covered lid is dry, cut lid into leaf shapes, each about 1-inch long. Once the tissue-covered egg cups are dry, use scissors to trim the excess tissue from the edges.

7. Thread an oversized needle with green thread. Carefully pierce the egg cup as close to the base as possible, and pull the needle all the way through.

8. To add the leaves onto the string, poke two holes into one side, as shown. Then, put the needle through each of the holes.

9. Continue adding flowers and leaves onto the string. Once all flowers have been added, cut contrasting tissue paper centers. Pinch the center of each circle and crumple the excess. Add a dot of mod podge into the center of each flower and attach the new tissue paper center onto each dot. Let dry completely, then hang as desired.

Craft from Nellie's free range eggs.

Easter egg wreath

Wreath making isn't just for the holiday season. This colorful wreath from paper plates is perfect for kids of all ages to create.

What you'll need:

  • paper plates
  • construction paper
  • Scissors
  • Glue
  • Markers
  • ribbon

Instructions:

1. Cut the middle out of your paper plate. Cut ovals out of construction paper or encourage your child to try cutting the ovals.

2. Decorate the eggs with markers, paint, or stickers. I envisioned polka dots, stripes, and springtime decorations. Instead he made Angry Birds, Tic Tac Toe, and happy face eggs. It's times like these when I remember it's all about the process and creativity and not about the end product.

3. Arrange and glue the eggs onto the paper plate.

4. You can layer the eggs or arrange them onto your wreath in any way you want. You could even add a ribbon to hang it. This craft would also work well with egg shapes cut from craft foam.

Craft from Kiwico.

Yarn pom pom bunny tails

There's no doubt that Bunnies are an important part of Easter. Make your own bunny costume and start with a super cute tail.

What you'll need:

  • Scissors
  • Yarn
  • Yarn winder

Instructions:

1. Take your scissors and cut a piece of yarn that is about 4 feet-long. This will act as a belt to secure your pom-pom tail. Put it aside.

2. Hold the pom-pom winder in one hand. Using your dominant hand, start winding the yarn from the skein around and around. Don't wrap it too tightly or it may be difficult to remove from the winder. Keep winding. One full yarn skein will create a big fluffy pom-pom tail.

3. When you are done winding, take the 4 feet-long piece of yarn and tie it around the middle of the looped yarn between the arms of the pom-pom winder. The long string of yarn will act as a belt so make sure to secure the bunny tail in the center. Tie it twice to make sure it is extra secure.

4. Pull the yarn off the pom-pom winder. Take the scissors and cut both ends of the looped yarn. Adult assistance may be required! As you do this, make sure not to cut the piece of yarn that was used to tie the middle. Once the loops are cut, you will have your pom-pom tail.

5. Take the long string and tie it around your waist to secure the tail in place. Now get hopping!

Craft from Kiwico.

Homemade Easter marshmallows

Forget store-bought treats and create your own Easter marshmallows.

What you'll need:

  • 2 cups granulated sugar
  • 1 cup cold water, divided
  • 1/2 cup light corn syrup
  • 2 envelopes (1/4 ounce each) unflavored gelatin
  • 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
  • 1 cup granulated sugar

Instructions:

1. For the colored sugar, place sugar in a large resealable plastic bag. Select your desired Marshmallow variation in the tips section below and add the designated amount of food color with the sugar. Seal bag and knead gently until color is evenly distributed. Spread colored sugar in a thin layer on a large rimmed baking sheet and break up any large lumps. Allow to dry thoroughly, about 15 to 20 minutes. Sift or press through sieve, if needed. Spray a 13x9 baking dish with no stick cooking spray then coat with some of the colored sugar. Set aside.

2. For the marshmallows, microwave 1/2 cup of the water, sugar and corn syrup in a medium microwavable bowl on high for seven minutes. Stir to dissolve sugar. Microwave on high for five more minutes. Carefully remove the hot bowl from the microwave.

3. Place remaining 1/2 cup water in a large mixer bowl. Sprinkle with gelatin. Let stand 5 minutes. Gradually beat in hot syrup mixture with whisk attachment on medium-low speed. Beat 8 minutes. Increase speed to medium-high. Beat 10 to 12 minutes longer or until mixture is fluffy, shiny and at least tripled in volume. Beat in vanilla.

4. Spread marshmallow mixture in prepared dish. Smooth top with a spatula. Sprinkle some more of the colored sugar on top to coat. Let stand at room temperature overnight or refrigerate at least three hours. Reserve remaining colored sugar in a large resealable plastic bag or airtight container.

5. Cut marshmallows with 1 to 2-inch cookie cutters. Add marshmallows in batches to reserved colored sugar in the bag; toss to coat well. Shake off excess. Store marshmallows in an airtight container at room temperature up to three days.

Marshmallow color variations:

  • Pink Marshmallows: Add 10 drops pink color with the sugar.
  • Purple Marshmallows: Add 5 drops purple color and 8 drops blue color with the sugar.
  • Blue Marshmallows: Add 15 drops blue color with the sugar.

Craft from McCormick.

DIY scented rainbow bubbles

What's better than bubbles? Rainbow-colored bubbles scented with essential oils. Have fun experimenting with colors, smells and bubble recipes at home.

What you'll need:

  • Empty egg cartons
  • Unscented dish soap
  • Glycerin
  • Essential oils
  • Food coloring Bottles or jars (with lids)
  • Scissors
  • Wire and/or pipe cleaners
  • Wire cutters

Instructions:

1. Open up the empty egg carton and cut along each hinge so that you have three pieces. The two egg-compartment pieces will be used for holding bubbles, while the flat lid piece can be recycled, set aside for another craft.

2. In a pitcher, mix together 6 cups of water, 1 cup of unscented dish soap, and 1 tablespoon of glycerin. Use a large spoon or whisk to stir the solution until well combined.

3. Pour the solution into eight jars or bottles, one for each color of the rainbow.

4. Add a drop of food coloring into each jar. Once the colors are mixed, add a drop or two of essential oil to each color and stir to combine.

5. Have fun forming the wire into loopy shapes, making sure that they either fit into the openings on your jars or are the size of one egg compartment. Use tape to secure the handles if necessary, or simply twist the wire together. Pipe cleaners work in a similar way and are a great option for younger kids. Once shaped, your bubble blowers are ready to use, but you can choose to give them a quick coat of spray paint if desired.

6. To set up your rainbow bubble station, pour the colored bubbles into the egg compartments. Dip your DIY bubble wands into each solution, gently blow and watch the bubbles take shape!

Craft from Nellie's free range eggs.

Lifestyle

Dear mama,

When you find out you're pregnant, oftentimes you're hit by a wave of emotions. You immediately wonder and worry about so many things.

How will I give birth? Where will I give birth? What classes should I take? How will I feed my baby? What do I need for this baby? Should I get a doula? Will I be a good mother?

Never in a million years did you think you'd have to worry about giving birth during a global pandemic. This is certainly an unprecedented time to be delivering a baby.

Just a few weeks ago, my doula business was busy—I was attending birth after birth, all while standing right by each of my client's sides. Then, things changed.

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As we began to hear more and more about the coronavirus each day, we began to realize just how much this was going to impact us as doulas and, in turn, all the families we were in the process of supporting or planned on supporting. Things changed rapidly.

My last in-person support was a few weeks ago. I walked into the hospital to be with a couple that morning, and by the afternoon that very hospital changed their policy to say only one support person would be allowed in the delivery room.

I felt your wave of emotions and worries now shift completely. You wanted me there and I wanted to be there for you—like we planned.

As a doula, it truly is an honor to be there with you to witness the miracle of your baby coming into the world.

As a doula, I aim to support you emotionally, physically and educationally before, during and after the birth of your baby.

As a doula, I aim to reduce fear and instill strength.

Just as someone might hire a wedding planner for their wedding, I am that for your birth. We spend a lot of time together discussing and preparing for your big day. And just like a wedding, rain or shine, the big day is going to happen.

Global pandemic or not, your baby is going to be born.

Changes in your birth plan or not, your baby is going to be born.

In-person doula or not, your baby is going to be born.

Things have shifted, mama, and it breaks my heart that I won't be able to be there physically in the room with you. What shatters it completely is knowing that this is breaking your heart, too. Knowing that you are scared and feeling doubt as you wonder, how am I going to do this?

But remember all the many ways doulas can support you. Just because the physical aspect has been taken away, doesn't mean I am completely taken away. Now I will be focusing on supporting you emotionally and educationally. I can still be part of your birth team—virtually. I will be on the phone talking, texting and FaceTiming with you every step of the way.

Yes, I know and understand it is not the same. I know this was not what you envisioned for your big day.

But here is what I want you to remember: You can and will get through this.

You have been through difficult times in your life and you have made it through to the other side.

You have done everything you needed to do to prepare for this day and you know what to do.

You are strong.

You are brave.

You are ready.

You are a mother.

Remember to take it moment by moment, one breath at a time. Allow yourself to move, listen, connect to your body and baby. Remember all the strong women before you who have birthed life into this world. Remember you are not only connected to them, but to every woman across the globe who are also getting ready to birth their babies.

This is a historic moment. YOU are the women giving birth to babies born during a global pandemic. YOU are superheroes.

Now, take your arms and wrap them around your belly and close your eyes. Take a deep inhale and slowly exhale. Know you have the strength and power within you. You can do this—with or without me—because you are your baby's mother. Even though I will not be with you in the room, my heart and my words are right there by your side.

Sending virtual (for now) hugs,

Your doula

Life

The World Health Organization and other organizations agree that pregnant people have the right to have their partner or another companion present at their birth, but recently several New York hospitals barred partners from delivery wards. Pushback from the government forced them to reverse course—but a recent case has some hospitals tightening visitor policies without issuing outright bans.

A New York state father made headlines this week after he hid his coronavirus symptoms from hospital staff at the University of Rochester's Strong Memorial Hospital so that he could be present for the birth of his child. When the mother started showing coronavirus symptoms shortly after giving birth, the father told hospital staff that he had been exposed and was symptomatic when he came to the hospital.

FEATURED VIDEO

"After the mother exhibited symptoms, and the OB team learned that the partner had been exposed to COVID-19 and was symptomatic, the patient was tested and all staff who had been in contact were informed of their possible exposure," a hospital spokesperson explained in a statement to media.

Thankfully, no staff members tested positive and the family has been sent home to quarantine, but the case highlighted the need for stricter screening of visitors. Before this case, the hospital asked visitors questions to confirm their health status. Now, they're checking temperatures at the door and every 12 hours for the duration of their visit.

"It was purely an honor system before," UR Medicine spokesman Chip Partner told The Democrat and Chronicle. "Now we're adding the temperature check."

"Our health care team understands how important it is to pregnant patients to have a support person with them during labor, and therefore, additional safeguards have been added to allow this to continue safely," the hospital's statement to media explains.

It continues: "We will continue to weigh all the medical evidence available to continue to make the best possible decision for all our patients, visitors and staff."

It would be heartbreaking for a parent to not be present at the birth of their child, but it would be even more heartbreaking if other babies contracted coronavirus. It is important that people be honest with medical care providers during this time of crisis.

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